The Columbo Files – S3 E2 – Any Old Port In A Storm!

Hey, hey, hey, it's Chaos Queen here, and you're

listening to the Geekcast Radio Network. Hey,

it's Mistress Carrie, and you are listening to

Studio 2009. Shall I make it a telegram? Oh,

Lord, no. A letter will suffice. I dislike sending

telegrams or receiving them. There's something

about a telegram that makes one feel that some

kind of tragedy has occurred. All right, ladies

and gentlemen, this is Any Old Bart in a Storm,

Studio 2009, Episode 172, Season 3, Episode 2

of The Columbo Files here on the Geekcast Radio

Network. This episode that you're about to hear

was recorded a year ago. I'm, of course, TF2

and Mike. Joining me for this brief interlude

before the episode is none other than Mr. David

Draper. Hello, sir. How are you? I'm okay. You're

okay? Uh -oh. We talked about this before the

thing. I had a rough year last year, and I need

to get it back in the game. Well, I had a rough

year last year, too. I know you did. Two things

can be true at the same time. Yes, yes, yes.

Absolutely. 2025 was a very odd year, and we

need to get even with it. That was clever, actually.

Yeah. I just, oh God, I just laughed at my own

joke. Anyway, episode 172, Any Old Port in a

Storm, before we get to one of the best episodes

of Columbo ever. Your folks favorite. That's

right. We have some official Studio 2009 GCRN

business to handle. We know. I've understood

in 17 years of podcasting that people find the

podcast episodes later after they've already

been published. And, you know, that's the whole

point of podcasting is you're not going to always

find things right away and everything else. And

our podcasts publish everywhere. It's not just

to geekcastradio .com. They publish to Apple

Podcasts, to Spotify, to whatever you can think

of. They also publish on the geek. cast radio

network LLC, YouTube channel, and they publish

as static image. Podcast episodes, it's just

audio. The first thing you hear, when you hit

play on any one of our podcast quote -unquote

videos on our YouTube channel, the first thing

you'll hear is the same thing you'll hear on

the podcast. Whomever I choose to introduce the

show and to say, you're listening to the Geekcast

Radio Network. Whoever's voice I choose to, like,

it could be Gary Chuck, it could be... Adam Mastriani,

who is a friend of ours. It could be whomever

it is. It could be Maurice LaMarche because we

interviewed him years ago. It could be whomever

it is because we have all these celebrities and

voice actors that we've interviewed in the past.

And to me, when I look at a YouTube video, I

don't go on YouTube to watch television shows.

I go to Tubi. I go to Hulu, Disney, Hulu, whatever,

because Hulu is a part of Disney now. Peacock,

Netflix, whatever. I don't go to YouTube to seek

out television shows. I go to YouTube to find

unique, interesting videos that are things you're

not going to watch on a TV channel kind of thing.

So the reason why I'm bringing all of this up

is because when I comment on YouTube videos,

I know it's not a dang TV show. It's a YouTube

video. It's a podcast. It's a whatever. Especially

if I look at a static image and I hear somebody

else's voice, I know the difference. So apparently...

Somebody commented on our Season 1, Episode 1,

Episode 111 of Studio 2009, which is Prescription

Murder, which we published a year ago, technically

two years ago in 2024. But according to YouTube,

it was published a year ago. This person says,

you're deceitful. Who TF? wants to listen to

you, make people think this is the full episode.

Now, Steve Megatron, who is my best friend in

the world, who co -created the Geekast Radio

Network with me, already handled this perfectly

by explaining what this is. So we're not here

to really address the whole commenter thing.

I'm more so wanting to discuss the fact of how

do you go on YouTube and not realize? It's not

the actual television show when you clearly see

a podcast artwork and it's not a moving picture

and you hear something that is not the opening

of a television show. Like how, just in general,

not to this person specifically, how dumb do

you have to be? How stupid is this world become

that you're not paying attention to it? And the

other thing is. The title of the episode, it

first thing says, 111, The Columbo Files. Like,

do you not know? Do you not understand? Like,

The Columbo Files isn't even the name of the

damn TV show. The name of the show is Columbo.

Like... The name of the show is like the NBC

mystery movie. Okay. but like later when it was

the actual show. Yeah. Like if you buy it on

DVD, it's Columbo. Yeah. It's Columbo. I mean,

I just don't understand this. I don't understand

people. I don't understand how people can not

like, and I get it. Most people will go on YouTube

or looking for this stuff. But again, it's like,

it's one of the reasons why in every episode,

when I make the episode post, And we specifically

have said in episodes, we watch this series on

Tubi or we watch, you watch, you have the DVDs.

I watch it on Tubi. Tubi is a free television

service with ads. You can go on to Tubi .tv right

now and watch Columbo for free. Like we are not

going to put video on our YouTube channel that

we don't own. We're not pirates. We're not going

to do stupid shit like that. Why would we do

that? We've never done that. I don't understand.

What the hell? You know what I mean? You're really

overthinking all of this. I probably am. You're

probably correct. I do sometimes watch TV on

YouTube. Or specific shows. I've never watched

a full movie, but they often advertise heavily

that, you know, watch this movie. Some old, like,

loser movie that nobody really cares about. I

watch. You know, I listen. Instead of, like,

going. What I'm trying to say is I think for

some people, YouTube. I mean, I am. Technically,

I'm not, like, actually a boomer. But, I mean,

in terms of every generation past me, I'm a boomer.

I'm not super, you know, internet savvy. And

when I go for walks in the park, there are podcasts

that I listen to from YouTube as opposed to the

other podcasts, Stitch and whatever. What I'm

saying is I use YouTube very heavily for a multitude

of things, and I can see other people doing that.

And it's like I can see this guy probably not

very savvy about Columbo. I don't know why he

even wanted to watch it, but he saw Columbo's

face, he was like, oh, and he probably saw the

title, clicked on it, and he probably tweeted

within the first couple seconds that it wasn't

an actual episode, and he's like, oh, you're...

What I'm saying is, you make it sound like he

listened to the whole thing and then was like,

well, this is a podcast. I don't understand.

I think he very quickly realized that this wasn't

what he thought it was. He's probably just lazy.

it was lazy and ill -educated. And I mean, I'm

looking at the thing and it's, you know, like

I think if you're paying attention, you can tell

that it's a podcast about Columbo, but like,

yeah. You know, the fact that it's the same thing

for every episode, you know, the same thumbnail

for every episode. Yeah. But this is a random

guy who wanted to, a quick, cheap, you know,

episode of Columbo. And yeah, I mean, did he

really need to, I mean, I just feel like the

guy was like, yeah, this sucks. You suck. I mean,

it's like some punk kid going, you suck. Like,

okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I really feel

like you took this way too personally. It's not

that I took it personally. At the end of the

day, I really don't care. I just wanted to come

on and say, hey, look, huge difference between.

an actual television show and a podcast. And

the fact that he comes on here and says, but

if you're not paying attention and you click

on the thing, it's like, yeah, like, like you're

deceitful. Who the fuck wants to listen to you?

Make people question. No, it's not. Shut up,

Dave. It's not. I'm including myself in that,

by the way. I'm not just attacking you. You as

in all of us. Yeah. Make people think it's the

full episode. Now, that last line. Yeah. Make

people think it's the full episode. We have never

done that. If you look at the description, in

episode 111 of Studio 2009, join TF2 and Mike

and David Draper as they grab their trench coats

and their... Oops, I need to fix that. Head into

the world of Columbo. This new series here inside

Studio 2009. So join Mike and Dave as they get

to sleuthing. With Lieutenant Columbo, every

episode from every season in order will be reviewed.

Will be reviewed. Like, this is not saying that

we're showing the episodes. None of that description.

Who reads the description, though? Like I said,

this guy was probably just cruising. I mean,

I will only ever read the description if there's

something I really want to know. I'm hoping that

information will be in the description. But I

usually do that, like... As I'm watching it,

nobody reads the description before clicking

on the video. This guy saw Columbo. For some

reason, he wanted to watch Columbo. It doesn't

really strike me as the kind of Columbo viewer.

But he clicked on it, realized immediately it

wasn't what he thought it was, and he was annoyed.

And so he left an angry comment. You guys thought

you were deceptive. Maybe he looked at the time.

Because that was my thing. The time really doesn't

measure out to even a movie episode of Columbo.

It's like one hour and two minutes and 59 seconds.

Yeah, that's not a normal run time for any TV

show. Yeah, exactly. It's just this guy was lazy

and just, I mean, he cared enough to leave a

comment, but like, I don't know. Like, I really

think you're ascribing far more malice to this

guy who was just like, well, the fuck? Yeah.

And the funny thing about this first episode

way back when, two years ago, It has 2 ,945 views

on YouTube, so yay us. Apparently somebody wants

to listen to it. Exactly. So there's that. All

right, folks, up next. Up next, ladies and gentlemen,

sit back and prepare to watch the wonderful episode,

Any Old Port in a Storm, complete and uncut.

It's actual video quality. It's a great episode,

and we hope that you enjoy watching it here on

the Geekcast Network. The Geekcast Radio Network,

LLC. Yes. It's going to be a blast. I hope there

wasn't any blasts in that episode. I don't remember.

It's been a year or so since we watched it. Oh,

that's right. You freaked out because the guy

was still twitching when he left him. That's

right. He was still twitching. I'm like, oh,

boy. Sequel. Enjoy, folks. We'll catch you later

on. I'm just happy you didn't report me to my

superior. There is nothing wrong with this podcast.

Do not attempt to adjust the volume. Hello and

welcome back into our studio. This is Studio

2009. You are here on the Geekcast Radio Network

with us. I am, of course, TF2 at Mike. Joining

me is Dave Draper. Hello, sir. How are you? I'm

well. How are you? Pretty good. Pretty good.

Today we continue on in our journey as we put

our trench coats on and jump back in time with

Columbo. These are the Columbo files here inside

Studio 2009, and as always, starting at the beginning,

going forward in order. I'm watching on 2BTV,

Dave has the Complete Series DVD set, and today

is Season 3, Episode 2, and we are stuck in the

annual port in a storm. Which apparently I missed

the whole double entendre because I am not a

wine connoisseur. I was raised on beer. Like

Columbo. Well, he mentions that he got to stomp

on the grapes and they had some wine. His dad

was a tail gunner on a beer truck. Yep. Doing

probation. Yep. Absolutely. This was fun. I love

this episode. Okay, good, because, like, your

response to the thing before we started recording

was a little kind of nebulous. Oh, really? Yeah,

and I kind of, like, because this apparently

is Peter Falk's favorite episode. Yeah. I sent

you a little thing about that, and I was like,

oh, you didn't like that one? I thought it was

a really fun episode. I thought Donald Pleasance

was a great, was really game. You know, connecting

with our previous episode, another horror icon.

Although he wasn't one yet. Yes. It would be

another five years before he visited Haddonfield,

Illinois. Yes, exactly. I love the pause where

you're like, huh? On Halloween. Oh, yeah. I don't

do horror, man. I respect the genre, and I respect

and admire the people who love the genre. I don't

do horror, and I don't do slasher films. But

you know what? I know my history, and I know

the iconic ones. Yeah, I know the iconic ones

sort of adjacently. Like, you know, horror to

me is that adjacent area right over there. so

yeah but no no no i i like this episode again

but i like okay i like this more than i like

the first episode we've said this a dozen times

but we'll record two episodes in a day so yep

I see he's an Italian, and we Italians, we've

got to stick together. Anyway, any old port in

a storm, you sent, what did you send me? You

sent me, do you know where he explains why it's

his favorite episode? No, I sent you a clip,

or not a clip, but like a screenshot from a very

click -baity article where he talks about why

it's his favorite episode. And then I sent you,

there's a guy in, Sweden, I want to say, who

takes clips from stuff, specifically Columbo

and Red Letter Media, which is like, you know,

just add Jurassic Park and you've got my perfect

Venn diagram. And he makes weird little music

videos out of, like, random clips. So there's

a line at the very end of the episode where Donald

Pleasance flips out and goes, this liquid filth.

Yes. The whole music video about the liquid filth.

Yes. Yeah, Noiseland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what

Columbo had said in the blurb was that even though

the character, what Fox said about Columbo, even

though the character was always disheveled and

whatever else, he always had high respect and

praise for the higher. The finer things in life.

Like, the guy likes the finer things in life.

He just doesn't think he needs, you know, like,

he's a simple man, man. Yeah, and it's, this

is, there's actually a lot going on in this episode.

Yes. First of all, it's the first appearance

of this old man, which is kind of, like, unofficially

Columbo's theme song. This old man, he plays

one, he plays knick -knack on his thumb. Yep.

This is the first time you hear that, and I was

like, I knew that it was there somewhere. What

really blew my mind was we get multiple mentions

of the wife. Yes. And we get mentions of a child?

I was like, wait, what? That was my last note.

Literally, I stopped taking notes after he says

my wife and my kid. I'm like, wait. He mentioned

babysitter. First he said, I'll go with you guys,

but I've got to get a babysitter. I'm like, for

what? And then later he mentions he does have

a kid. I'm like, holy cats. Yeah, I was like,

huh? Yeah. No, this one was so good. And my biggest

sticking point for this entire episode up until...

poor rick gets thrown off a cliff i swear to

god after he gets hit after the wine snob hit

half brother okay let's let's let's set up the

episode real quick um because i know what you're

gonna say and so it takes place in the cassini

winery yeah and donald pleases plays uh the guy

who so he runs the winery but he doesn't own

it his half brother rick owns it But like their

father established the winery. Yep. And it's

Adrian, right? Adrian Cassini is Donald Pleasance.

He runs the winery. He's a he's a wine snob.

He got all the money in the will. And Rick, the

half brother, got the actual land. And Rick is.

I mean, it's interesting. He's kind of like they're

both kind of flawed. And Rick has decided he's

going to sell the land. to uh what was the minari

brothers yeah um basically to like guys who make

wine no that's not box wine and and adrian is

an uber wine snob i mean he there's literally

a line about how he won't steal he'll he'll vent

10 bottles and never sell them Well, I didn't

say the Scolari. God. Not the Scolari, brother.

I didn't say they were snobs. Adrian is the snob.

I called them slobs because he calls them slobs

because that's the thing. To him, they are lower

class. They are people he doesn't like. They're

box wine guys. Yeah. He says, like, what, like

23 cents a gallon? I can't remember the actual

price, but yeah, they're the cheapo wine guys

that sort of crank him out. And he freaks out

and he clocks his brother with something. We

have a debate. Neither one of us was apparently

paying enough attention. I thought it was a phone.

You thought it was a vase. I don't think it was

a vase because I didn't hear it break. I don't

know what it was. All I know is that scene when

Adrian clocks his brother with whatever blunt

force object that it is, it just reminds, like,

what I said was to you off air, I said, it's

like, you know, Colonel Mustard in the library

with the candlestick. It literally reminded me

of Clue, that scene, because after he hits his

brother, I swear to God. And I have the audio.

You think I'm going to let some ignorant Neapolitan

turn it into a wild heaven? I don't think you

have any choice. Yes, I do. He's still alive.

Yeah. He is still alive. That's the whole thing.

Like, if you pay attention to the dialogue, he

has, like, a wine cellar, wine vault. Yes. And

he drags his brother into the wine vault. And

there's this whole thing we're kind of skipping.

There are some other snobs there who are going

to make him wine snob of the year. And his secretary

is kind of coming in and out. And this is all

taking place on a Sunday. And he's trying to,

like, dance around these guys. It's like a 70s.

where the guy's dating two girls at once. It's

like, I'm trying to do my Adrian Cassini stuff

and also murder this guy. He knocks him out and

he drags him into the wine vault and he turns

off the air conditioning. This is central to

the plot. Air conditioning and like the moisturizer

and he ties his brother up and then leaves him

in the vault and then he goes off to New York

for like a week. And when he comes back, you

can tell that the brother had been thrashing

around before he died. They leave on a Sunday.

The coroner eventually establishes that the guy

died on a Tuesday, and then he's into scuba diving,

and he's got a fancy sports car, the brother.

So Adrian, like, loads up the body. He's dragging

his body around, which I said off air, reminds

me of the Martin Landau episode where, like,

one man could not carry an old man body around,

but, like, poor little, portly Donald Pleasence

is carrying this big, muscly goon around all

over the place. He puts him in the scuba gear.

And chucks him off a cliff and leaves the car.

Yeah. Now, it's also important that the car is

a convertible. Yes. Because on the day that he

died, I think either the day he died or the day

after. But one of the days of the week that the

car was supposed to be sitting there with his

top off, it rained. No, the day he was supposed

to be diving, it rained. Yeah, yeah. It was Thursday,

the blah -biddy -blah -blah -blah. But it was

a Thursday, I think. So that's part of it because

this car has, like, blush carpeting for some

reason. Yep. 70s. So the whole thing is he was

alive when he was left in the vault. They specifically

show him breathing on purpose to establish that

Donald Pleasant let him die. That was one of

the plot points was that the coroner goes, he

hasn't eaten for two days before he died. And

Columbo asks the fiance, was he like that? Was

he on a weird fat diet? Like, yeah. No, it's

actually kind of gruesome in a way. Very. And

then the whole thing is, during the time that

they're gone, there was like a heat wave. There

was like a really super hot day. And because

he had the air conditioning turn off in the vault,

all the wine spoil. Yep. But he's gone, so he

doesn't know that happened. Yep. Because Columbo.

Goes in there and gets a bottle of his wine and

takes it to the restaurant. Oh, man. I love this

episode. At the end, the whole thing is Columbo

goes, I'm real sorry that I've been bugging you

all this time. Let's go and I'll take you out

to the nicest restaurant in town. I'll pay for

everything. And part of it was that during the

establishing of the vault. Columbo is like, are

you sure you can't get locked in here? And Pleasance

goes full ham. He's like, I'm going to go outside.

I'm going to close the door and let you figure

out how to escape. And when he does that, Columbo

steals a bottle of the port. So like he's kind

of been planning, which is weird that he was

planning this final solution all along. But like

he did establish before he goes into the vault

that he talked to his wife and was like, you

remember that day that was really, really hot?

What day was that? Um, so, and then at the end

he is, he, as a gesture of goodwill, he takes

him out to dinner and then he has the wine guy.

I think it's Somalia. I might be wrong on that.

I am not cultured. Um, but it has him bring this

one port. And of course Donald is like, Oh, that's

a really rare port. I have one of those myself.

And then they, they, they drink the wine and

like, uh, the, the secretary and Columbo are

both like, Yeah, this is pretty good. And he's

like, this is terrible. It's spoiled. It's ruined.

An exciting meal has been ruined by this liquid

filth. And then he kind of, somewhere, they mention,

oh, yeah. Somewhere it clicks in his head. Oh,

okay, so it was really hot this one day when

I was gone. My wine's all spoiled. It's going

to let them know that I turned off the air conditioning

in my vault. So it ends with him at that same

cliff, I guess, throwing bottles of his wine.

spoiled wine into the ocean and then colombo's

there because colombo knew that's what he was

going to do yep this was so fun again you got

your normal standard plot of okay they're technically

half brothers but let's just say brother versus

brother one wants to do one thing the other one

wants to do the other thing the other one doesn't

want to do And of course, one's going to kill

the other one. So that way, the one that wants

to get his way can get it very literally pinky

in the air is Adrian kind of person like has

to have everything his way. Yada, yada, yada.

Well, there's a line about dad gave us something

and his his mother was English and gave him the

breeding. Yes. Yeah. And. And again, it just...

I wish... Okay, we all know writing for television,

for movies, is a huge part of it, obviously.

People have to create the stories, they have

to create the characters, and then the actors

get to bring the characters to life. Everybody

but Hollywood producers. Okay. Yes, yes. Sorry,

a little cynical there. Uh -huh. I understand.

My whole point in even saying any of that is

that I wish writing today was as good as... Yes,

some of this, some of Columbo has been very predictable

because we've seen, like, Columbo's over 50 years

old. We get it. Okay, fine. It is what it is.

But, man, if he isn't one of the, if not the

best... television detective characters that

have ever existed. Just everything in... Even

the last episode, even though I didn't generally

like the overall episode, I still like watching

how he is in these episodes. But this episode

has a villain you love to hate, has a half -brother

character that... You don't really get attached

to, but you kind of feel sorry for, because obviously

the poor schmuck got murdered. But you kind of

get to know how different he was to his half

-brother. And then you get the secretary. So

you got her. I remember her being a bigger deal

than she turned out to be. At the very end, she

has figured out something happened, and she lies

to Columbo and then tries to manipulate Adrian.

into being something a little bit more than just

a secretary. Yes. Yeah, that doesn't work out

for her. Well, it's because Adrian gets caught

and he's kind of like, he literally says it's

kind of a relief because actually her name is

literally Karen. Yeah. Karen was putting the

thumbscrews to me. She was quite the little Iron

Maiden. Yes, yes, she was. Karen, one might say.

And this was obviously before the whole. Yeah,

yeah. Obviously, 50 years before. Yeah, yeah.

I'm just that's why it was funny and ironic that

that was her name. Yes, absolutely. I don't I

always think of Becky's when I think of that

kind of character, because, yeah, boy, you ain't

never seen a woman so angry than you would see

my wife at the mention of her name was Karen.

And she was nothing like how that personality

is. It's like, oh, boy. And every time they brought

it up, she would demand to see the... No. It's

a joke. I know. I know. But no. Pretty easy one.

Yeah, I don't know. I know. Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

No, no. Also, does she have the hair? Karen doesn't

have the hair. On the show, the character Karen

does not have the hair. She's got, like, long...

Sissy Spacek coal miner's daughter hair, which

I think was a big 70s thing. My Karen had Cousin

It hair. Which is kind of like TV Karen. but

her personality was nothing like no no no obviously

no no i know i don't know i know i'm just saying

like every time like when that whole thing started

my first thought was wait a minute i thought

we used to call this the way that this personality

thing was wasn't that becky from the old becky

like and i don't know why i had to whatever and

and she would just go oh like she's like i'm

nothing it's kind of like um another thing that

has happened in hollywood lately or not necessarily

lately but um in the past um the slap heard around

the world yeah Keep your wife's, my wife's name

out your mouth. I swear, every time she would

hear, she's like, keep my name out your mouth.

Oh, boy. That's hilarious. But, yeah, no, she

turns out to be. Quite the little Iron Maiden,

as Adrian says. Yes. And that, luckily, he gets

caught before anything happens to her. Ooh, yeah.

Like a lot of times in Columbo episodes, finding

out the guy did it is not the best. Letting the

guy know that you know you did it is not the

best move. No. As we found out in the last episode.

Yeah. Exactly. Well, again, this was like both

of the ones we've talked about today, and I realize

there are two different episodes for the listeners,

feel more like passion isn't the right word,

but like crime to passion. Yeah. And usually

a lot of Columbos, traditionally have the elaborate

scheme that the killer has already come up with.

And part of the intro is to establish why he

wants to enact the scheme. Yeah. Very mousetrappy.

Whereas in these two, it's been someone provoked

you and you lashed out. Yeah. And then you kind

of, well, she didn't really come up with a scheme

for Martin Sheen, but yeah, Adrian comes up with

a pretty elaborate scheme to get rid of his brother.

Yeah. Very elaborate. And I didn't even realize

that was a scuba suit that he put him in. I thought

he put him in two trash bags. Oh. I didn't even

realize it was the scuba suit. Yeah, no, I kept

looking. I kept looking at the body in the water,

and I'm like, he put him in two trash bags. Well,

even when he was in the water, because you see

the tank. Yeah, I know. All I kept seeing was

the black part of the stuff. I don't know. But,

yeah, no, this one was so fun. I really enjoyed

this. I mean, it really sort of does highlight

that the guest star really makes a difference

because he brings a lot of character and personality

to the role. Yep. And, you know, I think it gives

Columbo something to add. This was very classic,

traditional, what you think of with Columbo,

where, like, you know. Because he's actually,

throughout the entire, even at the very end,

I love how at the very end, well, there's the

little bits between them where he's like, was

that day that it was really hot, was that a record?

I would have liked it to have been a record.

And they stop right at the end of the winery,

and they have a little dessert wine. It's just

this weird little kindness that Columbo shows

to this guy, because I think he genuinely likes

him, but he undid a bad thing. Yeah, Columbo,

the way the TV show goes, it's weird. Certain

criminals are treated a certain way. Other criminals

are treated a certain way. I think a lot of it

depends on how they react around Columbo. Right,

but normally something like this, you would have...

at least one officer there to take the criminal

away to like this is just hey let's let's get

in my like literally he doesn't even handcuff

him let's get in my car let's have some dessert

wine and then you're going to jail like we know

the guy's gonna go to jail obviously hello because

you can't just like Columbo's not a corrupt cop.

We know that, obviously. But it's one of those

things where I think that over three seasons

so far of this television show, yes, every criminal

is a different case and every criminal is a different

circumstance, but... I think sometimes some of

them need to have some sort of similarity to

them. This one was fine. This one, it is what

it is. But I just noticed, like, he basically

has no other officers with him. I think he has

his sergeant with him. Not when he arrests him.

Not when he arrests him? Okay. No, he's all by

himself. Because they're in the Peugeot, which

I don't think it has room for three people. No,

it doesn't. Which is funny because the Peugeot

shows up earlier in the episode. It was before

he was on the phone with his wife. Yeah, it was

when they drive up to the thing and he sees a

sports car. Yes, yes, yes. He drives up and he

sees a sports car. And they start talking about

the cars. The line I wrote down is a line from

30 years ago. The car. Chicks dig the car. It

was the only thing I could think of because it's

from Batman Forever because that movie is 30

years old this year. And then what was funny

to me is he's on the phone with his wife after

that scene. She reminds him that when he goes

to the store, get a head of lettuce and two quarts

of milk. Yep. He says, OK, thank you. And he

hangs up. They don't. I don't say I love you.

Yeah. Obviously, we don't hear her into the conversation.

I don't know what she said, but he doesn't say,

I love you. I was like, wait, what? Wait a minute.

This is your wife. Come on now. Maybe agreeing

to buy a head of lettuce and two quarts of milk

is his love language. Maybe. That struck me as

weird, too. Yeah. And then, like we already mentioned.

My wife and my kid. I was like, whoa, okay, I

know you mentioned babysitter the whole time.

I don't think he mentioned. The thing is, I don't

think he actually mentioned his kid outright.

He just talked about a babysitter. He couldn't

get a babysitter. And the presumption was, well,

obviously that was for a kid. Right, but no,

he does say it. I wrote it down. I don't remember

him actually mentioning his child. I remember

him mentioning his wife and not being able to

get a babysitter. I've got the audio. We'll see

what's in the, but I don't remember what, right.

What I remember is, and you could, you normally,

I would say you're right. Cause maybe it's, Hey,

it's uncle Columbo. Maybe it's one of his nieces

or nephews. It was clearly supposed to be his.

What I'm saying is everything made it clear that

there was a child in their home. Yes. But I don't

think he ever actually specifically mentioned,

specifically said his child. Like he talked about

a babysitter in a way that you would trying to

get one for a child, but he never actually said

my kid. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. I don't

think he did. I might be wrong. I could be wrong,

but like, I remember kind of, cause obviously

even though I've watched all these, I was like,

wait, what? Yeah. I was like, wait, that's why

I wrote it. Literally. I wrote it down as quote,

my wife and my kid. I was like, he actually,

Whoa, wait a minute. Huh? But I'll go back in

the audio when I edit the episode, and I'll see

what the tail of the tape says. Because I remember

thinking at the time, because, you know, 2025

is like, yeah, obviously in the 70s it wasn't

like this. I know it wasn't like this in the

70s, but, like, you know, it's like, well, maybe

it was for his dog. No. Or, you know, well, I

mean. No. I don't think the dog is... I know,

absolutely. I was making a joke about the fact

that obviously it's not Forrest's dog or his

master. Yes, absolutely. Anything else with this

one? No, this was a good one. I mean, they're

all good ones, but this one really hit on all

thrusters. Absolutely. 100%. Okay, so we haven't

done this in a little while. Did the show keep

your interest throughout? Yes. Yep, absolutely.

Are we itching to watch the next episode now?

Yeah. Kind of, yeah. Yep. Yes, we will recommend

this show to people, obviously. And the overall

grade, what are we going to give Any Old Port

in a Storm? I mean, I've sort of set myself up

that there are certain conditions for a 5, so

I'm going to say 4 .5. It's pretty close. The

appearance of this old man made me really happy

because that's the Columboism. The thing about

the kid just blew my mind because I don't remember

that ever coming up before or since. And then,

like, I keep wanting to say Loomis. Donald Pleasence

was great. He was a lot of fun in that role.

Yeah. Well, unlike you, I don't need the dog

to give it a five, so I'm going to give it a

five. Hey, that's right. He does have a dog with

clearly a lot of medical needs because he's always

at the vet. That's true. Oh, man. I could see

a detective comedy series with the dog, the vet,

and Columbo. That would be an interesting Three's

Company episode. I would bet money that there's

a series of books that are almost exactly like

that. I know there's the cat one that was really

successful. So I'm sure somebody did one with

dogs. The cat who did this, the cat. And then

the thing is, there are two cats. One cat has

weird, almost mystical powers, and the other

cat's just a normal cat. Oh, wow. My mother loved

mysteries. So she read all these books. Very

cool, very cool. All right, folks. Well, I think

that's going to do it for us. We're going to

head to a quick ad break. You're going to hear

some podcast ads and some other stuff. We'll

come back to close the show right after this.

Okay. Thank you very much. Excuse me. My name

is Lieutenant Columbo. I'm with the Los Angeles

Police Department, and I need a little help.

Can anybody here tell me that it rained last

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Any final thoughts from you, sir, as we escape

the annual port in a storm? No, I think it was

a fun episode. I do like the scene. It was very

interesting where Columbo goes to the wine store

to learn about wine. Yes. The French guy. Yes.

And I love the line about how you tell a good

wine from a bad wine, and the guy goes, the price.

yeah absolutely yeah and and we we also like

he did we're always keeping track of whether

or not he drank anything and he he took sips

yeah which i understand and again maybe it's

my own bias because i just assume most police

officers don't well yeah they're not supposed

to Drink on the job. Okay, I understand if you're

a police officer and you go home and you want

to have a drink when you're not on duty. But

when you're on duty, that's my thing. It isn't

about whether they drink or not overall. It's

about when they drink on duty. That's the thing.

Because every time I've ever heard on television

or in real life a police officer say, no, I'm

sorry, I'm on duty. I can't have a drink or I

can't do this or I can't do that. Yeah, there's

a lot of jobs that are like that where you're

not supposed to. Ironically, they're all the

high -stress ones. Well. Ironically, he said

ironically. Yes, absolutely. Like pilot and doctor

and firefighter. You're not supposed to drink

on the job. Yeah, well. You're not really supposed

to drink on the job with any job. But, you know,

a few of them. Yeah, no, I, like, I don't. Okay,

so. I don't drink myself. Um, me either. I, I

sort of have a, and I, I will say that my understanding

of wine culture is probably very biased based

on media presentations. Like I, so, but I mean,

it does seem like, like, yeah, he takes sips

and that's, that's, that's what you do with,

with fancy expensive wines. He takes sips. So

I don't think he's a, Oh no. Yeah. I mean, I

don't think he's a judgmental, you know, I don't

know. But I mean, it is a thing that we keep

track of. Because I remember there was one where

he had a glass and he was playing around with

it and he never drank it. And we're like, he

never drank the booze. I wasn't saying, I don't

think you've ever said that he can't go home

and have a beer. It's just when we were sitting

in a winery and he had a couple of zips. I don't

think Adrian Carcini got the case thrown out

on that grounds. No. You mentioned in the last

one that you felt that some of the sets, some

of the environments looked like a soundstage.

Yeah. I will say that Adrian Cassini spent all

this money on the wines, but man, those signs.

Those signs for the vineyard, man. I could make

those. Yeah. He paid his finest 12 -year -old

to come up with the Cassini winery sign. Those

look cheap. Very. Yeah. He'll pay $5 ,000 for

a limited edition bottle of wine, but he can't

pay at least $200 for a good sign. It's not a

limited edition. It's not like Todd McFarlane

just decided to only make a couple and release

them through Walmart so nobody could find them.

It was from, like, what? 30s or something. I'm

sorry. I didn't use the correct terminology.

I just thought it was cute that you used the

collecting nerd terminology. To be fair, when

he was talking about that scene where he's at

the auction and he's like, I don't have the money

for this, but I'm going to buy this bottle of

wine anyway. I mean, as a guy with a basement

full of toys? I'm connected with that. Yeah.

It's just funny to me that you use the term limited.

You use our collector nerd. He is a collector

nerd, but he's a wine connoisseur. Yeah. But

the point is, is that, you know, he'll spend

$5 ,000 on a rare vintage, there you go, instead

of, you know, spending $200 on a good sign. Yes.

Well, and the brother, that's one of the things

the brother's mad about, is that he burned through

all the money being a snob instead of, like,

kind of, you know. Yep. Which is why he has to

sell to the... The brothers. Yep. Absolutely,

absolutely. All right, folks. Thank you for joining

us here inside the studio. If you'd like to get

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Radio for the Network at ItsStudio2009 for the

podcast. I am at TF2 on Mike. Dave isn't on social

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Geekcast Radio Network as well as checking out

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time when Dave and I will be discussing Season

3, Episode 3. candidate for crime. Ooh. For now,

I am TF2 and Mike with... Dave Draper. You'll

hear us back in the studio soon. I think I'll

be running along now, sir. Thank you very much.

I certainly enjoyed it.