Half Past Dead Review

on the edge. Stop the car! I'ma kick your...

Until the night. You expecting somebody? It all

went wrong. Special Agent Williams, FBI. It's

a nice night to die. To my island! In the most

feared prison in the country, the new Alcatraz.

Hey, you're packing this. Ooh, you need to play

rough. Sorry, I'm not into men. And their biggest

problem isn't breaking out. It's dealing with

the guys who just broke in. It's party, boys!

You all right? I'm all right, man. We got issues.

Hey, look, an Alcatraz! One of the cellhouses

was... Compromise! How many hostages? I've got

ten. Why are you doing this? I'm gonna dig up

two hundred million dollars worth of U .S. gold

brick. Taking out the retirement. What's your

cause? My cause is me. See, I'm supposed to be

a pathologist. It means I can kill everybody

in this room and not feel bad about it. What's

going on? We got a problem. What's going on,

boys? How do I look? Like a big bat prom queen.

It's a game play. You watch my back. Alright,

homies? Two things can happen. You get killed

or you get caught. Comprended? Sweet dreams,

partner. Comprended! Morris Chestnut, Ja Rule,

and Corrupt. Hello and welcome to the 46th episode

of the M wire movie we can review today We are

going to be discussing half past dead. I am TFG1

Mike and as usual I'm joined with Steve Megatron.

Hello Hello. Yeah, that sounds like how I feel

right now Yeah, pretty much What are you gonna

do this week? Well Not a lot other than sending

in voicemails to prototype with different characters,

including one mocking them, which, yeah, is quite

hilarious. I sound like I'm retarded. And then

I call him the next week as that guy, as myself,

and as Megatron, and as myself, I'm mocking the

other voice I did. So, yeah, that was quite funny.

But other than that, collecting... I got Batman

Beyond Season 2 coming, I got comics coming,

I've got a new Batman figure coming, I've got

various things coming in from all over. Yes.

As of this episode recording, I'm going through

and I'm probably gonna, I don't know if I'm gonna

actually do a whole marathon and get it done

in 48 hours, but I don't know. Yesterday, and

we're recording this the morning of the 22nd.

Oh, yay, Warfare Cybertron comes out today. Okay,

anyway. Yeah, yesterday, the 21st is, like, ugh.

It's one of those... I knew it was gonna be a

shitty Monday, and hell, I know all this week

possibly could be a shitty week, depending on

what happens Thursday. But no, I said screw it,

and I brought out the big set and got them out,

and I think I'm on... I think I either am finning

or just finished Christmas with the Joker, so

I think I'm on the third episode of BTIS. Alright,

so I guess getting into it, Half Past Dead is

a 2002 action movie in which a criminal infiltrates

a prison to interrogate a prisoner about the

location of fortune and gold while an undercover

FBI agent has to stop him. The film stars Steven

Seagal, Morris Chestnut, Ja Rule, Corrupt, and

Claudia Christian. It is written and directed

by Don Michael -Paul and produced by Ellie Sma,

E. Scott, and Allison Smynna. Distributed copyrights

are held by Columbia Pictures. Half Past Dead

is Steven Seagal's last movie to be released

theatrically. to be released theatrically in

many countries until 2010's Machete or Machete

or however the fuck you say this shit. Eh, I

think it's Machete, I don't know. Well, yeah,

I don't know. Have you ever seen this movie?

Hell no. I've seen a lot of Steven Seagal's movies,

but this isn't one of them. I think that there's

only two. of Seagal's movies that I remember

actually watching. It was this one and one called

March for Death. This one isn't really that bad.

This one is pretty cool, so maybe by the end

of the plot you'll want to watch it. So here

we go. Sasha Petrovich, played by Steven Seagal,

is a car thief who's brought in by criminal Nick

Frazier. played by Ja Rule to work for crime

boss Sonny Ekvall played by Richard Bremer who

apparently shot and killed Sasha's wife FBI Special

Agent Ellen Williams played by Claudia Christian

and her team show up to nail Nick but things

go bad and Sasha gets shot After eight months

of recovery following his brief bout of being

clinically dead from the shooting, Sasha is incarcerated

along with Nick in a newly reopened Alcatraz

prison run by the charismatic warden Juan Ruiz

Alfuego Escarzaza played by Tony Plana. The place

is known for its new state -of -the -art death

chamber where the condemned can choose from five

different ways to die. lethal injection, gas

chamber, hanging, firing squad, or electric chair.

Wow. Yeah, that sounds like my choice right there.

It's like a million ways to die. Yes, I'll take

gas chamber for a thousand. Lester McKenna, played

by Bruce Whites, is the first prisoner scheduled

to be executed in an older man. He stole $200

million worth of gold bricks in a heist. that

resulted in five deaths. Federal Bureau of Prisons

head Frank Hubbard, played by Stephen J. Cannell,

and Supreme Court Justice Jane McPherson, played

by Linda Thorson, have arrived to witness the

execution, which is a result of Jane sentencing

Lester. But she's not the only one interested

in Lester. A small, well -equipped team of terrorists

who call themselves the 49ers have parachuted

onto the island and gained control of it. Alright,

let's get rid of the elephant in the room at

6 o 'clock in the morning. This movie takes place

in San Francisco. What's San Francisco's football

team, ladies and gentlemen? The 49ers. Can you

get any more unoriginal? And they all use that

crap yeah 49ers seem to be pretty you know Pretty

well used as far as movies. I'm surprised they

don't go well I mean now with the the tax break

they go to Michigan Yes, the Detroit Lions where

none of them can score a point. Yeah, really

yeah But we're all in prison Led by 4901, aka

Hubbard's assistant Donnie Johnson, played by

Morris Chestnut, and 4906, played by Nia Peoples,

the team finds Lester and they want him to give

up the location of his hidden stash of gold.

Oh wow, it's break into prison, get information

and try to get out while still being alive kind

of plot. When Lester won't tell them, Donnie

shoots a nearby priest. and threatens to kill

others if the info isn't delivered. Donnie's

plan is disrupted, however, when Sasha decides

to step in and fight back. It turns out that

Sasha is actually an undercover FBI agent who

has been trying to use Nick to get to Sonny Ekvall.

When Sasha rescues Lester, the 49ers strap June,

or Jane, I don't know what the other damn name

is, it says Jane McPherson in the film, but I

don't know, to the electric chair and threaten

to kill her all while Ellen and her team prepare

a rescue plan from the mainland. With the help

of Nick and some of the other inmates, such as

Twitch, played by Ricardo Corrupt Brown, and

little Joe, played by Michael Bear Teflero, Sasha

sets out to rescue Jane and bring Donnie down

before Alcatraz becomes everyone's final resting

place. That's it. Yeah, you actually have to

watch this because it's a fairly good action

flick And Nia people's in black leather. Hell.

Yeah, it's you know is this your typical Steven

Seagal bullshit movie, or is this actually better

than a typical Steven Seagal movie Seeing how

I don't watch a lot of Steven Seagal movies.

I don't know um Because a lot of them are pretty

much the same plot rehashed in different situations.

It probably could be, I don't know. Because usually

it ends up with his wife or somebody important

to him getting shot and killed. Well that's the

thing, it's revealed that the reason why he's

trying to get in good with Ja Rule's character,

the Nick character, is because Nick is like the

second in command to this Sonny Ekvall character

who did kill his wife. who did kill Seagal's

wife in the film. So yeah, I guess you could

say it's the basic Steven Seagal film scenario,

but I just thought it was really different because

honestly, I think they built the new Alcatraz

set, but it looks like it's set out on Alcatraz

Island, so I'm not really sure how that works.

There isn't... There's only the plot, the reception,

and the sequel. Or information from Wiki that

I grabbed. As far as the reception goes, it received

bad reviews from most film critics, only having

a 2 % fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. With critic

Roger Ebert stating, half past dead is like an

alarm that goes off with nobody in the room.

It does its job, it stops, and nobody cares.

Well, while I laugh at that, it's kind of funny.

I don't think it's that bad. There are certain

parts of it that I like. First of all, Morris

Chestnut. Most everything else I've seen him

in is black comedy films or romantic films like

The Brothers. which you've probably never seen,

but most of the stuff he's in is comedy -type

stuff, so seeing him in an action role in this

kind of film is kind of cool. Yeah, I mean, it's

okay. It's probably a movie I haven't watched

since I got it for free from the pawn shop like

a year and a half ago or something. But still,

every now and then, if you need, you know, a

good action flick without giant Devastator balls,

I would say this is a good one for ya. And may

I also remind people that Roger Ebert is gay.

Yes, yes he is. Not literally, but he's just

a loser. He, more often than I have, or you,

have something bad to say about a movie, this

is the man you go to, to hear bad news about

anything. Because even if it is a good movie,

see this is how I see it, if a critic rates it

bad, it's usually pretty good. So that means

I should probably see this movie just because

Roger Ebert said it's crap. fifty episodes maybe

and he's only liked five yeah exactly so it's

like what the hell yeah that old man needs his

writing license revoked yeah he does um what

else do you want to ask me about this one um

have you seen the sequel oh hell no kidding me

I didn't even know they fucking made a sequel.

Half -Past -Ted 2 was released direct -to -video

in 2007. Though it did not star Steven Seagal

or Ja Rule, the only returning characters were

Twitch, played by Corrupt, and Juan Ruiz, played

by Tony Plana. Yeah, no, the lead actor in that

was actually a wrestler. I think it was... Was

it Goldberg? Could have been I think a lot of

ladies stars. That's all I know Yeah, I I think

it was Goldberg, but yeah No That's not happening

see and this is what I think about direct -to

-video sequels Like for instance if you watch

for instance walking tall mm -hmm get the rock

Jenny Knoxville kick -ass movie great Walking

Tall 2. Kevin Sorbo. What the fuck happened there?

Yeah, that's the thing. I hate films that are

direct -to -video, that are sequels of stuff,

because they're most assuredly crap compared

to the original. Yeah. Because one, they don't

have any of the original cast, or they have like

people that were not so important that have time

to give up to be in the movie again. Yep. And...

Because they're usually lesser known actors I'm

not saying that's bad, but still I'm going to

see a big hit with You know action names in them

or their star power, and then I go and you know

find out Oh, there's a sequel, and then it's

nobody. I'm not gonna watch it. Yeah, exactly

The only way I've seen like a few and I'm like

waiting to and Ace Ventura 3 Which, they weren't

bad, but they were crap. I mean, it's generally

hell that goes. So, if I watch this, it will

be the first film because of my, even for the

pretty much same part that Steven Seagal always

plays, which is some undercover guy or some guy

that's a badass. Yeah, well that's what he is

in this. I mean, he's an undercover FBI agent,

so if that's what he is in most of his movies,

And that's probably what, you know, going back

to when you asked me if it's the same over and

over seagull type movie, yeah, it probably is.

Yeah, because he pretty much plays the same damn

thing. I saw one, it was like an 80s movie, and

he was on a boat as a cook. And he was some ex

-marine, and then he ends up having to save the

boat, and then there's some stripper that jumps

out of a cake and whatnot. I don't know, it was

just, it was, that's the only one I can remember

in my mind for the most part, and it's typical.

Stephen Seagal, every time. Yeah. Who's family?

Go kill people. But yeah, anyways, in rounding

off my rant, sequels suck if they're direct -to

-DVD, for the most part. And if you disagree

with me, send your comments to Steve at GeekCastRadio

.com and I will read them on the next show. Well,

Aladdin and the King of Thieves didn't suck and

that was direct -to -video. That's different,

that's Disney. Oh, so wait, Disney just shits

gold now? Well, no, I was just saying... Look,

they got Robin Williams back. Yeah, that's true,

that's true. I mean, that in itself. If you can

get back most of the damn cast for your direct

-to -DVD, then it's quite possibly going to be

good. If you can't, then it's going to blow.

Like I said, if you've got comments, send it

to steve at geekcastradio .com. Yes. Thank you

for joining us here on the MWIRE movie. We can

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Radio Network. We hope you enjoyed this episode

of MWIRE and wish you'll join us next time when

we're reviewing one of the greatest board games

of all time. This is going to be a surprise to

Steve because I changed the schedule in the middle

of us recording this. Huh? What'd you say? I

said is it Clue? No, oh no, no, no, no, I have

to wait for Lupus on that because that's his

favorite movie. No, no, no, no, this one has

animals coming out of it. Jumanji will be the

next episode. Shit, I don't even have to watch

that one. There's been that one so many damn

times in my life that that's been in my mind.

I will never buy that movie. Are you serious?

Yes, because that movie is so ingrained in my

head I will never watch it. Alright, so for now,

I'm TFG and Mike with Steve Megatron Phillips.

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