Pirates vs. Ninjas Debate

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be the great white ninja of the legend We were

wrong We were very wrong Hello and welcome to

episode... GCRM wars, I'm your host optimus solo

and joining me for this war is movie revolt Dan.

Hello. How's it going? Now which wars episodes

have you done any? No, this is my first one.

Oh So we have everybody making their debut on

this one. I couldn't remember if you had snuck

into like a the lethal weapon die hard or anything

like that So also making their war debut is Adolfo

shabadoo. Hello, Nate. Hello And for the sent

hello Matt. Hey there buddy I like how you're

choosing your own name and then saying hello

to a different name. So yeah, this is the first

Wars for all these guys, and for everybody listening,

you're probably thinking, holy crap, they're

actually doing a GCN Wars episode, because it's

been a long, long time since the last one. I

think at least a year and some odd change, maybe.

Maybe longer. But don't fret, they're actually,

for people who like Wars, there's going to be

a bunch of stuff coming at you here real quickly.

We're going to have... three episodes of wars

including this one here and a wars tournament,

a new wars tournament all coming to you before

the first snow falls except for those of you

that live in Antarctica because I guess there

is no first snowfall there. So we will have lots

of wars coming in the next couple months so if

you like this type of stuff stay tuned and hopefully

there will be some topics that you can get into.

Today however we're going to be tackling an interesting

and apparently more common than I thought geek

argument. And that is, who is ultimately better,

pirates? When you marooned me on that godforsaken

spit of land, you forgot one very important thing,

mate. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Why should I

sail with any of you? Four of you have tried

to kill me in the past, one of you succeeded.

You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever

heard of. But you have heard of me. I confess.

It is my intention to commandeer one of these

ships, pick up a crew and tour to, garrade, pillage,

plunder, and otherwise, pill from our weasley

black guts out. I said no lies! I think he's

telling the truth. If he were telling the truth,

he wouldn't have told us. Unless, of course,

he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even

if he told it to you. Hide the rum. Shoot him

and cut out his tongue, then shoot his tongue.

And trim that scraggly beard. If we don't have

the key, we can't open whatever it is we don't

have that he done lost. So what purpose would

be served in finding whatever need be unlocked,

which we don't have, without first having found

the key while in losses? So we're going after

this key? You're not making any sense at all.

Or ninjas. You must never stop practicing the

art of ninja. The art of invisibility. anchovies

and I mean no anchovies you put anchovies on

this thing and you're in big trouble okay uh

-uh that'll do and the clock's ticking dude I

am sure you would like to know who I am and what

I do. But as part of my creed, I cannot tell

you. You see, my identity must remain mysterious

and my mission secret. I cannot reveal it to

you. Why not? Because I would then have to kill

you. Daddy! What'd you say to my kid? I was merely

relating to the child the importance of - You're

not to spare, Sally Jones. I will be ever vigilant.

I will be watching your every move, making sure

that as the... Do not be afraid, my dove. Before

we get into the categories, we're gonna have

15 categories that will break down and we'll

each cast votes on who we think wins in each

category and we'll have a final winner at the

end. But before we get into all that, initial

thoughts when you hear the idea of pirates against

ninjas. Dan... What's your initial thought going

into this thing? My initial thought is going

with ninjas, just because, I don't know. I think

ninjas are necessarily cooler. I don't know.

They have that sneaky capability. You always

hear people call the ninja. I feel like a pirate's

almost like a put down, so I don't know. So my

initial thought's ninjas, maybe because I like

martial arts movies. Could be. Personally, I

don't know. like both for their own reasons.

So I'm interested to see as we go through here

what kind of things I decide. I haven't predetermined

my votes. I have ideas, but I'll listen to everybody's

arguments and discussion and kind of go from

there. So I'm kind of on the fence. I like both

topics here. What about you, Matt? Well, when

I hear, you know, you said specifically what

you think of when you hear pirates and ninjas

or pirates versus ninjas. I immediately go to

the Antarctic Press comic book series, Pirates

vs. Ninjas. Oh yeah, I remember that. I have

read almost every issue of that. If they've since

published more in the last few years, I haven't

read those. But they have. I bet they have. I've

read a lot of those, maybe like a dozen, I think.

So, you know, I already have seen some Pirates

vs. Ninjas action beyond just the geek culture

or whatever discussions. So that's where I go.

Nate, I know you're a pirate fan. I am a pirate

fan. I hate the - I don't like baseball. Is that

the baseball team, the pirates? Yeah, no. But

no, I am a fan of, uh, you know, old -time pirates

because they're so much fun to look at, and they

laugh at, and they're hilarious. What about the

football team, the Buccaneers? They - they are

footballs. Okay. Nate is not a sports fan. Did

you guys know that this was such a, I guess,

common thing in geek culture, the whole pirates

versus ninja debate? Because I don't know. I

mean, you guys might not have found it because

you weren't doing the research, I guess, for

you to find all the categories. They probably

have a full episode of Big Bang about this. I

mean, it's everywhere. There's multiple websites

that have this. There's forums and discussion

boards that debate this topic. Why do you think

it's these two pairing together and that seems

to be such a common? Topic of debate amongst

geek circles. Have you ever seen that show ultimate

warrior? It's like on the history channel and

now it's like TV like the world's greatest. Oh,

yeah I know which one you're talking. Yeah, they

just pit to I've seen that episode pretty sure

they did this This is like the only episode I've

seen was the Pirates vs. Ninja one. So I guess

Not to sound like belligerent, but it's like

yeah. Yeah, I knew all about this Yeah, I've

been seeing all of the media for it for years.

Like I said, I read the comics I've seen that

episode. Yeah Well initially we were coming up

with ideas because we had we've been doing a

bunch of like Franchises or different shows and

movies against each other, you know, obviously

we've done Thundercats vs. Silverhawks We did

diehard versus lethal weapon and we did Star

Trek vs. Star Wars I was trying to come up with

some more like just general stuff And I had the

idea of just pitting different types of people

or different groups, whether it be real people

or fake people or fictional, et cetera. And I

had pirates and ninjas and I'm trying to think

of some of the other stuff like vampires, zombies.

I had a whole list of probably like 12 different

things. We could just like pit some of these

against each other. Dude, vampires and zombies

would not even be like, that's not even cool.

And on Express I actually did vampires versus

yetis. But I had just all kinds of different

just generic Groupings and I don't know. I didn't

I didn't look at anything first I just like came

up with a little let's do Pirates vs. Ninjas

first Not knowing that apparently this is just

a common loaded one Yeah Dan were you aware that

this was such a common debate topic? I guess

I was ignorant on the holy war that was ninjas

and pirates No, I mean I guess I would assume

people would say it jokingly, but I guess it

wasn't as intense as I as apparently that it

is. And there was comic books and whatnot. But

I guess it makes sense. You know, they're kind

of around the same time. They both have a pretty

big legacy. They're they're both like that antihero.

Sometimes they're the hero, sometimes they're

the villain. So and they're so vastly different

with their different categories that we get into.

So I can kind of see where it's coming from.

But now I was ignorant to the the hype that is

Pirates versus Ninjas. All right, I'm glad I'm

not alone Go back to when you said vampires versus

zombies because I know a comic book that's actually

vampires versus zombies called It's not a comic

book This that we're doing right now, but I'll

start drawing it as soon as we're done recording

drawing it But, uh, like, the thing was called

Last Blood and the idea was zombies had taken

over the world and humans were down to, like,

200 people or whatever. So the vampires who needed

the human's blood to survive then made, like,

a community where they were the protectors of

the humans versus the zombie apocalypse. So that's

the vampire versus zombies. That's pretty cool.

It was a really cool comic. It was a good idea.

Yeah. I like it. I'm trying to think of, because

I only came up with the undead, I guess, with

the zombies and the vampires. But I'm trying

to remember what other types of groupings. I'll

have to dig up that sheet sometime and see what

else I was thinking of putting against each other.

All right. Any other comments before we get into

the first category? No? All right. Well, the

first category today. Let the games begin here.

Remember pirates versus ninjas and the first

thing we're looking at are the Clothing or the

uniforms of these two groups of people Matt you're

a good descriptor describe Ninja uniform or a

pirate uniform. What do we got here? Well, I

think we all know ninja uniform is pretty pretty

standard black Like it's head -to -toe black

you see the eyes Maybe see the feet if they have

bared feet. That, you know, depends from, I'm

sure, clan to clan or however you want to look

at it. Or terrain, maybe. Or maybe the terrain,

like a desert or a jungle ninja would need shoes

more than like a city ninja might. Yeah. Desert

ninja, I don't know if that actually ever happens.

That would be awesome. Write it. Write it. Like,

maybe gloved or ungloved hands, depending on

what they're dealing with. But yeah, just black.

If they were a desert ninja, I don't think the

black would work so well. You would say that,

and then they'd be a ninja. And he'd be like,

oh yeah, ninja. You tell a ninja what doesn't

work and see how well it goes. Actually, the

Ask a Ninja Ninja from the old web series says

that ninjas are the only people who can wear

true black. Like, every other black you see in

the world is really dark blues, really dark purples,

and ninjas are the only ones who have harnessed

true blackness. Isn't it like dragon's blood?

It's dragon's heart. So that was Samuel L. Jackson.

What about the pirate uniform? Pirate uniform

is the most, is very colorful. Um, and it's really

just whatever you find. Um, it's, it's like,

oh, we raided a ship. That guy has a cool hat.

I'll take it. And it's like, oh, I like that

lady's bandana. I'll tie that around my hat.

Yeah. It's literally just piecemeal, whatever

you find. Doesn't have to match. They don't have

like social, as far as I know, stratification,

like, oh, he's got a nice bandana. It's you know

wear what you want wear what's functional wear

what you like? You know usually show off your

show off your caps I mean yeah, there's a lot

of times. They have a shorter pants and then

they have fancy or silly socks I have some pirate

socks that are like black and red stripes. Oh,

yeah. Yeah, I love the stripes They oftentimes

have hats like you know you'll see like a tricorn

hat very commonly sometimes you'll see the Admiral

hat style where it's but it's sideways with like

a Jolly Rogers right in the middle. Yeah, um,

so you see a lot of different hat styles Sometimes

it's just like a bandana. Yeah, sometimes they'll

be wearing a bandana and they're like like knee

-cut pants shorts and then that's it Yep, we

got no shirt and they're just like super buff

because they're fucking strong So there's probably

multiple ways to look at this category. I guess

you could look at it as, just in general, who

has the cooler uniform in your eyes. You could

look at it as, which uniform would you rather

be wearing? When I originally crafted it, it

was, who would make the better Halloween costume?

As a kid, would you rather be a ninja or a pirate

for Halloween? But I guess there's multiple ways

of looking at this. Dan, when you think about

the traditional uniforms of a ninja or a pirate,

how do you break it down? Well, I think the ninja

definitely has practicality to it. It's a lot

easier to dress up as a ninja than it is a pirate.

There's actually a pretty good Reddit meme that

was going around like how to dress up as Sub

-Zero from Mortal Kombat and literally it's just

getting a pair of jeans and a belt and you're

like halfway there. So I think ninjas are certainly

easier to dress like, but I think you gotta give

it to pirates just because of the variety of

different costumes. Ninjas are purposely all

kind of monochromatic, they're all the same,

there's not that much difference, but with pirates

it's like a... you know, a feast of different

uniforms and craziness going on. Plus, I don't

know if it counts as part of the uniform, but

they do have those killer beards. And I assume

it's essential when it comes to being a pirate.

So I think in that end, just because of variety,

I'd go with pirates. Nate, if you're looking

at specifically you dressing as each one of these

individuals or each one of these groups, I guess,

what are the annoying things about their uniforms?

What are the bad? What are the drawbacks from

either side? Well, I've dressed as a pirate,

I've dressed as a ninja, and I like to say probably

the pirate costume is a bit hotter, because it's

more involved, although you can take articles

off because, you know, you just don't have to

wear a shirt, but, you know, I like to wear a

shirt because no one wants to see that. And then

ninjas are boring. They got, like, I don't know.

I don't like it. Like I always found whenever

for Halloween whenever it was necessarily ninja

costume But whenever I had something that was

all you know over the face over the head That

that was and that was somewhat annoying to me.

Although I love my pirate hat. It's amazing No,

not talking about the pirate hat specifically.

I'm talking about like the mask of a ninja. Okay

Yeah, you know covering the nose covering your

mouth and basically Insulating your entire head.

Yeah, cuz then you like breathing and it's all

like it gets like warm. I don't know you feel

cooler, but You're actually hotter. I don't know

if any of you guys wear glasses, but anything

that covers the mouth and nose immediately blinds

me because it fogs them up. Yep. Good point.

Ninjas don't wear glasses because they're ninjas.

They need 2020. Pirates don't need 2020. Some

pirates don't even have like one eye. Yeah, that's

true. There you go. They're at 20 slash. Matt,

how do you break down and who do you go within

as far as traditional uniforms, which has the

cooler uniform set up? You know, I like, like

Dan said, the practicality of the ninja outfit.

If you're hiding in shadows, you want to be all

black. And I like the variety of the pirate uniform,

being able to do just whatever you want. But

I think I was really on the fence until the mask

breathing situation came up, and it's like, yeah,

I can't be a ninja. Nope. Well, I mean, you got

the beard. Like, I do also have a very, like,

Fridbeard the Pirate. Yeah. Like, I think if

I wanted to, I could become a pirate. I don't

think I could ever become a ninja, where I'm

sitting right now. Oh, you could easily, I could...

Makeover! I'm not talking about just wearing

the costume. But, yeah, so I like, I don't know.

Like, I'm not a very flamboyant guy, so, like,

being like, I like the pirate's colorfulness.

Seems a little odd to me, but I mean I do. I

like it. Nate, what about you? I think I know

where you're going with this one. You've worn

them both. Yeah, I enjoyed wearing the pirate

costume more. But no, it's way cooler. They have

way more stuff you can do in terms of character

design if you want to talk about fiction. there's

so much more variety than like what you would

think a ninja and like I've seen uh the the problem

with like uh like changing up ninja's character

design it's like they then they cease to be a

ninja because you're adding in a bunch of stuff

that they don't need like like ninja gaiden it's

starting to get ridiculous like ryu hayabusa

has like these big ass arms and then he just

like lets out and like you can see his big old

fleshy arms and it's like a ninja would cover

that up like what are you doing? So Nate's getting

a little off topic. I have a lot of rebuttals,

but I don't want to get in a wash in the uniform

section when it should be more of a later media

section. And then I lost what I was going to

say. Oh, Nate and I once wore ninja costumes,

just pulled them out of our closet like Dan was

saying. It's really easy. Get a black shirt.

Black t -shirt. Yeah, that's all you need. Boom,

you're a ninja. See, from a comfort level, for

me, it's ninja as far as the comfort. I don't

know, man. Some of those, like, loose -fitting

pants. Well, I mean, it doesn't seem like there's

too much of, like, a criteria on... I mean, it

seems like, even though there's not a lot of

wiggle room on a ninja uniform, as far as looseness

or tightness of, like, the pant and shirt combination,

it seems like there might be a little wiggle

room. Like... as long as it's black and it looks

like sleek and whatnot I guess I mean you could

probably get a little comfier ones or a little

tighter ones if you wanted to if that was your

style I know the mask nuggy I mean it definitely

I mean it has the resemblance of some type of

pajama outfit with a mask and a belt that's true

pajamas are comfortable Yeah, so that's comfortable.

It looks like it's easy to slip into and slip

out of or whatever. I mean, yeah, the mask would

be somewhat annoying to breathe in and out over

time, but there's a lot of things that would

get me as far as a pirate uniform goes. I don't

wear hats. Like, I just don't wear hats. I can't

stand wearing hats. So I would rather have a

mask on than a pirate hat. The one thing that

makes me shy away from the ninjas is I don't

know if I could survive without shoes. Um, my

bare feet don't do very well on their own. A

lot of them have like foot wrappings and stuff.

Like there are protections for your shoes that

are ninja. So I would be like the pansy ninja

with like a foot taped up. The thing is, if you

were a ninja, you would be training your whole

life so you wouldn't have foot problems. Alright,

and then you've taken away the only barrier for

my ninja. And no one's gonna be like, oh look

at that ninja wearing shoes. That's the last

thing that guy ever says. So just for the fact

that I don't want to wear hats and I don't want

to wear 16 layers of stuff that the pirates seem

to wear a lot of times, for comfortability I'm

going to be the one dissenting vote and go with

ninjas on this one so there's not a clear sweep.

So three pirate votes and one ninja vote for

the first category, the traditional uniforms.

Sticking with the whole traditional theme here

moving into the second category Ninjas and pirates

now thinking about the traditional weapons Matt

well you did the first category so Nate what

kind of weapons do we have on each side? Well

for the You got your your swords for the ninjas

you got Swords and shurikens and some other stuff

that looks cool bow and arrow what count drops.

What is that? Those are like little things that

you drop on the ground and people step on them.

Oh yeah, they're like jacks, but they hurt more.

Yeah. Usually you got like some kind of smoke

grenade or something like that. Yeah, that's

pretty cool. Poison. Oh yeah, poison. That is

the weapon of the ninja. Alright. And the favorite

of all the kids would be which one? Come on,

everybody wanted these when we were kids. Shurikens?

Is that what the throwing stars are? Yeah. Yep.

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longer, stronger. That's Napa And what kind of

weapons do you have for pirates? Pirates are

interesting because they steal, so they grab

whatever they can find. But generally you get

a one -shot little gun. I don't even know what

they're called. Funtlock pistol. Sometimes they

have a blunderbuss. Blunderbuss, very common

pyro weapon. And then you got swords like scimitars

and rapiers. Cutlass. Cutlass, yep. um cannons

oh yeah all the naval combat they got yeah cannons

and um i don't know rope if you want to count

that so if you if you take if you take the actual

ninja and pirate out of the equation um as far

as their their personal fighting skills and this

that or the other if you if you're going into

a battle and you get to select either one group's

weapons or the other group's weapons Dan, how

do you decide and which one do you think you

have a better chance of using? I guess I'd go

with the ninjas because there's again kind of

like the opposite with the last one. They definitely

have more variety I think most of the power weapons

are kind of just designed for close combat dirt

mean they do have the muskets, but they're mostly

one -shot muskets So yeah, that's a little you

know, that's not your best defensive weapon plus.

You're not very accurate Though, I mean, cannons

are pretty tough, but I think just the variety

of the ninja weapons, and they're just simply

cooler. I mean, I think a little bit more badass.

I disagree, but go on. I mean, it's hard to beat

a ninja star. I mean, come on. First of all,

you don't know when it's thrown at you, and you're

not going to hear it coming. And then all of

a sudden, yours has been hit by a ninja star.

What do you do? It's probably poisoned, so you

don't even get to react. I just think, I don't

know if you guys saw this, but based upon the

South Park episode. when they're playing with

ninja weapons, I think that just shows you how

awesome ninja weapons can be. So I'm gonna, I

feel like ninja weapons are just cooler, more

practical, and just if you put them on a table

and you're gonna play with them, I think ninja

weapons would just be fun to play with. I mean,

they have claws that look like Wolverine, that's

just kinda cool. Ninja weapons you have more

of a chance of playing with and hurting yourself.

Yes. And I don't know how legit it is, but the

claws that you mentioned are often times shown

both as weapons and as climbing tools. So they've

got practicality behind that. Nice. You know,

I wanna say pirates because I love the blunderbuss.

And the blunderbuss is the perfect pirate weapon

because it was usually loaded where you'd like,

you'd show a bunch of gunpowder in there and

then you'd throw whatever you had on it into

it. It'd be like, pack some glass into there,

you know, any scrap metal. And you would just,

because it would just, you know, be like a shotgun

spray and it'd just do what it needs to do. But

as much as I love that weapon, I think Dan's

got a good point in how just... uh... more varying

the ninjas weapons are and how useful it is to

have like a poison the poison darts from a double

o' gunner of a poison shuriken or poison caltrop

so it's like all i don't even know if they have

these already killed me i think too if one of

us was to go in with absolutely no fighting skills

whatsoever uh... not speaking for all of you

guys i guess but me personally i don't think

i'm too skilled in the whole fighting arena uh...

and if i'm going a bunch of the stuff and not

really being too knowledgeable about it, I still

think the ninja weapons are going to help me

out more. I'm going to be like, oh, this is a

little smoke bomb. I think I can help myself

distract someone because I can't really fight.

And then I can throw the star at them and stuff

like that where the guns of the pirate series

and I'm more likely to probably have a backfire

or load it wrong or do something to mess myself

up. And then I'm just stuck with the sword and

then I'm going against other swords that the

ninja is going to have. and that i don't trust

my sword fighting ability so just for a lack

of fighting ability i think i would stand better

chance with ninja weapons of somehow coming out

with a win uh... but need i think you're going

to be the dissenting dissenting opinion here

what is your argument for the pirate weapons

uh... for the pilot well let's let me start the

way i want to start because you can't show your

ninja agenda down my throat uh... listen No,

I'm just kidding. Pirates are awesome. Ninjas

have way better tools for killing because that

is what they're meant to do. That's all they

do. They kill. That's like they're born to kill.

And they steal. Yeah, I guess they steal. Eh,

sometimes. But they're like designed to kill.

Pirates are designed to be having a good time

all the time. No misery in a pirate ship. No

misery ever. Not in my pirate ship. That's a

different category. So, I don't know. Like, I

don't want to base it on who has the best killing

machines, because obviously Ninja is going to

win that. But pirates, like, have you ever seen

a pirate sword battle? It's a beautiful thing.

Have you ever seen a ninja do anything? No. Because

he's a ninja. That's right. Yeah. And no one

cares. It's a beautiful thing. Because what's

more fun, watching awesome swashbuckles buckling

or watching ninjas just being like, I don't know,

kill. I don't know. That scene in Turtles where

they're training and then you can't see them

all and then all of a sudden everything's destroyed.

What were they doing? They were taking the jingle

bell things off without rattling any of the jingle

bells. That was pretty cool to watch, just saying.

Nate does have a good point. Seeing some people

buckle swash is really cool. That's what really

sells those Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

Like Jack Sparrow being a silly, slapping swords

kind of guy. Now all I want to do is watch really,

really classic 60s movies about pirates. Yeah.

That's all I want to do right now. But anyway,

go on Matt. And one thing that can be said is

pirates have a siege weapon in cannons and ninjas

don't have anything that large scale. Yeah. Well,

don't they have, um... No, those are like fireworks.

Chinese fireworks. Never mind. Chinese fireworks.

Well, no, yeah. I mean, like, there was gunpowder

over in the east before in the west. But they

didn't use it properly. I can't say I'm not a

history major, nor was I ever in that time. You

know, you see games like Tenchu, Wrath of Heaven,

and they do use it as a weapon. So, I mean, I

can't say one way or the other. I haven't played

enough ninja games. I've played a lot of both

games, I like to say. But yeah, I mean, there

are things to be said about the Pyre weapons.

Few, though, they may be. I would much rather

get hit with a poison dart in the neck and just

die than get shot with a blunderbuss. any day

yeah so Nate was your official vote for pirates

on this one no it wasn't yeah of course all right

so keeping it from a clean sweep we have another

three to one match up here. Going into the third

category, we always seem to have something that

seems like something silly to compare, like TV

show logos or movie posters or something like

that. So our third category stays with that tradition

here. Who has the better symbol? The pirate symbol

of the skull and crossbones or the different

ninja symbols which you've seen like... yin and

yang symbols or what looks like a throwing star

symbol. We'll have these in the episode post.

What do you want in a symbol? Do you want something

that looks cool? Do you want something that intimidates

people? What makes a good symbol, Matt? All of

those things you've just listed are pirate things.

Pirate symbols look cool. Pirate symbols intimidate.

Pirate symbols have suffused the culture. What,

what? everyone knows like you say hey like pirate

flag you know he's flying his pirate flag everybody

knows what you're talking about you say you say

you say ninja symbol and you're like what does

that they have like like that's like clan symbol

like a black yeah it's black black they're cool

with black on it with like a smiley face but

you can't see it yeah you know you know you've

got these pictures here and it's like yeah Like,

you'd be like, hey, what symbol would they associate

this with? I'd be like, that'd be a ninja. I

could see a ninja wearing that, totally. But

it doesn't have the cultural backing that the

Jolly Roger has. Does anybody have a favorite

version? Because there's so many different skull

and crossbones. You have, like, the ones we have

pictured, just a skull with actual bones. You

have a skull with somebody holding swords. You

have the skull with the eye patch. You have different

faces on the skulls. You have... lots of variations

does anybody have a favorite pirate symbol i'd

like the crossbones no i patch okay i imagine

that was what was there originally i imagine

that i patch came from modern reno yeah and so

i'd like to get like the traditional one that

would imagine more also do a lot of different

with the skulls different looks on the skull

space laughing more humorous ones or more serious

ones but I agree something about that pirate

flag and when it goes up on a ship and you know

it's been taken over by pirates or something

like that like as you would see in like a traditional

movie is a it's quite the scene Dan is this an

easy one slam dunk for pirates oh yeah definitely

I mean if you asked me before this make a pirate

symbol I'm a ninja symbol I'd be like I don't

even know what that would be so I mean pirates

Logos far more in the popular, you know lexicon

and whatnot. Plus, I mean we have sports teams

that have The pirate symbol there's no sports

teams with a ninja symbol I think even in like

Japan or China. So I think you gotta go with

pirates It's just it's just badass and you know

a skull or with crossbones or a skull with sabers.

It's can't really beat that Alright, I think

we're all in agreement then that that will be

a clean sweep of the symbols going towards the

pirate direction. I want one more comment, actually,

because the pirate flag actually had a legal

meaning and stuff. I researched this, Nate and

I have a podcast where we write story stories.

I was writing a story on pirates a few weeks

ago and I was looking up the flag and apparently

There was no law saying what flag you could or

couldn't have waving, but there were laws about

what flag you were waving when you attacked another

vessel, and so pirates would have to, like, say

they see a Portuguese ship, they'd fly a Portuguese

flag, get up beside it, and they'd be like, these

guys are our buddies. And then they'd have to

hoist the pirate flag before they attacked for

it to be like an illegal attack or a legal attack.

Otherwise, if they didn't hoist the pirate flag,

the Portuguese Empire would have more legal claim

to hunt them down and would actually hunt them

down more if they didn't, if they actually attacked

with the Portuguese flag than with the pirate

flag. Just as a little bit of history for you.

History lesson here on GCRN wars. I like it.

The fourth category is going to be a little bit

different. We're moving away from just the weaponry

and the uniforms and the symbols, et cetera,

but still looking at kind of a traditional view

of ninjas and pirates. And the fourth category

would be traditional personality traits of a

ninja or of a pirate. Now obviously there's going

to be way more than what I have listed here or

what I'm about to say, but these are just kind

of some common... personality traits that you

think of when you think of ninjas and pirates.

So like a ninja, you know, they're gonna be silent,

they're gonna be intelligent, they're gonna be

calm at all times, they're respectful, but at

the same time they're very sneaky, they're deadly,

and they're pretty resourceful. And we can name

some more that you guys might want to throw in

there as well to help your argument on one side

or the other. You know, pirates are rogue, they're

adventurous, they're intimidating, they're greedy,

sometimes mean -spirited. A lot of times the

most known pirates have a leadership quality

to them. A lot of them can be charismatic. What

other things do you think of when you think of

a ninja or pirate? Some other traits that I'm

forgetting, Nate or Matt or Dan, anybody. What

else do you think of when you think of one of

these groups? I want to make some amendments

because I don't think of ninjas as being respectful.

I think they're like the opposite side of the

coin to samurai. who have an honor code. They're

like samurai who don't have an honor code. So

I would think of them as less respectful. But

let's go into the resourceful of ninjas. I think

that's the interesting one. Because you think

of a ninja, he's always got these tools, right?

He's got, you know, he's got like a breathing

apparatus because he can go underwater, and he's

got these climbing tools, and he's got his poisons.

Like, you think, like that's a lot of resources.

But I don't know if they're as resourceful, because

the pirates have to make by with what they find.

Right. They have to be resourceful. Right. To

survive. There you go, Matt. The ninjas have

their resources that are given to them. They

have all these tools and equipment. While the

pirates have to have the resourceful qualities

of being able to survive on the seas. Where they

don't know where their next meal is going to

come from. They don't know where they're going

to get supplies. Yeah. Okay, so if you were saying...

resourceful is a good one for the pirates, is

that a better trait than some of the other traits

that the ninjas would have? If you're looking

at some of their other, whether it be the sneaky

or the silent killer, the intelligence as far

as being undetected and deadly. Compare some

of the other traits against each other and which

ones are which ones are out of all the Traits

that we've talked about so far. What would be

the most important like if you could only have

one of these traits? What's the best trait to

have? I Guess it depends on what you're looking

for But I guess to add one to like the ninjas

is one thing they would definitely as a trait

just be You know well trained and well versed

I mean their their dedication is pretty intense

just because of being a ninja you talked about

how they're always And then maybe not resourceful,

but they are good planners and they kind of are

tactical in the way they work. So I think that

is a key. And I guess, like I said, it depends

on what you're looking for. If you're looking

for the job to get done, I think the qualities

of a ninja outweigh that of a pirate. But if

you're looking to have a good time. Probably

gonna go with the pirate because of the charismatic,

you know The pirate ship is probably just gonna

be a blasting hang out with plus you can probably

add as a trait to pirates being drunk I mean,

that's a good trait So I think you're right though

ninjas is definitely more of a commitment as

far as that it like a lifelong dedication to

To that as a role. I mean, I guess at some point

you're physically not able to carry that out

They always hear more about like in movies or

stories or whatever like a pirate that that eventually

like retires or goes off and does something else

or you know Retires from the pirate life. You

don't really hear that about ninjas because I

guess none of them live past a certain age I

imagine I imagine once you hit like 40 year old

ninja the ninjas just put you down They're like

this one's not useful anymore or else you train

other the pirate thing is always like you're

looking for the one big score bury it somewhere

get rid of your crew and then live life like

that's always like the pirate dream and and from

again from my research I did on pirates just

a little bit ago like most pirates a lot of pirates

didn't go you know what I'm gonna go be a pirate

You know, I love Grog, I love sailing, I'm gonna

go do that. It's always like, oh shoot, I just

lost my job, I don't got anything, no one's gonna

back me up. Rather than becoming a hobo, I'll

just go find a ship and live on it. A sea hobo.

They're like sea hobos, which I don't think is

a positive quality. Hey, I love - Nate, what's

the best trade on this list? Um, adventurous.

I like that. Yeah, clearly like pirates is about

adventure Like they go off and they seek things

and they find treasure and it's it's a super

fun time and everyone loves it especially me

Matt if you could take the pirates and the ninjas

out of the equation again and you You yourself

could embody one group of traits or the others

like what would you rather be? Would you rather

be? Someone that has the traits of a ninja or

the traits of a pirate. Well, you look at the

traits of the ninja, right? And you're thinking

like, you know calculating and quiet and Boring

and nobody And they look at the traits of the

pirate. It's like Han Solo. Yeah, these are Han

Solo's traits Yeah, adventurous rogue greedy

and charismatic. Those are Han Solo traits. Is

Han Solo intimidating? Yeah. Yes. Do you remember

the scene where he alone chases away ten stormtroopers?

No I mean, yeah. And not all of those would apply

to every single pirate, obviously. No, yeah,

of course not. But I mean, like, Han Solo's got

the lion's share of those traits, and he is one

of the coolest guys in pop culture. He needs

a better beard. I don't think he does. All right,

fine. Also, he grows one when Chewbacca dies,

but I guess that never happened, so. Oh. Who

can pull off? Because Dan brought up a good point

at the beginning, and I don't think it's something

that we would necessarily get to in... most of

the other Categories that we're going to look

at but if you're looking at the whole good versus

bad Because he said, you know, these two both

can be seen as both a hero and an anti -hero,

you know villain, etc You know, you can you can

view each as some good guys or some bad guys

Who has the easier time of pulling off with their

set of traits the good role or who has an easier

time of being the bad role? Probably ninjas for

the good role Well, I don't know it's hard cuz

like pirates or or is there a great line or do

you view one as just bad? No, it's just a fight.

There's You know what? Um ninjas being like quiet

calm deadly and calculated instantly makes them

look bad because their Strength is striking from

you not knowing right? So like that's not a heroic

trait. No attack someone is from behind. There

you go So I, you know, it doesn't seem like a

good - But that said, like a ninja can be a ninja

at night, and then he can be a regular dude during

the day. Like Batman! Like Batman. Um, like,

a pirate can't shut that pirate off. He can't,

he can't be all like - He can't just, like, comb

his hair and be like - Oh, man. I had so much

rum yesterday, I better shave this beard and

go back to my mundane work job and then a pirate

again tonight. Arrr. Not gonna happen. I sold

the account into the - Arrrr. It didn't work,

I've seen dodgeball. Right. Arrrr. I don't know.

Alright, so... What other things would you...

Does anybody want to bring up anything, or is

anybody ready to vote in this category? I guess

if you're going to go on a car trip, like which

person would you want to be next to the someone

with the traits of a... Well, pirates probably

smell like shit. Yeah! They probably do. It'll

be just like the house I'm sitting in. Oh man.

But if you make a wrong turn, a ninja might kill

you, you know. Or if you make a wrong turn...

Or if you'll have the plan calculated because

that's what he's done. True. He'll be a great

navigator. Yeah, dude. And then he'll be sitting

there quiet. Well, I think a pirate would probably

be a better navigator. Whoa, really? That's actually

probably true. That's what they do. Yeah. Can't

see the stars in my car. I don't have a mood

for this. Hey. Oh, never mind. Just get a GPS

that allows you to go by stars. He'd use his

cannon and blow a hole in the top of your car.

Sunroof instantly. I feel like there'll be an

easier way to do that. Well, a ninja would just

cut it into pieces. I'd watch this cartoon. Ninja

pirate road trip. I'd watch this live action

remake 20 years later. So Nate, you're going

to go with the ninjas for the first time on this

one? Yes. Wow. No, no, I'm kidding. Pirates,

dude. Matt, what do you think? What sways it

one way or the other? I'm gonna go, I wanna go

with pirates just for the Han Solo factor. I

mean removing entirely the, you know, like removing

ninjas and pirates from it and what goes with

it just looking at the traits. I like the pirate

traits more. Real quick, the thing I wanted to

mention though is along with the adventurous

thing, there's a certain amount of like exploration

that I love about pirates. Like they're finding

new stuff and like exploring their what like.

they don't know about and ninjas are more just

like assassins that aren't whatever but yeah

I just love the exploration aspect of pirates

I personally oh man this is a tough one because

I get the Han Solo argument and that's a good

argument but like I don't know I know ninjas

aren't good necessarily all the time but I would

rather have those qualities than the pirate's

qualities because I'm not Mr. Fun like I don't

need to be adventurous and All that no you don't

need to but you will with Like I don't want to

be a drunk greedy I Don't know dude doubloons.

Yeah, what about the doubloons? Yeah Don't know

I'd rather embody the traits of a ninja. Maybe

that's just a childhood dream of mine. I don't

know So I'll go a ninja on this one Dan. What

about you? I? Guess the one thing that kind of

turns me off with the pirates is the whole mean

-spirited thing and I also think Pirates also

have that really strong personality that could

eventually get annoying and by like you know

the seventh day of your sea trip you just could

be tired of all the swashbuggling and all that

craziness so similar to you i think i'd rather

hang out with ninjas you know a little bit a

little bit calmer a little bit peaceful they

might kill me in my sleep but at least i'll go

silently so Alright, so a split crowd on this

one. Half of us for the ninjas and half of us

for the pirates. So no clear -cut winner in that

one, but we will still tally the total votes

and that could play a factor in the final verdict

here. Now we're going to completely shift into

a new gear here. So our first four have all been

about, you know, traits and symbols and weapons

and uniforms and all the traditional view of

these different groups here. For the next section

of the episode here, we're going to shift into

more pop culture aspects. We're going to look

at a bunch of different ways that pirates and

ninjas are depicted and kind of who has the better

certain things, movies, games, cartoons, et cetera.

So we're going to start with our fifth category

here, which is movies. What makes for a better

movie? A ninja movie or a pirate movie? Obviously

everybody's gonna have their favorite ninja or

pirate movies and they're gonna be a bunch more

that we might not mention. But for pirate films

you have stuff like obviously the whole series

of Pirates of the Caribbean, classics like Treasure

Island, Cutthroat Island, some kids favorites

maybe like the Goonies. The Princess Bride, Hook,

a bunch of different Peter Pan type stuff, musical,

Pirates of Penzance, and a variety of other things.

Ninjas you have. I can't go without San Beverly

Hills Ninja, or Surf Ninjas, right? American

classic. American Ninja, I think that's a trilogy.

Have we all seen Surf Ninjas, by the way? I have.

All right, amazing. I might have seen it in the

90s. I love it. Chuck Norris in the Octagon.

American ninja three ninjas enter the ninja ninja

assassin bloodsport I guess in a way so and there's

probably a bunch more that you guys can bring

up but What and and then you're you're probably

the biggest movie buff out of all of us here

So what makes for better movies pirates or ninjas?

Well, we talked about the personalities I think

we kind of it kind of ties into this too like

the personality of a ninja I don't think necessarily

translates to a great movie because it's you're

silent. You're cunning. You're not necessarily

having a great personality But with a pirate,

you are. You're going on adventures. You're having

a great time. It's a whole joy. But I think ninjas

aren't great characters to put in the lead role.

They're more of a tool. They're more of a villain.

They're more of something like a background character.

But if you're looking at the movies we mentioned,

most of the ninja movies are a little bit more

generic. You're just kind of throwing ninja in

the title. And surf ninjas or American Ninja

and you're kind of just getting a general movie

But with the pirate films, I think you you have

that adventure you can do a lot of cool things

with it and a lot of times It's just you know,

it's just I think a pirate movie what it has

for it. It's just it's more open -ended It's

you have a lot more options of what you can do

I mean, there are some other ninja movies. I

guess if you want to mention some of the Bruce

Lee stuff I don't know if that would count like

enter the dragon or whatnot, but I just think

the adventure angle of a pirate movie is just

so much more fun. Another thing they do too,

traditionally it seems like in movies, is ninja

movies take a lot of liberties with the idea

of what ninjas do, how ninjas act, what ninjas

look like, etc. It's basically just throw the

word ninja in there. Maybe have a few traits

that resemble ninjas and then just use that as

a like a vehicle to do something else Well, I

think Beverly Hills ninjas pretty straightforward

in the way Whereas pirates it seems like you

know even though there is a lot of leeway and

a lot of different types of pirates depicted

that they They usually try to more embody the

classic concepts of pirates like whether it be

you know the uniform or their you know activity

that seems like it's They represent the idea

of a pirate to me better than ninja movies represent

the idea of a ninja. And maybe I'm just way off,

but it just seems like ninja oftentimes is just

a word and they use it and kind of go in a thousand

different angles that might not even be ninja

-like. But I don't know, I agree with you. The

pirate movies are... typically tend to lead to

more adventures, more fun, more types of movies

that I would rather watch. I know a lot of people

would be, there might be a lot of fans out there

of the fighting that you're gonna see in a ninja

movie, but I would prefer the adventure story

side of things that you get with the pirate movies.

So I agree with you, Dan. What about you, Matt?

Well, so when I was scrolling through the original

script and I was looking at it, I was like...

This is hands down like Pirates of the Caribbean

movies were amazing. Princess Bride is great.

Like I loved Hook as a kid. You know, Treasure

Island. Wait, you don't love Hook now? I haven't

seen Hook in 20 years. Oh my god, Hook's still

good. Is it? It doesn't hold up. No, it does.

It does, you're wrong. Nate, you are biased beyond

biased. I am not! Okay, no, seriously, Hook is

a great movie. Dustin Hoffman. Dustin Hoffman

is great. Is great, man. And that can stop. And

so is me, but you know besides that Rufio. I

don't know doesn't really hold up Like you know

and I'm looking at it and you know what you're

you're what you're doing here Is you're like

what movie stars a pirate one movie stars a ninja

and it's like you know what? I'm gonna have to

agree with everyone that ninjas don't make a

great a star, but they make an amazing villain.

Like if you go to the movie, Duel to the Death,

and I don't know if any of you guys have heard

of or seen it, well Nate's seen it, but I doubt

he remembers. I have a terrible memory. The concept

behind Duel to the Death is every four years

or five years, a Chinese swordsman and a Japanese

swordsman compete over some tournament or whatever.

Yep, I remember this one. And you know, every

five years they get together and they do this.

And then the Japanese government decides this

year they want to win no matter what so they

dispatch like this ninja group and like every

other scene is a ninja scene right like half

the scenes will be like training and like these

like intense moments where it's like well we'll

see how well you do this fight and then the other

half is like ninjas showing up stealing like

like the books like this is where the Chinese

guy gets all the secrets like this is where he

learns his techniques and then like but they

just do all these very traditional ninja things

like they're hiding in things like at one point

this woman's like walking through a forest and

she goes huh and stabs a tree and a ninja falls

out amazing there's one scene where like there's

a monk walking through a desert because he's

going to go view it and he's like a very high

Chinese monk and he's like like he's gonna give

a lot of fame to the organization and a ninja

drops down he's like well I can fight a ninja

and then the ninja tears his shirt off and he's

a chick a naked lady and the monk's like I can't

touch a lady I can't I can't see a naked lady

And then there's one, like five ninjas jump into

the air and form like a Voltron 20 foot tall

ninja. There's like ninjas that are, at least

let this all say one movie. There's like a scene

where a ninja's like on a kite chasing a dude

and the guy doesn't even know until the wind

blows and it ruffles his kite. This movie alone,

just to me, wins it for the ninjas. And I've

only described about a third of the ninja scenes

in this movie. So are you officially voting for

Ninjas? I'm voting Ninjas because you're the

duel to the death and if you haven't seen duel

to the death, find it. Did anyone notice the

color themes for the movies? Pirate movies apparently

have a specific color scheme. Sand and sky. Yep.

They all look like they could be covered to the

same movie. Nate, you haven't given your thoughts

here. What group makes better movies? uh... pirates

I don't even think we need to ask you anymore.

Although, you haven't done the obvious yet. There

hasn't been the slam dunk ninja category where

you've pulled the TFG on Mike and still voted

for the other one. I'm just kidding Mike. No,

but seriously though, Pirates of the Caribbean

movies are a lot of fun and I really want to

see the pirates, the claymation or whatever.

It's like made to look like claymation maybe.

It's like the Walt and the Grounded guys, right?

Yeah, but I don't know. Is it? Yeah. All right,

cool. That was one of the ones that I really

wanted to see. But I mean, I would be I would

be hypocrite if I voted against pirate movies

because The Princess Bride is one of my favorite

movies of all time. And The Goonies is just an

excellent kids movie. The Princess Bride, like

it had the Dread Pirate Roberts, but like it

sure did. And it had Swashbuckling. A little

bit. Quite a bit. All right. Quite a bit. But

stuff. Don't evil scenes. No, but the sword fighting

and man with six fingers and I don't know. All

right. Moving on to a different side of pop culture

here with our sixth category, and that would

be cartoons. We know what group makes the better

movies for the most part, except for Matt's indiscriminate

of that one. But which group makes the better

cartoons? For pirates you have stuff like the

Pirates of Darkwater, Tinkerbell, Pirate Fairy,

Tailspin, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Space

Pirate, Captain Harlock, that counts doesn't

it? Yeah man, Captain Harlock is a badass. Black

Lagoon, Lagoon Lagoon, One Piece, And then for

Ninjas, you have stuff like Ninjago. I can never

say that, the LEGO one. Ninjago. You did mention

Flapjack. Yeah, why did you mention Flapjack?

That's one of the best cards ever. I skipped

the mentions of Flapjack, excuse me. Randy Cunningham,

9th grade Ninja, American Dragon, Jake Long,

Chuck Norris, Karate Commandos, I guess, in a

way, even though it's more just mixed martial

arts, I guess. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I mean, that has Ninja right in the title there.

I know Ninja, you kind of have more of a... gray

area where sometimes it's samurais or sometimes

it's just fighting cartoons uh... what group

makes a better cartoon uh... starting with nate

oh come on okay starting with nate okay i never

have him go first i give him one shot to go first

you have flapjack and you have tailspin in the

same list what are you doing? The other one has

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which was, uh,

one, I don't know. Okay, it's really good, Teenage

Mutant Ninja Turtles, which was, uh, one, I don't

know. Okay, it's really good, Teenage Mutant

Ninja Turtles, which was, uh, one, I don't know.

Okay, it's really good, Teenage Mutant Ninja

Turtles, which was, uh, one, I don't know. Okay,

it's really good, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,

which was, uh, one, I don't know. Okay, it's

really good, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which

was, uh, one, I don't know. Okay, it's really

good, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which was,

uh, one, I don't know. Okay, it's really good,

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which was, uh,

one, I don't know. Okay, it's really good, Teenage

Mutant Sea Day's Beach Ninja Turtles is great.

And Captain... What's the name? Captain Harlock.

I've seen one episode of that, it was pretty

good. Oh, really? Like, I love the concepts behind

Captain Harlock, like, on paper it looks amazing.

And if you guys remember back when we were trying

to do a Star Wars campaign, a Star Wars tabletop

campaign, mine was based heavily off of Captain

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.me slash growth. I don't know. Like, Teenage

Mutant Ninja Turtles is huge. Like, you look

at all these pirate things, and it's like, you

know, maybe you'll know Talespin. One Piece had

a little bit of popularity a few years ago. But

like, generally, I don't think the, you know,

you think of cartoon pirates very often. That's

true. And none of them single -handedly could

compete with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Really

couldn't. Flapjack's close. I'm not even joking.

Oh my god. I love five Jack. It's Michael Bay

making that into a movie, too What are your thoughts

on cartoon world? Well, I guess you know turtles

is hard to beat and I would say samurai Jack

is as much of a Ninja cartoon as tailspin is

a pirate Cartoon and I would that's true Don

carnage. I don't remember Samurai Jack fighting

ninjas or robot ninjas even I'm sure they had

robot ninjas. Sometimes. I'm sure they were in

there There's like 90 episodes I haven't watched

all these cartoons, but I would put turtles and

Samurai Jack above all the other ones though.

I love tailspin But so, with that said, I'd go

with the ninjas. I just think, for what, maybe

because the personalities of Pirates don't translate

to kid cartoons, but somehow ninjas do, I don't

know. I think it's easier for them to mask the

ninja into a good character or even a villain

without bringing out traits that they're worried

about the kid scene where it's... It's hard to

do Pirates unless you just go the complete comedic

route and put it in a kid cartoon. Obviously,

a couple of these are geared towards a little

bit of an older audience with Pirate Captain

Harlock and Black Lagoon, in my opinion. And

even, well, those two mainly, I feel like, are

geared towards a little bit of an older audience

compared to like Flapjack and Jake and the Neverland

Pirates and whatever. I don't know. To me, I

guess it depends on what you want to look at.

Who has the bigger body of cartoons? There's

probably more pirate cartoons out there, or cartoons

with pirate themes or pirate characters. Or if

you're looking at it as just which group has

the best cartoon, which to me is, like you said,

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Samurai Jack, whether

it counts or not, I guess, is a bigger one. But

to me, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is... Hands

down way better than anything else on either

of these lists But that's because I guess I grew

up in the 80s and I'm biased Nate Matt, how are

you guys gonna break this down into your final

vote here? Dan went with ninjas. What are you

guys doing? Well, I want to I want to make a

comment on earlier what you were saying with

like Pirates translate the kid there was a ninja

translate the kids better and that's because

like the ninja like when a ninja kills someone

it might be poison Or it might be a dart in the

neck, which is also poison. Or, like, you can

have him hold the sword over his head while the

guy's asleep, and then it cuts away, and it's

like, yep, that guy's dead. Whereas a pirate...

Well, I'm not saying that... Not to interrupt

you, but I'm not saying that they translate better

in a kid's view, or that, like... I'm not saying

that kids would like one or the other better.

I'm saying, like, just from producing the cartoon

and, like, the parental groups and stuff like

that, it might be easier to pass. Yeah. That's

what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Okay.

Like, because a pirate death, when someone dies

versus a pirate... It's like, they're gonna swashbuckle

until their guts get spilled, or they're gonna

get blasted with a medieval weapon gun that's

going to fester and bleed to death, or they're

gonna get scurvy and wear away, or they're gonna

get tossed dead. The walk in the plank's like

the only one that's kid -friendly. Because they

can have a bunch of young - I bet you if you

ask most kids, like, how do pirates kill people,

like, they'd be like, walk the plank, because

that's the only thing they've been exposed to.

Exactly, exactly. So yeah, I mean in a category

which is aimed at kids, cartoons are generally

aimed at kids. It's like not fair to the pirates

almost. That said, like Teenage Mutant Ninja

Turtles and Samurai Jack definitely sculpted

me as a child. They're like things that I still

pull from today. But Flapjack, Tailspin, Harlock,

Lagoon, One Piece, I've seen all of these, I've

read some of these. Don't know. I want to give

it to the pirates on this one. I Literally changed

your vote like four times during that conversation

You never know what's going Nate what about you?

I'm gonna have to go with ninjas actually oh

Yeah, it was like I Really like flapjack, but

I mean just I can't be that bias like the captain

his whole body's a beard Fuck, you're right.

Um... Pirates. Wow. With one description, his

vote has shifted. It's great though, because

he gets shaved one episode and he's just covered

in tattoos and stuff. I don't know. Maybe I just

haven't been exposed to Flapjack enough. It's

so good. I don't want to oversell it, but it's

fun. I've seen Tailspin. I've seen the Pirates

of Dark Water, which is not a bad cartoon actually.

I've seen a few episodes of Jake and the Neverland

Pirates for voice actor purposes only. I've seen

Ninjago. But man, it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

We get it. I gotta go with ninjas on this one.

They have a rat that knows martial arts. I mean,

come on. I mean, everybody loves ninjas because

of turtles. I'm gonna say that TMNT is the winner

of that category. That one show just outshines

the rest of them. Right. But to me it's the bulk

of good pirates versus the not bulk of good ninja

ones. Which makes sense, I can understand that,

and I respect that. Alright, so we had movies

going the way of the pirates, we had cartoons

split, and now we shift to another pop culture

area, which would be video games, which I know

all of you guys are probably more knowledgeable

than myself. When it comes to ninja video games,

you have stuff like Double Dragon, Mortal Kombat,

Ninja Blade, Shinobi. I always say it wrong,

Nate, but you said it earlier. Ninja... Ninja

Gaiden? What did I say? Ninja Gaiden? It's either

Ninja Gaiden, Ninja Gaiden, or Ninja Gaiden,

I've heard. Gaiden? I always said Gaiden when

I was a kid, but I don't know why. I think it's

Gaiden. Gaiden is phonetic, G -A -Y would be

gay, and D -E -N is den. I don't know, whatever.

For pirate games, you had Sid Meier's Pirates.

uh... series you had a tropical to pirate cove

uh... you had monkey island series which you

i have played that one good lord that was one

of my favorite games as a kid uh... i guess assassins

creed uh... black flag assassins creed 4 uh...

and there's a bunch more that i'm sure nate and

matt can bring up you know what's funny there's

not a lot of good pirate games that's a pretty

comprehensive list you got there and donkey kong

country 2 is stretching it But, yeah. I need

to make one. Same type of argument, I guess,

for this one, and we'll see what you guys think.

Does one of them have a better complete body?

Or if you're looking at lists of, let's say,

all the ninja games in the world and all the

pirate games in the world, is there a clear number

one game that stands above all the rest? Man,

that's a tough question. You're the video game

guru. Do you need a minute to think about it

while the other guys? No, I'm good to just flap

my mouth around. Flap your mouth. I've never

played Sid Meier's Pirates. Okay, Sid Meier's

Pirates, I've put so many hours on the Sid Meier's

Pirates. It is an amazing game. Like, ugh. Like,

that is one of the big games that just got me

into pirates. Like, ugh. You just do all the

pirate stuff and it's open -ended and you just,

you have stuff you do and it's, ah, love it.

Um. I haven't played Assassin's Creed 4, and

I feel bad because I love pirates. It looks awesome.

It looks really fun. Like, I wanna be a pirate,

you get a ship and everything! And, uh, Donkey

Kong Country 2 is my favorite SNES game. So,

I wanna go with pirates. Love both for Monkey

Island. Listen. I wanna go with pirates on this

one. But... Ninjas! See, here's the thing. Video

games were, like... When Nintendo revived the

video game industry, it was all Japanese culture

that was getting infused in the games. So there's

so many more examples of ninja video games than

there are of pirate video games. And it's a difference

here too than what we were talking about with

the cartoons. You know, whereas cartoons, a lot

of them are trying to be kid -friendly, this,

that, and the other. There's not as much concern

over that when it turns to video games. Oh, no.

Yeah. I mean, because the newer Ninja Gaidans

are super bloody and crazy, violent. And I don't

know. There's just so many more examples of good

ninjas in video games. What's your favorite Ninja

video game? Probably Ninja Gaiden. I mean, I

really like the SNES one, but I'll never beat

it. It'll be sad. It's sad. But man, I'm trying

to think of a more obscure ninja game. Oh, Mark

of the Ninja. Holy crap. That's a new one. It's

a newer one. It came out a few years ago. It's

a stealth action platformer where you're a ninja.

And it's like one hit kills. So you have to be

stealthy. It's really cool. But yeah, there's

like so many less examples of pirate games. I

feel like there's as many Ninja Gaiden games

as there are pirate games. Yeah. Like, that's

probably true. But does the quality of something,

if you take like, for example, like the ones

he was saying, Sid Meier's Pirates, Assassin's

Creed 4, or like one of my, obviously the one

that's my favorite, Monkey Island, are games

like that, and the quality of those few games

enough? to combat the lack of pirate games or

are there just as many equally great ninja games?

You know, I really... Can we pause for 60 hours

so I can play Assassin's Creed 4? Has anyone

here ever played Risen 2? I have not. I heard

it was really crappy. You don't even get a boat.

Like I own I think both risen games Yeah, I was

super excited about them because I've played

every fable game except for the on rail kinetic

only shooter Yeah, which doesn't count. Um, and

it looks risen looks just like pirates The pirates

version of fable and it's like dude fables awesome

pirates are awesome. I got to get down I got

them both Terrible controls. Yeah, like I'm really

on each story. Yeah, like it just it was just

miserable Does it depend on if your desire of

video games is more of an adventure style video

game versus a fighting video game style? There

aren't a lot of adventure ninja games. There

aren't a lot of fighting video games. No, there

are a lot of pirate games. I mean fighting pirate

games. So does it just depend on what kind of

video games you like? It probably plays a factor,

yeah. Yeah, yeah, cuz I don't like fighting games

like cuz Sid Meyers is like it's gonna be a lot

like the other Sid Meyers, right? Yeah, yeah,

it's like it's like it's not turn -based exactly,

but it's like You you have little events you

go from you're not gonna have a ninja game where

you gotta Oh, you got to build a ninja factory.

Okay, it's pumping out ninjas now You got to

send you got to collect ninja resources. It's

not gonna work That works in a pirate game Sid

Meyers pirates is more like you're one you're

one pirate and you have a crew Yeah, and you

can go around the world and like get ships and

stuff It's really good. It's really good Pirates

have way broader range like like we said we could

have a strategy game You can have an adventure

game like tropical. That's also a strategy I

mean you could technically even have just a fighting

game with pirates But they don't think it is

one specific has been made there in in um in

Soul Calibur There is a pirate Cervantes! Yeah,

he's cool. Like, I think pirates can get into

just about every genre of video game, and I don't

know if it works for the ninjas. Yeah. Fuck,

we have a lot more ninja games. Yeah. Well, that's

because it's easier to develop a game where you

just run and kill stuff. But you can do it really

well. Like, Tenchu, Wrath of Heaven for the PS2,

where it's... Like... Do I need to go get that?

Yeah. Dude, if you haven't played that game...

No, I don't have any Tenchu games. Oh, that's

the only Tenchu game I've ever played, and it's

the only one I need to play. It was that good.

Like, because you could do anything! And like

we were saying earlier, where there's like violence

levels versus video games versus... like cartoons,

like they would actually, if you're playing single

player and you do like a stealth kill, it'll

show you like how you killed the dude, like it'll

give you like an x -ray sometimes of you like

breaking a dude's spine or sliding your sword

in between his ribs. Like, and then it had just

like all these really cool calculated things

that you would do as a ninja, like making a poison

rice ball and setting it on a side of a table.

Someone's like, oh, rice ball, cool. And then

he's dead. Like it. I think all the listeners

are figuring out Why? If any time in the future

we're doing video game themed shows Wars or anything

of the like of the sort why why you'll be hearing

a lot more of Mad Nate Dan get your thoughts

in real quick about the video game aspect of

things well I'm gonna on your side. I don't really

My video game knowledge is not that extensive.

Honestly, some of the games I on the pirate and

most of them I haven't heard of except for Assassin's

Creed and Donkey Kong Country and pirates The

way I look at it's like me of Mortal Kombat on

that list. I'm going to like Teenage Mutant Ninja

Turtles, which that was such a huge. Oh my god

I forgot about those like the Turtles in time.

Oh Oh, yeah, it's so good. But you're saying

like Mortal Kombat as far as like the impact

that that one single game had? Yeah, and then

the town if you're gonna count the Ninja Turtles

game, you know Turtles arcade game just pretty

phenomenal and I did play Ninja Gaiden back in

the day like for Xbox and I thought that was

a fun game and though maybe the Pirates games

or cover more bases I think just that the Ninja

video games are a little bit more iconic maybe

because like you mentioned like was mentioned

They're they're coming from Japanese college

companies that that culture is a lot more prominent

but that's the reason I'm thinking ninjas just

because of Their cultural impact and the fact

that I kind of know them unlike the pirate games.

So I'll plead anger and it's on this one Fair

enough. Nate and Matt, we've got a whole bunch

of discussion on video games, but I don't know

if I know exactly which way your vote is leading,

so what do you guys think on that? I gotta go

on personal experience and say that I've had

more fun with a very few pirate games than I

have with a lot of ninja games, so pirates. I'm

going to do the same thing Nate did. I've had

a lot more fun playing Tenchu Wrath of Heaven

than I have any pirate game. And though I like

the range of the pirate games, I'm going to have

to give it to Ninjas personally. Oh yeah. Oh,

this one's tough for me because, like I said,

I don't have a lot of experience in the video

game. If I was just going on based on what games

on these lists did I have the most fun playing,

it would be Monkey Island because I just love

that style of game. But that's more because of

the style of game and not so much because of

pirates necessarily. Is there a Ninja point and

click adventure? I don't think so. But I do remember

playing Ninja Gaiden a little bit as a kid, playing

Mortal Kombat and a couple of those games like

that. So even though Monkey Island would be my

favorite game on the list, I think overall, just

as a body of work, Ninjas make for a better video

game in general as far as the public goes. So

I will swing my vote to the Ninja way and close

out that category. And we have a couple more

pop culture style categories. And the next one

up is with actual fictional characters. So regardless

if it's from movies or video games or TV shows

or cartoons, when you're actually looking. Because

a lot of these ones that we've been looking before

is like a movie that's completely based on a

ninja or pirate or a video game that's mostly,

you know. all about ninjas or pirates, that excludes

a lot of characters that appear in different

things like comic book characters or individual

characters that appear in a cartoon series that

might not completely be about ninjas or pirates.

So if we're looking at fictional characters,

obviously we're just talking about video games,

so you do have Ryu Hayabusa. How do you say his

name? Ryu Hayabusa. Yes, from Ninja Gaiden. You

obviously have Sub -Zero, Scorpion, and all of

the other ninjas in Mortal Kombat. We've talked

about the four turtles, Leonardo, Donatello,

Raphael, and Michelangelo, as far as Teenage

Mutant Ninja Turtles. But some of the ones that

I'm talking about that you might forget, because

G .I. Joe's not necessarily a ninja movie, but

you have two of the coolest ninjas out of all

fictional characters in Storm Shadow and Snake

Eyes. You have a lot of comic book ninjas, which

I'm sure you guys can... Bring more than I have

pictured there, but Who do you guys view as as

the biggest comic book ninja characters? I've

up to you man. I don't know too much. Um, well

iron face probably Yeah, who iron face iron fist?

Yeah, he's young kung -fu more than these ninja

Yeah, but I mean, yeah, he's he's I would say

mostly his villains. Um, like the hand Yeah,

like just cuz just like the the turtles fight

the foot in Marvel. There's the hand Who the

whole sect of ninjas? There's a lot of ninja

a lot of websites. We're listing like Electra

daredevil and The Psylocke they all have ninja

like qualities so does Wolverine he was trained

by ninjas at certain point The other one I have

pictured is cyber ninja so it's almost like we're

going to have more than just from uh... mel gear

solid yeah yeah yeah that's the other one yeah

he's uh... he's a weirdo that guy is a weirdo

you should see his scenes you kill him well you

finish his battle and then he's like hurt me

more hurt me more it's insane but man i didn't

mean to cut you off keep going with uh... some

other ninjas that we might not have on the list

are other comic book ninjas or just fictional

characters that fit into that ninja realm. Can

you think of any that we're missing? I can't

think of any off the top of my head because I'm

really bad at that. Yep. Well, you might think

of some as we rattle off the pirate characters

that might fit in this category. Sure, I'll just

cut in and take it. Yes, just be like, oh, I

got something. I got to cut in. I got this ninja

character I thought of. You have Deadpool in

your list. That's Deadpool, right? Deadpool's

the worst ninja ever. He but that daredevil I

meant to say Deadpool you did say daredevil actually

is very ninja like yeah He's probably a better

ninja than probably better at being a ninja than

Deadpool, but Deadpool I think is one of the

most in arguably ninja characters like he wears

a very ninja like outfit He attacks from behind

he uses he used a lot of tools. He's got a lot

of ninja like qualities He just has a dumb mouth.

He's a big man And then as far as some fictional

pirate characters, you've got to go more into,

a lot of times more into classic movies or books

or stuff like that. But you obviously have the

pirate robbers like we talked about from Princess

Bride. You have Captain Jack Sparrow from the

pirate series. You have LeChuck from Monkey Island.

You've got Long John Silver. You've got Hook.

You've got Don Carnage. One -Eyed Willie from

The Goonies. You've got the Flying Dutchman from...

Spongebob, Captain Nemo, I guess would fit into

that category. I feel like if you ask just a

random person, even a random other people that

we talked to on the podcast to just list off

ninja characters, you would be able to list off

a lot more without running out of ideas than

if we asked you to list pirates. Famous fictional

pirates. You forgot No Beard the Pirate. I'm

just saying, you could come up with more ninja

characters than you can pirate characters. Why

is that? I mean, we had more pirate movies, that

there's better pirate movies. Cartoons we were

split on. There's still a few pirate video games.

Why is it then, when we look at actual fictional

characters, that all of a sudden there seems

to be a gazillion fictional ninjas that we all

know and a lot of us love? And then we would

try to think of pirates. You have your standards

or some specifics from a couple of these things,

but then you're done. I think it's because the

pirate sensibilities are a little bit not as

timeless as a ninja. I think a ninja can translate

to any time period. You can make a ninja into

something like Deadpool, but if you put a pirate

in a comic book today that's taking place present

time... it's gonna be kind of odd seeing a dude

in a three -piece hat and in different things,

but I think the Yeah, you can kind of adjust

it like we talked about with like Han Solo has

pirate qualities But I just think this their

look is a little bit more distinct like we talked

about so it's hard to kind of have a fully formed

pirate in a Unless it's like a period piece.

So I'm gonna Two points. One, I was thinking

about exactly what he said when I saw that you

had three or four comic book ninjas. I was like,

is there any comic book pirates? And, you know,

there are a few like the Black Flag comic from

Watchmen, like the comic in a comic, which was

great, and had pirates in it. But I mean, yeah,

you can't do a modern pirate. Like, you either

have to go back in time or you have to go forward

in time for it to work. That said, I don't think

I agree that... people can name a lot more ninjas

than pirates, because you'd be like, I think

if you go to general popular, someone who doesn't

have very many geek or nerd qualities, and be

like, hey, can you name five pirates? They'll

be able to name off Davy Jones and like, Blackbeard,

Redbeard, Nobeard, Jack Sparrow, and you know,

they'll be able to just name off five from Pirates

of the Caribbean, probably. What if, if you take

that one movie out, how many can they name? Uh,

Hook. Yeah. That's about it. I mean, because

I can name Raphael, my clan, Joe, Leonardo, and

Dr. Ello, and that's just as many as you just

named from Pirates of the Caribbean. And I agree,

but I think that that knowing all the turtles'

names is kind of nerdy. I don't know. Like, I

feel like the Pirates of the Caribbean are way

more acceptable. I don't know, man. There's been

like 15 years worth of turtles' cartoons. There's

movies, comics, video games. Come on, everybody

knows the turtles. Maybe, maybe. Compared to

the Pirates of the Caribbean. I want to draw

a blackboard comic. No, no, no. No, I want to

get I want to do okay the the four most famous

pirates Mutants mutant pirate famous dudes comic

Mount Rushmore a pirate. Yeah, and then they

fight I don't know the shredder some Can you

really compete with stuff like sub -zero scorpion

storm shadow and snake eyes Snake Eyes is so

badass. You can't compete with Snake Eyes. Is

Snake Eyes the best ninja ever? Yeah. Probably.

That's probably true. Which is weird because,

like, in my mind, like, every G .I. Joe is, like,

American, so, like, in my mind, Snake Eyes is

American. No, he probably is. Like, and so it's

so weird to be like, yeah, we win that one. America.

G .I. Joe. Who's the best pirate character? Jack

Sparrow? No. I don't know, man. If you see the

opening 10 -minute scene of Pirates of the Caribbean

4, where it's just so incredibly, we're pirates,

we get to do whatever we want now. It's just

so unabashedly, we don't even care. Cream puff

on the ceiling. It's so much fun. Cream puff

on the ceiling? You gotta see it. All right,

man. Dan, who makes the better character, a ninja

or a pirate? I think the ninjas have better fictional

characters, just to... Assortment of them and

whatnot. I mean, I think Captain Hook is probably

the best maybe not the best but probably the

most notorious Pirate just because of the cartoon

and and whatnot, but I just prefer the ninja

characters I mean, I guess they guys and Ninja

Turtles. What are you gonna do? I Mean, I think

you'd have to eliminate like if you were if you

were ranking fictional character ninjas and fictional

character pirates Like you would probably have

to eliminate like the first five or ten ninjas

to make this a fair fight Like, you'd have to

get rid of all the Mortal Kombat ninjas, you'd

have to get rid of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow,

get rid of the turtles, get rid of a few comic

book characters, and then we might have a fair

comparison, in my opinion, on fictional characters.

Not saying anything against pirates. I love a

lot of the pirate characters, but... Wait, why

are you... You should be saying things against

pirates. That's what we're doing! We're debating!

I know, but the pirate, I mean, we had to stretch

to come up with stuff. I got Don Carnage and

the Flying Dutchman in here. Don Carnage is great.

I feel like this specific category is a slam

dunk. I feel like, generally, if you'd be like,

you know, who's got cooler characters, pirates

or ninjas? Like, not looking at this list, I'd

be like, I can think of a lot of cool pirates.

But yeah, like... The pirates don't have anyone

that represents them that's the sub -zero or

snake -eyes cool. Yeah. That's true. Nate? What?

I need to hear official vote from Nate on this

one. The first official time that Nate has voted

for Nate. Oh, that's right. He took back a lot.

He talked about his other attempt at voting that

day. He said his whole body was a beard! His

whole body's a beard. Except for his peg legs,

which he has two peg legs and two hook hands.

We haven't talked at all about peg legs. Love

them. No, we haven't. They're a great accessory.

Anyway, go on. Alright, hold on. We got, we got

another with the last of I guess like what I'm

considering the pop culture. categories and that

would be looking at toys specific toys in general

or specifically I thought it would be cool to

look at which of these character types makes

up for a better better Lego set because Legos

has done sets of everything you know you have

your space Legos your cop Legos your a castle

like medieval time legos. And you do have a whole

set of ninja legos and a whole set of pirate

legos throughout the years. And since the Lego

movie is out this year and everybody's thinking

about legos, et cetera, I thought it would be

cool to look at these specific comparisons here.

And obviously there's much more than what I have

pictured that you'll see on the webpage, on the

post. I mean, you guys can probably think of

more. Maybe you guys had more when you were a

kid. I don't know. Myself, I had all of the knights

and the medieval Legos. That's the ones I had.

So I didn't necessarily have a bunch of these.

But which group makes for better Lego sets? Ninjas

or pirates? Who wants to start this one off,

Dan? Well looking at the sets here if I'm like

a kid and thinking or even as adult which one

I'd rather play with I think this the pirates

are a lot more intriguing I looked like the ninjas

just kind of houses and doesn't look all that

fun but like the pirates have ships and Flags

and craziness and you know the ninjas have little

huts and little flags and it's not nearly as

fun so I don't know it's me that The pirate's

Lego sets looks a lot more fun in... Do you know

what else the pirate's Lego sets have that the

ninja ones don't usually? Bow treasure chests.

Oh. Bow. And it was always fun as a kid to have

a little treasure chest which you could open

it up and have little Lego pieces of gold and

then they would also have little gold cups and

different things like that. You're adorable.

I like the little booty that you can get with

the treasure chest and all that stuff. Yeah I

like the little booty. Yeah, and you could hide

the booty around. You could put little cups and

little gold pieces everywhere. You could put

a treasure chest somewhere and hide it like you're

on your own little adventure. I like me some

Legos and I definitely like... I never even knew

Ninja Legos existed. Is this a new thing? Do

these always exist? I'm talking about classic

ninja lego sets. Where were these when I was

a kid? The first ninja lego set you posted there

clearly has an older look to it. I can believe

it was around the 90s. Ninjas were huge in the

90s. Did ninjas always do the whole paragliding

like a batsuit thing? I've seen it a lot of places.

Okay. But yeah, the ninja houses don't look,

I'm with Dan, they don't look very entertaining.

Like I'd much rather have a ship with some treasure

chests. You think about it like, the pirates

have a lot more larger paleofenelia, right? You

think of a ninja, you think of a bunch of little

tools and stuff, which doesn't translate well

into a Lego situation where it's like a boat

and a cave and a treasure chest. Whoa, someone

died. And like that is all cool and like really

well done. You know, and part of me wants to

be like, well, you know, the ninjas... legos

like you get like a black figure with a little

black hands and you get a little thing that you

can put over the head and you can put any any

of your legos could be a ninja be like this one's

Darth Maul ninja and it's like that's kind of

cool but the lego set that i had as a kid the

pirate one had a hook hand and a peg leg and

that the ninja doesn't got nothing on that um

i uh i've never owned a lego set You have to

leave the my my my mom would never buy them for

me. They were really expensive Yeah, they were

expensive and I probably would have lost them

That's true. So Legos are way more expensive

than you think unless you just want like the

horse with two guys. Hey, it's like That's actually

a very inefficient Lego that I go, you know,

cuz I'm a toy guy, right? I'm probably like comics

on toys are my two big things and Statistically,

the bigger sets get you way more pieces per dollar.

And that's a common thing that you'll see on

the forums of people being like, well, that set's

really like five cents a piece. That's no good.

And they'll break it down that much. I just had

so many. My brother had a ton of Legos. He had

the old Legos from the 70s. He had the space

Legos and the city Legos with the cops and stuff

like that. Like I said, I had a whole bunch of

medieval themed Legos. I had so many Legos and

then one day, as an older person, when I was

working at Target, I was looking at the Legos

and I'm like, is this how much these cost? I

should not have been asking for these for Christmas

and for birthday presents. They're actually really

expensive, but they've gotten better statistically

since their prices have increased less than inflation

has. They were even more expensive in the 80s.

Matt's ridiculous with his toys. Yeah, even me

and Matt need to talk toys more. I'm surprised

because for the exact reasons you just said,

where your brother had these Lego sets and then

you got them because you were the next kid, That's

how I got my first Lego set because my brother

had a million Legos and so since Nate was like

the sixth kid I'm surprised he didn't have a

million Legos ever. Well, I was I was the second

boy. Oh, yeah, and David had lots and lots of

GI Joes So I did have a lot of I did have a lot

of GI Joes with the with their torsos like half

ripped off And rubber band did not last. Yeah

So is anybody voting for ninjas on this one?

No. Nope. Okay, so clean sweep for pirate legos.

And we're moving away from pop culture, getting

back into a little bit more for a second here

of just pirates and ninjas in general. Some quick

and easy questions, hopefully, here. Our tenth

category here, if you had to choose which, and

we kind of already answered this in ways as we've

gone through here, but which group leads the

more appealing life? Like if you had to choose

one, regardless of which one's cooler, which

one's deadlier, which one has better weapons

or clothes, or this, that, or the other. Like

if you're having to put yourself in their life.

What life would you rather lead? The life of

a pirate or the life of a ninja, Nate? Well,

to me, a pirate's life is about freedom. They

go off on adventures just finding stuff. A ninja's

life is about discipline. And if you think of

it that way, it's got to be pirates. I think

you've got a good point. There's a lot more freedom

in the pirate lifestyle. Um, and there's a lot

more structured discipline in the ninja lifestyle,

but with that freedom comes more problems, like

trying to find your next meal and trying to avoid

scurvy and all these things that the ninja wouldn't

even think about. The ninja's not thinking about

disease. I'm dealing with hangovers. Yeah, sure.

Like, the ninja's not gonna get drunk all night.

Yeah, but you're never gonna get a hangover if

you're never not drunk. Yeah. What is it? Yeah.

Just stay drunk. It's like, I don't feel like

the ninja has any concerns about all these things.

His only concern is, how am I gonna kill this

guy and get out? And even then he's not concerned

because he's a ninja and he's been trained all

his life for it. Yeah. And so it's like, do you

want the structured discipline of not having

too much freedom? Or do you want the freedom

to die by disease on the high seas? Like, they're

both pretty brutal and rough. Now I'm torn. I

thought I knew exactly which way I was going.

Dan, help me out. Who leads a more appealing

life? I mean, you do get to travel around the

world as a pirate, but you also have to travel

on a boat that's moving back and forth and full

of disease, like was mentioned. Wow. I guess

the key word here is appealing. And I think there's

a lot of negatives with the pirate lifestyle,

but I think there's a lot of appealing aspects

to it. I think... There's nothing all that appealing

about being a ninja minus just being able to

kill anybody you want to, but... Sorry, there's

a certain romanticism in piracy that, like, we

as a culture have built up over time. Like, the

pirates we have in our movies is not the pirates

that actually existed, clearly. The other thing,

too, is maybe you've got to think about it different,

because we've been thinking about it... Not necessarily

in a selfish manner, but we've been thinking

about it kind of just as ourselves. I guess there's

an aspect of, for people that like families or

for people that like significant others, where

is it easier to do that? Where is it easier to

have a family or a significant other in the life

of a pirate or the life of a ninja? Nope. Neither.

You kidding me? Nope. Like, ninjas can't have

love. No. They can have sex? uh maybe yeah well

like they can poison a chick i don't know i feel

like they're like the two i feel like they're

both the rapiest the rapiest pieces of acceptable

culture ever because like you don't want to be

a chick on a pirate ship but you also don't want

to be the date the lady that dated a ninja either

yeah So they're definitely both very... would

you agree that both lifestyles would be pretty

isolated in a way? I don't think of pirates as

being isolated at all, but they're very lonely.

Well, independent? Lonely. I think that would

be the word. You don't have a lot of chances

for settling... but I guess pirates do get to

settle down later, eventually. Well, if they

survive. They have a higher chance of settling

down if they survive the old age. Like Dan said,

they do get to travel the world and see lots

of things. Like Nate said, they do get to drink

and party and have fun and have freedom. I mean,

once they get to port, everything's all good,

especially if they just got some booty. There's

definitely a lot more risks, too, of the pirate

life. Way more. And we didn't even talk about

getting caught. If you get caught as a pirate,

it's pretty much over. You're going to get hanged.

If you get caught as a ninja, you have a chance

of escaping. There's a lot more camaraderie.

You know, you think of camaraderie, you think

of pirates way more than ninjas, but I think

if a ninja gets caught, there's a higher chance

of him getting sprung by other ninja than there

is of a pirate ever getting sprung. So don't

a lot of ninjas, like, if they get caught or

get risk of caught, they have to kill themselves

with, like, cyanide pills and stuff like that,

rather than being captured? I think that's probably

true, although I don't... It's probably last

resort though. That was not an appealing part

of that one. Ninjas don't get caught. Yeah, that's

the prop. I feel like if I was a ninja, I'd get

caught daily. I'd be like, I did it again, dang

it, and it'd be like groundhog day. Cyanide pill,

start again. I'd be a tough one to hide. We don't

make lousy ninjas. So I guess it goes back to

the category. Which led the more appealing life?

Dan? Oh, wow. Don't know this is like the most

torn I've been on a category. Yeah, it almost

feels like it's like I'd rather not be either

because None of these are as cool as I thought

about my whole childhood dang it I guess some

of just the negatives of being a pirate I feel

based upon what's being said or worse I would

not want to get scurvy or be on a ship or be

caught as a pirate I feel like the negative side

of a ninja would be a lot quicker or you know

you wouldn't have to die of disease like you

would if you're a pirate so I think I'm gonna

go with I was originally thinking pirate but

I've been swayed and I'm gonna go with ninja

Matt? I'm gonna have to agree with everything

he said like I don't want scurvy and I don't

want to get seasick all my life so I think I'm

gonna go with ninjas like I think their downsides

are way outweighed by the pirates Safety over

freedom is the trend right now. Nate? See, in

my pirate fantasy... Which you have a lot of.

I would live in a cartoon where scurvy doesn't

exist and everyone's happy. So I would go...

This isn't necessarily what your fantasy life

would be. I don't care! Which would actually

let the more appealing life. The pirates in my

mind! But didn't Captain Hook get eaten by an

alligator in the cartoon? No, yeah. Yes, he certainly

did. But... Ninjas never have to walk the plank.

But... I feel like ninjas are just... The thing

about the pirates, I felt like their life span

is not very long. You're either eventually going

to get beaten by other pirates, or you're going

to have to walk the plank, or you're just going

to die of disease, or... Guns gonna blow up in

your face or something like your life's Span

is not very long ninjas. Nobody knows what happens

to ninjas I feel like they just are kick -ass

ninjas and the prime of their life and then somehow

They must exist somewhere in the older life that

we just don't see I don't know they fade off

into the distance They're training people and

some like little dojo somewhere. I don't even

know if I'm using the proper terminology here,

but I don't feel like they just die unless they're

doing the cyanide pill thing. So maybe they could

have a different life in their older years where

I don't feel like many pirates get to that good

old retirement and spend the booty part. I'm

thinking more quality of life and not quantity

of life. You gotta think though, how many ninjas

get torn apart by sharks? We haven't even talked

about that. There are guys that get torn apart

limb from limb, ripped apart by sharks. What

if you can't handle the sea waves and ocean?

Dude, any pirate I've ever imagined in my head

would punch a shark in the face and that would

be it. The shark would explode. And then blow

up a ninja ship. Nate has gone off of the defense.

We have lost Nate to the realm of the city. I

think we have the plot for Sharknado 3 though.

Alright, I am going with ninja as well just because

I don't know, I don't necessarily think it's

an appealing life for a lot of people to be a

pirate. I think not all pirates are doing pirates.

stuff because they really want to. It's like

we said earlier, it's because life has made them

do that. Like they have no other choice so they

will be a pirate and they will exit that lifestyle

as soon as an opportunity arises. Well you're

a ninja, you're a ninja for life and it must

be appealing enough for that to be a thing. So

I will go with ninjas as well, I'm sorry Nate,

to disappoint your fantasy world that you live

in. Alright, going to the next question which

would be... This is kind of hard for me and might

be hard for a lot of people because it's hard

to relate to certain time periods I guess for

many people that didn't live in them But who

lived in a cooler time period the ninja basically

were going from the 1300s to the 1600s is there

kind of their golden age I guess and the golden

age of piracy would be directly after that so

1300 to 1600 for ninjas for pirates, you know

the 1600s into the 1700s a little shorter of

a span Which time period is cooler in history

Matt? piracy one because it's you know includes

and then is after the Renaissance like yeah like

that's an argument for the Renaissance I'm sorry

I'm an English major like so the idea of being

like the 14th century is lame like you know I

don't know Shakespeare like no Shakespeare like

I don't know man all music is Gregorian chant

You ninjas don't listen to music. Yeah dude,

ninjas don't listen to music. Pirates can make

music. Oh, they make great music. I bet there's

no ninja poetry, but I bet pirates tried to woo

a lady with some poetry before. Alright, so we

have one argument for the Renaissance period

of the piracy time. Nate, what do you think?

Yeah, man. And the thing is... Never mind. I

had a point, but I don't want to talk about it.

It's really hard to be like, this time period

is better than that time period. That's later

than it. Because it's almost always just getting

better. Yeah. Well, see, my point, if I'm not

living in this time period, part of me would

just like to go as far as back as possible. Everything's

going to seem bad compared to how easily most

people have things now. So let's just go. Let's

go for it. Let's go all the way back. Not talking

caveman back, but let's go back that direction.

To me, I don't know. I wouldn't mind being in

the 1800s, but 1600s, 1700s, I don't know. I

don't know much about the 1300s, I guess. But

if I'm going to go back, I might as well go all

the way back. to experience what that would be

like, but I really have no argument for this.

Dan, what do you think? Yeah. Well, I guess ninjas

could hang out with samurai during their time

period, so that's kind of cool, or fight samurai.

But yeah, the whole renaissance thing is a good

point, and I really have no idea. So I'll go

with that one, and it's closer to now. And then

America was kind of being formed then. So go

America, so I'll go 60s, 50s, and 1730s. Nate,

are you going with pirates? Yeah. Okay, that's

all I needed to hear All right, which group makes

a better marketing tool in today's day and age

here for products for Whatever you got who's

a better marketing tool. Can you market ninjas

better or can you market pirates better? Obviously

we have pirates more pirate sports teams than

ninja sport teams and and there's a lot of pirates

stuff in the in the food industry or the drink

industry obviously since pirates are drinkers

so you got your like your captain morgan and

your captain like there's a billion knockoffs

in your admirals in your whatever you know you

had a pirate back in the mcdonald's days as far

as their early marketing captain crunch dealt

with a villainous pirates you have long john

silvers ninja stuff you have like the ninja kawasaki

you know as far as motorcycles or dirt bikes,

whatever you want to term that. I'm just making

myself sound ignorant. You have Ninja Vodka,

I think, is one of them. Ninja Vodka? Yeah, it's

a brand. You have your Ninja energy drinks, your

Ninja food processor. I love how you have Fruit

Ninja as a marketing tool and not a video game.

It's more of the ninja aspect of selling that

than the game But I don't know like I'll start

this one like to me Yes, there's more sports

teams that that market the idea of a pirate or

you know buccaneer or this that and the other

I feel like Ninja maybe a more diverse marketing

tool where you can make it work with a lot of

different things Because you can just take one

aspect of the ninja whether it be like the stealthiness

or Like the you know use of blades like what

the food processes are kind of doing that type

of thing I don't know. I think like ninjas you

can pick out more personality traits or more

Traditional things about an engine and make it

into a wide variety of different products and

market them, whereas the pirate seems to be a

little more focused on certain genres or certain

areas of marketing, and I don't know how much

you can branch out and do other things with the

pirates, but that's just my initial thought.

I haven't decided yet, but that's my initial

thought. Dan, what do you think? I think when

you use Ninja as a marketing tool, it's a little

bit more generic than that of a pirate, because

if you look at all the marketing tools we have

listed, for Ninja, they have Word Ninja, But

they don't really use any of the likenesses of

ninja really unlike a pirate when you're marketing

it You're actually using that character to sell

your your brand. It's like you have that iconic

symbol of the of Captain morgan or the pirate

symbol for the pirates I mean, I think ninja

is almost like a word you kind of just throw

it's more word association than it is a Like

a marketing tool because I mean there's a lot

of ninja stuff for like fitness materials and

things like that But just I think it's more of

an idea. So I think It's whether you value an

idea of the ninja or the traits of a ninja compared

to a character, like a pirate character, I guess,

maybe. If we were asking what makes a better

mascot, that'd be a different, probably an easy

argument for the pirates. But as far as just

a branding type of idea. I think the branding

of a, like I said, I think a pirate is more distinctive

and has... If you're marketing it as a pirate

you think you have an idea of what it's gonna

be but like Looking at all the ninja things.

It just doesn't seem like it. It's just a word

They're putting on there like you're you know,

like the the ninja Slicer or whatever the thing

is. It's just how's that really ninja? You're

just throwing it on there just because it sounds

cool. So that's why I'm thinking that's why I'm

leaning towards pirates Well, what is marketing

but what sounds the coolest? true I'm gonna actually

piggyback on what he just said. We have a Ninja

blender upstairs, right at the house I'm in.

And one, it is the sharpest blender I've ever

seen. I do not like washing it because we don't

have a dishwasher and it has to be hand washed

and that's crazy. But it has, they do actually

have a logo, the Ninja brand food processing

company, but it's the worst. logo ever because

it's like you think of ninjas right we've talked

about ninjas for like the last you know hour

and a half and you know we all have a very distinctive

um view of what a ninja is the ninja logo for

the ninja processor is one a lady which you know

like you know they're probably working with female

ninjas i can imagine a stealthy live female ninja

but the idea was that you're not supposed to

look like anything it doesn't look like shadows

so you would have all of your features you know,

you'd have a bagginess or something so you couldn't

see your features. Her hair's dangling out. Anyone's

gonna grab that, you're gonna go down. The weapons

she's holding look like, I don't know, dildos

or something. They're rounded, they're not sharp,

they're coming out of both ends. They're really

weird. Like... You just described all... Wow.

Is this on the Ninja Box? Every... Yeah, dude.

I thought you said it was a bad logo. It sounds

amazing. You take that logo, and you look at

it, and you go like, hey, what do you think this

is for? And they're like, I don't know, exercise

or dildos. You don't think that is for cutting

things, and that has anything to do with ninjas.

It doesn't look like a ninja at all. OK. I don't

know where you were going with that, though,

towards the argument. The point is, I think ninjas

are probably a better marketing. Makes it, it's

like, uh, it's like, um... Oh my gosh. Oh, Matt's

showing me things now. I pulled up the ninja

logo for him. Yeah. Oh, thanks, Matt. Um, I lost

my train of thought. Yeah, they're like they're

like bendy sticks Look up the the ninja logo,

so we're not weird. Um Yeah, very distinctively

female the things you're holding don't look like

weapons You could make an argument, but nah outside

of that particular Nate, what do you think? Do

you think ninjas make a better marketing tool?

Is that what you were saying? OK, so ninjas probably

make a better, more useful marketing thing. Especially

if you're going for a sleek and modern thing.

It's like, ooh, ninjas, they're fast and cool.

But pirates, I like pirates. I don't drink at

all. I never drink alcohol. Captain Morgan makes

me want to drink rum because he looks so cool.

So ninjas make the better marketing tool but

you like Captain Morgan so who you're voting?

Pirates. Alright so Nate remarkably goes for

pirates on this one after making a pretty good

argument for the ninjas. Matt, well, I know you

didn't like the ninja logo of the food processor

or the blade thing, but overall, how do you feel?

Do you like yourselves? I'm sorry. Matt ran away.

Oh, Matt ran away. Did you hear all that shuffling?

A little bit. Yeah. Dan, you were initially going

with pirates. Are you sticking with pirates?

Yeah, I'm thinking because, you know, if you

combine Captain Morgan and Captain Crunch, you

have the Breakfast of Champions. Oh, man. So

I'm going to get away. I think I kind of stick

with what I said before. If we were asking who

makes the better mascot, I'm going Pirate Swivel

Fledge. But as far as marketing, I just think

ninjas give you more options. I mean, yeah, it's

just sticking a name on a thing. But I think

people still have certain ideas or certain connotations

with the word ninja that can be used in a wider

variety of products. So I'm going with Ninjas

on this one. Has Matt found his way back to the

mic? Matt has to move his car. Okay, Matt is

moving his car, so we'll have to get back to

his marketing tool. A vote. I'm gonna guess he's

gonna go with Pirates because it's just because

of how much he hates the Ninja logo. I don't

think we can take your guess. No, it's Pirates!

You've shown a particular bias. What a job for

Pirates, right now! up to this point in the contest

uh... but moving on while we wait for Matt to

our thirteenth category which is uh... a fun

one and I guess this is ultimately what a lot

of people see this as since it is a wars episode

so we might as well get right down to it one

-on -one remember one -on -one who wins in a

fight a pirate or a ninja Dan? I don't think

it's really a question really I mean ninjas are

born and bred to fight and combat and you know

pirates are more so they're You know, they're

more they're not really great one -on -one fighters

They're more dirtier and you know, they'll go

after the the less trained fighters, you know

They're all about pillaging and all that great

stuff. So one -on -one. It's really it's really

simple I don't think it's I think it'll be quick

and easy honestly Nate agree or disagree I have

like you know how like what we think of as pirates

as Like being you know super awesome and like

that's what you think I In my mind it's like

times infinity. They're like pirates are like

like the strongest humans in the world and you

know they can breathe underwater and They they

just have mountains of gold everywhere they go

They're like the greatest things ever, right?

So, in my mind, a pirate would win, but in real

life, a ninja would win in like a second. He'd

just be like, in like a second. Yeah, it wouldn't

even be a fight. It would be sad. That is hilarious.

Yeah, I mean, I agree. I mean, I think he could

even put the ninja like on the pirate ship with

like turbulent waters, and he's still gonna win.

What he would do. is he would pull underneath

into the ship and just hide in a corner and they

just pick people off. Dead, dead, dead, dead,

dead, dead, dead. Yeah, it might not even need

to be a one -on -one fight. You could probably

literally put one ninja on a pirate ship and

the ninja would be the one that survives. Yes,

in real life. In my head, no. The pirates would

befriend the ninja and then everyone would sing

a song. They would get the ninja drunk and then

make him walk the plank. No, everyone would be

happy. Didn't you have a pirate ninja and then

it all went? Oh, I love it. I love it. I don't

got a whole different thing going on here. I

want it. This road trip has turned a different

course in now. Yeah, I mean, I don't even think

we need Matt for this one. If he said pirates

won on a one -on -one fight, all his votes would

be canceled out. OK. So this one's an interesting

one. I don't know where this one's going to go

here, but I thought it would be... I mean, we

talked about when their heyday was and when their

prime was as far as, you know, ninjas back in

the 1300s and 1600s and pirates back in the 1600s

and 1700s. But there could be pirates still today.

There could be ninjas still today. I mean, there's

piracy. There are pirates in the Middle East

in the waters and doing stuff. I mean, we just

watched a movie about it last year, didn't we?

Looking into the future. If we were talking about

who could make a comeback, or in real life, or

in pop culture, or whichever way you want to

take this question, but who has the brighter

future in our world? Pirates or ninjas, Nate?

Matt's back, by the way. Hi, Matt. Hi. Sorry.

That's right. We're going to get your vote on

marketing tools in a second. Well, actually,

let's do it right now. Who did you technically

vote for in the marketing system here? Well,

the one argument that I had that didn't get mentioned

before I had to leave was that pirates are usually

used in a teen format. But if you think about

it, ninjas have a costume. They have a uniform.

And pirates don't. I don't know why that is.

I'm going to vote pirates. I don't know. I think

they work better. Put them down for pirates!

Just in marketing. You can always slap a pirate

out of rum and it's going to work. Like ninjas,

I think you have to stretch more. Alright, well

we have to ask you a very important question,

Matt. And how you answer this question could

drastically change what we've been doing so far.

And you don't even get to explain yourself, really.

One -on -one who wins in a fight a pirate or

a ninja. I don't get to explain myself And then

go ninja Well, if you would have said pirate

we were gonna cancel all your votes for the entire

episode Because we said you could put one ninja

on an entire pirate ship and the ninja would

still survive probably yeah No, if you want to

explain your scenario, I mean there's two things

it's always the argument who would win between

dr. Doom and Batman and it's like well who's

gonna initiate, Dr. Doom's gonna initiate, and

that gives him the leg up. The ninja chooses

when he strikes. The ninja doesn't, the pirate

doesn't choose. So it's automatically, in a one

on one, it's gonna go to the ninja, cause he's

gonna choose when to attack. But then, yeah,

two, ninjas are trained to kill. Like, pirates

aren't trained to do shit. They just learn on

the fly. Yeah, dude, they make it up. And, you

know, that's admirable and fun. It's just not

gonna win you a fight. So we were clean sweep

on the one -on -one fight, thankfully. Even Nate

couldn't make an argument for pirates on that

one, except for in his head. So now we're onto

category 14, which was who had the brighter future,

Matt? We're talking about however you want to

take this question, in real life, in pop culture,

who can make the comeback, maybe. But who has

a brighter future, pirates or ninjas? And Nate,

we were talking to you first? Yeah. Now, I hope

to see more pirates in the future. Kind of with

well with like Assassin's Creed and some other

video games They seem to be getting a bit more

video games being made about them And then just

had that kind of their heyday in 90s in the late

80s And they're not as prevalent nowadays, but

or could you make the argument that the Pirates

of the Caribbean film? franchise has Already

coming on and it's gonna All right simmer down

now and in a week or two we have a Teenage Mutant

Ninja Turtles movie coming out that could bring

in a new phase of ninja love. Is that what you're

hoping this movie does? God. No. I hope the movie

flops. Can we all agree that we hope that movie

flops? Yeah. I hope it's good. It's not gonna

be. I don't want a bad Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

property thing. Yeah What was the other one TJ

the third movie? Oh, yeah, so we all forget about

that Didn't happen but no much like Michael Bay's

entire life It's hard to say though who has the

brighter future in real life Neither in pop culture.

I want it to be pirates and that's my choice

You're the new TFG and Mike oh come on that's

really mean I've been obsessing over pirates

since like Yeah, basically like I've loved pirates

for my whole life, and you were like hey Nate

We want to talk about pirates. I was like yeah,

what else you talking about ninjas? I was like

whatever pirates Here we go! Dan, who has the

brighter future? Ugh, jeez. I guess if you're

thinking, like, logically, and I guess the future

question is, like, how far in the future, if

you're thinking, like, really far, thousands

of years in the future, and... Space pirates!

Exactly, you're thinking, like, space pirates,

then... Or like a post -apocalyptic world, I

guess pirates might have to come back. Yeah.

Though, ninjas might be among us, and we just

don't know, so, I mean, that's the issue. I mean...

Ninjas may have never gone away. Exactly. I mean,

Space Ninja sounds cool, I just don't know how

it would work. They'd find a way, though. How

do you not see a Space Ninja coming? There's

the color of space around him at all times. That

is a hard one. I mean, they are cracking down

on the current -day pirates. They're not getting

a real good name. That's the thing. They're cracking

down on the modern -day pirates. I don't hear

anything about the modern day ninjas. The modern

day pirates are doing it wrong. They're being

way too killy. Way less songs on the open sea.

There's no Patch the Pirate. I think they're

doing life exactly how the other ones did, only

more successful, and that you can see them and

not fantasize. They have like automatic weaponry.

You just answered my question for me, I think,

Nate. Oh, good. Because pirates have been doing

stuff all wrong. They've been out there making

headlines and being too killy, as you say. And

so stuff's cracking down on them. I think ninjas

all along have been waiting in the shadows, waiting

in the wings for their moment to make a comeback.

so i think i mean is that the ones that are coming

in the future they've just been waiting for the

right moment and they have not been being too

killian making headlines so that they could sneak

up on us and also to be out there and then we're

all we've been taken over by the foot clan and

i don't know what happened after that so uh...

deal a lot of uh... to dvd so i think you can

just on this one they can go with pirates uh...

map uh... well I don't know, I'm thinking, like,

I feel like, like, when you take away the romanticism,

modern pirates are better than classical pirates,

because a classical pirate, like, would take

a ship, right, you know, take a British ship,

say, they'd raid the storage, they'd probably,

uh, they'd kill anyone who wasn't worth much,

and then anyone who is worth much, they'd ransom

back, right, if they could? And that's about

it. Like, whereas the modern pirates, they're

like, okay, we're gonna ransom the ship back

to you, because we know that that's worth millions,

and we're gonna ransom the crew back to you.

We're not gonna kill very many. I don't feel

like they're killing that many more. And they've

got all these cool new technological things.

Like, do you remember a few years ago when the

pirates had the sound weapon? Like, that's some

prototype stuff. Where did the pirates get that?

They probably took it because they're pirates.

Right. And so it's like I don't know. I feel

like pirates have not gone away Like I feel like

ninjas might have gone away. They might be waiting.

They might be waiting for the right time to strike

It's a ninja thing to do Yeah, but I see pirates

and I know in the future pirates are huge and

future literature So I think in the real world

there the pirates have a way brighter future

Although if you talk about just like which one's

gonna have a pop culture resurgence. I don't

know. I think ninjas Have a really good argument

there because just the reasons have said like

Pirates of the Caribbean's on its way out. Yeah,

and like uh Fighting movies are kind of in right

now. We've had the raid. So I am confused Matt

as to who you're voting for. Me too. What does

Dan say? Dan you can give your vote while Matt's

trying to make a decision because I think he

has a good argument on both sides Well, we did

have two really good pirate movies last year

with Captain Phillips and hijacking which was

like a Dutch film, but So there may be a possibility.

We'll get even more pirate movies. Maybe not

necessarily like more modern pirate movies There's

that possibility, but if we're thinking probably

about to have a couple Peter Pan movies. Thank

you. That's awesome Because that's what we need

Yeah, well there you go I guess if you're I Guess

if you're thinking we're a world the fact that

a lot of the tools of the ninja can kind of be

taken away with technology like heat sensors

and motion sensors. I mean I guess unless ninjas

are able to get by that but since we're kind

of a public culture network and we've been looking

at more more public culture things I think if

you're looking straight at public culture with

things like the turtles coming out and the fact

that ninjas like we've talked about are kind

of easy to just bring up and their quality is

a little bit timeless they're still existing

in things like comic books I would say the brighter

future lies with ninjas. Oh, comic book angle,

that's a good one too. I hadn't thought about

that. Matt, does that help your argument or help

your decision? No. I don't know. I can't think

of a good comic book pirate. What about space

pirates? Space pirates? I don't know of any space

pirates. Actually, I don't know, Nate. That's

a good argument. The Forerunner comic book, Countdown

to Adventure, I believe, was great because she's

like a ninja, essentially. And she gets on this

pirate ship and she just kills the captain. And

I was like, you can't just kill the captain.

And she's like, I'm a perfect warrior. Anyone

thinks they can be a better captain than me,

meet me down in the cargo hold. And we'll have

a fight to see who can beat me to be captain.

And then she waits 10 seconds and goes. vent

the cargo hold, and then she just leads this

pirate ship through space, and it's amazing.

And I think, you know, I've got more pirate toys

than ninja toys. Really? And I think that, and

they're newer too, like I think of the toys coming

out, like the Black Flag Assassin's Creed came

out with like eight different toys or whatever,

whereas like you see one like a Naruto, which

is a shitty ninja anyway, or a Ninja Gaiden toy

coming out here and there. Yeah, Naruto is crappy,

wears bright orange and he's got stupid hair.

Worst ninja ever. Yeah, seriously. So the brighter

future belongs to who Matt? I'm gonna give it

to pirates. Yay! Everyone loves pirates. Everyone

loves pirates. I feel like I would feel better

about good pirate movies and if you think about

it there's two Peter Pan movies and one Ninja

Turtle movie so it even looks like it's gonna

be more pirate movies. And they're all gonna

be bad. All right, so our final category in these

wars episodes sometimes we do 20 categories sometimes

we do 10 this one We're doing 15 and the final

one is always just our personal pick. So ultimately

do you prefer ninjas or pirates? We're not gonna

have to talk to Nate at all in this section because

his vote has already been cast We know he's voting

for pirates, but ultimately do you prefer ninjas

or do you prefer pirates Matt? It can be, you

know, taking everything we've talked about, all

the different angles. Ultimately, who do you

prefer? It's a hard one. It's gonna be close.

Regardless of which one I go for, I've got love

for the other one entirely. Um, no love lost

over this podcast. Um, and I think, I think like

even if I had... I'm gonna be very interested

to see where the tallies finally fall at the

end of this. Because I feel like I try to split

down the middle because it's that close. I think

I'm going to vote ninjas. Alright. Dan, who do

you ultimately prefer, ninjas or pirates? Like

Nate said, it's very close but I think personally

I prefer the ninja lifestyle for me. Two votes

ninja Nate. Are you getting worried? Shut up

All right, I Like like you guys said I'd like

a lot of aspects of both You know, I like my

monkey iron games I like the whole idea of Pirates

in a lot of like, you know, especially the movies

Princess Bride Goonies all that stuff But something

about it like if you would ask me at any point

in my life and play the scenario You can be a

ninja or a pirate, which one are you going to

be? I think nine times out of ten, I'm going

to say I'd be a ninja. Who doesn't want to be

a ninja? Besides Nate, who does not want to be

a ninja? I mean, I'd be a ninja, but I'd be the

most piratey ninja ever. So I too, ultimately,

if I had to pick just one, I would go with a

ninja. Nate, make your argument. We know who

it's for, but make your argument. Why are pirates

better? Why do you love pirates so much? because

they're awesome, and they don't take shit from

nobody. No, I don't know. I just like them a

lot. They're cool. There's a terrible argument.

They - they - like, um, I like them because they

are cool and they are fun and yes. And pirates.

And arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Oh yeah. They don't get a catchphrase. Because

my pirates punch sharks and explode ships. With

their fists. I get that, I get that. It's close

for me. Like, he's got good argument. Well, he

does have good arguments, but pirates do. Arrgh!

Alright, well, we're gonna take a quick second

and tally up the votes. And we will be right

back with the verdict for this GCR and Wars.

And ultimately, who is better? Pirates? or ninja

so we'll be right back have yet to have a complete

like blowout which I guess is we don't try to

set up categories that would be complete blowouts

but I just would expect at some point for us

to have two categories that seem like they're

close but when you break it down one just wins

in the land side but we've ultimately had a lot

of very close battles and this is no exception

we had 15 different categories ultimately there

are only four of us on the pod which normally

we try to have an odd number on the podcast to

avoid category ties. But usually in that case

we can shift from the actual category numbers

to the specific votes. But within these 15 categories

we actually had three ties. We were split on

who has a brighter future, we were split on the

personality traits, and we were split on who

makes better cartoons. So we didn't have necessarily

a winner in any of those three categories, which

leaves us with 12 categories that we actually

had winners on. Uniforms went to pirates. Symbols

went to pirates. Movies, Lego sets, who lived

in a cooler time period, and who has a better

marketing tool all went to the pirates. Who has

better weapons? Who makes better video games?

Who has the better fictional characters? Who

leads the better life? Who wins in a one -on

-one fight? And our personal favorite picks...

all went to the ninjas. For those of you keeping

a tally in your head, out of those twelve categories

that actually had winners, it ends up six for

the pirates and six for the ninjas. In the case

of a tie in GCR and war's history, then we go

to the individual tally vote. So a four to nothing

vote would mean more than a three to one if we

only have four people. So if we do that, We did

have a couple a couple sweeps. We had a perfect

sweep for symbols for pirates and a perfect sweep

for Legos for pirates We also had a perfect sweep

for ninjas for fictional characters and a perfect

sweep for ninjas in a one -on -one fight it's

the whole kissing your sister scenario that we're

dealing with here because if you go to the Overall

tally votes which there was 60 votes cast We

end up with 30 votes on the pirate side 30 votes

So somehow amongst these 15 categories and 60

votes We can't decide who wins this match between

pirates and ninjas So that means we need your

guys's help We need your thoughts on the boards

too because we have to have an official winner

Crowned in this episode at some point so if you

go to the website post and you can comment on

this episode and give us basically the answer

to our fifteen category which who do you personally

pick is your favorite who should win this battle

i guess or just look at it overall if you were

to tell you up all fifteen categories who would

you have picked more of uh... i didn't realize

how i was gonna vote in this i i knew nate was

somewhat of a pirate and if we break it down

here uh... nate had Pirates winning 13 out of

the 15 times. So he was 13 to 2 for Pirates.

I didn't realize I was going to be the offsetting

one. I voted 12 to 3 for Ninjas. Matt voted 8

to 7 for Pirates. And Dan voted 9 to 6 for Ninjas.

So if you were to personally go through all these

categories as a listener, How would you have

voted? Who would have won more categories and

who would you have picked as winner? And we will

leave this open up until the airing of our next

Wars episode. When we do the next Wars episode,

at the very beginning, we will crown a winner

for this episode based on user comments on the

website post. So get your comments in there.

Final thoughts going around the table. We've

never had this happen, but let's start with Dan.

What's your final thoughts on the whole Pirates

vs. Ninja thing? I'm surprised it was that close.

For some reason in my head, I was thinking Bryant

were going to take it, but I guess that didn't

happen. Because Nate was so outspoken, we thought

he carried more votes than he did. That's rather

incredible. I'm on Team Ninja, so vote Ninja.

Vote with your heart, I guess. I don't know.

I think it would be interesting for people to

go through and pick a winner in each one and

see how they end up. You barely picked ninjas,

Matt barely picked pirates, and obviously Nate

and I were a little bit more decided on, I guess,

who we liked for most of these. Nathan, are you

upset or not? I know there are going to be some

people that are upset that we didn't have a fifth

member or a third member, and they're going to

say, I'm never allowed to do four members again

on this. But I don't care. I think it would be

a great idea. You know, to let the listeners

decide. It's great. It wasn't planned that way.

Indecision's great. Nate, what do you think overall

on this whole episode? I think pirates are still

the best, and will always be the best, and vote

pirate. And Nate's going to be sending messages

and trying to get people to go to the page to

vote for pirates. Matt, what do you think overall?

Twitter the crap out of this. I'm actually going

to echo the exact opposite of what Dan said as

as his opposite in the votes was I thought ninjas

were gonna take this I honestly thought ninjas

had this and I'm kind of glad that they didn't

just outright win like I was I was worried they

would I if you had asked me which one I was probably

gonna end up you know 15 categories you're gonna

vote a bunch which one do you think you're gonna

end up choosing I'd have thought I'd be ninjas

but honestly I answered honestly and I think

Pirates are great. I don't know, man. I even

have the tally in front of me. And even though

we do take breaks for me to tally them up, I

really mostly already have them done at that

point. I'm just more checking for errors and

stuff. And having the tally before me and seeing

both the category totals and overall totals,

I mean, it was somewhat close throughout, but

I was pretty... confident that Pirates were going

to win throughout the whole time. They were basically

leading almost the entire show. They were barely

leading in the category as the entire show, but

they were somewhat in control of the overall

votes. But Ninjas got nine out of the last 12

votes. in overall tallies, which really made

a comeback for him at the end. So I was kind

of expecting Pirates to win, just kind of seeing

how things were going. And thinking that Nate

was going to be so much for Pirates, and I figured

the rest of us were going to be somewhat in the

middle. So I thought Pirates were going to win.

I didn't realize I was voting Ninja so much.

So I guess I'm a big fan of the Ninja, and people

should vote that. But you're going to have to

let us know. What? I like when you said that

the Pirates won, or yeah, Ninjas won nine of

the last twelve votes. I'm just thinking like,

that's because Nate voted three times in those.

No, he voted for two of them, you voted for one

on the brighter future. Come back for the ninjas

to tie it up and send it to the listeners So

I would like to thank all of the debuts here

for GCNWars I'd like to thank Dan and Matt and

Nate for all joining me here in this discussion

on Pirates or Ninjas We had a lot of fun. Hopefully

you guys had fun listening to it and Thanks for

listening, and I guess we need your help. So

post, please. And there's other ways to get in

contact and leave feedback for the show, too.

Obviously, the most important one for this one

is to visit the website, www .geekcastradio .com.

Find this post and give us your winner. You can

follow us on Twitter. Geekcast Radio is the network

name. Mine is at Optimus Solo. Dan, yours is?

At Movie Revolt. Nate, yours is? At Adolfo Shabadoo.

And be prepared, if you follow him, you're going

to get a lot of tweets about voting for pirates.

Matt, what is your Twitter? I'm at Fridley Sent.

So we hope you enjoyed this episode of GCRN Wars,

and that you'll join us next time when we once

again pit two geek topics against each other

in an ultimate battle royale. For now, I'm Optimus

Solo with... Dan, moverable. Who else? Adolfo?

Matthew Fridley. Hashtag vote pirates. Alright,

we will see you next time when we go into the

realms of space for a new GCRN Wars. Be sure

to rate our show on iTunes and leave us feedback.

Follow us on Twitter at Geekcast Radio. Become

a fan of us on Facebook by searching Geekcast

Radio Network. You can email us at feedback at

geekcastradio .com. Well, one thing I will say,

that swamp certainly does keep you on your toes.

This will all soon be but a happy memory. Robert's

ship Revenge is anchored at the far end. And

I, as you know, am Roberts. How's that possible?

Since he's been marauding 20 years and you only

left me five years ago. I myself am often surprised

at life's little quirks. See, what I told you

before about saying please was true. It intrigued

Roberts, as did my descriptions of your beauty.

Finally, Roberts decided something. He said,

all right, Wesley. Never had a ballet. Contrived

for tonight. I'd most like to kill you in the

morning. Three years he said that. Good night,

Wesley. Good work. Sleep well. I'd most like

to kill you in the morning. It was a fine time

for me. I was learning to fence, to fight anything

anyone would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually

became friends. And then it happened. What? Go

on. Well, Roberts had grown so rich he wanted

to retire. So he took me to his cabin, told me

his secret. I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts,

he said. My name is Royer. I inherited the ship

from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just

as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited

it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts

either. His name was Cumberbund. The real Roberts

has been retired 15 years and living like a king

in Patagonia. Thank you. Then he explained that

the name was the important thing for inspiring

the necessary fear. You see... Let's get this

over with. Every enemy I've met, I've annihilated.

Oh yeah? Well, you fight like a cow. No, no,

no, no. That's not right at all. What? On the

sea, we fight it a little differently. On the

sea, all your insults and threats have to rhyme.

What? So when I say every enemy I've met I've

annihilated, you say... I once found some gold,

but it was just electroplated? No. You say, with

your breath, I'm sure they are suffocated. Let's

try that again, shall we? You're as repulsive

as a monkey and a negligee. Uh... I'm waiting.

I, uh, I... Just as I thought. You're an amateur

with a sword. Give me that map. Here. Take it.

That's your map? Yeah. As soon as I'm through

piloting these waters, it's off to Blood Island.

Until we meet again, Mr. Tweekoon. I've got to

get that map back or we'll never find Blood Island.

Thanks, guys. You were a world of help back there.

It was a rousing battle, Captain. Aye, and it

reminds me of a song. We're a band of vicious

pirates assailing out to sea. When you hear a

gentle singing, you'll be sure to turn and flee.

Oh, this is just ridiculous. Come on, men. We've

got to recover that map. That pirate will be

done for when he falls into our trap. We're a

club of tune -for -overs. We can sing in every

class. We can even hit the high notes. It's just

too bad we're too deaf. A pirate I was meant

to be. Trim the sails and roam the sea. Let's

go defeat that evil pirate! We know he's sure

to lose, cause we know just where to fire it!

We're thieving maladeers! That gang of cup -sort

mugs! To fight us off, you won't need gullies!

Just jolly good ear plugs! A pirate I was meant

to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea! Less

singing, more sailing! When we defeat our wicked

foe, his ship he will be bailing! Alright crew,

let's get to work! Our vocation's a thing we

love, a thing we'd never shirk! We'll fight you

in the harbour. We'll battle you on land. Oh,

and you'll meet singing pirates. There'll be

more than you can stand. Oh, that was a good

one. No, it wasn't. Stop, stop, stop! The brass

is what we'll polish and the deck is what we'll

mop. You say you're nasty pirate -steaming, thieving

bad bushwhackers. From what I've seen, I tell

you, you're not pirates, you're just slackers!

The pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails

and roam the sea! I'm getting so sick of you

guys and your rhyming! We're ready to set sail,

or the cannons need a priming! We're troublesome

corsairs! We've come to steal your treasures!

We will shoot you on the downbeat! But we gotta

rest my measures! A pirate I was meant to be!

Trim the sails and roam the sea! No time for

song, we've got to move! The battle will be long,

but our courage we will prove! Scurvy sea dogs!

Have we pity not a dram? We all eat roasted garlic!

Then sing from the diaphragm! A pirate I was

meant to be Trim the sails and roam the sea We'll

surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange And,

um... Well, uh... Door hinge? No, no Guess the

song's over then Guess so Okay, back to work

Well, gee, I feel a little guilty now. I'm gonna

come out as, like, annoying. Do? I don't think

so. I think so. People are gonna be like, ah,

fuck that guy. The Napa guy knows not to judge

a man by his car's multicolor paint job or absence

of modern gadgetry. Who cares if it's technically

old enough to vote and the windows are powered

by the strength of your left arm? Your monthly

payment is zero, and it'll stay that way. Because

with over 500 ,000 parts and a little Napa know

-how, you can keep anything on the road. She

may not be pretty, but she's all yours. That's

Napa know -how.