The Columbo Files – S3 E8 – A Friend In Deed!

Hey, hey, hey, it's Chaos Queen here, and you're

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Darling, if you're embarrassed by all your millions,

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a weapon, Mark. A tool to be used for good, if

it's used properly. Properly, I see. That means

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their life. Because nobody has ever given them

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Network. I'm, of course, Tio Tio and Mike, and

joining me once again is that good old detective,

Dave Draper. Hey, Dave, how are you? Not yet.

Yet? What? I'm not sure about getting better,

but I'm not dead yet. Oh, not dead yet. No, no

dying. No dying allowed. No dying allowed. I'm

not sure about feeling happy, but you know, whatever.

You started the Python nonsense. What? Go away

or I shall taunt you a second time. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. I was talking about my Gatorade bottle.

I wasn't talking about you. I'm aware. Anyway,

today we will... What? I was gonna... I can't

remember what the phrase was. You started it.

You started it. You broke the seal. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Today we continue on our journey. Actually,

we finish this part of the journey as we put

our trench coats on. That's right. Trench Coats

on and jump back in time with Columbo. These

are the Columbo Files here inside Studio 2009.

Starting at the beginning, going all the way

in order. Obviously, TubiTV is the main source

for all the episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Walk

it out and just be happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Season

3, Episode 8. And we all need a friend indeed

sometimes. It's based on the old expression,

a friend in need is a friend indeed. Instead

of indeed as one word, it's indeed as an inaction.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. And, oh boy,

this episode. It's interesting. I always say

I like it when they play with the formula. Not

only is the structure of the murders and the

mystery different, but this is probably one of

his toughest opponents. Because this is a police

commissioner. Like, this guy could take him out.

In fact, he almost does at the end. He almost

does, yeah. You just lost your badge. Yep. No,

she had to have drowned before six. Maybe even

before five. Otherwise it wouldn't have been

that dry. Long before Jessup got there. As a

matter of fact, just about the time that you

came home for supper. I believe you killed your

wife. And I believe you either killed Janice

Caldwell or you're covering up for it. You just

lost your badge, my friend. Yeah, I... It's very,

very well done episode. It's a twisty, turny,

winding road of an episode. It's 94 minutes,

but that 94 minutes feels like 187 minutes to

me. It definitely felt like, I mean, it did feel

long. Yeah, it felt very long. And I'm not saying

that is a general bad thing. No, no. I'm just

saying there is so much that they were able to

cram into this 94 -minute episode. And this is

a testament to the people who work on Columbo.

I mean, it really, really is. Because, yeah.

I mean, wow. Just amazing that they were able

to do this this way. Written by Peter S. Fisher.

Directed by Ben Gazzara. Who was an actor. Fairly

well known back in the day. Oh, very cool, very

cool. This aired May 5th, 1974. These were still

in 74. Yep, still in 74. So this would have ended

the May of 74, 73, 74 sweeps. So it would have

been May sweeps. If sweeps were a thing in the

70s, I don't know. I believe they were. Okay.

So Richard Kiley? I'm going to say Kylie because

it's spelled Kylie. You've heard him before,

Mike. Here is the Tyrannosaurus Rex. He was the

voice in the car for Jurassic Park. I get to

Transformers U for once and go back to one of

my obsessions. There you go. Very cool. That's

awesome. Yep. He was a fairly well -known actor

back in the day. Yeah, absolutely. He plays Mark

Halpern, and Michael Maguire plays Hugh Caldwell.

Rosemary Murphy plays Margaret Halpern, and an

uncredited actress as Janice Caldwell. If her

role was slightly less developed than Marianne

in the last episode. I mean... That's like Daisy

Ridley's first role. Corpse. Yeah, I mean...

So the story on this one is that Hugh Caldwell

is neighbors with Richard Kiley's character,

who is the police commissioner. They're friends,

and they're in the same social status, and he

had a fight with his wife and killed her. This

all happens before the show even begins. She's

already dead, and he's freaking out about it,

so he wants to talk to his buddy, who's the police

commissioner. He calls the house, and Richard

Kiley's wife is like, no, he's not here. He's

at the club. It goes to the club, and it's established

pretty quickly that Richard Kiley's kind of a

freewheeling character himself. He's got girls

hanging on him, he's gambling, poking a big old

cheroot. And so Caldwell basically gets him out

of the game and explains that he's killed his

wife. It was a fight. It was an act of passion.

He didn't mean to kill her. And this twigs something

in Richard Kiley's brain. It's one of those situations

that happens a lot in Columbo. We think a lot

of things happen a lot in Columbo that don't

seem to. He doesn't have any money. His wife

has the money. He resents that. He comes up with

a scheme. He agrees to help his friend cover

up the fact that the wife got murdered. In the

back of his mind, he's got a plan. A friend in

need is a friend in deed. There's been a series

of... robberies in the neighborhood. He stages

his whole thing. He gets into the house and he

has Hugh go to a bar and hang out all night and

pretend to call his wife. Richard Kiley's in

Hugh's house staging everything. Then the husband

calls from the bar and has a fake conversation

with the wife to establish his alibi. He makes

it look like this robber who's been in the neighborhood

has murdered the wife. And he goes home, which

is next door, and he's standing out on the balcony,

and he's like, hey, do you see this guy over

here at the Caldwell's house? And his wife's

like, what? And she comes up, and she doesn't

see anything, but he's like, he's already gone.

So that establishes, hey, this house was broken

into, and when the police get there, the wife's

dead. And so then plan B is then, you know, he

was like, oh, thank you so much for helping me,

and oh, it's not over yet. Phase two begins now.

So his wife is going to be like... His wife is

big into charities and stuff. There's this whole

sort of weirdly political... Because he's a police

commissioner, so he's like a conservative guy

where he's like, these people are bums and losers.

She's like, no, we've got to help people because

they never get a chance. Because when they go

to jail and they cut out, no one gives them a

break. He's like, yeah, they're scum. They're

useless. And she's getting a Woman of the Year

award. So as Columbo is investigating the murder

of the first wife, he uncovers some things. There's

a whole thing where Richard Kiley had dressed

her up in her dressing gown, but she had a habit

of putting her gown for the night underneath

her pillow, and it was still there. And Kiley

didn't know that. So it's like, well, why is

there this gown under here, but she's wearing

a gown that does – clearly whoever dressed her

didn't know her habits. And then another thing

is when he comes to visit Richard Calley's wife,

Margaret, I believe. Yes. Sorry, I'm not good

with names. She ends up tearing her outfit on

a cactus thorn. And she gives him some information

about the situation of the marriage. It wasn't

a good marriage. And that becomes relevant later

on because what happens is Richard Calley makes

this big thing. Oh, we're going to patrol the

neighborhood and we're going to double down on

the police force. And I'm going to be in this

helicopter searching neighborhood myself. Yep.

Because I saw this guy. My wife and I saw this

guy. And then what happens is he gets Hugh. He

comes home, and his wife's in the bath. He basically

drowns her in the bathtub. Basically drowns her,

yeah. No, basically he does. He drowns her in

the bathtub, and it's a bubble bath. There's

bubbles everywhere, which actually becomes plot

relevant. Yes. And he dresses her up in the clothes

she was wearing that day, which also becomes

relevant because, as I mentioned, it got torn.

Yep. And so when he's in the helicopter, he has

Hugh come in, like, dressed out in these clothes

with, like, a pantyhose over his head. Son, you

got a banyan on your head. Sorry, raising Arizona

reference. And, like, stagger out like Frankenstein,

holding the body. He's like, that's my wife.

That monster has my wife. And he throws her in

the pool. And so Richard Kiley makes this big

deal about jumping out of the helicopter, jumping

into the pool, and pulling her out. Oh, no, she

drowned in the pool. And the guy gets away. And

you can't blame me because I was clearly in this

helicopter with another guy and witnesses. Yeah.

And Columbo right away is like, check her lungs

for, check the water in her lungs for chlorine.

And the medical examiner says, well, you're not

going to find nothing. He's like, well, check

anyway. Yeah, check anyway. Check the lungs for,

yep. And then the guy shows up from the event

that the wife was supposed to go to. And Columbo's

like, well, she wouldn't have worn that outfit

to go to that event because it had a rip. I was

there when it got ripped. He knows something's

up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the initial setup.

Then there's this whole other subplot about the

actual thief who looks a lot like, what's his

name? I don't want to mention him because he's

a... He's in a very naughty business and apparently

he was not a nice guy and is in jail, I think,

now. On Jeremy. Oh, yes, yes. Mr. Pronstar. So,

anyway, of course, he's kind of put out by the

fact that everyone says that he's the murderer.

Yeah, he's just a thief. That becomes the crux

of the final solution. Columbo does this thing.

It's one of my favorite moments where Columbo

does this thing where he talks to the guy in

the robbery department because he's homicide.

If you had to analyze all these crimes, except

for the ones with the murders, who would you

pick to be the guy? He says, well, I'd pick this

guy. The burglar. The burglar, the actual burglar.

And so Columbo goes to that guy and says, look,

I know you're the guy that's been robbing these

places, but I know you didn't commit the murders.

Can you help me? This little scheme I have. Which

again, Columbo kind of, sometimes he skirts the

line on entrapment, I think. He convinced the

guy to get in this blackmail scheme with Campbell.

Caldwell. Yeah, it's a whole... It's very twisty.

It's got a lot going on. It's very twisty. It's

a lot going on. It almost feels like it's two

episodes in one. Even though it's the same time

length as every... It's the same 94 minutes,

but it just feels like it's so much longer than

94 minutes. It's got three... They're all connected,

but there's Caldwell, there's Richard Kiley,

and then there's the thief. Yep. And then there's

Columbo's car. Which is acting up this episode.

So... The point where, so when he first goes

to, during the day when Columbo drives up to

the house and he's talking to Mrs. Margaret.

He's talking to Margaret, yep. He backs out of

the driveway and he backs down the street to

park next to the house and he stops and he parks

there and I'm sitting here thinking, what? Why

would you drive backwards all the way? Why wouldn't

you? Okay, fine, Columbo, you do what you're

going to do. So he gets out of his car and he

does what he's going to do. He comes back to

the car. The car won't start. They already established

that the car had a dead battery earlier. Okay.

He shows up at the crime scene in the commissioner's

limo and he dropped a cigar. Yes, yes, yes. And

he doesn't want to blow up the commissioner's

limo, which, hey, that wouldn't be no real great

loss. But, yeah, okay. So the car had a dead

battery on it. All right, fine. My first thought,

though, was in that scene with the car on the

other side of the street after he talks to the

wife, man, you better check your tailpipe. Make

sure there's no banana in your tailpipe. That

was my first thought, even though this episode

takes place 10 years before that joke was ever

written. Well, they did that in an episode of

Columbo. Oh, did they? Remember they did that?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The potato. The potato.

That's right. The potato. Yeah. But that was

literally my first thought was, you better check

your own tailpipes, Columbo. But, okay, dead

battery. That was the culprit. That's right.

And then, like, surprisingly, like, it's a little

thing, because he flags down a car to help him

get help. Yeah. And I was like, well, you can't

do that in L .A. these days. No, you can't. Not

at all. And that's what I love about this show.

Seeing L .A. back then. Oh, man. What a completely

different town that was. Versus L .A. of today

or L .A. of even 10 years ago. It was still considered

a den of vice and wickedness. Yep. Because wickedness

was so cute and quaint back in those days. Guess

so. Well, I mean, you know, you gotta... Is it

this ep? Yeah, is this episode or is it the last

episode where he's like, I wish I wasn't this

tall. That was the one with Johnny Cash. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. He says it's a Pangborn, though.

Yeah, he says it's a Pangborn. It's like, oh,

man. Pangborn's like, why don't you join us with

the... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The air guy. He's

like, well, you've got to be a pilot. And it's

like, yeah, we'll train you to be a pilot. He's

like, I don't even like being this tall. This

tall, yeah. As a matter of fact, I don't even

like being this tall. I don't know. He just has

that quality of just... You just want to talk

to him, no matter what it is. It doesn't even

matter. That's why I think half the criminals

like him. I think that's his thing, is he's very

ingratiating. Yep. Because there's a lot of times,

I always think, because there was one time many,

many years ago, they did this thing at the local

Barnes & Noble where it was one of these murder

mystery things where it was like, you had to

play the investigator, right? And then people,

staff members were pretending, it was a Star

Trek one, so everyone was pretending to be a

cast member from Star Trek. And someone had committed

a murder, and you were supposed to ask them questions.

And in Columbo, these people would answer questions.

But in real life, people are like, I don't have

to tell you. I don't know. Nothing. It's like,

in Columbo, they tell you everything. Yeah. Absolutely.

Let's see. What else did I have written down

here? The only thing, and I understand, and maybe

it did take longer, because obviously we don't

see it on screen, but... It would have taken

the commissioner longer than the four seconds

of screen time that we see him strangling her.

Like, I know he pushed her down. I know he pushed

her under, but I'm assuming he's also still holding

her under and strangling her or whatever. Like,

that would have taken longer than what we actually

see. Like... Yeah, maybe she obviously wasn't

expecting it. She could have, like, breathed

in by mistake. Maybe. Maybe. Obviously, she did.

Yeah, because water is soap in her lungs. When

they check the lungs, they find soap. Yep. Yeah,

that's true. I mean, I guess because we've seen

Tyrannosaurus in San Francisco, I guess. Spend

your disbelief. San Diego. Whatever. It's all

California. Suspend your disbelief for a helicopter

in the backyard with the pool. Oh, boy. It wasn't

that big a helicopter, to be frank. It was a

pretty big backyard. Backyard, yeah. And then

at the end, what happens is at the end, because

Kylie is so focused on framing this guy, the

thief, Columbo lures him into a trap where he

messes with the files. He rents out an apartment

for him. But he uses that address. He puts that

address in the thief's file. When Richard Kiley

comes in and looks at the file, he sees that

address. So he gets the stuff that he stole from

the house, and he plants it in that apartment.

And so at the end, he's like, ha -ha, we found

the thief's apartment, and we found all these

stolen jewels. I was wondering where that was

going to go, and then I was like, oh, you sneaky,

sneaky, sneaky Columbo. That was the moment where

Columbo goes, sir, you killed your wife. He's

like, my friend, you just lost your badge. They

find the stolen things and it's like, ah, it

was in his apartment. He's like, but it's not

his apartment. It's my apartment. That's the

thing where he's like, my apartment, my underwear,

my brother -in -law, there was a picture of a

niece and nephew. Yep, niece and nephew. Absolutely.

So funny. So good. It almost reminded me of the

Is it Song of the Thin Man? It's one of the Thin

Man movies where it's an upstairs -downstairs

apartment thing where the murder happens downstairs

and upstairs people are, the criminal is watching

the person downstairs. It's a whole thing. But

this apartment scene at the end reminded me of

that. I was like, oh. Oh, I see what you did

there, Columbo. That's very good. But yeah, what

an episode to end the season on. Holy crap. Holy

crap. Yeah, this is really good. Anything else

on this one? Yeah, I think we got all the basics.

The car. We still, to this day, have not gotten

one more thing, sir. One more thing. No. To this

day. It's one of my favorite antagonists just

because, like, it's very rare that there are

any stakes for Columbo. Yes. At least in the

original NBC ones. Yeah. And that's by design.

I mean, he was going up against his boss. Yeah.

That made it a little more kind of exciting for

me. Yeah, and me too. I was like, oh, this is

really interesting. How is he going to go around

or get around or figure this out? How is he going

to? Work around. How are the bosses going to

trip him up? And the boss and the dude kept,

forget about all the murder stuff. Focus on the

robbery stuff. Blah, blah, blah. He's a murder

cop. He's not a burglary cop. Like, he's going

to focus on the murder. That's his job. The one

ball I think they would, like, just now thinking

about it, I think they dropped, was you would

think that a guy who works with Columbo would

know Columbo. You know what I mean? He should

have been a little bit better prepared for what

he was dealing with. Yeah, he should have been.

Because every episode previous to this, every

time Columbo has talked about his superiors,

even when he's talked about them as just a single

person, my superior, he's a very smart man. He'll

know this, or he'll know that, and I don't know

if it was supposed to be this specific character.

No, no, no, this guy's like two or three levels

above Columbo. Columbo's a lieutenant, and he'd

probably be his captain. Yeah, probably. And

this is the commissioner. The counter -argument

to my point would be that the commissioner probably

doesn't really have that much interaction with

a lieutenant. No, Columbo, like, He seems to

know who Columbo is. Columbo seems to get a lot

of cases solved. No, no, no. First of all, I'm

not even sure he's really talking about his superiors.

Is he really talking about his superiors or is

he talking about him? Those two guys don't interact

professionally in any kind of regular basis.

All right. Let's see. I don't think there's any

of the cast members we need to really go through.

We mentioned about Richard Kiley being the voice

of the Jurassic Park ride. So there's that. Yeah,

exactly. Spare no expense. Zero to five. Half

points. What are you going to give it? I'll give

this one a 4 .5. Yeah, I'm right there with you.

Four and a half. It was very remarkable. It's

very up there. Absolutely. All right, folks.

We are going to go to a quick podcast ad break.

You're going to hear some podcast ads and some

other stuff. We'll come back to close the show

right after this. I thought I saw something.

It was kind of a... Gut feeling, I suppose. I

told him to go back and to hover over the patio

area. I switched out the lights. There he was.

The same man holding Margaret in his arms. Are

you sure it was the same man? Well, I assume

that he... Yes, he was wearing the same clothes.

I see. You must have a lot of those, sir. What?

Gut feelings. What are you talking about? Well,

you had a gut feeling last night. I don't know

what you're talking about. What do you mean,

last night? When you asked for me to report to

the Caldwell house. Yes? I found out that you

asked for me when you first called in. I did.

What I mean, sir, is that the burglar had never

harmed anybody before. Yet from your bedroom

window, when you called in, you asked for me.

No, I was just trying to figure out how you knew

that the woman was already dead. I didn't. Didn't

know, obviously. But I did have some kind of

a feeling. I sensed something was wrong. Well,

the lights were on, for one thing, and the man

running from the house, the fact that Janice

was there alone, I... Well, you're a policeman.

I don't have to explain these things. Yes, sir,

I know exactly what you feel. I've got feeling

many times. You know something is wrong. You

just can't get a handle on it. All right, sir.

I'm going to, uh... Look around the house. If

it's all right with you, maybe the man got careless.

Columbo. Hello, geeks and geekettes! Looking

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Radio Network. Any final thoughts, sir? Anything

you'd like to say before I run through the closing?

No, just a strong end to the season. Kind of

looking forward to what comes next. Absolutely,

absolutely. And folks, I don't know what's coming

next because I have no plan currently. I am still

working on other plans and other things. And

we still haven't, as of this recording, we still

haven't recorded the middle section of the summer.

So this is, you'll hear this sometime in the

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episode. Episode 179 to 200 is wide open as of

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for the show. I am at TFG with Mike. Dave doesn't

do social media. Oh. Become a fan on Facebook.

Go to facebook .com slash GeekCastRioNetwork.

You can also check out CO2009 Podcast over there,

as well as joining the Toy World Order fans group.

Join us next time when we'll be talking about

something. I don't know who it's going to be

with or what the topic's going to be. I'll be

here. Somebody else will be here. I have no clue.

I don't know if it's going to be a movie, TV

show. Hell, we could be starting a book club

next episode. I don't know. For now, I am TF2

and Mike with... It was Draper. What Draper?

David Draper. There you go. You'll hear us back

in the studio soon. I think I'll be running along

now, sir. Thank you very much. I certainly enjoyed

it.