The Columbo Files – Dead Weight Review

Hey, hey, hey, it's Chaos Queen here, and you're

listening to the Geekcast Radio Network. Hey,

it's Mistress Carrie, and you are listening to

Studio 2009. So what he'll do is he'll engage

with them and try to waste their time. And now

he got hooked up with these companies that I

handle the money. So he can actually get into

their bank accounts and shut them down. Yeah,

that's not good. No, but shut down the scammers.

Yeah. Oh, OK. Well, that's good then. There's

three or four channels. There's one guy that

can get into their computer systems. And you're

seeing their little call center in India. And

he can show you on the map where their thing

is. But like it was a running joke between me

and Jason because like for a while the scam was

They would do this thing where they made you

think that you owed them a bunch of money because

they play on old people But what you do to pay

them back is you go get target gift cards There

was always target gift card target gift card.

So Jason I were always like when we go to target

target gift card And then the guy that would

get them back would always get the card and then

he'd redeem it which is not Are you supposed

to do that? They're like, no, no, no, don't redeem

it. Just send us the numbers. It's like, oh,

it's OK. I'm sending you the money. No, you're

not. Yes, very, very scam. That's the way I found

out the phrase marachud. Oh, my God. Marachud.

So what I meant by that was at the end of Dead

Weight, Colombo gives two different names for

his niece. Yes. Which I'd never picked up on

before like at the beginning she's Marilyn and

then when he's talking about her like that's

my daughter's sister Cindy I'm like, wait what?

You guys you got or my my my sister -in -law's

or Yeah, no, no, I'm trying to think here my

wife's sister's to her I whole family thinks

But like oh, so you weren't making up some of

these nieces and nephews Because there's an episode

where he actually has pictures of people mm -hmm

but um and his wife like His wife is too much

of a character to to be like there's an episode

where like there's a spy Master, do you see that

one yet? No, you know the guy like actually spies

on Columbus house Okay, it's like he's got like

He knows what Columbo's wife's favorite music

is. I mean, he's got to have a wife. And then

there's an episode in the non -canonical, in

my opinion, later ones, not the real old ones,

which is this lady tries to murder Columbo's

wife out of revenge because her husband went

to jail. Yeah, once we decided we were going

to do this, I stopped at... That's not gonna

mean anything to me, buddy. I know. Hold on.

Give me a minute here. Shush. Alarm. Mine went

off too. Yeah, well, you know. Apparently I've

got to record a podcast with somebody today.

Mm -hmm. And apparently scammers want to give

me $7 ,000, which it's a scam. Neat. Yeah. What

if it's not? Oh, trust me, it is. I've clicked

on enough of them to test them to see if they're

not scams. They're all scams. Oh, I never do

that. If someone says, oh, there's a problem

with your bank account, what I do is I don't

follow the link. Yep. I go to my own link and

check my bank independently. Yep. Yeah, I had

only gotten into like, I think... First or second

episode of this. So either it was either a two

in black or the greenhouse jungle I forget which

and I mean one one is one is the musician guy

with John Cassavetes It has the dog and the other

ones the greenhouse one. Yep One of those they're

kind of different episodes. Well, no, I know

but like, you know how long ago that's been since

I watched that Since I was originally rewatching

them to rewatch and then we decided we were gonna

do this nice I'm like, okay stop go back to the

beginning rewatch them all again. So that way

I can Excuse my full paw. Okay That's next time,

okay Well, another quick question. Yes. Do you

want to do Skeleton Crew? After I watched it,

I was seeing a thing saying like we should make

it 13 months of Star Wars because it's fun. So

far, it's likable. Yeah. It's always going to

be 12 months because the whole point was we would

always do one thing a month. and then we went

and did everything. But yeah, no, we can do it.

If you want to, I'm just like... I'm not doing

it until the whole thing's out, though. I'm not

doing this week -to -week bullshit. That's not

why I subscribe to streaming services. Oh, I

got you. I got you. I was curious. Yeah, we could

do it. Absolutely. There's actually like, there's

a scene... The little elephant guy, he's got

a family, he's got these little baby brothers

and sisters. They're watching the fucking Cirque

du Soleil shit from the holiday special. And

it's the actual footage. It's the actual footage,

yeah. You know, the stuff that Lumpy watches

at the very beginning? It's that. I was like,

oh shit! Hey, that's awesome. They're paying

attention. They're not just throwing shit at

the wall to see what sticks. Well, it's the fucking

Easter egg and it's cute. Yeah exactly. Oh the

way the thing is set up I'm a little curious

how they got that how the the they got that footage

because they're their planet supposed to be isolated

So I'm confused. Yeah, I think that's where the

whole suspension of disbelief has to come in

I know but I just I Know you give them so much.

It's like yeah, I understand what travel is it

real and lasers don't work that way and there's

no sound in space but like there's a sealed spaceship

buried underground and it's got like vines and

fucking roots going through and it's like how

like once they take off that like all those little

holes the roots made would like blow air out

i mean it's neat looking but doesn't make no

sense yeah i i i'm willing to give you so much

but then you you got to work with me yep like

gravity's got to work and So let me ask you a

question. Are you tired of everything having

to have its own universe, like everything has

to be in its own universe, like, okay, lifelong,

whatever, Star Wars, but Star Wars is a universe,

Transformers is a universe, fine. Not everything

has to be tied into everything is my feeling

at this point. Are you tired of the overall?

I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. Okay,

so I mean famously there are ETs in the Star

Wars universe Transformers has multiple universes.

Well, yeah, they have multiple universes and

they even have start Star Wars crossover toys

because I had the Millennium Star and I have

a couple other ones. So my point is Some of these

I don't know if they're new or if they're old

or they just don't care and they just want to

force things together I Saw and this is Facebook's

fault Facebook does this thing now where it's

like, oh, we're going to give you suggested pages

that we think you should like in your news feed.

No, I don't want that shit cluttering up my news

feed, thank you, but I saw one of - That is my

whole feed, dude. Unfortunately. Unfortunately.

Unfortunately, I saw one of these things, and

in this, this video from whatever page, I don't

even know. They sat here and tried to say now.

I know you'll argue with me on this and that's

fine, but They sat here and tried to say that

Ghostbusters and Casper are a new film universe

Cinematic universe. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes cinematics. So, okay. I get it. It was a

reference He showed up. Yes. He played the character

that he played in the movie from 11 years prior

to Casper being out fine. And yes, I know that

Casper takes place in Maine, which is obviously

north of New York and yada, yada, yada. It's

New England. I get it. You can draw allusions

to it. But to sit here and make a video specifically

stating that Ghostbusters and Casper share a

film universe, I nearly lost my fucking mind.

I'm like, yes, it's a reference. Yes, it's nice.

It's awesome. It's fun. It's an Easter egg. It's

cool. But that doesn't mean. No, my head hurts.

I mean, first of all, I think that, you know,

there's a difference between fans yammering about

stuff and what is because it means the problem

is with IPs is that there's all this, even if

they're both Columbia films, there's still a

lot of separate tape and and legal wrangling

and issues. Yeah, because I mean, Casper's Harvey

Comic. and you know like yeah I get what you're

saying to me that's more of like that was like

a cute fan thing based on a cute little because

I mean it's not enforceable no I can say Star

Wars and Star Trek are the same universe like

and it's never gonna happen no like like famously

Godzilla will never fight Gamera because they're

different studios and they hate each other But

you know at the same time I just bought they

just came out with an omnibus of all the DC Marvel

crossovers. Yep, which I got which is expensive

as fuck. Um, and then like they're supposed to

do the amalgam ones Soon an omnibus of those

two but yeah, like I get what you're saying Like

if you're talking about the larger concept of

the cinematic universe of everything. Yes. Yes

reverse. Yes, like But that's specific to things

because Casper is a ghost and Ray Stanchard is

a ghost buster. I get the kind of connection,

but the way that this this video worded it was

like, oh, my God, this is brand new. Oh, my God.

This is a thing that I just found. And I'm going

to now say it's its own universe. I'm like, well,

that's that's a whole other issue. Separate universe.

But that's a whole other issue of young people

being stupid. Because like I have I had a guy

I remember in high school. I had a friend who

like they re -released Casablanca He wouldn't

got he wouldn't saw it. He was like it was like

a real movie. I'm like, yeah Yeah, it was like

a real movie. Um, like one of the best real movies

that ever had been made He's like, yeah, but

it was in black and white and this is like I

didn't it's like Jesus Christ John You know he

we were in high school, you know saying yeah,

these are probably They probably watched Casper

for the first time, maybe ever, maybe in like

10 years or whatever. I don't know how old Casper

is. I don't care. It'll be 30 years next year.

Okay, but like they probably watch it for the

first time in a long time or ever. Oh my God,

there's a Ghostbuster. I mean, you know, and

they're like, wow, I've made this amazing discovery

that nobody talked about because nobody talks

about Casper, because nobody cares about Casper.

But I made this amazing discovery because Ghostbusters

are hot again. I mean, you know, I have a Beetlejuice

toy with my Ghostbusters figures. Does that mean

Beetlejuice is canonically in the Ghostbusters

universe? No, but they're both made by Kenner.

I get what you're saying. I guess my thing is

it's more... I'm more annoyed when the actual

studios try to do it and some fan randomly goes,

oh, hey, I saw this cute little thing, which

means the implications are... Like okay, okay

nerd, but see the problem with some of us fans

saying that and this goes back to the whole thing

of Podcasting in general is like if we say anything

they hear it and then they'll run with it and

then they'll try to say Oh, yeah, we had this

plan the whole time Yeah, I never but like I

said we were talking to Craig the thing Yeah,

when you actually write like particularly fiction

you realize it even though you had a plan everything's

much more fluid than like You know Lucas had

a plan and Lucas had another plan and Lucas had

a third plan Lucas You know the idea that Lucas

had a plan and Lucas changed it and then was

like but I had a plan all along Like those are

not as contradictory statements as you think

because everything's very fluid until it gets

locked down. Um But yeah, I get it. I don't think

we're gonna get a Casper Ghostbusters crossover

movie I mean, it's weird to say but I think Casper

is a little too big Like the movie wasn't big

but but but like I said, it's Harvey Comics.

Yeah, which means they're gonna they're gonna

need their cut and blah blah blah and Ghostbusters

is its own thing and it's got some comic deals.

It's You know, the funny thing is I'm sitting

there thinking In my display, like I said, I

have I have beetle juice But I also got a super

seven figure from the fucking Haunted Mansion

and I had that with my four inch Ghostbusters.

It just came out you know, this is yeah people

want like Yeah, I always did this joke. I think

I stole it kind of from From whatever Toy Fair

theater where I think Hulk at one point says

that he thinks that all movies are just one story

Mm -hmm. And that's kind of my joke is that me

think that every every movie is all one story

and they're all connected like, you know, like

I remember there was a comic where the Millennium

Falcon crashes in the in Peru and Indiana Jones

finds the wreckage of the Millennium Falcon and

finds Han Solo's corpse, you know It's cute.

Yeah, did they ever do that? No, no, no never

gonna No, no, I don't think they're gonna cross

the streams. I get what you're saying Like I

said, I'm and I also think they played that out

like like cuz they oh, yeah They tried they tried

the DC universe and it failed they tried the

monster verse and that had one movie and failed

Well, not the monster versus that whatever dark

universe because the monster versus Godzilla

and King Kong and that's actually been somewhat

successful Yeah, but they were they'd already

crossed over Technically the old Toho films so

um get gamma in that shit, and I'll pay attention

um yeah Gamera is really neat. He is filled with

turtle meat. We're all eating gamma um no I get

what you're saying, but like I said I think I

think it's up on that because nobody else who

else can do up in Marvel and Marvel's not doing

it that well lately The word like the weird thing

is I'm actually really excited for Captain America

New World Order Oh, yeah, I'm a Hulk fan and

I want to see the leader on screen. Yep, but

like It's been filmed five times Like five different

movies Yeah, and it's cost like five hundred

million dollars and it will never make its money

like the toys came out two years ago The McDonald's

toys because that was when it was supposed to

be out. Um It'll probably be shit, but I'm actually

looking forward to that Am very much looking

forward to it because I think I like I Don't

like Kind of don't like him as cap, but I do

like Sam Yeah And one of the things I liked about

Falcon Winter Soldier was that Sam was very reluctant

to be kept and didn't want to be kept Sam wasn't

like I'm the bestest ever I'm gonna be cap. He's

like this is this is a weighty thing that I've

got to like live up to You know, it's good Harrison

Ford is a fucking Hulk. Yeah Even though the

the Marvel Legends figure uses the Mark Ruffalo

head. They didn't make it. They didn't. Well,

the pictures they've shown of the Red Hulk figure

have the Mark Ruffalo Hulk head. Oh, interesting.

I mean, I mean, there's still probably time to

change that before it comes out. Well, spoiler

alert, apparently he's in it. Oh, Ruffalo? Yeah,

Ruffalo is supposed to be in it. That'd be cool.

That'd be fun. I like this stuff. I like Mackie.

I like Sam as Falcon or as Cap or whatever reluctant

cap or whatever you want to say. Speaking of

toy companies that are going to get sued, Mattel

is going to get sued the hell out of them. So

I actually got a text like right when the story

broke, my friend Simone, go to Target, get me

a Wicked Doll. I was like, OK, she's like, get

me the one with the thing. And I'm like, I think

they recalled those. And she's like, no, they

didn't. I got her one. And she's like, hey. And

then the next day, they're recalling these toys.

Recalling these toys. That's right. You would

think that there would be a line. And I made

this analogy the other night. You think there

would be a line of people at Mattel similar to

the line of people, even though these are executives

that are in this scene. But when Clark goes to

Hey, happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah kiss my ass kiss

your ass kiss his ass Whatever like that scene

in Christmas vacation when he's greeting all

of his bosses You would think Mattel would have

a line of people to research this stuff and not

Put a porn site on the back of a doll packaging

It was supposed to say wicked movie. I know I

am aware of what the thing is at the same time

Like it's not like, you know, it says, you know,

wicked butts and tits. It's wicked. Yeah. So

like it's a it's a it's an understandable mistake

if nobody was paying attention to me. It's more

like who the fuck has a universal universal should

have maybe maybe gone, you know, we kind of need

to get this locked down. Because even if even

if Mattel hadn't fucked that up, it would have

been a story, you know It would have been a story

somebody went to wicked .com and was like, oh

no, you know Like that was that was that was

cuz universal fucking owns Comcast. They've got

I pay my bill every month. They've got money

I assure you they should they should have they

should have bought that fucking website off whatever

whatever wicked calm wanted Yeah, we'll give

you a big huge chunk of money. Please give us

the URL Yeah, and if they didn't then like make

a big thing about it. But yeah, that was I Mean,

it's hilarious that they fucked that up. Mm -hmm

Yep, my only Christmas present to myself comes

from NBC Universal this year Las Vegas the complete

series blu -ray set from 2003 Just came on that

was a good that's what the one with John Cheadle,

right? No James Kahn What's his name? Tells his

name Josh to Hamill You know who he is. I vaguely

recognize the name. I'm sure I've seen something

with him in it. He was Lieutenant Lennox in the

Transformers movie, in the live -action movies.

I mean, yes, I remember that character. Yeah,

that's him. It's also got Vanessa Marcille. It's

got Molly Sims in it. But James Kahn, it's adorable

that like aside from James Kahn. It's adorable.

You think I know any of these people are Yes,

but again that comes from me watching the show

almost 21 years ago and and finally had like

I actually have the old DVDs the original DVDs

I can't find the damn boxes to do a box comparison

to save my life, but Okay, excuse me getting

out getting out now. Mm -hmm. Yep Drink them

while you got them. That was a burp, not a drink,

but okay. Yes, I was telling myself, drink them

while you got them. Make sure, continue. I'm

sure this says everything it's supposed to say

and nothing it's not supposed to say. The previous.

Well, because I copy - I'm just thinking like

Studio 21. Oh no, there's a porn site. Okay,

that's going that's going at the beginning of

the show You put a giant record scratch right

after that Oh God, all right, like I'll be popular.

Mm -hmm God we're Less than a year. Yeah because

it's the end of 2024. Yes. And then 2025, we

are, I guess I can't say, I can't say two years

because it's whatever, but less than a year and

a half away from the 30th anniversary of Ferris

Bueller. 2026, 40th anniversary, not 30th. Yeah,

I was like 40th. Yeah, 40th. Yes. Yes. 40th old,

old, old, old. That's one of those movies that

every time it was on TV, my mom would watch.

That's awesome. I love that movie. All right.

That and Independence Day. For some reason. Must

be the Goldblum Hershey. I have no idea. She

never liked science fiction, so it was like.

But it was like Ferris Bueller and Independence

Day. Every time it was on, she'd watch it. I

think it became a thing. Yeah. I was like, OK,

well, Independence Day, I'll watch it. And he's

like, OK, man. Very cool. There is nothing wrong

with your podcast player. Do not attempt to adjust

the volume. Hello and welcome back into our studio.

You are now inside Studio 2009, only on the GeekCast

Radio Network. I'm of course here with your Mike.

Joining me once again is that good old Detective

Dave Draper. Hi, Dave. How are you? I'm fine,

sir. I'm fine. How are you, sir? That's good,

sir. That's good. And today we continue our new

journey. We put on our trench coats and jump

back in time with Colombo. These are the Colombo

files here inside Studio 2009, and we're starting

at the beginning, which we already have, and

we're going in order. Also, as every episode,

I will let everyone remind, I will remind everyone

of this. that the main source to watch these

right now, at least as of these recordings, is

2b .tv. So you can go over there and check them

out. That's where I'm watching all of them. Dave

has the DVD sets. I have the DVDs before this.

Yes. I think I've mentioned that. When you said,

do you want to do a thing on Colombo? I was like,

yes. Sign me up. So funny thing is... Besides

the fact of me starting to watch the episodes

over a year ago, and then when we finally figured

out that we were gonna do this, I stopped and

I had to go back and rewatch these. And I'm not

complaining, I'm just stating that as a fact

of what I had to do in this process. The funny

thing is, when I started looking into the Colombo

DVD complete series set was like back in 2021.

So technically I've had this idea for almost

three and a half, four years. Anyway. Uh, today

is season one, episode five, and we are going

to find the dead weight to be very heavy. Hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

What I thought he was going to say, folks, so

the line I wrote for myself to say, and I'm going

to repeat this because I'm going to say after

what I thought he was going to say. So today

is season one, episode five, and we find the

dead weight to be very heavy. What I thought

he was going to say was, great Scott. Oh, OK.

They are both universal properties, so they're

probably the same universe. Yes, they are. Although,

I don't know what's cooler, the Pugio or the

DeLorean. The DeLorean is cooler than the Pugio.

Oh, come on. Although, it's funny because I was

having a conversation with a friend of mine,

Jason. We were talking about Cybertrucks, those

ugly modern things. And I said, you know, they

should do a modern, one of these days they'll

do like a modern Back to the Future and it'll

be a Cybertruck and suddenly everyone will think

those are cool. Because the DeLoreans were garbage.

Like, they were a joke. That's the reason it

was in that movie. Yep. Was because they were

a joke. And then suddenly they're like, I mean,

80s kids think they're the coolest cars that

ever existed. If you know nothing about cars,

you think they're the greatest. And I know nothing

about cars. So like, I think it's the coolest

thing ever. Like with the Gullings doors and

the. So I was like, I just think it's funny that

someday there'll be a Cybertruck in a movie and

that generation will go, wow, those are so cool.

And it's like, yeah, but they're like leases

and braces. You can't get them wet. Please not

after midnight Sure Although apparently you can

get them wet you just have to like attach a plastic

thing to the undercarriage Jesus anyway Colombo

the Peugeot the Peugeot does does feature in

this episode a little bit a Little bit. Yeah,

we know I'm thinking of the I think we do these

through the time and I get him ahead sometimes

It features a lot throughout the series. It's

in this one, but it features a little more in

the next one. Yep, yep. And like I said, this

one is Dead Weight, and this is the story all

about Major Martin... Oliver Douglas versus Bob

Newhart's wife. Yep, pretty much. Greenacres

versus Bob Newhart. Pretty much. Eddie Albert

is a retired Marine general. With a very storied

career who has a construction company and he's

been engaging in Underhanded sort of things with

the military there's a good and the guy that's

like in charge of like making the Contracts has

been like throwing money. There's been some They

never really expect too closely. Well, they don't

specify too closely. But basically what happens

is the general And the other military guy, the

other military guy is giving him the contracts

for practically dirt cheap. You're supposed to

pay out there. So right. Yeah. Well, no, he's

not giving him dirt cheap because like he's making

a lot of money. So it's kind of the opposite

of dirt cheap. He's supposed to be contracting

out to the not contract bidding out to the lowest

bidder. Right. And like he's it's it's it's classic

government boondoggle. It's still going on. I

just heard that like the military failed its

seventh review and like in a row, they're spending

thousands, you know, it's like now they're talking

about spending $5 ,000 on a chair. We were just

talking about Independence Day before we started

recording. And there's a line in that movie where

it's like, do you really think they spent $500

on a hammer? You know, it's been going on forever.

Yeah. And that's that's the one unrealistic thing

about this episode is that it's like they're

looking into it. They're investigating it. There's

going to be consequences of like, no, there's

not. No, there's not. No, there's not. No, there's

not. I can speak to you from the future. No,

there's not. Yeah, no, there's not. But to protect

himself, Eddie Albert shoots the other guy because

the other guy is going to take off to Switzerland

and go hiding. And Eddie Albert's like, I can't

rely on you being able to hide. I don't trust

your ability to stay away from getting caught.

And what if you rat on me? And the guy's like,

I'm not going to rat on you. And it's like, no,

you're not. Bang. And there's this whole other

sub -theme about how Eddie Albert's character

is getting all of his military memorabilia shipped

off to a museum exhibit, or as I call it, being

a quitter. And as he shoots the guy, Suzanne

Plachette, and her charming, charming mother,

so Eddie Albert's house is on the ocean, I guess,

or on the bay. I live in the Midwest, I don't

understand. large nautical concepts but um she's

out on a sailboat and she happens to look and

see through the window and see it happen with

her freaking like legless eyes yeah um because

i mean even even when they show like footage

of like from the the sailboat point of view i

can't see through those windows no and then the

mom wasn't paying attention because the the mom

is very charming and very supportive and just

a wonderful character, and it was a joy to spend

every moment with her on screen. So anyway, when

they get back to the dock, the pier, land, she

goes and she reports it to the police. And the

police are a little, well, the police come out

and they're kind of paying attention and they're

sort of like, kind of like, yeah, okay, we're

taking the report. And then when they realize

what house it is, they're like, ooh. That's the

general's house. Yeah. So they, they, they kind

of, uh, bring in Colombo because he's a bigger,

bigger fish than just a meter patrolman. Yep.

Absolutely. And yeah. So you got, yeah, this,

this episode, uh, the first thing I notice is

usually, obviously when it starts like, um, the

music and the water sound like how the music

is tied into the sailing and tied into being

on the water. And I love the mixing of that.

I don't know why I wrote this down, but Colombo

and his skill. I love Colombo and his skills.

Just like this is early on, like just everything

he's trying to point out to these people and

they're just not getting it. And then Yeah, no,

I really enjoyed this one. I thought this was

fun I also felt like the mother is you know,

you can be sarcastic as you want, but the mother

and the daughter Oh Like for half of a second,

I thought the daughter was gonna end up dead

Aside from the fact that I've seen it before

like I was pretty sure of Suzanne Plachette whether

I get murdered but oh my god know about the murder

but like that mother just like Dedicated her

life to undermining that girl's sense of self

-worth and value She is just a harpy just digging

into that poor kid and then the girls like I

don't understand why I can't fight people that

really like me because your Mother has made you

this wreck. Yeah, your mother has made you this

wreck and your mother herself is a wreck Now

what's interesting about this one is There's

a couple things like number one. It seems like

Colombo has the general peg really early on and

I never You know, sometimes there's that moment

or like you see kind of Colombo Figures out the

okay something's going on And that never happens

here. It seems like he's already kind of all

over this from the start He's very suspicious

of the guy of fortunately fortunate for Eddie

Albert. He lives in a house with a secret closet

I was like, I stopped paying attention for two

seconds. I look up and this like secret door

is revolving around with the body on it. I'm

like wow Yeah, that was I didn't realize that

was standard issue in modern, California Outside

of Transylvania, yeah, exactly but um, so that

was a little strange and also Was it weird that

Eddie Albert like his character? doesn't know

when Quit or leave well enough alone like he

aggressively goes after Suzanne Plachette Which

is I kind of think what causes Columbo to really

sort of double back and focus down on this mm

-hmm like yeah, that's yeah the The funny thing

is everyone everyone dismisses her like no one

like no one but Columbo and even Columbo there's

a scene where he's Mean being very professional

and asking like questions that a cop really should

ask Yeah, of course she takes it personally because

she's got her mother always needling her and

nobody believes her No one else believes her

so she takes it the wrong way, but he's you know

Just asking he's and I also think he's getting

a sense of who she is and whether or not you

know whether or not she's gonna like because

I think that's a big element is Initially she

won't back down. Yeah, and then once Eddie Albert

starts like schmoozing her she begins to back

down and I think that's Like that's the Michael

Jordan. I took that personally mean from Colombo

Like okay now now I'm involved. Yeah, so I and

I think the thing is like and the whole thing

in this episode like We're talking about the

daughter and the mother and for me look Between

the two of us are both our parents raised us

on manners and being respectful and you say mister

and missus and you know, Mrs. Stewart this and

Mrs. Stewart that. The whole episode, I'm like,

what in the hell's her first name? Like, and

I literally, I'm looking at it here in the Wikipedia,

oh, it's Helen. Didn't even, that didn't even

come up. Like, Colombo is always calling the

daughter Mrs. Stewart and then Mrs. Walters is

the mother because they have two different last

names and whatever else and all this and all

that. But like, I didn't even know the girl's

first name. You know, I didn't think about that.

Yeah, I mean part of it is also like because

they are Pretty proper. Yeah, but because there's

celebrities like I think of them in terms of

like I keep calling her Suzanne plushette I keep

calling him Eddie Albert, you know, yeah. Yeah

Yeah, I We're all over Douglas cuz you know green

acres. Yep green acres good old green acres green

acres and ham As a bad joke on my part pretty

mediocre joke on your part. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

the the legalese Joking in the drinking scene

with the two of them with with her and the general.

Oh my god Like that was pretty cringy. That was

credit a lot of the even though I liked this

episode for how the plot Unfolded There's a lot

of cringy moments in this Between what he does

and what the the mother and daughter do and how

they act because they're supposed like you said

well They're supposed to be high society in this

episode the characters are sorry the mother and

daughter are I don't know they feel like but

yeah, the general clearly is but the two of them

feel like to me like when she's the whole opening

of the boat scene when she sees the the murder

she supposedly sees the murder but Well, yeah,

I know she does but That whole scene where the

mother's like, what are you talking about? We're

better than this. I I don't care about this.

I don't care about what you saw We just need

to be out here on the whole thing. She's the

whole thing about all you see things Remember

when you thought that your husband was fooling

around and she's like she was fooling around

You're always imagining things. She's like, well,

some people think that having a good imagination

is a positive thing, you know? Like I said, it's

that constant needling. And she does specifically

invoke, oh, you thought your husband was seeing

all these. And she's like, he was. That's why

we got divorced. Yeah. And then later on, I remember

later on, he takes... Eddie Albert takes her

out on his boat and he's like he's doing this

whole thing like oh the blah blah blah and and

then he Makes her look at the house. I'm like

for God's sake Could you be any more like? Pathetically

obvious you see you can barely see into the windows

because the sun's shining on the thing. It's

like dude but did he take her like he says General

Hollister says the character says This is about

this time that you were, this is about the right

position that you were at the right time where

you saw the murder, correct? Now, if that was

the case and the sun actually was out. But that's

the thing, like you're assuming, like I get what

you're saying. Like he's trying to recreate the

conditions, but he can't because he doesn't know.

Yeah. The clouds could have passed over the sun

at that exact moment. You know, like, and they

probably aren't exactly in the same spot. And

then their boat was lower than his yacht. Yeah,

that's that's what it is million different little

variables Yeah, their boat. That's the problem.

The problem is his him trying to take her out

on his yacht Okay, but but we're thinking that

because we're number one. We're watching this

as a crime show Yeah, four years look 50 years

later, but she's just an ordinary person. Yeah,

um, and she's like I'm on a boat I'm looking

at the window and the Sun is shining in the thing

like, you know Yeah, and she's also like kind

of getting flighty this guy. So yeah And she's

us and also like it is important that everyone

runs her down So that she's like well, maybe

I didn't Columbus the only one who doesn't but

she's like, maybe I didn't see what I thought

I saw so like I but it's just like I almost feel

like Eddie Albers character tries Way too. Yeah,

he's witness. Yeah, which kind of is effective

Like and I mean, that's that's not how they they

don't get her to break until the very end Right.

So and even then it's like Colombo already has

the evidence he needs, so. Yeah. And we're going

to get to that Colombo scene here in a minute

because, oh my god. Ooh, boy. But the thing with

this, as we're talking about this, this actually

reminds me of a Forensic Files case that I've

seen way too often, where it's the one where

that, and I'm saying this for myself, not necessarily

for you, but it's the one where. The guy goes

out he tries to create himself an alibi for killing

his wife. He goes out on the lake He's pretending

like he's fishing. He's pretending like he's

doing this and what trips him up is The Sun and

the position of the Sun and everything It's basically

the same thing here a little bit where the size

of the smaller boat Isn't gonna pick up what

the larger yacht is picking up as far as? Having

the Sun in her eyes and the windows and the whatever

now at first before we talk this through When

I first watch this I'm like, oh he's got something

in his pocket He's got some sort of watch face

or something. That's causing the Sun because

that glare to me Sun Okay, so you know this Okay,

where are you going with this? Because you're

making it sound like he reflected the sunlight

into the... The reason I'm looking back is because

that flare was really big and really bright.

Yes, it was. I agree. I do know that one of the

joys in life, as a former dog owner, is to catch

sunlight on a reflective surface and have the

dog run around chasing it. It's never like...

JJ Abrams lens flare. It's like a little tiny

thing So if you're saying like he has like a

reflector and it that's what I thought at first

I realized that's what I'm saying I thought that

at first because I thought he was trying again

the whole point of bringing her out there and

showing her all this is to manipulate her to

make sure Yes, so my thought was oh he must have

even though that was a super large player He

must have something he must be doing something

with the boat with the whatever but he's not

obviously it's just the son of the fact that

the yacht is Yeah, it could be that he was angling

like We're putting a lot of thought into this

one scene But like yeah, he could have he could

have deliberately Angled it in a way that they

did hit the Sun. But like I said, like, you know,

again, she's in a different spot. We don't know

if it's You know We don't know if it's the exact,

you know, she's like, he's like, it's about this

time of day. Well, I mean, you know, about is

a pretty nebulous word. You know what I mean?

Like, I mean, the difference between 10 minutes

can be the difference between seeing someone

get shot and a big lens flare. You know, so there's,

there's a, he could have, he could have easily

manipulated the situation to his, to make it

seem the way that he wanted it to seem. Yep.

And again, like, she's up on the deck of the

yacht. She's down in the little belly. She's

practically at the water line on the little sailboat.

Yeah. It's just, you know, the stuff that we

wouldn't necessarily hold up in court, but like,

if you're trying to convince a woman who has

very little self -esteem of something, it's effective.

Yeah, absolutely. And this is the episode we

find out that Colombo Doesn't have his sea legs

at all He's not a flyer either. Yeah Yeah, he

doesn't like to fly. He doesn't like to be on

boats Yeah, you know that was weird because I

almost felt like Because the scene is he gets

on the yacht with the with with Eddie Albert

and like Eddie is like throttling that thing

I'm going like a hyper speed. Yep, and I don't

know I felt like like Colombo starts to get seasick

late in that and am I am I misremembering? Because

it seemed like early on he was fine and then

towards the end he was kind of like, oh I want

to get off this boat Yeah, so it was early on

like when in the first the first part where where

Eddie Albert fires up the boat and they go out

into deep water or wherever they're going You

see a little bit of it. But by the time the second

The second time around going back when he's like,

can we go back now, please sir? Like when he's

there He's realizing. Oh, this is not for me

whatsoever and Going back. That's why at the

end of the scene When she's trying to help him

and he's trying to help her get on get off the

boat kind of thing You see him not really having

Like you go you sit on a boat or you stand on

a boat that's going that fast for that long You

ain't gonna be able to walk. Trust me. I know

this for a fact My all my my grandfather on my

mom's side and my all my uncles they all used

to be fishermen up in New England so so yeah,

it's a It's a delicate situation, but I just

I love the intimidation by the general to try

to intimidate Colombo and in the end it doesn't

work obviously Did for half a second though.

What else do you like about this one or what

else maybe you haven't liked about this one?

It's not really one of my favorites per se. I

did like the little stuff with Colombo at the

diner. Yes, that was good. Oh, no, that's the

next episode. Sorry. Again, we do them two at

a time. Yeah, that's true. Always gets his chili.

Yep. There was that little, there was a little

moment, maybe not every Colombo, but a lot of

Columbus have that little moment where someone

else randomly says something and that's what

makes it click. In this case, it was the diner

owner talking about his memorabilia and how he

just didn't want to get rid of it. Yep. Yeah,

that was good. That was awesome. And I love that

it's always the same diner. I'm wondering about

that. Has it? It's been so far though, right?

It does seem like it was the same diner the last

two episodes we've seen it in. Yeah. Okay. Cause

I do know that in a later episode, he's at a

diner and the waitress is Jamie Lee Curtis. So

I know that. Interesting. Yeah. Like a very young

Jamie Lee Curtis. Very cool. Very cool. All right,

let's see here. Did this episode keep your interest

throughout? Like, did you feel like you needed

a break? Did you feel like you needed to get

up? Did you feel like you needed to watch it

later? I got a little... I honestly did play

around on my phone a little bit, which is how

I missed... Like I said, I was playing on my

phone and I looked up and like this wall panel

is like moving. I'm like, wait, what? When did

we... We could become Castle Dracula. So I guess

I got a little bored. I don't know. This one

just never, it was never one that hooked me.

Maybe it's just that any Albers character comes

across as kind of weird. And the mom really turns

me off. And I don't know, like, eh. So this one,

my attention wandered a little bit, which is

interesting because it's not one that I've watched.

The last episode that we talked about was one

I hadn't seen a lot of either with the Private

Eye guy. Yep, and I paid more attention Yeah,

because it was one that I wasn't as familiar

with I was familiar with the ending but not like

the whole episode the whole episode So yeah,

I don't know this one just didn't do it for me

the the next one I was paying a little more attention

to I think I could also be Time of the day and

you know, whatever's going on. I still love my

Colombo. I'm still watching them Oh, yeah, no,

absolutely. But you know, you can't always love.

We're not going to love every episode. We're

not good. That's not all winners. Yeah, no, they're

not all winners. I don't think this one overall

is a particular loser, but at the same time,

it's not. It's not something that I would. I

think, yeah, no, it's not making the top 10.

And I think that it's more of, going off of our

geek meter here, I would probably give it a two

and a half, which is below average, which means

quote unquote, bummer, the negatives that way,

the positives, not awful, but there's just too

much math to recommend, maybe a redeeming quality

or two. And there are like, Like I mentioned

earlier about Colombo and how his mind works

and how he that early scene when he when we thought

he was really sinking into like you like I'm

like, oh An hour and 15 minute Colombo where

he gets it in like the first 20 minutes. That's

awesome And I'm actually paying attention more

now to seeing how long I didn't keep the timer

on this one, but I'm trying to pay attention

to see how long it takes for the whole crime

to happen Then to see how long in the show like

this one. Yeah, this one was very quick and the

whole thing was very quick because General Hollister

is a quick -acting Military he's very decisive

very they like he knows what he wants. He's gonna

go after he's gonna he's very forceful to And

certain Saints not not good at all. So yeah,

two and a half out of five, you know I would

give it a three. I mean the While I didn't like

the mother character, like she's important to,

I mean, like I said, the whole thing revolves

around Suzanne Plachette's sense of insecurity.

Yeah. And you need that character there for that.

So it's one of those things like, you know, I

mean, I don't like the character, but I understand

her function in the plot and it's important and

it's necessary. So, you know. I would give it

a three. I think it's it's an average middle

-of -the -road solid Colombo Not one of the brighter

lights, but it's not terrible. Yeah For me I

lost I lost I stopped paying attention because

I have become corrupted by this modern world

we live in and there's like, you know, I'm just

that my attention span has been like shriveling

up for years As opposed to it being a bad episode

and I'm like, okay, whatever, blah, blah, blah.

It was more like, gee, I wonder what's going

on online and did anybody write back to my thing?

I do that every other hour of the day. I can

spend an hour and 15 minutes or almost three

hours between two episodes with Columbo without

having to... I turn my phone off. I turn... Like,

literally, when I watched this to do the podcast,

both these episodes, I had one tab open, and

that was the 2B tab for being able to watch this,

and I'm sitting there. I didn't take as many

yeah. I'm sorry. I was going to say, at some

point, we put off talking about the gun. We did

not talk about the gun. Yeah. So you haven't

brought that up yet because we're giving scores.

Yeah, the gun. Yeah. So in the end, the resolution

is that he didn't. He lies and says that he had

his famous. He has a famous gun like Patton.

Patton had a famous gun. Yeah. And he lies and

says it was stolen. It's the gun that he killed

the guy with. He lies and says it was stolen.

The one on display is a replica. And they find

the body of the guy eventually and they compare

the ballistics. And it turns out Colombo like

you know, talk to the guy from the restaurant.

And the guy was like, the guy was sorry, I got

distracted. The guy was talking about how keeping

old things and he's like, Oh, you would never

get rid of that gun. So he goes and they do the

ballistics on the gun and display and it's not

a replica. It's the real gun and it's the murder

weapon, which is a neat little like, and then

Suzanne, it's like, Oh, okay, you've been messing

with my head. And I did see what I saw. Well,

it's a little it's a fairly For Colombo. It's

a fairly legitimate straightforward Evidentiary

Yeah, yeah, like yeah, he's got him Yep, as opposed

to like little tricks and it'll come up in the

next one little tricks and little oh Yeah, and

as I said in earlier episode there are some episodes

I would like to see the the follow -up See whether

that's the rap because there are like and apparently

entrainment is the thing I thought we find out

in the next episode that entrapment is a thing

by the by the mid 1970s. Yeah, as a legal concept.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Very cool. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

like I said, it's between average and below average.

It's not one we would ever really recommend anybody

going in and watching this. And for me, I was

like, oh, right. And both both of these, actually.

But the next one, I liked more. than I did this

one. But I remember both of these very, very

carefully because it's been like two and a half

months since I saw them last. So, so, yeah. All

right, folks, we're going to take a quick podcast

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the Simplistic Reviews podcast, we talk movies.

We talk TV. We talk. Hello Julie, what the heck

are you doing? Trying to make our spot sound

more exciting by adding explosions Yeah, I'm

pretty sure you could have got the point across

with sound effects. Not the real thing Download

the show on iTunes or if simplistic reviews .blogspot

.com I'm sure your insurance company will cover

that. No, they won't. No, they probably won't.

All right, yeah. Gee, I should have thought of

that. All right folks That's that's gonna do

it for this episode for today Any other final

thoughts before I run through the closing sir?

I did send you a thing last night that I thought

was interesting as we have talked about the Famous,

you know, like the club always talks about his

wife and his nieces and his nephews and at the

very end to make Suzanne Plachette feel better

He mentions that he has a niece who you know

thought she was a loser and then she married

a great guy and now she's happy and He uses two

different names. He starts he says her name is

Marilyn And then Suzanne says, do you really

have a niece? Which is interesting because the

show was still early enough that you wouldn't

think that was a trope that they would lampshade.

He's like, of course I do. My sister, my wife's

sister's daughter, Cindy. I'm like, oh, I didn't

catch it at first, yeah. You just gave two names,

Columbo. You are a liar. You do make those people

up. Maybe it was a different wife, sister. Maybe

it was a different sister. This is just the way

that he goes through it. My wife's sister's daughter,

Cindy. It was my wife's sister, Cindy's kid.

You see what I'm saying? This is a very precise

language. No, it's not. Sure it is. A very crumulent

language, my friend. All right, folks. Well,

that's uh, that is day 5 for us for the show.

That's day 15 overall out of 131 or 31. What

the hell am I talking about? I don't know, man.

This whole project has broken you. You think?

It's broken me to the point. I'm not complete.

Thank you for joining us here in SideSphere 2009.

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time we are going to be suitable for framing

with season one episode six of Columbo. Wild,

wild ride. Mm -hmm. Okay, Mr. Toad. Okay. Someone

doesn't understand the old TV. We'll get there.

Yeah, we'll get there. For now, I'm TfU and Mike

with David Raper. Delirious back in the studio

soon. That's what I figured. You get he was Artemis

Gordon in Wild Wild West. Yes, I remember. Are

you talking about the - THE WAY YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT CODES! Well, first of all, most are told

Wild Wright has one wild. Wild Wild West has

two wilds. He's the Kevin Kline character. Mm

-hmm. Yeah, Austin Powers is the Kevin Kline

character. Yes. I - Although I was disappointed,

like after that opening sequence, he's not Austin

Powers anymore. Like, aw. Yeah. Wish he'd worn

that groovy fucking 60s shit in the middle of

the 1970s. Full episode. Alright folks, that's

going to do it for day 15 out of 31 in the 31

Days 31 podcast here on Studio 2009. We want

to thank everybody for listening as always, so

thank you so much. Hold on, let me do this again.

It's a fucking Monday. It's not Monday, but it

feels like Monday. It's Thursday. Yeah, I know.

It's the problem. Do this properly here. You

know what strikes me? You're the one that downgrades

yourself.