Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach Review

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a theater near you. Hello and welcome to the

55th episode of the M -Wire Movie Weekend Review.

Today we'll be continuing the DVD spotlight on

the Police Academy films. I am TFG1 Mike and

as usual I'm joined by Steve Megatron. Hello.

Hello. How are you sir? Doing pretty well. Yes?

I already recorded three shows today. Three shows?

Oh yay! Well, four after this, but yeah. Yes.

Yeah, we're in Police Academy Week part two,

where we release pretty much an episode a day.

Or that's the general idea. Yeah, that's the

general idea. We needed to power through the

Police Academy films, because a certain Snowball

can't make himself available to talk about The

Man of Steel, but anyway, that's neither here

nor there. Um, yeah, as of this recording, I

have recorded with Optobotamus and Vaultmatrix,

uh, slash Spada, uh, for Toycast episode 66,

which will mark that show's return on August

13th, 2010. Um, I... I finally, I wouldn't say

broke open, but I finally opened up my matrix

of leadership. and started watching those and

kind of got really nostalgic because only because

of the way that Shout Factory laid that set out

they give you a choice between watching the episodes

seamlessly with no with only one intro outro

or watching them as they were intended with three

intro atros and with the format that we have

now for cartoon review shows I kind of wanted

to go back and do that show TFTM podcast all

over again And I was summarily vetoed. Heh heh

heh. I was number one on that. Just letting you

know. Surprisingly, Michael was more open to

doing it than you were, which I thought was a

very backwards thing, because when I posted the...

the twitter update about it i said uh... something

about you know i'm sure at peak on court michael

is going to complain about this and surprisingly

no you're the one that started complaining about

it i just feel it's done i agree i agree but

it's nostalgia dammit leave me my nostalgia and

leave me alone You can have your nostalgia and

shove it up your ass, because for the most part,

we've already done this. There's no sense in

rehashing. I know. I know. I know. But it was

just an idea, because the way that the format

has so drastically changed with the cartoon review

shows. And it was just an idea. It wasn't saying

that I was actually going to do it. But still.

Well, the thought was there. Exactly, and even

if I was gonna do it, I would make Barney force

Megatron to do it. Oh, you went there. Yes, I

went there. Bastard. So this is M -Wire. Let's

see what else is going on with me. Not much.

I should have mentioned this in Toycast. I'll

mention it next episode, anyway. um... so as

i said we are in police academy week still police

academy five assignment miami beach is the nineteen

eighty eight installment in the police academy

series launched in nineteen eighty four the film

was given a pg rating for language and uh...

rubald humor uh... i'll say that crap Steve Gutenberg

wasn't able to star in this film due to scheduling

conflicts with the filming of The Three Men and

a Baby. Wow, he was in that movie? Mm -hmm. And

funny you shouldn't mention that, he was actually

going to be in the sequel to that Three Men and

a Baby in a Marriage or something, I don't know.

Where the kid's supposed to be older and getting

married. Yeah, there was two movies for that

series. It was Three Men and a Baby and Three

Men and a Little Lady. Instead, the filmmakers

decided to cast Matt McCoy, formerly of the short

-lived sitcom We Got It Made, who would later

guest star as Lloyd Braun in the hit series Seinfeld.

When did you first go to Miami Beach, sir? When

I got the DVDs six months ago. I didn't watch,

actually I'm sure I watched this one sooner.

than the others. I'm sure I watched this a couple

years ago but not as far back as the others.

But the other two after this I'd never seen until

I got the DVDs. This particular one with basically

Mahoney's replacement in the form of Lassard.

I think it's his nephew he said. he kind of fills

that role nicely although he's just as dumb and

idiotic as his uncle, Commandant, Lissard. He's

more of a cross between the older Lissard and

Mahoney. That's just not... it just doesn't sound

like something. And I need to clarify, I have

never seen this one, so... When I start going

through the plot it'll be all new to me Because

after the fourth one I was like, oh, I guess

that's it for police Academy movies. Oh After

the fourth one, yep, you thought that was all

that existed at the time. Yeah Yes Unfortunately

by the time we hit the the seventh film in this

franchise it will have tanked and I'll explain

more in the seventh episode of the spotlight,

because that will also include part of the cartoon

and TV show and the future, which I'm not going

into right here. Yeah, no, we'll save that for

episode 57. Yeah, let's see here. Plot. There

is no plot, but... Oh, crap. So Captain Thaddeus

Harris, played by G .W. Bailey, followed closely

by Proctor, breaks into Commissioner Hurst's

office, weaving through files until they pull

up Commandant Lassard's. Harris closely reads

the file, looking for any minor details so he

can get the upper hand on his mission to take

Lassard's position within the Academy. Harris

soon finds out that Lassard should have retired

at the end of the previous year. In accordance

with the state's mandatory retirement age, Harris

makes sure this information is revealed so that

Lassard retires and he becomes Commandant. Okay,

nevermind. I got lost there in the thing. It

means that Harris is going to become the Commandant.

Okay, nevermind. Yes, that was his general idea

plan. Yeah, nevermind. I screwed up my thinking

on that. During the class of 1988 ceremony, it

is revealed that Commandant Lassard is to receive

a prestigious police award as a policeman of

the decade at the National Police Chief's Convention

in Miami Beach, Florida. Shortly after, it's

also revealed that Sally Lassard must retire.

Lassard retreats to his office, followed by worried

officers. The officers inspire Lassard not to

feel sorry for himself and to go out proud. Lassard

realizes that he must not feel this way, but

instead celebrate his award, Lassard invites

all the officers to be present at the convention

in Florida. Upon learning that in order to gain

the position of Commandant, Harris will need

to gain respect of the other officers. He immediately,

uh, wow, that really ruined, that really threw

me off now. Dammit. No, that's not right. Melee

gets Proctor to book both of them first -class

tickets to Florida to be present at the ceremony

in an attempt to gain the respect of others.

Proctor immediately gets on the phone and asks

for the airport. However, he does not dial out

and Sergeant Larville Jones answers with his

other officers pretend to be the airline company.

They book Harris and Proctor onto the cargo rental

jet budget... budget rent -a -plane? Oh my god,

that sounds so horrible. Whose only other passengers

are zoo animals. Oh damn. I smell a horse's ass

coming up here. Anyways. That's why later in

the film Jones does the horse sound as Harris

walks by. That night the... The men rob a museum,

making off with numerous jewels. The next morning,

the officers all meet at the airport. Lassard's

group gets on their plane, and Harris and Procker

board their own, which turns out to be an animal

transporter. The men who robbed the museum the

night before also get on the same flight as Lassard

and his men to Miami. On arrival, the criminal

carrying the bag of goods slips before the escalator,

dropping the bag down the escalator of Lassard

in his usual fashion. unaware of his own surroundings

picks up the bag instead of his own and they

both look similar the criminals unknowingly recover

the wrong bag all the policemen check into the

hotel and then head to the beach to take part

in swimming and volleyball as well as meeting

the locals meanwhile the criminals go to drop

off the goods when their boss discovers that

the jewels are missing. Certain that a bag switch

has taken place, they decide to go look for the

old man, Lassard, who they suspect accidentally

or not took the bag. The criminals, after searching

for hours, finally spot Lassard and trail him

to his hotel, unaware that there is a police

convention taking place. Lassard heads up to

his room and finds the camera. The jewels are

hidden within his bag. He thinks it is a gift

and takes it around the grounds. God, one of

the men breaks into his room and steals the bag

only to later realize that the camera with the

jewels are missing. All the men track Lassard,

tracking Lassard, follow him to the police convention,

finally realizing he is a policeman. After failing

to get the camera, following it, breaking it

with the jewels all falling out in front of the

entire convention, the men eventually have no

choice but to kidnap Lassard right there. and

take him upstairs to formulate their escape.

The whole time, Lassard is thinking the whole

kidnapping is a demonstration put on by the Miami

police. Oh, God. Can you say moron? Oh, man.

That is such... Oh, God. No wonder I never saw

this film. Despite what it reads, it's not that

bad. Although Lassard's officers do not have

jurisdiction in the city, they convince the Miami

police to let them aid them in the operation.

Meanwhile, the men tell them their demands to

the police involving a helicopter and a boat.

Lassard's officers go upstairs to storm the room,

but Harris arranges for a helicopter to come

earlier so he can go by himself and rescue Lassard,

thus making him the hero and perhaps the commandant.

Clumsy -ass Proctor makes a mess of Harris' plan

and Harris ends up being taken hostage as well.

Lassard's men arrive too late as the helicopter

leaves the hotel's roof. Lassard's men are unable

to catch up to the criminals where the arranged

boat was stationed. A chase begins on Florida's

Everglades. Lassard saves himself when he finally

realizes that it is not a demonstration easily.

He disarms the main criminal with some of his

officers surrounding the area. The ceremony is

held at which Held which honors the men promotes

sergeant Hightower to lieutenant Harris Harris

is nearly killed by a Gator and Hightower battled

it and saved Harris's life. Oh Wow Like even

though I don't ever remember this was seeing

this film I can see Hightower wrestling a Gator

I Could see him sitting there ripping its mouth

out. Yep and announces that a deal has been made

that will ensure Losard will be able to continue

his duties until he decides to retire himself.

That does it for the plot. Oh, I'm drowning over

here. I don't know what's wrong with me. So casting,

let's see here. Yeah. Lieutenant Callahan didn't

have too much to do with this would do she? She

did but not quite as much as the previous film.

Mm -hmm. She more so is just one of those ones

pretty much an onlooker for most of the film.

She didn't really serve much of a actual purpose.

Right. I don't see how anybody can like the character

of Proctor. I like him for the fact that he's

a moron. Other than that, I wouldn't go much

farther. I just don't... I see the comedy there,

but I just I don't see why anyone would like

Proctor. He's an ass. Yeah, that's true. I...

What did, um... Oh, who was... Oh, here we go.

What did, uh... The... What did the replacement,

uh, Nick Lassard have... Did he have anything

to do in this film? Oh, yeah. He was pretty much...

Him and some chick that ended up being pretty

much a criminal. Uh... They were going toe -to

-toe throughout the film. He ended up hooking

up with Larvel Jones and of course He became

his new buddy Yeah through the film Which was

kind of cool to see I? Don't care it. It's it's

Mahoney and Larvel for life. Oh Yeah, but He

wasn't a bad replacement Yeah They could have

done far worse Far, far worse Imagine if they

had Arnold No No I'd kill you I'd kill the movie

franchise Then it definitely would need a reboot

I'd come here to arrest you I think it was funny

at the beginning where they're digging through

the office and the janitor going by cleaning

and then he finds out Harris is in there and

then Proctor throws a bra through showing you

know and he's like oh okay I'll leave you alone

then all of a sudden he goes back to work and

then Proctor says something to Harris and Harris

yells at him and it sounds really perverted and

gross and the janitor up and runs leaves and

then there's a comment later about the police

commissioner saying something to uh... harris

while harris is being a kiss ass and of course

this is after harris knocked proctor out the

window and he's hanging from this tree somehow

uh... he said something about oh yeah my office

isn't nearly this clean he says the janitor quit

this morning he said he didn't give a reason

why and harris is just sitting there and saying

how good he would be as a the new commandant

and uh... the commissioner was like, uh, yeah,

you'd be a great commandant, except you're not

ready. And he says, what do you mean? He says,

although Lassard is an idiot, his men respect

him and back him up. Whereas they don't like

you. Yeah. Basically. And so Harris is like,

Oh, well, I'll make them like me. I'm going to

go to Miami with them. And he's still just being

a pompous asshole. Oh, I'm going to ride first

-class and of course, let's Procter in charge

of something. Of course, knowing it's Procter,

wouldn't you take care of it yourself? I mean,

shoot, in the last movie, look where they ended

up. Yeah, really. Procter's also the same one

that's ended up naked. Yikes. With no clothes.

Because he's stupid. That's not good. I mean,

it was quite funny in that sense, and then...

Throughout the film there's a lot of funny parts.

I did like where they ended up doing the big

sea chase in the water and everything in the

boats and then they had Quite a bit to do in

any case Although it's not one of my favorites

I would have to say this would be the last one

I would recommend watching in the series The

next two I'm going to take a little bit better

Let's just agree to disagree that the comedy

gold pretty much ended with four Yes They pretty

much run on old jokes at this point, and they

don't utilize as much of the older characters

that have been there. They're too busy introducing

new ones. Yeah. They don't make good use of them.

Yeah, that's not good. Did Larville have anything

to do in this one? He did, but he was severely

cut down. That sucks. Yeah, he he had a couple

funny scenes, but it was few and far between

Yeah, that really sucks Because in my opinion

between him and Mahoney, that's what made the

last four films Very true. I mean despite Mauser

being there Mauser were still okay, but he was

no Harris Hmm. So again, I rate them at you know

for one 23 No, not two three three two. Yeah,

you could be removed Actually, it's sad. I would

recommend this one over number two I greatly

dislike two But I would watch two before I'd

sit there and watch six and seven Now the Gutenberg

come back for six No, he didn't. No, he was done

after four Wow That sucks. He never joined again.

I'm not quite sure why. Maybe we'll find out

when we record that episode 56. Do you have anything

else you want to bring up for this one? No, not

really. All righty then. See, now you got me

doing the goddamn East Ventura shit. Thank you

for... SCP -21. Become a fan on Facebook, search

Geekcast Radio Network, call the voicemail line,

it is back. Tell us the show you're leaving the

message for and your name, 502 -526 -5821. We

hope you enjoyed this episode of MWIRE and wish

you'll join us next time when we will be reviewing

in the DVD spotlight Police Academy 6, City Under

Siege. For now, I am TFG1 Mike with Steve Megatron

Phillips. Until next time. Checking computers

right now, sir. Please stand by. I'd like the

number for a budget. Run a plane, please. Here,

I'll get it. Away from me, doctor. Thanks. Come

through, please. Very funny, Jones. There, I

said it. Happy?