A Christmas Story 2, Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure, Home Alone 3, and Home Alone 4 Review

Next Saturday night, we're sending you back to

the future! This is M -Wire. Movie we can review.

Gentlemen, you will always remember this as the

day that you almost called Captain Jack. And

now, the latest in movies with M .Wire. Second

start of the run. And straight on to a warning.

Merry Merry and hell hell hell to you all! It's

been time for the Movie Weekend Review Host to

talk about some bad Christmas movies. So get

ready for some coal in your stocking, because

Santa says these movies are very, very bad. Hello

and welcome to M wire this is episode 199 yes

folks can you believe it? We're almost at 200

episodes. We're getting ready to retire movie

we can review I am of course Quiet you You ass

you ruined my whole thing you jackass So I'm

TF2 and Mike joining me is that idiot Steve Megatron

hello, sir Who? Yeah, really, right? I know.

Hey, these last few episodes have been all us.

All the Star Trek shit has been all us, so. That

is true. So yeah, we've been here for a while.

But yes, M -Wire is coming to an end. There will

be something taking its place next summer in

2018. We're not going to reveal what that is

just yet. But we are here. We are here to talk

about bad Christmas movies. This was your idea.

Yeah, I vaguely remember it at this point because

it's the end of the year and there's just been

so much other stuff That's come up. But yeah

Doesn't surprise me. Well at the beginning of

the year, you know You asked me I was like what

if we do bad Christmas movies this year? You

like we've done all the ones we like let's do

ones. We don't like I'm like Okay, sure Hi Originally,

it was gonna be five episodes of M wire and then

we got smart and made it just one whole episode

with five parts. So in this episode, Bad Christmas

Movies, episode 199 of NY, you're going to hear

from myself throughout the whole thing, Doug

Abel, TV's Mr. Neil, JT from Saskatoon, of course

Steve Megatron is here, and... And yeah, we're

going to talk a bunch of bad Christmas movies

or what we deem or what the internet deems to

be bad Christmas movies, which include A Christmas

Story 2, Christmas Vacation 2, Cousin Eddie's

Island Adventure, Home Alone 3 and 4, Deck the

Halls, Jingle All the Way. No, we refuse to do

Jingle All the Way 2. That is unwatchable by

anybody. There was a second one? Yes, sadly.

I knew that. But I pretend that I don't know

that. Because I've never watched it. It's unwatchable.

It's... Jingle all the way. Sounds like Saturday

Night Live? Well, yeah. Saturday Night Live has

been unwatchable since the eighties, since the

nineties. I'm making a politician joke. Unwatchable.

Sad. Fake news. Moving on. Hey. That's your president

President but still Fred Claus surviving Christmas

and Santa with muscles and the Jim Carrey version

of a Christmas Carol So I'll say this Christmas

vacation to is probably by far the worst one

on the list That's good to know. Yeah I mean

there are bad ones here, there are very bad ones

here, but like Christmas Vacation 2 is pretty

much just like Jingle All The Way 2. It's unwatchable.

Really, really is. Why the hell they decided

to focus on Randy Quaid's character is beyond

me. So, folks, we're going to get right into

it. Coming up next, after the break here, you're

going to hear myself and Doug Abel from Talking

About My Generation talk about A Christmas Story

2 and Christmas Vacation 2, Cousin Eddie's Island

Adventure. Steve and I will be back in a little

while to talk about the movies we're going to

be talking about. Enjoy MYR 199, everybody! It's

the most beloved Christmas story of all time.

In this holiday season, Ralphie is back. Ralphie?

Ralphie? Ralphie? Now he's a bigger kid with

an even bigger wish. Oh, jeez. A Christmas story,

too. The official sequel. The timeless tradition

continues with all your favorite characters.

Randy. Zergs, Minions, everyone. I just can't

trust that son of a... Ralphie's best pals, Flick

and Schwartz. Oh, here we go. I'll fight. He's

safe now. I heard you sniffle. And the old man.

It's a clicker! In an all -new heartwarming movie.

I wanna see what it's like behind the wheel just

once. To brighten your holiday. This holiday

season. Can I get a slinky? A slinky? You waited

two hours in line to ask for a bed spring. The

fun is just beginning. Baby's will hire anybody

on Christmas. We'll work our butts off 12 hours

a day. Oh, I'm so sorry. Here, here. And family

is a gift. You should be honored your father

lets you go with him. Ralphie didn't get to go

fishing until he was well past puberty. Ralphie

has all the luck. That keeps on giving. This

is for you from Aunt Claire. That is too adorable

for words. I can think of a few. A Christmas

Story 2, the official sequel. Isn't it beautiful?

It's risen from the grave. This is the greatest

Christmas. in history. Own it on Blu -ray combo

pack or download to own. DVD 2 pack also available.

Alright folks, it is time for part 1 here in

episode 199 of Movie Week in review. This is

our bad Christmas movies episode and with me

I have Doug Abel from talking about my not -so

-generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know,

last year we could have done this live in person

but no. anyway um yes bad christmas movies oh

joy oh joy uh first up a christmas story too

okay so a little background obviously doug and

his wife alicia love a christmas story they love

the fact that tnt tbs whatever ted turner network

has it every freaking year they watch it all

the time on the 24 hours me i hate 24 hours of

a christmas story i love i love the movie i love

the movie but i can watch it once every holiday

season i do not ever want to see it on television

more than once or put in a dvd and watch it once

that's what i can do like i made a joke earlier

Two years ago last year together to do it last

year For the last three years or so since homicide

hunter has been on investigation discovery lieutenant

joe kenda homicide hunter Whatever they've done

a very kenda Christmas where from Christmas Eve

at 6 a .m. To Christmas night at like 11 p .m.

Or whatever it is you get 48 hours of the investigation

discovery show homicide hunter That's my Christmas

tradition at this point with a marathon of anything

because oh my God Okay, you can go now. Okay.

Let me say in my defense We it's a Christmas

story for us is like the you log channel for

some other people Okay, we have it on we don't

necessarily sit and watch it that entire time

It's just kind of on for background noise and

for us to watch it We've we've seen the movie

umpteen million times and we love it. We know

all this stuff We can go through word by word.

That's why we like Christmas story and that's

why we do it with TNT or TBS whoever it is this

year that's doing the broad 24 hours I forget

Yeah, but that's the whole reason why we do a

Christmas story like that Now being that a couple

years back they decided to in their infinite

wisdom release a Christmas story to This was

released not a couple of years this was released

five years ago in 2012. Yeah And the sad thing

is this really isn't even a true sequel well

It's a better sequel than my summer story because

it completely ignores that thank God Yeah, well

and a Christmas my summer story was completely

different. It was you had Charles Grodin as the

old man and Now see, that would've worked here,

like, okay, sure, I get it, ignore the events

of my summer story, but, I mean, the guy that

went up against Beethoven in the Beethoven movies,

come on, bring him in as the old, who the fuck

wants a wet bandit as the old man? Or a sticky

bandit, or what, like, I mean, come on, like,

ugh. That was that was something else that bugged

me because as he's talking about the furnace

as he's arguing about buying the new furnace

and going to these places to buy the used Furnace

for new for them. All I can hear is the wonder

years overlay. Yeah All that stuff that yeah

the hell out of me. Oh Yeah, you know Daniel

Stern is Just like he's a good actor. Yeah, he's

All right, but he's no Darren McGavin No, no

old man. He's Not even like a hard copycat old

man. Like it just no just yeah even he was too

much She's gonna hate this but she was too much

screech and not enough Darren McGavin, you know

Okay, so really quickly we're not gonna go through

all the actors whatever this is supposed to be

a little quick minute you know quick ten minute

things of each of these movies here folks but

just briefly looking at his filmography on Wikipedia

A Christmas Story 2 was the last film he did

in 2012. He has been on several things from 2013

to now on television. He was on Workaholics,

Getting On, House of Lies, Manhattan. He's currently

on Love, or he was in the TV show Love, which

I believe is the Netflix series, in one episode.

But like, having the last movie you do is A Christmas

Story 2. Your career has pretty much peaked.

Mean honestly for me his career peaked at Celtic

pride Hey, it's a Boston thing leave me alone

Yeah Yeah, it was a bad movie Yeah, I mean like

seriously like yeah, that's just looking at his

films here the last yeah The last thing I saw

him in was Celtic pride before that city slickers

to rookie of the year home alone one and two

city slickers Yeah, so I Say this one thing about

this film is that the kids they picked up to

be Ralphie as an older version of Ralphie, right?

Thought he was pretty good. He was a lot better

than I expected him to me because I was all I

could think was He's not Peter Billingsley. He's

he can't pull it off. Yeah, and then he produced

a Reasonably good facsimile of Peter Billingsley

and I kind of went Wow, okay Yeah, it's like

if young Ralphie grew up and they kind of had

I don't know if this is I don't remember because

I kept having issues playing the stupid movie

on the place I was looking at it, but did they

show pictures of young Ralphie at some point.

I think it was like part in the movie where he

was like, aha, I'll go work at the mall or I'll

go see Santa kind of thing. And I could have

sworn they showed a picture of young Peter Billingsley

at some point Yeah, I mean Braden Lamasters is

a really good teenager version of Peter Billingsley

Ralphie I have no problems with him whatsoever.

I was hoping they would get back the original

flick and Schwartz, but they didn't yeah They

well the ones they got are fine. Yeah They couldn't

really play a 16 17 year old kid. I don't think

not not Not reasonably because they're you know,

they've aged and you look at it and you see them.

They can't like off. That's true That's true

Yeah, I mean I like this. It's not like it's

not it's never gonna be in my Christmas rotation

It's not necessarily the worst movie that we're

gonna be talking about in this podcast shot It's

just not it just doesn't have the same feel like

they took Various things about a Christmas story

and incorporated them like they brought back

the leg lamp like you have to Yeah, you know

and then the mother is like oh god the nightmare

begins again or whatever it is she says and See,

that's the thing like bringing back the leg lamp

with Daniel Stern is the old man It just doesn't

have the same feel it just doesn't have like

and this is supposed to be six years after the

first film so the first film was what 1940 in

the story I believe yeah because yeah even though

it was released in 83 the story in the film was

1940 ish thing so it's supposed to be 1946 or

whatever um okay Ralphie's grown up he's out

of his red rider BB gun phase and that's great

you know but he has the same what's so great

about this kid that plays this actor that plays

Ralphie is that to the car he has the same damn

reaction as the gun Oh, yeah, which is great

because you know, it's that youthful, you know

presence of whatever I was I was until I looked

it up. I was so Sure, I knew Santa but because

I can't voice voice his Santa the Santa in this

is just oh my wife. Oh this Holy shit, it's optimus

primal scary fucking Chuck Yeah, I was like,

oh my god, that's so cool. See ya Yeah, I'm gonna

throw something that I kind of went what the

fuck His his squeeze Ralphie's girlfriend, whatever

you want to call her that he had even love interest

Drusilla Why did they pick Drusilla? I hear that

name and all I can think of is evil step sister

evil step sister Yeah, all I can think of is

um, evil vampires from angel Drusilla and Darla

Yeah, you know, I mean that's sort of and it's

not that it's you know, okay I know that probably

the Midwest there are a lot of people who have

you know, very Germanic names or or You know

northern name, you know that sort of thing I

get that but I heard it. I'm kind of like what?

Okay, it just it didn't work for me for that.

I would have I guess for me because I'm so anglicized

You know, I would have preferred something nicer

that went with Ralphie rather than to Silla So,

yeah Yeah What did you think of Randy in this

one? He was an idiot He was an idiot, you know,

Randy's always been an idiot But like, wow. I

mean... I could compare that Randy to another

Randy that we'll be talking about later, but

that's... No, no, this Randy's so much better

than that Randy. Oh yeah, yeah. Again, what I

love about this, and yes, as we've said, it is

a bad movie, but it's not that bad. Because everybody

can love bad movies just because they're bad

doesn't mean that you know and Just like for

those bad things that you want you want to watch

again. Sometimes this is okay This to me when

people say what is your guilty pleasure movie

or whatever like for me it could be Let's just

say even though this isn't it Masters of the

universe from 87 because that's 30 years old

this year You know something like that or hell

i'll do what even better the night rider two

thousand tv movie okay so you know that's a guilty

pleasure this to me is a guilty pleasure not

like there's several parts of this that kind

of make me cringe but then you get to the scene

where and to whatever her name is says the clothing

okay figure oh shit it's gonna be another body

suit and ralphie is fifteen going on sixteen

what the fuck out whatever the hell your name

is and it's like well ways this is for a day

and that for me is what saved this movie is because

the whole thing with the two brothers going back

and forth and the pictures and everything else

uh... the one thing i'll say about daniel stern's

old man he's One bad thing and one good thing

bad thing is he's way too fucking cheap like

I know the old man in the first movie was Whatever

but like he wasn't gonna argue over Having turkey

he would never Darren McGavin old man would never

go ice fucking fishing. Yes never You know But

the one good thing about the Daniel Stern old

man is he's got the resin Fresno house and pepper

He's got the the mumbling that he's got the he's

got that down. Oh, yeah one thing I'll say for

him. So any other thoughts on a Christmas story,

too It wasn't it wasn't as terrible as other

bad Christmas movies, you know, like we've said

it's it's tolerable Is it something I would watch

every single year? No, no. No, this is, you know,

this is right up there to me with watching, you

know, a Johnny Bravo Christmas, which it's OK,

but it's not something I'm going to watch every

single year, you know, or we do that last year.

Yeah. Yogi Bear Christmas type of thing. It's

they're good. They're cute, but it's not something

I'm going to watch every single time every single

year. That's just not tolerable to me. Yeah,

no Not at all. So folks we're gonna take a small

very small break because we need to compose ourselves

for the next part of part one here cuz Oh my

god Well, why don't you fire him? I mean, what

has he got that I ain't got? His brain waves

register more distinctly than yours. Which one's

mine? The one labeled Eddie. I was wondering

if you could kind of reconsider letting Roy go

and keeping me young. He ain't that smart. He

just pretended to read. Oh dear. Oh, I get it,

I get it. What about a possible lawsuit? This

guy's got one hell of a case. He's not too bright.

I'll think of something. At all expense, paid

Christmas vacation on an island in the South

Pacific! Well, see ya, Nick. Boy, I bit me only

ass and I lost the job. We're all taking off

on an all -expense -paid Christmas vacation.

You lost another job? Roy bit you on the ass.

I work for the atomic testing agency here in

Maluca. You're a guest. Third? And this here

is Uncle Nick. Hi there. Hi. Nick Jucks. That's

your son. Uncle Nick, will you please take your

hand off my breast? And this afternoon, I've

chartered a small boat, and I thought we'd tour

some of the island. Hey folks back on the bad

Christmas movies train here, I guess you could

say the polar express of bad Christmas movies

Yeah, yeah, I know This one might be Outside

of one other one we have in this podcast episode

coming later. This one might be the worst of

all It really might yes Yes, I mean I would rather

sit through And I liked this movie. For me not

being a horror film fan, I liked this movie.

I would rather sit through having my eyes taped

open watching Freddy's Dead The Final Nightmare

than watch this shit again. I would rather sit

through a marathon weekend of The Room than watch

this movie again. Yeah. And The Room is clearly

the worst horror film ever. Horror in quotation

marks. Yeah. uh... uh... uh... my only note i

wrote that because i wrote down several notes

about a christmas story to uh... what we can

already talked about them obviously second ago

the only note i wrote down for this why the hell

they made a sequel focused on eddie i have no

idea uh... alright so Okay, so they get Randy

Quaid back. They get Miriam Flynn back. They

get Dana Baron, who is the original Audrey from

the original vacation film. Ed Asner is here.

Beverly Garland, Fred Willard, Jake Thomas, and

Eric Idle. Okay, Eric Idle, Fred Willard, and

Ed Asner. Did they just need a check that week?

Because seriously, why? When I think of Ed Asner,

I think of Granny Goodness from Superman the

Animated Series. I think of many other things

that he has done. Voice acting, regular acting,

whatever. I don't think of fucking Christmas

Vacation 2. What the hell? I'm having visions

of people going to him at conventions now and

asking him to sign a copy of this and him just

being, really? Really? This is what you bring

to sign? Uh huh. absolutely okay so I'm looking

at the kid who plays Clark third Johnson Eddie

and Catherine's son which what happened to Rusty

and Ruby Sue like where are they why aren't they

here like hello but anyway I'm looking at the

actor who plays Clark the third Johnson Jake

Thomas You know who Jake Thomas is, Doug? Jake

Thomas is Matt McGuire from Lizzie McGuire. Oh,

Jesus. The kid grew up. Holy shit. Yeah. Uh -huh.

Um. Yeah, okay, so basically Eddie's working

at some government think tank against a monkey

and Eddie's dumber than the monkey obviously

and yada yada yada Fred Willard fires him But

they don't want him to sue so they send him on

an island adventure they get Christmas on an

island. It's kind of it's it kind of like combines

Christmas vacation with home with with home alone

To where they go to Florida and to yeah, cuz

he got stuck in New York Yeah, they were going

to Miami or whatever. Anyway. Yeah, this movie

is horrible, folks. Don't show this to your children.

If you want your children to have emotional shit

going on in their teen and adult years, show

this to your children. If you want your children

to live happy, normal lives, and be shiny people,

don't show this to your children, folks. Will

never watch this movie again. This is the first

time I ever watched this movie like I've heard

of it I've seen the trailer I know of it, but

I've heard nothing but bad things about it and

like avoid avoid avoid like oh my god They end

up in the South Pacific and he wants to go fishing

for a shark And of course all I can think of

is jaws the revenge and all I can think of is

that shark still looks fake Yeah, it's just now

This is that I don't even remember how long the

movie actually was let me see 83 minutes Yeah,

okay. It was just five an hour and a half. It

felt like a fucking eternity watching this thing

III it's time. I will never get back in my life.

I mean This I will say fantastic for the latest

fantastic for film was better than this Hey,

I'm still a fan of the first two I don't care

give a shit what anyone says I like the first

two fantastic fours the first two were great

compared to the last one. Yeah This is and we're

talking Christmas vacation to was a variable

pile of shit compared to that that that that

could have been an Oscar winner compared to Christmas

vacation to Don't Yeah, and what's crazy to me

is The guy okay, so all right. Let me I'm gonna

veer off a little folks. We kind of have to How

do you feel about the Need for Speed franchise?

Some of the games are okay the movie was The

movie was okay. It's not horrible. It's yes.

It's very traditionally cliched Guy gets framed

guy goes to prison guy gets out guy gets revenge.

That's what the movie is for Need for Speed You

know, I really like Michael Keaton's in that

film. That was probably what made the movie real

for me. Absolutely Could be relative overall,

you know, yeah, absolutely the eccentric billionaire

who has a bad suit in his attic there which really

like I I had no idea like I had not looked at

anything for Need for Speed the film other than

the fact that it was Jesse from breaking bad

other than the fact that it was Aaron Paul I

had no clue like hey it's Batman as an eccentric

billionaire whatever you know hidden away you

know whatever so the reason why I ask is because

for me the need for speed film while the plot

is not good film to video game ratio it has Everything

any of the games has it has the fast cars it

has all the beautiful locations whether the cities

whether they're the It has all the scenery the

scenic stuff that the games have okay. That's

why I like it and then you bring in relatively

new ish composer Nathan first to do the score

and the score for a need for speed. I love it

absolutely love it sad thing Nathan first did

the music for Cuz Nettie's Island adventure Probably

the best thing about this film brought. Yes,

obviously. Yes. The music is the best thing about

this film All right, folks. The only thing I

want to say about this and I'll let you have

some closing thoughts, too This came out in 2012.

She is 65 now, so she was Wow, she was 60 when

she did this so Miriam Flynn who is the original

Aunt uh, aunt Katherine. Am I correct? I'm correct

in saying that. Yes. I think it was the same

woman throughout these days. I'm pretty sure.

Um, either way, uh, yeah, I could have sworn

that was the same lady that did, uh, vacation.

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's the same one throughout

the whole thing. Um, she was 60 years old when

she did cousin Eddie's Island Adventure. I mean.

Discounting that, she still looks like she's

tired and doesn't even want to be there. The

poor woman with the bathroom scene. Like, I was

ready for the whole bathroom to explode. Like,

put a cherry bomb in there and just get it over

with. Yeah. Like, oh my, like, that's what they

consider humor five years ago? Like, that's not

funny to me. Like, one thing with Eddie doing

it, fine. One thing with her doing it? No. Alright

folks, we are gonna take a quick break. I will

be coming back with JT from Saskatoon as we talk

about Home Alone 3 and Home Alone 4, which is

essentially just a crappy wild things to remake

of Home Alone. We'll be back after this where...

Wait, I gotta redo that. We will catch you next

time, Doug. Where can the people find you online?

Well, I'm gearing up to actually reboot, talk

about my generation for the first of the year,

so you will be able to find me at MyGenerationPodcast

.com. You can also find me on Twitter. I am at

S -B -R -Z -O -U -T at SpursOut. Okay, then.

We'll be back after this, folks, with more bad

Christmas movies on MWIRE episode 199. A team

of international high -class thieves have crossed

two continents to steal a $10 million microchip.

If that goes in a missile, air defenses can't

stop it. They traced it to a quiet Chicago suburb.

There are 14 houses. Their only mistake... We're

going to have to search them all. ...is being

in the same neighborhood as Alex Pruitt. 9 -1

-1 emergency. I saw a burglar. 3 -0 -1 -5 Washington

Street. Abort. Evacuate the area. Whoa. Take

the other side. Freeze! Son, false alarms are

no joking matter. It wasn't a false alarm. It

was the guy in the house. He had two lookouts

and a driver and a gray van. Apologize to the

chief and go up to your room. Excuse me for being

a good citizen. The world laughs, Alex. You've

stained the family name. Loser! Shut up! No call

the police. It's a kid. It can't be anything

else. Tomorrow we hit number 326. Nobody's gonna

do anything about this. I'll just have to do

it myself. It's a video camera. Someone's on

to us. I have it. Boo! You are so busted. This

winter. It's been a long time since I was a kid.

You forget how incredibly stupid they are. Don't

come in! I'm naked! One home stands alone. Gotcha!

See ya! Are you almost done in there? From the

writer and producer of Home Alone. You're not

gonna find me up there, you big dumb, loud -breaking

knucklehead! He's got bad news. Heads up! Ouch.

Go, Doris, go! What? Don't move. What? Alright,

folks, we're on to part two of... M wire episode

199. This is bad Christmas movies joining me

is JT from Saskatoon. Hello, sir. Good day You

live in Canada not Australia boy I'll give you

an oi We're here much closer now No No, no, no

We're here to talk about in part two of this

idea Home Alone 3 and 4 Wow okay so Home Alone

3 I kind of give a pass to because it's not the

Macalisters it's the Home Alone like you leave

a kid home alone at Christmas it's the It's the

premise of every fucking movie except, you know,

John Hughes and whatever else made it famous

in 90 and 92. Here you have Alex D. Linz as the

kid character being left home alone. You've got

these three people who are trying to get some

computer chip which ends up on his car or whatever.

Well, I mean the fact that this film predicted

the growing animosity between the United States

and North freaking Korea because North Korea

kind of sort of like the Bad they're part of

the whole bad guy schtick in this movie I mean

the villains are trying to get this computer

chip that's gonna allow North Korea to like launch

these missiles and cause all sorts of international

shenanigans and they decide to They put it into

an RC car and are piloting it through the San

Francisco National Airport Yep, and this is the

best international Mercenary thieves can come

up with like you couldn't get like some sort

of Faraday cage built into like a case and have

it labeled like What do you call it? Not an ambassador

bag Diplomatic pouch that's the word. Yeah, some

sort of diplomatic pouch seal and then you know,

you can't open it because Diplomatic pouch yeah

verboten Diplomatic immunity. Oh wait, this isn't

lethal weapon Exactly. It's like it's just been

revoked Yeah, so there are shenanigans that thieves

lose there like a luggage mix -up which Some

people say oh, yeah, that's gonna happen. It's

like have you ever been to an airport people?

Yeah, but this movie It's not as it's more comical

than it is bad The sad thing is it came out 20

years ago almost to the day December 12th. We're

a little past December 12th at this point, but

like hey December 12th, 1997. Wow, almost 20

years. A little over 20 years at this point,

but you know what I mean. Like, wow, this movie

is, I can't believe this movie is that old. I

can't believe the fourth one is 15 years old.

We'll talk about that here in a little bit. Yeah,

the plot of this one, you know, you have Alex

and you have Mrs. Hess in place of old man Marley.

You've got I I don't outside of Alex D Lynn's

and this is the only movie I know him from like

I don't know him from anything maybe Dunstan

not Dunstan checks in what else did he do I honestly

hit like this is the only movie I remember oh

he was in the cable guy is Tony one fine day

is Sammy Parker okay yeah I vaguely like I'm

just looking at his wiki here alongside Mike

folks and I did remember vaguely seeing his voice

like he played the voice of young kale on tightening

and young tarzan in the uh one of my favorite

of the animated disney films of the 1990s tarzan

because who doesn't love the lord of the jungle

you know but yeah like i think the cable guy

and I think I saw one fine day he was in that

yeah he was also Max Keeble I forgot about Max

Keeble's big move in 2001 I have no idea what

you're talking about you've never seen Max Keeble's

big move really you I mean you watch all kinds

of crazy crap you've never seen that movie really

Bear in mind, folks, most of the crazy cap I

watch involves multiple explosions, nudity, and

a whole lot of adult cursing. Oh, right. So if

that's a nice people's big move, I'll be sure

to check that out. Right. This is another guy

that believes that Die Hard is a Christmas movie,

which it is not. It is. It is not. It is. It

is not. Anyway, Home Alone 3. Home Alone 3. I

mean, the only way this... because this was the

last... This is after Home Alone and Home Alone

2 Lost in the Area. This is the only other film

in the series that got a theatrical release,

which... Okay, fine. It was composed... The music

was composed by John Williams, who clearly needed

the money. Christopher Lumbus came back, so sure,

why not? We'll put it out in the theaters. The

only way this is even tangentially connected

to the Home Alone franchise... to the Home Alone

continuity is that it's in a suburb of Chicago,

ostensibly the same suburb, maybe, finger quotes,

as the Macalisters. And it takes place at winter.

And criminals are trying to break into a house.

I mean the difference is they okay so in home

alone 1 & 2 they had the hey they had buzz's

pet tarantula who did nothing except you know

sit on Marv's face or Harry and Marv's face both

here they decide hey let's introduce a talking

parrot and have the parrot to be the come kid

comedian sidekick character oh great god I wanted

some roast parrot Oh, I was like, where's that

recipe for Peking Parrot in the orange sauce?

You know? Oh, God. I mean, Shipwreck's Parrot

Polly on GI Joe was less annoying than this thing.

Very true. So, if you thought Home Alone 3 was

bad, folks, Home Alone 4... is blasphemous to

me. Kevin's in charge, and the bad guys haven't

learned a thing. It's like he's stalking me.

Home Alone, taking back the house, today on DVD

and video. You know who I am? I know. Then you

know I don't play games. Yes, they basically

take the original characters supposedly age them

a little bit or whatever. They take the original

characters and put new actors in them. So Home

Alone 4 is essentially Wild Things 2 and 3 and

Cruel Intentions 2 and 3. Same fucking plot except

they put a twist on this. They don't just have

Kevin McCallister home alone for Christmas. They

have Kevin McCallister who is now a child of

quote -unquote almost divorced parents. Coming

from someone who Is a child of divorced parents?

Um, yeah, no, don't fuck, and what the fuck is

Hank Voight doing in this? Go back to Chicago

PD, you idiot. Like, seriously, um... I know,

I'm just like... Talk about a money grab. Like,

really. Well, at this point in his career, like,

Jason, is it Bayhee? I guess, yeah. But let's

just call him Sergeant Voight, because that's

where we both know him from. Sergeant Voight

at this point, he's been recognized as a very

good actor. I mean, he was Demi Moore's boyfriend

in G .I. Jane. Like, he's shown some skill. And

up until he did Sergeant Voight, Mr. Bailey,

let's say, came off as a very likable guy. He

played a lot of decent to good guy roles. So

when he did, you know, Sergeant Voight in Chicago

Fire and then Chicago PD, it's like, wow, that

was a huge turn. But, you know, you look back

at, you know, the original dad and God, it's,

I'm just going to look up the original dad's

name. It's John, it's John. Oh shit. John Herd.

That's right. Yeah. He just passed away recently.

And Katherine O 'Hara, and then you look at these

two as You know Claire Carey, I mean sure they're

nice people But now like cuz you know for us

that grew up watching the original two and that

these were like must -sees Every Christmas for

me for a while. Oh Yeah, well the original two

are they absolutely are The first two films the

first two films are the only two films that really

count, but like this one. It's just like like

I get it. You got some French Stewart in my Daniel

Stern. French Stewart is not Marv, I'm sorry.

How dare you, Hollywood. And earlier in this

episode, in part one, Doug and I talked about

a Christmas story, too. You got some Marv in

My Old Man. Get Marv out of My Old Man, dammit.

Yeah. I mean, not all the actors. Like, you got

Missy Pyle playing Marv's wife. you know when

she was in dodgeball and 50 first dates and herald

and kumar escape from guantanamo bay and she's

legit funny i've enjoyed her in pretty much everything

i did not enjoy her in this movie i i enjoyed

uh olek krupa in home alone three who's been

stuff like the americans and iron fist and he

was pretty much one of the only bright shining

lights in that series You know, but the the actors

in this one like french stewart like come on

man It's harry from third rock like what the

hell are you doing? Yeah, really? You know you

got uh, Barbara badcock. I forget what I know

her from so many things probably because I know

that name Okay Yeah, dr. Quinn in space cowboys.

I think that's what the only thing looking at

your wiki here and then It's just wow. Yeah Yeah,

but what the hell is French Stewart doing now?

What the hell has he been doing? Like this movie

is... He is cashing a check in this one. I mean,

essentially, like you said, they're remaking

the first one. They somehow de -aged Kevin, because

he was about 10 or 11 in the first two movies,

and now he's 9. Yeah, and look looks nothing

like you guys couldn't have found a kid to look

vaguely like Macaulay Culkin, you know because

Mike Weinberg and No, he's got big googly anime

eyes compared to You know the the evil glare

from the good son that was in the first two movies.

Yeah But yeah, I tried watching like I I I want

to say this out loud and completely I tried to

watch this movie objectively I couldn't I'll

freely admit it I couldn't like I didn't even

know what the plot was at first before I even

went into this movie and then come to find out

like I thought when we get to the scene we're

not gonna go in depth we're supposed to be keeping

the short folks but I'll just talk about the

quick scene about Kevin watching the old home

movie i thought that that was dead i didn't realize

they're gonna do the whole divorce parents thing

like really seriously that's the way this class

going uh... yeah no uh... french do it really

quick i will say television wise he's been going

fairly strong he had a recurring role on model

cbs company mom from twenty thirteen to twenty

sixteen uh... he's got uh... he was sick and

Three ro in Lego Star Wars the Freemaker adventures

last year. He's got a role on NCIS for one episode

and he was the other inspector gadget Mm -hmm.

He's gonna be himself on a guest diner on Hell's

Kitchen. I guess But yeah, like I mean French

Stewart like last time I saw him in a good movie

was clock stoppers Wow I mean I mean a good movie

for him is what I mean I don't mean a good movie

in general I mean one of his good movies that

I love I kind of like that but that's kind of

my fanboy love for commander right because he

directed that yeah Jonathan Frakes no I mean

you just look at the plot of the movie like it's

kind of a mishmash of home alone with the boy

who cried wolf because you know Marv and Vera

Rob the mansion that, you know, Kevin's staying

in with his dad because his dad's dating this

rich heiress and nobody believes them when they

pull off the heist and the dad just thinks you're

trying to ruin my relationship with the new hotness.

And then Buzz and a couple of, you know, the

merry brood of McAllister's that are staying

with their mom come to the rescue to like rescue

Kevin when it comes out that he was telling the

truth and all that. Yeah. And it's just like,

no. Buzz is a complete and total shitheal. He

has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Yeah,

no. You lie to me, Hollywood. You lie. Exactly.

So Home Alone 3 and 4, out of all the Christmas

movies we'll be talking about today, they are

some of the worst, but they are not the worst.

Out of the entire list that we have today, I

would say that Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure

is the worst one. um before he went insane i

mean yeah like i mean even santa with muscles

is better than that one and that's saying a lot

he talked shit about hulk hogan mike i didn't

talk shit about hulk hogan i let neil do that

but uh Can we just very briefly talk about the

cash check cashing from the fifth movie? Very

briefly because this is running a little long.

We've got to get over to deck the holes and jingle

all the way As much as French Stewart was cashing

a check for this movie folks, Sir Malcolm Effing

McDowell was in the fifth movie And if you thought

he was cashing it, he needed the money for Tank

Girl. No, no, no, no. He definitely needed the

money for this fifth movie. It's delicious. Yeah,

I won't even watch Holiday Heist. I... no. Like...

Let's face it, folks. The first two films are

the best. There are only two films. Yeah, there

are only two films. After watching the third

one, I had seen the third one way back when when

it hit VHS or DVD or whatever 20 years ago. So

I knew going into that what that was and I kind

of, I wouldn't necessarily say it's a guilty

pleasure for me. I don't watch that every Christmas.

None of the movies in this podcast episode will

be on my, maybe I might add one or two that aren't

as bad as I thought they were going to be, but

Most of these I will never watch again. I Might

watch Home Alone and Home Alone 2 this weekend.

Well, yeah, but I'm talking about the bad episode

the bad movies in this episode I'm not talking

about the ones we will watch. Yeah, I mean, yeah

It's like, you know, there's certain bad like

Santa Claus the movie. I I might get my toe into

that particular pool. You know, there's something

about movies from the 80s where John Lithgow

is acting like a complete and total nut barred.

That's my cup of tea. All right, folks, we're

going to get out of here. We're going to get

on over to part three, where Steve Megatron and

I talk about deck the halls and jingle all the

way in the peaceful town of Cloverdale. Dr. Steven

Finch was Mr. Christmas. This is a busy time

of year, so we have to have a game plan. All

must sing caroling requests to be submitted in

writing. Until the competition moved in. Who

moves in the middle of the night? I'm Buddy Hall.

We just moved in across the street. These are

my babies. Can I live here? Daddy, come look.

You can see every house in the country from space.

Where's our house? You can't see our house. Just

hoping that one day I do something big. What?

Buddy. Around here, I'm the Christmas guy. I

don't think so. Now, they're going head -to -head.

Watch and learn. For the holidays. That's gonna

swell up. But the holidays... Got the next five

years of trees all lined up. How'd you like to

chop it down with my chainsaw? Might not be big

enough. Does anyone smell gas? For the both of

them. I guess I'm the new Christmas guy. This

isn't over yet. You're gonna cut his power, aren't

you? SpongeBob, this is SquarePants. What? He's

coming! This is the best Christmas ever. We're

gonna settle this like men. They're acting like

a bunch of twelfths. You want lights? I'll give

you lights. Oh, gosh. Whoa! You sure you've been

watering that thing? It went up awfully fast.

This November, you're gonna stand here and you're

gonna work it out. Now that is something we could

agree on. Hey, baby, who's your daddy? Dad? Oh,

God. I'm your daddy. I'm your daddy. Regency

Enterprises presents Danny DeVito. I really want

my house to be seen from space. Matthew Brodrick.

I like the way you've duct taped the antlers

to their heads. Apparently reindeer are not indigenous

to the region. Whoa! I didn't see that coming.

In the brightest Christmas story ever. Santa!

He's real! I knew it! Oh boy! That could've ended

badly. Deck the halls. Where are my clothes?

I had to get your body temperature up, so I zipped

this into this sleeping bag. Trust me, it works.

All right, Steve and I are back folks and wire

199 you've heard Doug and I talk about Christmas

story to a Christmas vacation to you've heard

JT and I talk about home alone three and four

and Now Steve and I are gonna talk about deck

the halls and jingle all the way deck the halls

is from 2006 jingle all the way It's an Arnold

movie that's like the only thing i know oh my

god 1996 i need that turbo man doll wow give

me the turbo man yeah uh came out november 22nd

1996 holy crap so deck the halls it's ferris

bueler versus the penguin yeah essentially essentially

although it's it's just it's terrible Hey, I'm

not sugarcoating it we can say whatever we want.

I didn't say totally bad. I didn't say anything

Yeah Deck the halls is your standard Christmas

movie of two neighbors fighting over who has

the best house for Christmas It does have a little

bit of an emotional thing with with Buddy I Think

that's his character's name Don't remember off

the top of my head. Yeah, Buddy Hall. Because

deck the halls. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah,

so you have Matthew Broderick in this film and...

You you have Danny DeVito and then you have a

variety of other people that are just annoying

in most other films that they're in It's funny

because until this film I'd completely forgotten

that Matthew Broderick was still enacting Because

like he just kind of disappeared off the face

of the earth at this point and At this particular

point in time this film's only available Through

Amazon or iTunes to watch unless you manage to

have a video store that still is in existence

like family video or something but Or you know

you do that really naughty naughty thing that

has Santa putting coal in your stocking and you

find it online If you can't find it dot dot dot

questionable action Yes, exactly. This film is

supposed to be a family comedy about one -upping

the neighbor consistently. It's just back and

forth, back and forth, just jealousy clashing

neighbors and home decoration. Buddy is just

totally opposite and huge personality, which

Danny DeVito generally does. pretty well in everything

and then just rubbing each other the wrong way.

So it's just butting heads the whole film. Yeah,

pretty much. I kind of enjoyed it in the beginning

and then Danny DeVito came on and he's like just

like I get it. He's this downtrodden kind of

guy that doesn't, you know, his wife keeps trying

to bring him up and bring him to be positive

and just he just kind of can't. And then you've

got, you know, Dr. Steve Finch, biggest stick

-up -his -ass kind of a guy, and all of that

that entails with that. So, I don't know, Deck

the Halls, it starts out as what could be fun,

but, you know, and this is back, this is 2006,

folks, back when, you know, Google Earth or whatever

it was, you know, oh you can see your house from

space yada yada yada yada yada Now I will say

this there is a plus Okay, what's the plus Gary

Chalk is the sheriff? Uh -huh Absolutely, which

isn't the first time he plays a sheriff He plays

that generally every kind of film that came out

in the 2000s pretty much. Yeah But yeah, I mean

this film it's not terrible But it's not good

either. No, it's not. It's semi enjoyable. The

fact it has and it's so absurd that it's difficult

to watch. And I've kind of come to this. It's

more so my wife, but we've kind of come to this

realization that certain films are so hokey that

it's difficult to watch because it's like there's

no way that any of this would have played out

in real life. It's yeah, it's like so far -fetched

and and we noticed that while we were watching

Christmas with the cranks and so like just these

films are kind of even more one -up upping It

I mean they're all along the same lines like

all these Christmas films. They they have to

hit this like weird Quota of oddities and in

the fact that this film hit a 4 .9 on IMDB in

a 6 % rotten on Rotten Tomatoes, which I don't

put much stake in Rotten Tomatoes, but It is

still the fact that it's that far down. This

is like the worst one. We're going to review

today According to the tomato meter, you know,

well it's made a meter again rotten hell for

all I care There's one that's 1 % higher and

then everything else is higher than that. It's

not an outright terrible film, but it's not great.

Like, it's really, they really tried to make

Danny DeVito, the Hugh, like, calling his daughters

the honeys and this, that, and the other thing.

And, you know, the wife clearly having, you know,

modeling images up and things like that, which

is fine. I don't care. I'm, you know, whatever,

but it's like, wow. So yeah, that's, that's,

that's about all my thoughts on this one. Yeah.

There was another movie we were going to talk

about today that I watched that I'm trying to

remember. Is it? Like Gary Chalk showed up in

like two different things that we were watching

for this. He was Santa in one and he was the

sheriff in this. Where was he the Santa of? Don't

know. Oh, no. No. I know no no no I know he was

the Santa in a Christmas story to Doug and I

already talked about it. That's right Mmm. Yeah

Christmas story to is not it's not bad. It's

just not the original movie It's just have one

of the doesn't it have playing the dad the the

guy that was in Home Alone The villain Daniel

Stern yeah, yeah, what band that's yeah? Yeah,

all right, so now we get to The Terminator and

Jingle All the Way. Jingle All the Way. Every

holiday season, there's one toy everyone has

to have. I want the Turbo Man action figure with

the arms and legs that move, and the walking

orange jetpack, and the blue ranger. Getting

it is every child's dream. Every dozen can be

a real loser. Finding it... You got the doll,

right? Is this father's nightmare. I'll get that

toy. I promise. Whoa! Nothing like waiting till

the last minute, Howard, sir. Especially on Christmas

Eve. Where's your Christmas spirit? The last

one just left. No. It's two fathers. This is

war. One mission. Oh, poor baby. And every man

for himself. I think maybe, you know, we could

join up as a team. You know, like Starskin Hutch.

We're in late delivery. A terrible man. That

toy works. Let's go. Is there a problem, officer?

You can never do too much to make a child's Christmas

magical. Hey, buddy. From the director of Mrs.

Doubtfire. You want a turbo man for Christmas?

Forget it. I'm not gonna sit in your lab. Tony,

show him. That was taken this morning. And from

the director of the Flintstones. Don't open that

up! No, no, no! Of course, there's some assembly

required. You know what you guys are? Nothing

but a bunch of sleazy con men in red suits. Arnold

Schwarzenegger. Sinbad. I work for the post office

and I'm unstable! Tell him! This man is totally

insane. Thank you! Christmas comes but once a

year. Jingle all the way. You picked the wrong

day. Get me a chopper. The only thing I remember

about this movie, before I watched it again...

Was that it's Arnold Sinbad and they're fighting

over a action figure and it's basically this

plotline of the father Yeah, the father is so

busy. He ignores doesn't ignore his son But he

always breaks promises to his son and I have

to say this now This came out in 1996 in 1999

Arnold's son from this movie would go on to be

a girl in the first Star Wars. I'm sorry Annie

Skywalker like Jake Lloyd has to be really fucked

up kid at this point or a guy at this point because

Turbo man and then fucking Star Wars as the mr.

Medichlorian Anakin Skywalker I don't blame the

kid. No, I don't blame him. I'm going church

Lucas. Well, yeah, but they what I'm saying is

Jake Lloyd the adult has to be really fucked

up just because he was in a movie with Arnold

Schwarzenegger and then you know Boy Girl Star

Wars crap like oh boy Anyways, we we have also

Phil Hartman from Saturday Night Live and there

is no nosy neighbor That's trying to muscle in

on Arnold's wife. Yeah Yeah, he's trying to muscle

in on everybody's wife Or actually they just

kind of flocked to him because he's like would

you like to try my egg? And they're like no go

away exactly And people say oh, but Phil Hartman

makes that movie and no he really yeah Phil's

parts are great But Phil Hartman does not save

jingle all the way from no Arnold is like the

main The main thing for me honestly, and then

yeah, I'm glad I didn't see Larry the cable,

but guys jingle by the way, too get her done

but just the whole like just looking at jingle

all the way and the whole thing of you know oh

my god every kid has to have this action figure

and we went through I'm I went through that as

a kid you know my god mom you have to get this

for me but I don't remember my mom ever regaling

me with tails of having to you know terrorize

other shoppers in order to get a toy? Would she

have elbowed somebody out of the way? Yeah, sure,

but like, not to the extent of what Arnold and

Sinbad do to each other. And I mean, come on,

it's friggin' Sinbad. What's the last thing he

did besides this? Like, I don't even know. Man,

um... I'm trying to figure that out myself. Yeah,

cause... He's not done a whole lot. He's done

quite a few movies with Phil Hartman. Yeah, but

Phil's been dead for years now. I hate to say

that, but he has been dead for a while. It looks

like the last movie he was in was Planes. Oh,

he's been in The Lion Guard, Disney program.

He was on The Celebrity Apprentice with Arnold.

Oh, that would've been a weird reunion. Yeah.

You're fired. You do not get the total man doll.

It is mine. He's known for Good Burger, First

Kid, Coneheads, and Jingle All the Ways are his

top four on IMDB. He did a CollegeHumor original

thing. He did... Michael Bolton's big sexy Valentine's

Day special this year. What the hell I Will say

that this Jingle all the way does have like a

plethora of Saturday Night Live Yeah, I were

people related like you have Phil Hartman. You

have Jim Belushi you have Lorraine Newman And

then there's you know, Chris Parnell You've got

various Wrestlers like big show. Yep You've got

Curtis Armstrong, Booker from Revenge of the

Nerds. There's a plethora of people in this,

but it's interesting to see everything that plays

out. Mad Fientist 2 Absolutely. Alright folks,

Steve and I are going to take a quick break.

We're going to come back with Fred Claus and

Surviving Christmas after this. Of course the

week before Christmas and flying north in the

sled was a very special visitor. Santa's big

brother, Fred. Mr. Claus, welcome to the North

Pole. Allergies. Gun! You don't have ninjas jump

me. They gotta make sure nothing happens to me.

If something happens to them, maybe I give them

something. No, no, no, no, no. Warner Brothers

Pictures invites you to come home for the holidays.

It has been a hundred years since you spoke to

Mom. For good reason. You're looking at a man

who can fly around the world in a single knife.

You amaze me. I think it's absolutely amazing.

I mean, to think that he can fly around to a

million houses in one night breaking in and steal

all the food, eat the little kids' cookies and

stuff like that. I get Jack just talking about

it. Don't you guys feel it? Oh, families together.

again. Fun, fun, fun. Alrighty, let's get you

to work. Review those files, okay? If the kid

strikes you as naughty, BAM! Stamp him naughty.

Nice. BAM! Yep. Fred is really motivated. Oh,

thanks, Joe. My last eggnog was a little watery,

and I'm just hoping this one's nice and thick

like I enjoy so much. Okay, Fred. Back on your

A game. Get in here! Ho, ho! Holy cow! It's proven.

Will you take a little bit of a break? Bring

it to me! You have an explosion of efficiency.

The board is seriously considering shutting you

down. What? Oh, and also, we're gonna dump the

Easter Bunny. All you think about is yourself.

Don't throw snowballs at me. Fat boy! Come on!

From the director of Wedding Crashers. Vince

Form. Am I having a ball? Oh, oh, oh. Paul Giamatti.

You need to practice tough love. I'm a saint,

sweetheart. Tough love is a little difficult

for me. Fred Draws. You sure you wouldn't be

more comfortable down here on the bottom? I don't

think it's gonna make much of a difference, Willie.

Alright folks, we are back here on MWIRE 199.

Bad Christmas movies. Fred Claus. This might

be my favorite out of all the bad ones at this

point. Like, it's a tie between this and A Christmas

Story 2 at this point. Dare I say, it's a hell

of a lot better than Elf ever could hope to be.

I will say this is probably the best one out

of all the ones we've watched. In this that that

we're going to talk about this episode just you

and I yeah. Yeah, exactly out of all the ones

I've watched this is by far the best one and

After I watch this I even well actually no as

I was watching this I was at I was just under

an hour into this movie and I figured it out

that it's just suddenly I It's not even because

of Will Ferrell It is mainly because of Will

Ferrell, but like, the reason why I don't like

Elf is because I don't believe in the story.

I just... It's terrible. That film is terrible.

That story is very unbelievable and everybody

and their fucking brother loves that movie and

I'm like, no! Just no, it's not no it's not a

good movie the only good Will Ferrell movie I

actually enjoy is stranger than fiction, and

it's not even a comedy You know just no But yes

Fred Claus Vince Vaughn Paul Giamatti it took

me a while to realize that The little blue man

from big fat liar was like I know who Paul Giamatti

is but like i can't hear in the voice of like

seconds was a guy uh... it's called you know

it's you know it's uh... the angry guy from big

-fat liar who gets his shampoo turned lower i

remember the film yeah i know you're a film we

did it nine years ago almost eight -and -a -half

nine years ago now on on my wire uh... you get

this one called you money uh... red richardson

Uh, Kathy Bates, Rachel Weiss, John Michael Higgins,

Kevin Spacey. You got Lex Luthor as the villain

of this piece, wow. Pulley does try to stop Christmas.

And he's wearing a Superman cape. Uh -huh. You

got Ludacris as DJ Donny. Here comes Santa Claus,

here comes... Please something else! Do you know

any other songs? That's right. And then as themselves,

we have Frank Stallone, Roger Clinton Jr., and

Stephen Baldwin. Yeah, the famous Brothers Club.

Uh -huh. Yup. Yeah, my brother Alec, and then

they have Bill Clinton's brother, and then he's

like, yeah, well, my brother's Santa Claus, so...

No, he's not. Why are you really here? But I

mean, you know, it's... I guess you could say

this is almost first child syndrome. Where the

second child comes along and the first child

gets really really jealous You would know more

about this than me because I'm an only child

so I don't have to worry about brothers or sisters

or siblings Yeah, I'm very familiar with that

We we didn't get along much as kids Now what's

the order it's you Brian then Kevin or the other

way around yeah, okay? And how far apart are

you and Brian? Three years. Oh, okay. And then

they're like a year and a half. Yeah, that's

not that bad. But yeah, so, you know, Fred Claus

played by Vince Vaughn. All his life is pretty

much felt like he was passed by because of, you

know, his mother giving birth to Saint Nicholas

and all of that because, you know, hey, he's

Santa Claus's brother. i'd take this one i think

you know that's what's i think that's a friend

wants to do you know he gives it's a kid of some

bad advice and then as the movie progresses he

eventually goes back and corrects his own mistake

i really thought that for it was going to end

up adopting that kid i don't want to slam yeah

i thought he was going to end up adopting slam

because it didn't seem like Slam had any family

at all like slam was always hanging around that

kind of stuff So yeah Yeah, any other thoughts

on Fred Claus any favorite moments any favorite

jokes from you from it I don't know that pretty

much any time Vince Vaughn's talking in the film

is pretty funny, but he's Whether he's throwing

potshots at the elves or he's you know people

help the people You know trying to get money

off people until he gets like beat up by a mob

of Santas He says I'm from the people help the

people foundation That's that's where I got the

The the repair my truck fun Idea when I was in

when I worked at McDonald's Or not McDonald's

I worked at No, it weren't McDonald's during

that time. I worked at Little Caesars But I used

that as a gag The Fred Claus movie is easily

the best one of the day for me Yeah, I would

agree with you it's it's easily the most rewatchable

one of the five that we're going to talk about.

Yeah. So. Very much so. Moving on. That's it.

That's the house I grew up in. There's a guy

out there. What the hell was that? Did you hear

that? You know what we used to call that squeaky

stare? The squeaky stare. Please, please let

me stay here. No. I'll pay you. My family stuff

for sale, pal. I'll pay you $250 ,000. Welcome

home, son. The Valco family will aid Mr. Latham

in recapturing those childhood Christmas memories.

No! I can't feel my toes. Including celebrations,

all -new festiveness, various and sundry merriments,

and Yuletide glee. Hey, Mom. What is this? Mom,

who is this? Your dad's rented us out for the

holidays. Mom? They never had a sister. She could

be the maid. You're the maid. Hey, enough! Would

you, uh, put this hat on? No, I'm not wearing

a hat. You're not wearing a hat. I'm not wearing

a hat. Nice hat. You gotta sing Christmas tree,

Tom. You take the lead. Would it make any difference

to you if I didn't want to? Not really. Oh Christmas

tree, oh Christmas tree, you stand in woodland

beauty. Alright, everybody sing Merry Christmas.

I feel like I'm insane. You gotta go. Surviving

Christmas. This is what I've been longing for.

A real family, you know, in a true home. That's

why I'm thinking it might be a good idea if I

lived with you. Ow. Moving on to Surviving Christmas.

This is a very very B movie in my mind. It also

you know It's a crap What happens when you get

Kelly Bundy and Shannon Hamlin? Shannon Shannon

Hamilton into in a movie together. That's what

happens surviving Christmas and you know, he's

kissing his sister Like okay, so let me let me

get the serious part out of the way first I get

it he's a rich guy who's you know parents are

around he really has nobody he's one of those

guys that there's a problem you throw money at

it kind of a thing but deep down he's always

alone at Christmas I understand that and I understand

all of that and I sympathize with that but at

least this isn't Geely that's got it that's one

thing surviving Christmas has going for it Yeah,

I would agree and then I noticed Kate McAllister

is in this Catherine O 'Hara. Yep as the mom

is the mom. I'm like, wow, okay Yeah, there's

uh, it's a pretty awkward and weird film to say

the least Michael Bell's in it. I just I know

the voice actors when I see them Tom Kenny's

in it But yeah, it's it's it's very cringe -worthy

just in aspects of it just because of how bad

it is, but Because he's kind of playing up this,

you know, I'm you know I'm alone. I haven't I

have all this money and And, you know, he's trying

to get back at his girlfriend and... And who

else is in this movie? Who? Milton Adams. Steven

Root. Ah. He plays the doctor in the airport.

I believe you have my favor. Yep. Excuse me,

sir. I asked for Mai Tai and the margaritas.

They had big grains of salt in them. I'll take

my travelers checks to a competing resort. I'll

burn this place to the ground. Yeah, I Believe

you at my steeper. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's

what I see when I see them. Exactly Yeah, so

it's it's quite awkward in this this film Just

watching him. I mean he takes this dysfunctional

family that basically hates each other, too Yeah,

and makes them get along through him Very true

by unifying their their hatred on him alone And

so they all end up adopting him anyway Yep, so

Yeah, it's it's it's it's not terrible, but it's

it's not great. I Would it's one of those movies

you watch once and you're like, I'm good It's

like I just I don't care to do that anymore,

you know Yeah We're gonna take another quick

break folks. We're gonna come back with we got

two parts to part five We get part one with TV's

mr. Neil and then Steve and I'll be back for

part two Part five is Santa with muscles and

the Jim Carrey version of a Christmas Carol.

We'll be back after this In the season of Santa

there are two kinds of people the naughty and

the nice. I've got 50 bucks for the first elf

that brings me Santa Claus. Hulk Hogan is Blake

Thorne and he's dead. To make his getaway, he's

going to make a mockery of the world's most beloved

hero. Do you have a minute? Come fox me a little

brat. That's him. But sometimes, the only way

you can feel the spirit of Christmas Where'd

he go? is to be hit over the head with it. Santa!

What? It's shoe time. Now this confused bad boy

is Santa. Like you've never seen him before.

A bearded basher of bad guys. Santa! A hero with

a silly hat. A Robin Hood in red. Santa! Who

are those guys, anyway? Oh, they went to Mr.

Frost. He's been clearing out the whole neighborhood

and no one knows why. And he's got three days

to foil a band of evil scientists. Assemble the

team. We're taking the orphanage. Wait till Santa

hears about this. He'll kick your butt to New

Year's. Santa, are you slaying me? Hulk Hogan

is Santa with an attitude. Keep the knockin'

cookies warm. Santa with some friends. Santa

with a mission. How we supposed to get over this?

And most of all, he's Santa with muscles. You

can't start Christmas without me. Can they? There've

been many Santas. You're not Santa. You're better.

But there's only one named Hope. Well, all you

had to do was knock. Santa with muscles. Alright

folks, I don't think we saved the worst for last

here But it is pretty bad as this whole episode

here in movie we can review has been bad as we're

talking about bad Christmas movies TFG on Mike

here and I bring in my good buddy TVs. Mr. Neal.

Hello, sir. How are you? Wiping this movie off

the bottom of my shoe Yes, so Santa with muscles

Santa has muscles Santa with muscles whatever

it's called uh 21 years old this movie is and

it's not as bad as some of the other ones we've

talked about it's bad but it's not as bad um

well let me tell you something brother I know

right this is this is clearly like right in the

middle of his wcw run because his his muscle

mass has gone way down you can tell yeah Cut

his hair and he shaved his stuff and well, that's

all that that hair that was that was entirely

a hair piece He never cut his hair I mean he

did this movie and I think he showed up at bash

of the beach to turn eel Because how can you

not turn heel after making this movie? Yeah,

really right like Wow So, okay, Oh Kogan He went

in his filmography not his wrestling career obviously,

but he went from Rocky 3 as Thunder lips to himself

in the a -team at one episode of the a -team

to himself in gremlins to Shep Ramsey in suburban

commando To thunder in paradise is direct a video

movie and then a TV series He was not an episode

of space ghost coast to coast okay Spy Hard in

1996. Somewhere in there is Muppets in Space,

and you skipped over the big one, which is No

Holds Barred, the movie that he made during that

short period of time that he let Randy Savage

be champion. He did a voiceover for video games

for at least one, Saints Row III, which I actually

had at one point back in 2011. So that's where

that audio came from. What audio? The famous

audio of him, the one that cost him his career.

uh... he was boomer night in one episode of walker

texas ranger i remember that episode i'm like

hey it's chuck norris and hulk hogan in something

together that's kind of cool uh... okay so this

movie i'd just explain this to my wife uh...

basically it's any you know any movie you can

think of that has the plot of you know billionaire

gets amnesia thinks he's santa claus tries to

save an orphanage Finds out that Ed Begley jr.

Is the villain of the piece and was also his

former best friend because he used to be a part

of the orphanage gets his memory back saves the

day end of movie That pretty much sum it up pretty

much Like Ed Begley jr. Folks like really like

he needed this There were a few people in this

movie I was like, what are you doing in this?

What are you? Doing here Garrett Morris Which

who was he? He was a Clayton the oh the old guy.

Yeah the old guy. Oh Wow, okay. Yeah Cuz my thinking

was the cop dude. I'm like I've seen him before

I don't know what is the I'm gonna get you. Oh,

that's Clint Howard He's everyone's favorite

B actor. Yeah Yeah, I'm like you deserve to be

here, dude But I mean, like, the guy who played

Lenny was fine. I know I've seen him in a bunch

of other things. Yeah, that 70s elf. Also, the

neighbor on that 70s show. Yeah, yeah. He kind

of reminded me, and I don't know why, but...

Going into the eighties he kind of reminded me

of uh trevor okmanek from elf that neighbor,

but I know it's not the same guy Yeah, but basically

the same trope the annoying. Yeah, the annoying

neighbor character thing in this He's the annoying

elf and he starts out being the weasley elf and

then he you know He gets a heart of gold and

yada yada yada I wasn't sure where this movie

was gonna go folks and um Glad that it went the

way it did because at first it's like oh They're

doing Hulk Hogan as Michael Jackson where he

has you know bunch of play times at his mansion

yada yada yada And then he gets hit on the head

with the amnesia and whatever else well takes

like a half hour for this movie to even get to

the point it starts out where It looks like he's

some special ops guy and then and then it switches

over he's like oh at first I thought he was like

the captain of the police or something and then

yeah and then he turns out to be some some like

uh Tony little type uh guy who just think totally

full of himself and uh there's a whole thing

about like paint gunning and running from the

cops and it's like oh my god get to the point

it's like a half hour before you get to the orphanage

yeah well we start out with the orphanage because

the little girl writes the letter to santa of

course the you know the adorable little girl

almost almost saccharine giving you cavities

dear santa All I want for Christmas is my two

front seats. They're for clothing on the orphanage.

I was ready to turn it off right there. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you know, it's a bad movie. It's

a bad Christmas movie. But again, like I said,

we've already watched, you know, Christmas Vacation

2. Cuz Nettie's Island Adventure, so that's worse

than this like like this is a pile of silver

Compared to that You know who else is in this

movie Little Kunis. Yes, she is Sarah also from

that 70s show and she sounds like Meg Griffin

on helium. Yeah, she does It wasn't like too

long after this year. I'm like, oh my god. How

young was she when she got that role? and Also

the other guy in this that I recognize cuz I

recognize him Anywhere cuz just the way his voice

is and how English and British he is Steve Valentine

is dr. Blight. I'm like, um Captain planets that

way Oh God go back to your mom with her computer

dude, cuz captain planet took a left at Albuquerque

And Ed Leslie here it says as the sumo lab You

know who Ed Leslie is it's Brutus the barber

fucking beefcake. Oh my god Of course, he's in

this movie cuz anywhere Hogan goes Brutus goes

Yeah, I mean Is this one I'm gonna add to my

Christmas watching list hell no, but It's yeah,

I mean Did you like anything about it besides

some of the funny stuff that they tried to do?

I was amused by how they tried to make a movie.

I mean, this is so bad. Yeah. I mean, I was laughing

at all the wasted time at the beginning. Like

I mentioned the paintballing. They buzzed by

Clint Howard, and then there's this huge I'm

like, wow, this escalated quickly. What the hell?

And Hulk Hogan is firing paint guns at the police.

I'm like, this guy belongs in jail. What the

hell? I mean, oh my god. Yeah, it's a little

crazy. A little bit crazy. They said something

like he's the 10th most wealthy man in the world

or something like that. Yeah, President Orange

would argue that pact. Okay, no one's richer

than me. We are in personality. Oh, that was

bad. Yeah, like I said, very, very cliche. in

a year filled with a bunch of I'm really surprised

that like that this even got greenlit like 1996

like Independence Day Bad Boy like there was

a whole bunch of like I didn't even know that

like I remember hearing about this because I

remember hearing Hulk was in it but like I didn't

even really realize this was a thing Was this

even theatrical? This is like a... No, this is...

I think it was almost direct -to -video maybe.

Let me check. It sure feels like a direct -to

-video. Yeah. Let me just check, because... I

would be very upset if this actually made it

to theaters. Well, Suburban Commando made it

to theaters. Suburban Commando is better than

this. That's a low bar. Let's see here. Okay,

so Suburban Commando was better than this. This

is better than Gem and the Holograms and that

only had five days in theaters. This got two

weeks in theaters and then it got cut. It was

panned by critics and considered to be one of

the worst films of all time, but it did get two

weeks in theaters. So we just broke TV's Mr.

Neal's brain there, folks. Yay us. Right? Let's

see if Pottersville makes it longer than that.

Oh, ow. No. You want to do a bad movie on a future

podcast? There's one for you. Yeah. I think I've

told you about this off air. I will be promoting

this throughout the whole episode, folks. So

if you already heard this, I'm sorry, because

we're recording these out of order. I don't generally

do bad. Stuff like bad i don't do the bad movie

stick and i'm not saying it's a stick isn't to

be offensive to anybody but like i review stuff

and i talk about stuff that i love talking about

that i love watching can i be objectionable to

it can i be objective towards it not subjective

yes i can but there are times i'm going to be

very subjective towards it as well. There is

one podcast i know of that they do bad movies

on purpose. And they are the best people at it

is james and damien over at tranquil tirades

is on itunes you go over to earth dash two dot

net earth dash the number two dot net check about

over there. Absolutely amazing amazing two guys

that that just tear movies apart logically and

intellectually and it's such a fun lesson. It

really, really is. Anything you want to pimp

out or promote before we transition to the final

movie of the night? Just that I have my own little

movie podcast, patreon .com slash Mr. Neil. I

just did a commentary for Jurassic Park and I

got, well, I just released The Room and I've

got a couple other. movies coming later this

month, including one of the best Christmas movies

of all time, which is Die Hard. You're an ass!

You're an ass! But anyway, yeah, I got that.

I usually do little bonus episodes on my Patreon,

which is stuff off of Netflix, and I'll be doing

Star Wars The Clone Wars, the old Genndy series

that was released shortly before episode three.

Cool. And on Decian .com, I just released the

final pack for chapter 11 of Decian, which was

the longest damn chapter I've ever done. 111

pages, and it nearly killed me. Well, your fans

and your friends very much appreciate it. I mean,

after all, we are watching bad Christmas movies

here, so 111 pages, woohoo! Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah, so we're gonna head on over to the final

film of the night, folks. A Christmas Carol,

the Jim Carrey version with Steve Megatron and

I. We'll be back after this. You will be haunted

by three spirits. I'd rather not. Get your life

right. This holiday season, the ghosts of Christmas

past, present, and future will give one man that

chance. This November, Walt Disney Pictures and

Image Movers Digital invite you to experience

the classic tale. Like you've never seen it before.

In Disney Digital 3D and IMAX 3D. Disney's A

Christmas Carol. Alright folks, we are back.

And we've got Jim Carrey's A Christmas Carol.

So before you give your thoughts, I'm just gonna

say one thing. In my previous life, before I

met my wife, I was out in California and I had

to sit through every single version known to

man of A Christmas Carol. This was the last one

I watched, and by far it is the worst one of

all. I think you did yourself a disservice by

watching this one last. I didn't have a choice

in the matter. Well, I think you unneededly suffered

through a multitude of these, and it could have

been avoided. It kind of couldn't have been at

the time. But anyways, I think that... Yeah,

it kind of I think that this film holds up better

than Many other versions of it. Yes, you get

your Jim Carrey isms and he's basically playing

every character but It's it's still I find it

easier to watch as an animated thing than I do

watching it as a live -action Yeah, I mean you

have the one where Frazier's in it and you have

you know various other ones But which that was

not too bad Yeah, so the two Christmas Carol

things that I absolutely love are Muppet's Christmas

Carol and Mickey's Christmas Carol. Mickey's

Christmas Carol is the old Disney cartoon. That's

the iconic classic one. Exactly. so you can't

hate on that one no I'm not that's what I'm saying

like those those versions the Disney Mickey Christmas

Carol and the Muppets Christmas Carol those are

the two versions of a Christmas Carol that I

love that I will never not love that I will never

hate on or anything like that every other version

sucks donkey balls yeah this one I like the Mickey

one I like this one and I like the The one with

Frasier in it, but Out of them. I like the animated

stuff better. I like this because I'm in general

a fan of Jim Carrey and anything that he does

honestly good or bad He's essentially like the

like a higher grade Adam Sandler Because He can

do other things Besides go You know Stop looking

at me swine, you know and stuff like that. I

really like Jim Carrey's portrayal in this as

opposed to Because you kind of get a lot of his

facial mannerisms that he can do you get a lot

of his different like personality quirks and

in some of the character voices you get Like

you have Bob Hoskins in the movie, Gary Oldman,

various other people in it. But anyways, there's

a lot of famous people in it anyway that are

pretty notable. But I feel like Jim Carrey's

portrayal here is pretty solid, as him playing

as an old man and being terrified. perfectly

fine with. And I don't feel like this film's

like, extraneously long or that ridiculous because

it's just an animated retelling of the Charles

Dickens classic novel, just with Robert Zemeckis

directing and kind of running the show here.

Yeah, I can't believe Bob Zemeckis actually worked

on this. What was he thinking? Well, he did polar

express and that's why disney called him back

for this What was disney thinking which doing

this at all? Well, why is disney? Doing what

they're doing. Anyway, I mean You know ruining

all kinds of other films. I mean that's according

to the internet. Um I'll leave that alone. Listen

to ultra geek. You know, you get the gist So,

uh, yeah it Zemeckis though Honestly has a pretty

strong track record And so I'm not I mean he's

got Forrest Gump. He's got flight. He's got back

to the future. He's got Castaway Polar Express

You know the Christmas Carol who freed your frame

Roger Rabbit, which is probably a guy Bob Hoskins

in this He's got you know, all the other back

to the future stuff like even the the resurgence

is over the years Mars needs moms, you know,

he doesn't let us stuff for Disney He's done

some horror stuff, too, but he's done a lot of

stuff for Disney and It's kind of hard to watch

a Zemeckis film and not Enjoy it because a lot

of his stuff is just downright pretty good So

but I think out of his animated stuff. I think

this is better than The polar express which I

felt was lacking in a lot of areas But he does

have quite a few of these animated films. If

you take this one Mars needs moms and polar express

There's a lot of elements where there's a not

a lot of talking and then when there is there's

there's a lot of talking But it's they all have

the same feeling aesthetic like they could almost

be in the same universe The three films and they're

all done by Disney so it's it's just you know

different there's a couple years between each

one of them, but It's like he kept working for

Disney for like six years, but in a row But yeah,

it's it's it's it you could do a lot worse than

this Yeah, you could there were there were other

ones that we we didn't do it's like four Christmases

and and Christmas with the cranks and There's

there's a couple other ones too that that could

have been worse The ones that we did cover, I

mean, some of them are very cringe -worthy, and

some of them turned out to just be there, and

others turned out to be really, really interesting

and really fun and really good, so... I'm sure

other people are going to say, what's wrong with

you guys? I think we got it right, though. I

mean, you know, the ones we deem as bad, I think

we got those right, like Christmas Vacation 2

and... a couple of the other ones, so who knows?

We want to wish everyone that's listening to

MWIRE over the years a very Merry Christmas,

Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, all that stuff.

We will be back July 11th, 2018 for episode 200

of the podcast when we retire the show. And then

something new will be coming up next August.

You'll just have to wait and see. But yeah, it's

going to be myself, Steve, Kevin, Optimus Solo,

Dan on the finale show, talking about NYR's history,

talking about what we liked, what we didn't like,

all that kind of stuff, thanking you guys. So

you guys basically have about six months or so

to get any emails in or anything you want to

say about NYR that you've listened to over the

years. Send to feedback at keycastradio .com.

I would also be willing to do Just to kind of

throw this out there, but I'd be also willing

to do if the fans asked for it enough maybe some

It would be limited on this just in the next

six months anyway Commentaries oh yeah, and you

know how much I hate them, but I would do them

just for the sake of If the fans asked for it

or the listeners if that's something that people

want I would sit down with Mike and watch a film

and actually commentate. Yeah, I have plans for

after 200 for us to do a few of those. Like,

I know the show is technically retired, but I

have plans for like, you had said you weren't

interested, but to kind of bring it back around

to what we started with. Optimus Solo and I are

going to do the Back to the Future films for

commentaries. Um, so that'll happen sometime

before episode 200. Um, so, you know, technically

we would probably end on 203 or whatever, but

it doesn't really matter. But, uh, yeah, absolutely.

So you can follow us at GCRNMWire on Twitter.

You can follow at GeekCastRadio on Twitter. I'm

at TFU and Mike. What is your Twitter? You can

also follow at altered geek for all the other

altered geek stuff that Steve does over there

Go to Facebook Facebook comm slash geek cast

radio network as always geek cast radio comm

Please go there listen to all the podcasts you

want to please comment on the episodes all that

good stuff and we will Catch you next summer

folks keep those film reels rolling I Was gonna

say it's about About time. It's your last time

to actually do that, because you ain't doing

that shit on Double Feature Decades. Nope. So

until next time, unleash the cake in you. In

a world... There, I said it. Happy? Decian, the

superhero webcomic. Decian's got superhero antics

and sexy girls. For action, drama, mayhem, and

more, read it now at Decian .com. D -A -S -I

-E -N .com. And for the new Decian podcast, go

to Patreon .com slash Decian.