Star Wars – Episode IX: The Rise Of Skywalker Review

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zero 2009 only on the geek cast or unit mark

I am of course TF2 and Mike and Jeremy once again

as always for the 12 months of Star Wars is mr.

David Draper Hey, Dave, how are you? I'm all

right. Hang in there hanging in there, huh? Yep

Once again today we head to a galaxy far far

away. That's right We continue the 12 months

of Star Wars spotlight as we make our way back

to the Skywalker Saga for Today we will be discussing

episode 9 the rise of Skywalker Rise oh god that

hurt. Oh This was a movie that happened This

was several movies. Yes, and got cut into one

movie. Oh So he was you notice Did you notice

how there were like all these plot points that

were like introduced and then kind of quickly

resolved and yeah So he was trying to pull up

Lucas he was trying to have all like 12 parts

of his So whatever no, I think I think they didn't

know what they were doing like they like they

they they they literally did a whole at least

one other movie because Matt Smith was the villain

of that other movie. Yeah, no doctor All that

I think almost all that's cut except for maybe

the stuff with the the guy with the knife. I

I have the knife I Think the holdover from that

I'm not sure like, you know It's sort of hard

to tell what and that they reshot it and reshot

it and reshot it because it kept not testing

well Like, so it's like five movies in one. It's

not that I had so many ideas that I had to cram

them all together. I had one idea. It was called

Return of the Jedi. Yeah. But it's just like,

yeah, I mean, Lucas at least had multiple legitimate

story arcs that he had to like try to cram together

in Phantom Menace. Right. Like, this was, are

we doing this? Or are we doing that? Or are we

doing the other thing? Hey, Poe has a girlfriend

from this other play. Oh, there she's gone. And

she's done. Yeah, you're gonna You know, you

know, she shows up at the end in a whiling, you

know, that was a plot that was part of it No,

no. No, what I mean is there's stuff that's either

written or filmed a poke getting her that whiling

Like that's that's There's there's all this shit

that like got cut or left out Like and it's weird

because I had a little bit of a Mandela effect

watching this film at the very end Because there's

a scene that I thought happened It turns out

I just read about it in a book like it didn't

happen. We'll get there I'm sure I'm sure it

will come up. Mm -hmm So like I mentioned in

the last episode All as I remembered about the

last Jedi before we did at the last episode was

the whole sunset scene with all the giant walkers

That's all I remember from that movie up until

we just did the last podcast episode this I saw

two trailers and And then I completely skipped

it not because I didn't want to see the movie.

There was stuff going on In when was yeah 2019

December of 2019 yeah at the time Karen and I

were moving across the country from Chicago to

Oregon so didn't exactly have time to go see

Star Wars in theaters and from 2019 to two for

the last five years I've heard nothing but horrible

thing like I've heard nothing but people saying

this movie sucks this movie this this movie that

Oh my God, they've killed Star Wars, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah. So other than looking at the

Wikipedia for the traditional facts of who wrote

it, who's in it, who's this, who's that, which

we know who's in it. I mean, it's Ray, it's Finn,

it's Daisy Ridley, it's John Boyega, it's the

ghost of Luke, it's the ghost of, well, unfortunately,

sadly, it's the ghost of Leia. Obviously, she

had passed away by the time this movie, because

that's all archival footage. Yeah, it's all footage

from other, from separate films from the other

films. Right. Which is weird, like I had, this

time around, I really, it wasn't as bad as it,

but did you ever see the South Park where they

brought back Isaac Hayes? Yes. Like, it wasn't

that bad, but there were a few moments where

I almost felt like, Randy, you are looking good.

Yeah. No, never underestimate a droid. It's like,

yeah There were a few moments that felt a little

bit like that Like they had to skew the conversation

in a certain way to get like that line that she

had delivered on camera. Yeah That's yeah, so

I had never So this is the first and probably

the only time I will watch the the funny thing

about the sequel trilogy is folks Unlike the

original trilogy It's not good Unlike the original

trilogy, unlike the original films, Star Wars,

The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi,

those movies have such a classic iconography

Wanting to relive those moments and None of these

three films save maybe this one do I like the

other two films? I probably will never ever watch

them again We've recorded these podcasts these

podcasts are the record that we've watched these

movies in my mind This one I might want to in

maybe 25 years time when I'm old and gray Nothing.

I'm already not old and gray now, but you know

By the time I'm About 44 now. So by the time

I'm 64 or 66 or 68 or whatever Maybe I'll want

to rewatch this one because I didn't have a bad

time with this movie. I really enjoyed it overall

Yeah, it wasn't it wasn't as we were saying before

we started recording. It's not that it's painfully

bad But it's just it I think it's just disappointing.

It's a mess, you know, and that's that's the

big thing. It's a mess and it's also It's got

all the issues I had with Force Awakens doubled.

Did you notice that the Falcon has its circular

radar dish back? Because that's the Millennium

Falcon that I know that I grew up with, even

though he's the guy that switched it to the square

one. There's no reason to switch it either because

it never got damaged in any of the films that

I remember. And did you notice, of course you

noticed, but Anakin's fucking lightsaber is whole

and hearty. This is the same lightsaber he kept

leaving behind. He kept letting it fall and forgetting.

It meant nothing to him, but because it's the

iconic one. It's not even the iconic one to me,

because it's Luke's lightsaber. Yeah, it's Luke's

lightsaber. That's a cool one. Yeah, that's the

cool one. Yeah. And in the end, Ray buries Leia

and Anakin's lightsaber in the desert. It's like,

that's not Luke's lightsaber. Yeah, that's not

the... Yeah, that's Anakin's lightsaber that

was given to Luke that became Luke's lightsaber,

but if we're actually... For a hot minute, yeah.

Right, right, for a hot minute, but if we're

actually factually trying to say it's Luke's

lightsaber, Luke's lightsaber is the one that

he built in Jedi. And that's why I love all the

memes about, you know, so many younglings were

killed with this lightsaber. That's right! So

it's special. It's just like... That that whole

sort of and remember I told you like you liked

When we talked about a last Jedi you talked about

how raised raised not raised wrens Yeah, hi,

whatever was really cool. Yeah, and notice he

was back I mean it wasn't a pure tie interceptor,

but it was basically a tie interceptor It was

sort of a tie in it like I like my shoe different

Yeah, I like the ship in the last movie more

than the ship in this cool. It was it was a cool

It was an evolution as opposed to a regression.

And since when can TIE fighters fucking jump

into hyperspace? There's a whole sequence where

they're being chased through hyperspace. And

by the way, I can't remember where, but they

explain what that whole magic guessing where

you jump in hyperspace is. It's just, it is literally

a guess. It's an estimated guess. Just calculate

where you're probably gonna go and we figure

that out and that's where we jump. But they're

being chased all over the place by these stupid

TIE fighters jumping into unlikely places. Mm

-hmm my friend We're not getting I'm just gonna

say what my first note is we're not gonna get

down to the notes yet But my first note is light

speed skipping question mark question mark question

Like when the hell would that become a thing?

Oh when Guardians of the Galaxy did it? Oh god

Marvel Star Wars Disney owns it all I think it

was like wow that's cool. I Like the effect I

like the special effect of them doing it. I just

wish there was like Like you know how some people

say that? The scene in Jedi that they cut of

Luke actually building the lightsaber should

have been still in the movie Yeah like that's

what this needed for me the light speed skipping

like Who came up with this? Who started this?

Why are we doing it this way? Oh, my friend.

That is this entire movie. Who did that? Why

did they do that? Who are those guys? Oh, look,

Cole has the next girlfriend that has history

together. What history? Well, never mind about

that. Yeah, never mind about that. Never mind

about that. Never mind any things he did, blah,

blah, blah. He knows his girl and blah, blah,

blah, and she's mad at him and she's gonna help

him. Don't worry about it. And her planet's gonna

get blown up and she's gonna die, supposedly.

There's more stormtroopers that escaped. That

seems like a neat plot point, particularly for

Finn. Don't worry about it. They've got warthog

horses. Don't worry about it. I was like, oh,

we got to the scene where they're like, oh, they've

landed a thing. Oh, prepare to track them. We

can't track them. Why can't you track them because

they're not on speeders. I'm like, oh my god

Oh my god I didn't remember that line. I mean

I saw I saw this time, but I hadn't remembered

that line i'm like I literally that was one of

the things I went through the whole movie waiting

for was when they rocked because because they're

like wait That tower is on a planet I could have

sworn they rode those horses on a starship because

that was the stupidest damn thing i've ever seen.

Yes And then it was like, oh, we're going to

transfer it to this ship. It was like, oh, OK,

OK. OK, we're going to get to the Warthog Horses

on the spaceship. Thank goodness. I don't want

to judge his movie unfairly. Oh, God. The knife.

The knife that has a map that has the shape of

Death Star Wreckage. OK, so he made the knife

after it crashed. OK, that's fair. It's sitting

in an ocean. I don't know if you know how saltwater

and metal get along. They don't. Great. Yeah.

And you can't say it's space metal, it doesn't

rust because every shot of that thing was rusty

and like there are giant waves smashing against

it, but it stayed the exact same shape for 40

years or 30 years. Because he died, he died when

she was still a baby, she was still a little

girl. So it was at least 20 years of being pounded

by waves and sitting, just, just, just, just.

But this is a movie for Star Wars is for children

Yeah, you understand that like okay There are

a lot of terrible things that are for children

that are stupid that nobody likes things people

like are the good things for children that don't

treat them like they're they Need like helmets

and a special bus Yes, exactly. And what I appreciated

about this movie is and you're probably gonna

disagree with this, which is fine It's out of

the three films. It is the only one that I actually

like Kylo in certain areas where he's trying

to shed that off and just be Ben. And I like

how they do the force. I thought how they use

the force because it's different. It's not what

we've seen before. It's the power of two because

that's Disney's thing now. It must be the power

of two. I mean, I know it's always been master

and apprentice and the power of two has always

been a thing. But like Disney's really trying

to hammer that home, especially with the thing

that they tried to do like 100 years ago that's

supposed to take place before all this. Yes.

Well, that was the power of two. That was the

power of one. The power of two. The power of

many. Yes, many. Yes, and then they all died.

And then they all died. And there you go, folks.

That's our review of the Acolyte, in case you

haven't heard the other Star Wars episodes on

the podcast. And if you haven't, go back and

listen. The power of Manny. But I like Kylo and

this. I like it. I like Kylo all along. And I

like the weird stuff they do with the Force all

along, because people seem to understand that

we saw a very thin slice of the Star Wars universe

in the original films. The whole point, the whole

reason that people thought that you could like

do sequels and do sidequels and do all these

things is because we only saw a very small splice.

Like almost every planet in the original trilogy

is in the outer rim or very remote, very primitive.

So we never saw a city planet, you know? We've

got two Jedi. They're both really old and they're

both kind of like, and they're basically trying

to teach the kid how to read, how to walk, you

know? So they're not doing advanced stuff. So

to see new stuff, like new Jedi powers, I'm fine.

I like all that stuff. And I like how they actually

used it this time a couple of times, very cleverly.

And I think Kylo Ren slash Ben Solo is the most

interesting character in the films. I think he's

got the best arc. Except that he dies stupidly.

Stupidly. Let's get that out of the way, because

that whole scene, I kept yelling at Mike because

it, So I watched the first Hour and I had like

40 minutes left. So I watched all the movie as

of this recording folks You'll hear this way

later in the in the future in December when I

eventually released this in 2020. How's the Civil

War going kids? Yeah, exactly Watched this last

night. I sat here and I took notes and I took

screenshots and whatever I got to the point where

there was 40 minutes 43 minutes left in the film

and I'm like, okay fine I'll watch it today like

I'll watch the rest of it today before we do

the recording So that's what I did except I watched

it on my phone and I'm sitting there yelling

at my phone Don't kiss her don't kiss her. Don't

kiss him. Don't kiss him and I'm like Ah, you

idiots. I don't know what else they could have

done in that scene between her saving him and

him saving her, and then him dying. I don't know

what, like, a nice hug or something. I don't

freaking know, but like, I saw that kiss coming

a mile away. Oh yeah. And then I knew he was

dead. You know, the RALOs had to get their thing.

Is that... Yes. Is that really, oh my god. Yes,

there were RALOs. Oh my god. No. Oh Terminology

in this world today is not just fan fiction term

just terminal. Oh my god. They were realized

It's weird like a lot of Star Wars fans like

really got pissed off with the force healing

thing and I'm like To me that seems like the

power like the most obvious use of the force

ever And nobody nobody bitched about it when

when grab who did it in Mandalorian? He did it

in the second episode. It's an energy field created

by all living things. Of course you'd be able

to manipulate it to help living things. How come

they didn't keep people from dying? Because they

were already dead. Ray was mostly dead. Ray was

mostly. Well, you've got to save the main characters.

Well, first of all, we had to save her because

she's a girl and Kylo Ren's a boy in the modern

era. That's why we got to save her. And we got

to keep those Palpatine jeans going. And I looked,

I looked, that dude looks nothing like Ian Mcdiamond.

No, whatever is. Yeah. No, no, no. Like after

the movie came out, they were suddenly like,

oh, everyone's like, wait, Palpatine had a kid

after he died? I don't know, it was a clone.

I'm like, he don't look nothing like Palpatine.

I thought maybe it was gonna be the mom, because

there was Bad Batch, right? I'm going all over

the place, but there was a cartoon called Bad

Batch, you don't know, and it was about this

weird clone of a girl, and there's this splinter

group of clone troopers that kind of got attached

to her, and wanted to protect her, because there

was something. Her design kind of looks like

the Clone Wars version of Palpatine. And the

whole thing is, she's a perfect clone of Boba

Fett. And I'm like, well, number one, I can think

of a couple of things that are wrong with that

statement. Like she has blonde hair and also

uterus. But other than that, yeah, she's a perfect

clone. And why would they care about a perfect

clone? But if she was a clone of Palpatine, that

would make sense that they would want to keep

her. and then maybe she would grow up and have

a baby one day and that baby would be Rey and

it would all make sense and it's almost like

my brain is like somebody who actually like cares

about Star Wars and tries to make things work

and make sense and and hold together as opposed

to people in charge as opposed to uh yeah she's

a Palpatine because she can't be a nobody oh

my god not Rey not our Rey she can't just you

remember the last time I said I love that she

was nobody because yes it was a very proletarian

a very you know Great jet I could come from anywhere.

It didn't have to be from one of the sacred bloodlines.

No. No cheese Palpatine And technically this

movie more than anything else because the other

two movies it wasn't really super implied but

Finn is more of a Jedi than she hit that was

that was the thing. He kept he kept not telling

her. Yes, right. Yeah, like he kept you know,

having the things and having the feelings and

doing this and doing like, you know, all this

and all that. Number one, I like the visual effects

in this movie. I love it. I love the color palette.

That's the one thing I love. We'll put that on

the box. I love the color palette. Mike Blanchard.

Well, funny. But my point is, when they are doing

the light speed skipping, and it's like the If

people go onto my facebook, you'll see well probably

but i'll have to put the post in the in the in

the episode post for christmas but uh as of this

recording when we're recording this I took a

couple of screenshots one of the screenshots

I grabbed is of the millennium falcon when they

force or force skip wow uh light speed skip uh

right before they get eaten by the the thing

in the green whatever Whatever it is. Yeah, but

like just the color palette that they use in

this movie and I like how even though Good majority

of the stuff or obviously around Exegol is dark

like it should be because it's the Emperor and

the Empire and the first order and the last order

and the Fatal order or whatever the hell order

66 you're talking about now. I love that. It's

all lightning. I love that. It's all like it's

bright shades of blue and green lightening up

against the dark. It was just so nice. It was

probably the best -looking color palette in a

Star Wars film since Empire. I said at the beginning,

it's a well -made bad film. The design work is

great. Exical looks cool. What is it? Why is

it there? Who are all these dudes in the robes?

There's this massive stadium full of dudes and

robes. Who are they? Are they the souls of the

previous Sith Lords that Palpatine slash Sidious

absorbed? Are they actual people? I don't know.

They don't know. It just looked cool. This reminds

me of the time, was it 2010? Yeah, it came out

in... When Tron Legacy came out. Before... All

of that happened. There was a comic -con where

it's San Diego. I know I was there You were there

at that panel. I wasn't at the panel. No, I went

I did go to the secret Tron club. Okay, we're

like they showed the trailer on this like it

was like it was it was a reproduction of the

bar right in the movie and they they showed the

The trailer on this big screen and like when

the colors change in the trailer all the LEDs

in the room changed It was really cool, and you

got in it through Finn's arcade, and it was hidden

somewhere in the streets of San Diego, and my

stupid friends all wanted to go, and I was like,

no, no, no, no, no. But it was cool. I will freely

admit it was cool, and I still have my little

coin purse full of Flynn's arcade tokens. Nice.

When they did the panel at the Comic Con that

year, they had the entire audience. That's the

in the movie that the disc wars disc wars then

that's the comic -con audience So my thinking

is is that because we have no explanation I wish

this was true, but I don't think it was because

the pandemic was about to hit us 2018 maybe comic

-con I wish all of these guys in robes and making

noises. I wish that was another comic -con audience

thing Because that would have been a cool easter

egg. Who would have heard about that, though?

Yeah, we would, I mean... Yeah, no, I know. That's

what I'm saying. I wish that's what it was, even

though that's not what it is. I wish that's what

it was. Because I thought that would have been

cool. But yeah, we don't know who the guys in

the robes are. I mean, that's like trying to

figure out who the ancient spirits of evil are

that give Mumrah his power. But at least they're

a thing and like they do have like, because I

remember in the very last episode, like they

turn against Momora. They're like, you failed

your stupid mission and we're going to punish

you. We're going to give you one last shot. I

mean, there's not much to it, but it's also like

a cartoon based on a children's toy, as opposed

to like a multimillion dollar blockbuster, you

know, billion dollar franchise that like they've

had. And by that point, they've had like years

to get ready. I'm not saying you have to explain

every little thing, but like, Jesus. Like, do

you know what planet they were on at the beginning

where he finds the wayfinder? Uh, oh God. That

was Mustafar! Was it? Remember in episode three

with all the trees? Right. And all the guys with

big hats that don't look like bugs? Yes. Remember

all those guys? God. Remember all the lava that

was on Mustafar? Yeah, no, I think that was,

I'm 90 % sure that was supposed to be Mustafar.

And it's like, it looks nothing like Mustafar.

Have you watched the movie? And by the way, they

actually, as of November of last year, as of

a year ago, at this point, yeah, it'll be literally

a year ago, they were actually selling those,

they were still selling those stupid Wayfinder

things at Disney World. Oh, wow. Because they're

so cool and everybody wants one. Speaking as

a huge fanboy, I do not own one, which tells

you that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I didn't not believe

you but Kylo Ren leads a vicious assault against

the as the Alismac colonists on a healing Mustafar

I didn't even recce like I saw the red Like I'm

like, ooh cool bright shiny red planet. Yeah.

I'm like wait what? Huh? Why is most of our healing

how to plant heel like it's ideal? Everything

about this is stupid. That's what the That's

how Wikipedia says it in its synopsis here. I

don't know how it's healing. I have no idea.

I mean, why is it healing? This isn't. Oh, what's

the what's the DC? Mogo, Maigo, Migo, whatever

the hell the DC. No, not. Yeah. No, not World

War. There's a planet in one of our franchises

that's an actual living planet. What of our franchise?

I don't freaking know. Our franchises. I don't

know anymore. We've been paying attention since

about 2016. It's not for us anymore. Clearly.

But it is. No, but I'm going to... No, it is.

And gender fluid people. They're not for us.

They're not for old men. who grew up with this

stuff and love him, they're for, you know, young

people that like this stuff and don't watch.

Yeah, I think I've mentioned in every other Star

Wars episode that we've done so this point so

far here in Cessio 2009, that I think I saw Jedi

when I was either eight, nine or 10. So that

would have either been 88, 89 or 90. So by 1990,

okay, I was 10 years old. I had seen Jedi, I

had loved Jedi. Fast forward to 2024, and I'm

44 years old, and every single time the pirate

shows up, the scoundrel shows up, and I'm like,

hero time, let's go, because you know he's going

to say something that we're all going to love.

Every time I saw Lando in this, I'm like, yeah,

let's go, let's do it, because it was fun. Like

that's what this like you say this isn't for

us you I Understand I mean they say that every

time they make it and then they get mad when

we don't go watch it. So Well, I mean to be fair

this I think this movie made a billion dollars

I think all the all the sequel movies made money.

Yes. Oh, yeah the budget for this 416 million

it made a billion point 77 It made it like if

you go with the accounting blah blah blah it

made about 200 million dollars, which is almost

enough to pay for the acolyte. Oh god I slightly

disagree about Lando. I mean, I understand like

again. It's like the Falcon's dish It's like

the lightsaber. It's it's a thing, you know from

the old movies Of course, he's got to wear the

costume from from this from the Han Solo movie

So that we we connect them. Yeah, like I I mean

I like the idea of having Lando in it But I don't

think he really did much like he He's like look

at me. I'm Lando. Okay. No. Yeah, you're my friend

Okay There was one interesting thing. This is

what I mentioned earlier my Mandela effect moment

Yes, because I guess I read about this at the

end when he's with the girl with a camera her

name She didn't get an action figure, so I can't

remember her name. The former Stormtrooper. Well,

she got a black series, but I don't care about

the six inch film figures. Remember they had

that moment together, and a lot of people thought

it was really weird. Lando, it's either cut or

it wasn't filmed. It's in the books. Lando's

daughter was kidnapped by the First Order. Yeah.

And it's sort of implied, because if you notice,

he's really sad. Yeah. Because he's kind of hoping

to, and it's kind of implied that maybe she's

his long lost daughter. Yeah. But he doesn't

say anything about that. And I'm like, oh, I

could have sworn that was a thing. And then I

had to go back and find that. Yeah, he doesn't

say anything about it, unfortunately. So everyone's

like, oh, he's hitting on this young girl. That's

weird. No, he's not. Even I knew he wasn't hitting

on her. It was more of a, oh, my god. If people

are thinking that, I mean, people said that at

the time. Well, here's hoping they've come to

their senses by that by now because that's I

didn't even I did not know We all know he's into

droids. We saw him That biting teeth of the gears,

yep Orlando Don't do don't But no, I I enjoyed

this more than I thought I was going to and I

went into it with essentially basically nothing

I mean, yeah, there was the last movie obviously

but Compared to everything else. It's like, oh

Yeah, I wish we had had Just a little bit more

with that or that it would lead somewhere That's

the thing. It's like, oh no, I killed Chewie

and then literally the next scene. Oh, he's fine

He's you know, and there was there was another

one just like the like I was like, oh no, this

is in the always fine Oh, it doesn't matter.

It's fixed, you know. Oh, hey, there's a spy

in the first order. Oh, it's Hux. Oh, he's dead

Like like like the whole film is like, oh, here's

this thing and uh, no, it's done and it's done

and it's gone The whole film is like that Like

that was one of my big complaints about Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice was that they resolved everything

so fast Because there's just so much crap crammed

into this movie that it never has time to really

Deal with anything. It's all about we've got

to get her to Exegol and we've got to have Palpatine

and blah blah blah and I just Yeah, so We get

okay, I guess how about how about how about Rose?

They they really did did you know, like at least

they let her be in the film. Yeah Like you know,

and she had a little bit more than I thought

she did which is more than nothing Like so, I

mean they had to acknowledge her And they like

just and then hey, how about uh, I can't remember

the actor's name, but the guy who was mary adock

from uh lord of the rings Well, he had a big

part didn't he? Yeah, not really Oh, I was being

facetious, but I mean, you know to be fair like

if I was yeah I've always said if I if I had

the kind of pull to get like even like a bit

partner stars movie I'd do it You know who else

was in that movie? Did you catch John Williams?

No, and I was looking for him He was the bartender

when they when they got three bills brainwired,

which is another thing. Yeah That whole thing

was stupid. It's like I I can translate the Sith,

but I'm not allowed to speak it So, okay, so

we're gonna wipe your brain and then there's

that moment and it's in the trailers and it's

like it actually got to me in the trailers where

I'm looking at my friends the last time and they

wipe his brain. It's like, okay, well, there

are consequences. That's kind of, oh, R2 fixed

him. Don't worry about it. Don't let anything

happen that has any kind of consequences or weight

or emotional heft. We've got to feel good about

things. Oh, lookie, there's the kiss between

two women that's in that clip that's really quick,

and it'll make the moderate audience happy, and

it's easily to cut out for the Chinese audiences.

So we're pandering, but safely, so that we can

get it sold in China. It's the worst of all possible

worlds. Was gonna bring this up at the beginning

of this show but I forgot until now because I'm

now reminded as I'm looking through the cast

list I I'm on Instagram. I post sometimes I've

been on Instagram for the last five years or

so and I usually watch a lot of reels or stories

or whatever the video version stuff of YouTube

clips is on Instagram and usually because of

The way the algorithm is and how my interests

are it's like, oh this Star Wars thing or this

Star Wars thing or whatever Okay, fine. So I

see a clip of Ewan McGregor talking about playing

Obi -Wan again for the Obi -Wan series He's like,

yeah. Yeah, you know back when they first hired

me back in 99 or 98 or whenever they did the

stuff for the original or the prequel trilogy

and all that Whatever else. Yeah. Yeah, my uncle

was blah blah blah. And I'm like, wait Yeah,

your uncle was who? Did you yes That's Lawson.

Yeah, Dennis Lawson. I was like, holy crap. I

Guess I My brain isn't as good as it used to

be, folks. But yeah, I mean, overall, the cast

is pretty well done. Like, I don't know if it's

because of the. Oh, OK. Well, we only saw her

eyes. That's why I didn't really recognize her.

I guess I didn't put the voice with the thing.

Zory is Kerry Russell. Of course, it's Kerry

Russell. This is a J .J. Abrams. Well, I mean,

Snap Wexley is a. I can't remember the actor's

name, but he was in Lost and he was in Heroes.

Nice, okay. Yeah, Greg Gumberg. He was in Alias,

yeah. I recognize him immediately, because he's

got one of those faces and one of those voices

that I just recognize immediately. Other notes

that I've taken, let's see here. What do we got

here? 3PO, the one time we need you to talk,

you can't. Technically the second time, because

he helped with the Ewoks. Oh, well, yeah. Oh,

no, that's true. Literally save the galaxy. Well,

save the galaxy to be run by SNL alumni. And

then they were all killed. So, I mean, it really

was for nothing. Everything was for nothing.

And then they go back to him, you know, the odds

are better than any of us. Do we have a choice?

That was a good line. That one I liked. Yeah.

Wasn't sure I've said worst things on this podcast.

So this this isn't even at the 99 percentile

of worst things I've said Well, it's nice to

know the first order isn't sexist female stormtroopers

at the end with the stormtroopers Yeah, I was

thinking that too. Oh good Yeah, I get to watch

women get shot in the chest and die. Yeah, I

don't okay. No grass. That's not it But again,

like it's just I don't know. And it all goes

back to the whole thing of, where are we in the

whole, are they clones? No, no, no, no, no. First

of all, absolutely 100 % are kidnapped children.

Right. They established that in the first film,

and they reinforce it this time with Janna? Yeah,

Janna. And her people. That was a plot point

that was never developed. Yes, that's yeah, that's

yeah, it's established not developed. That's

probably why I forgot about it But yeah, and

then the whole you know ending I was just kind

of like sitting back while like my my notes stop

at yay 3po memory restored because the rest of

it I was just kind of enjoying and when Lando

shows up again and This film to me finally what

they've done here in the sequel trilogy is they

finally embraced all the new characters and unfortunately

Carrie had passed away a couple years, three

years before this and all that. So they just

have to use archival footage for her. But like,

Luke is a force ghost. Goes on. So, yeah. The

least likely person in the galaxy to be a force

ghost. But I mean, we can't use Carrie, so. Yeah.

Well, but I like that, though. I like that his

dad came to him. And it's because, you know,

he needed that closure, but it's also for a moment

that I didn't think we'd ever get again. So he

hears him quickly on? Well, no. I mean, if he

wants to, he wants to. If he doesn't, he doesn't.

If they gave enough... I know he doesn't. But

that moment of they basically replicate sort

of, kind of a little bit, uh, Empire. Dad, I

know. Like, too long. He doesn't say I love you.

They redo the scene from Force Awakens, but it

has a happier ending. Oh, no. Is it a happier

ending? Sure, he dies. They finally get out of

that movie. They're all reunited in the Force,

because that's how the Force works now. I mean,

I know, so I... Again, I'll probably have to

get schooled on this but force ghost is For those

who possess the force was a special thing that

the Qui -Gon invented and had to spend years

teaching Obi -Wan. Yes But everyone do it now.

Don't worry about it. Yeah, but I never when

I saw this and I'm like, oh He's just having

a memory, you know, he's just Yeah, yeah, this

time around it's more like it was a memory rather.

Yeah I will I will give you that because last

because the first time I saw I think every Most

people thought it was a force ghost But like

watching it this time it clearly like visually

it looks different than a force ghost because

he's not Translucent he's not blue and glowing

Exactly. It is and they do there's there's dialogue

that establishes that he's just a memory Yeah,

so I will grant you that i'm still my brain still

someone operates on the old Yep, come on soul

as a force ghost. Um, but it really was more

like his memory Yeah, and in that sense, I think

the scene was fine. I you know, they had to do

it that way because they couldn't get Carrie

Yeah, but I like that again. I like that though

because that gives more to Ben's arc because

he you know his mom saved him before she passed

and then even though he killed his dad his We

didn't really see we didn't get to see in the

other movies Too much because of everything else

that happened in the movies and all the way the

story was written in whatever else But like that's

why I like that scene is we finally get the peaceful

Like it's okay son. It's this it's that please

just be The good son that I raised you to be

or didn't raise you to be however the hell you

want. I don't know I just like the moment. I

thought it was everybody all of the Classic cast

members get good moments in this movie And that's

all they that's my point. That's all they need

is good moments focus on the New cast focus on

the new characters and that's what this movie

did tenfold Well to be fair the characters either

dead or the actors were dead. So, I mean they

didn't have a lot of choice True, but at least

it was not just written to have, like again,

with Lando, he only shows up in certain parts.

He's not there throughout the whole thing. Buddy,

he's Lando. I mean, he didn't even have a big

part in Return of the Jedi when he was young

and relevant. I mean, he's not a, I get that

everybody loves Billy Dee Williams, but it's

like, I don't consider him a major character

in the Star Wars universe. He's an important

secondary character. But he's not like one of

the, he's not the big three. No, he's not the

big three, but it's okay if he's part of the

big six or something. Like, you know. The big

six is Chewbacca 3PO122. He's above Admiral Ackbar,

but he's below 3PO. That's fine. At least he's

there. But I mean, why is he there? He's there

because he's the person that you know from the

original films and J .J. Abrams can't let go

of things. I've got a bad feeling about this.

Ochi ship is out past Lurch Canyon. Go! Thank

you, General. You too, Chewie! Billy G. Williams

and how he ruined the whole movie. Wow! Kidding!

No, Dave. Billy G. Williams did not ruin the

whole movie. So the Falcon, we've got Rey and

Chewie and Finn, let's just say. So basically,

Rey is Han, Chewie is Chewie, and Finn is supposed

to be Luke, because Finn is always the gunner,

because that's the third guy and everything else.

Well, I think one of the things they did that

was right, and was both right and problematic,

is that nobody really mapped perfectly onto the

original cast. Now, the thing is, That was an

invitation for them to take those characters

and develop them, which they didn't do. Right.

You know, but it was like nobody was perfect.

Like Poe was kind of like Han, but he was a leader

like Leia. Ray was kind of like Luke, but, you

know, kind of like Leia. Finn was kind of like

Luke, kind of like Han, kind of like, you know,

like it. It's an amalgam of all of it. Well,

they could have been, they were new characters.

And I think the sad thing is fandom, you know,

and you have kind of, you know, you've expressed

this before when we talked about Andor. You were

like, I don't like to watch things where I don't

have a pre -established notion and familiarity

with the characters. And I think that's somewhat

common. You know, I mean, that's why they make

remakes and reboots and sequels, because they

want familiarity rather than to introduce you

to a bunch of new characters. But they kind of

had to because everybody was old and expensive

and dying off anyway, so right Also like, you

know, if it had hit really big I mean the one

thing is like I'm about to say if it hit really

big but like they made a billion dollars a movie

We could almost made two But like, you know,

you could have kept going, you know, you could

have had their adventures Yeah, that would mean

but that would mean breaking away from Palpatine

and the stormtroopers and the Empire and heaven

there and that's always been Star Wars is like

weird Achilles heel as it's never been really

good at Breaking away from the original trilogy

Now I've done they've done arcs with you know,

like there are like three or four arcs that they

always didn't explain universe There was the

alien invasion arc Like they did they didn't

like three or four versions of that. There's

the oh no the Empire's back which is how Thrawn

and blah blah blah and there's like the other

Sith and it's like just They've never really

been good at forging a truly unique new version

of Star Wars in the star universe, which is weird

because more so than a lot of other You know

fantasy sci -fi universes. Mm -hmm. Like the

the there's there's so much room for it. Yeah,

like both the rings specifically takes place

during a specific time in the world where the

cool fantasy stuff is ending. There is a whole

sense of melancholy, of loss. The elves are leaving

Middle Earth. Everything is changing and becoming

the boring, horrible, mundane world that we're

stuck in today. Star Trek is kind of cool, but

it's also... I mean, the very format of the thing

is... But Star Wars is like, what's going on

over there? Who are those guys? What else is

going to attack me? but it's always like a Death

Star clone, which we had in this film, or an

alien invasion, or the Empire's back, and have

a Death Star clone, you know, it's just, they've

never really, you know, J .J. Abrams is more

of a symptom than a unique snowflake in terms

of not being able to let go of the past. And

it's frustrating because again, I keep, I will

always say he's good at casting, he's good at

directing. And just if you gave him a good script,

if someone who really knew and understood Star

Wars, but it was also willing to take some risks,

and Abrams was willing to take some risks, I

think we could have had fire. What we had was

good looking mediocrity. And because they were

doing back flips to fix the stuff that Rian Johnson,

you know, Snoke was never real. I made him. He

was my puppet. Look at this vat full of stokes

Wasted your head all along even though they never

used me before which is stupid. They should have

just had Palpatine Yeah, it's in the car. Like

I don't know if you know about the comics but

the very first So they've been like three waves

of Star Wars expanded universe There was the

pre -expanded universe stuff, you know from the

first movie to about 90 something early 90s Then

there was the expanded universe, which was the

Lucasfilm that started with Dark Empire and that

started with Air the Empire drawn the throne

books and then there's the Disney era but like

Dark Empire Like brings back Palpatine immediately

like he has like a dark side gimmick that he

can come back the secret of Asuka Boda Yeah,

like you could use that like you stole Thrawn

you stole all this other stuff. That was cool

Yeah, you could easily like nobody would have

been mad that you lifted these things because

it's part of the canon yeah i mean but again

you've got what is it here you got instead you

spend the time and energy to establish snook

as a big villain even though he's got a stupid

name and ryan johnson just arbitrarily killed

him off in the next episode so now now he's a

nobody he's a nothing he's a puppet he's a waste

of time a waste of time That's my thing. It's

like so much of this movie is all about a huge

waste of time Well, like you said earlier it

starts and stops. It's it's little mini arc So

it's basically like follow this character follow

that character follow that character follow that

character at some point They're all gonna meet

up in the middle supposedly and Then do whatever

they're going to do But also like where are we

at the end? We're right back where we started

the evil Empire. I mean first order. I mean final

order has been destroyed Yeah, I mean now my

only question as movie ended was are they gonna

are they gonna run the the new New Republic?

With with more SNL alumni are they gonna like

like like learn from their mistakes and maybe

go with mad TV alumni Like it is weird that there

has been since those movies came out There's

been almost like this concentrated effort by

Lucasfilm to make the New Republic look like

a bunch of freaking idiots So we don't feel bad.

They got vaporized in the first movie. Yeah That's

like we're just we're literally we have completely

reset It is literally the end of return of Jedi

the bad Empire has been destroyed The good guys

will reclaim the galaxy and create a new Democratic

government Republic government and there is one

lone Jedi who will Create the next generation

and so the you know episode 10 should be you

know Where's Ray? We have to find Ray, you know

BB -8's been in a space coma for 10 years since

Ray disappeared and we have to find her and then

the end of the movie will be they'll find Ray

and then they cut to the next movie like like

just endless repetition Yeah, it goes nowhere.

It amounts to nothing. We learn nothing about

these characters. These characters are ciphers,

you know, they're just I mean and Again, I am

kind of, I'm really annoyed that, like, John

Boyega got wasted, because as I said, I'm a huge

fan of Attack of the Block, and that dude has

talent. Like, he's an incredibly gifted actor,

and they just did nothing with him. I mean, Oscar

Isaacs is a very good actor. They did more with

him than they did with Poe in the later films,

because he has the whole thing about, like, at

the very end, he's like, oh, I've got to be leader

now that Leia's gone. Oh, it's very difficult.

It's like, okay. this was never your arc, but

okay. I mean, there was a little bit of that

hinted at in Last Jedi, but still. I mean, you

know that he was like, his character got killed

off in the first film and they were like, people

like this Oscar Isaacs guy, let's bring him back.

Let's bring him back, yeah, yeah. I think for

me personally, I'm good with where Rey is right

now. I don't need to see any more of her character

or any more story arcs with her specifically.

But my friend, she's a woman. And she has brown

hair and an English accent. Just like Kira from

the solo movies. Just like Jen Erso from Rogue

One. Just like the girl from Indiana Jones 5.

Just like the little girl from Willow. It's almost

like somebody putting in her even though she

doesn't have an English accent There is this

weird constant repetition of young woman with

brown hair and an English accent a little bit

sassy like Kathleen Kennedy's You know original

character Yeah Maybe she just wants to be in

the movies herself But you know what I didn't

feel like I agree that There's so much going

on in this movie and there's so many so many

starts and stops and like I said a second ago

character following versus plot following along

at a at a decent pace of This happens this happens.

This is why this happens. So this is why we have

to then go this way like overall I didn't I Didn't

dislike this film I I'm not going to give it

a five or a four or anything because I recognize

the certain issues that are with it. But at the

same time, at the end of it all, like you said,

Poe kind of gets wasted. Finn overall in the

entire sequel trilogy kind of gets wasted. He

has a couple of really awesome moments in this

movie. I would rather see a Poe BB -8 and Finn,

you know go traversing the galaxy in the Millennium

Falcon or something Mandalorian style or maybe

something like that, but like the whole Rey needs

to find her destiny Rey needs to find her parents

Rey this Rey that okay Her story for now is done

and I know that there is a potential 10th film

that is supposed to be centered around her that

is supposed to be Kate. She's supposed to Attempt

to rebuild the Jedi Order. Maybe I don't have

a script. Maybe it'll don't have a script. Oh,

they still don't have a script No, and honestly,

I'm perfectly fine with that. Give us and or

season 2 Whatever Ahsoka season 2 is gonna be

fine. Give us that I've said this before and

it's not just about Star Wars. It's about any

franchise Yes, we want as much as we can get

of it, but sometimes if it doesn't go away, we

don't know how to miss it because it's always

here. And a lot of the times, it's always all

good. I recognize the issues that are in this

film. At the same time, at the end of the day,

I had more enjoyment out of this film than I

did the other two. Okay, well then, that's good.

My problem is... I keep coming back to, there's

the old sarcastic, it was probably from Friends

or one of those kind of shows where it's like,

oh I really liked the movie when it was Return

of the Jedi. Because that's what it is, it's

Return of the Jedi, like only more confused and

messy, and with less memorable characters. And

we end up in the exact same spot we started and

nothing is different. Except the faces. Yeah,

except the faces. Nothing changes, nothing, Pushes

the story forward kind of thing and ends with

with Ray stealing the Skywalker name for herself.

Mm -hmm Well, they yeah, so she's gonna have

some sort of name because we don't order Yeah

That's yeah, that's true. I I didn't write that

I don't nuts it I Understand. Oh god. What was

I gonna say? But so It took them nearly 50 years.

Nearly 50 years for Chewbacca to get his fucking

medal. No. Incorrect. That was the stupidest

part of the whole film. Why does Leia have a

medal? He got Leia's medal? Why does she get

a medal? What's the medal that Leia's carrying

around? Because she's carrying it around before

she dies. Yeah. Secondly, if you read the novelization,

and I will happily take a picture of it at the

very end, It says Chewie got a medal too, but

few princesses are that tall. It's a literal

lie. And three, if that's not good enough for

you, he got it at an MTV Movie Awards. That's

right, he did. The motherfucker has like five

medals. He's like, you know, he's like Mark Spitz.

He's like, I got so many medals, but everyone

keeps giving them to me because they think I

got screwed. Right. Enough with the medals. I

need food. I need my child. My horrible, stupid

child. But again, for someone who is just going

into this knowing the films only, and I'm not

talking about me, like yeah, I know some of the,

I don't know everything you know, obviously,

but I know some of the Extended Universe stuff,

but like, someone that's just Joe Friday that

is only seen, and it was a nice little scene.

It was more pandering. It was more fan service

than pandering. Well, that's what pandering is.

It's pandering fans. Okay. It's like, what did

that have to do with anything relevant for the

last 40 years? Why didn't Leia have that medal?

Whose medal is that? Why is she carrying it around?

I don't know, so that Chewie can be given it

after she dies. Like, the guys who do South Park,

Stone and Parker, they have this theory of writing,

which is, a good story is written by saying,

this happens, and then, or therefore. yeah but

like or wait therefore or but but this happens

therefore this happens a bad writing is like

this happens and then this happens and then this

happens and then this happens and that's what

this movie is leah has leah's carrying a medal

for some reason therefore and there and so so

the true bucket can be handed it so that the

fans can get chewy getting his medal i mean dude

it's just cheap The falcon has its circular thing

back, but it looks like the falcon's a trans

log. By the way, another weird continuity thing

is the X -wing. It's supposed to be missing one

of its X -files, because that's the one used

for a door on its house. Yep, and it's not the

same. But it's got all four of them. It's got

all four. when Luke raises it up about Luke.

God forbid we even slightly change the silhouette

of the famous iconic X -Wing that, of course,

Rey flies around in. Of course she does, because

she's our special girl. I'm sorry. I don't mean

to be attacking you. I get it. I'm glad that

you enjoyed it. I'm glad it was not an unpleasant

experience for you. I mean, it wasn't unpleasant

for me. It was just this whole thing. frustrating

so because of all the talent that could have

been applied they could have done something but

didn't but chose the dumb safe cheap route every

time so i've just and i'm probably late on this

realization but essentially and we've already

we've known this for years now at this point

force awakens everyone says oh it's it's star

wars but x number of years it's supposed to be

an allegory to how Star Wars was when it initially

came out, the whole plot, the this, the that,

the whatever. You could technically say, even

though I'm not saying this, I want to make that

clear before Dave jumps down my throat, technically

Last Jedi could be considered an Empire allegory.

Yeah, absolutely. Because it's a different...

Because the heroes split up. And then obviously

this is Jen that's Again my realization of like

I didn't realize when she was doing all that

stuff when they were on Endor It didn't even

occur to me wasn't Endor. It was another Okay,

but it was it was a moon of Endor. It's a this

of Endor It's a whatever is they say Endor like

five times the Endor system, but that's why there

were no Ewoks No, there were just Warthog. Well,

they know they should they went to the moon of

Endor in the final shots in the final shots Okay.

Yeah, gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. We

saw Wicked and the Sun. Right, right, right.

But my point is like I didn't realize she was

gonna find the other thing in the excavation

of the wreckage of the second Death Star Okay

The weird thing is that's actually an element

that had they been playing around with since

they were coming up with force awakens like there's

fan art from from the fan awakens or force awakens

or whatever it was going to be called yeah she's

like it's actually underwater and she's swimming

into the throne room right um the the thing is

what i mean i guess kylo ren got his moment with

his dad but what came of that they smashed it

the wayfinders are so important and everybody

finds their way to x -call anyway because they

got that little robot that was completely useless

through the whole film except that he's got the

the coordinates in his head Yeah, and she finds

it and everybody then Kaila run I guess remembers

the coordinates not a flight through it like

it's just Know like why aren't you selling a

Disney world because they're stupid and they

don't they they literally just crushed it and

it did like the scene where she walks into the

that Trophy room or whatever and they're kind

of mirrors. I mean that for a moment I was like

that kind of plugs into what happened in last

Jedi and that's kind of cool and she fights her

mirror self for two nanoseconds And that's over.

And then nothing comes of it. That's my point.

Nothing comes of anything. Like, I don't want

to feel like my time is being wasted. And, yeah...

I don't know, man. I just had fun with it. I

didn't feel like, literally, what... Okay, you're

watching it for the first time. I'm watching

it for the second time, to be fair. Okay. Maybe

that's the issue. Maybe I haven't ingrained it

into my head enough to really realize, oh God,

this movie sucks. I honestly don't know how you...

It's not that I approach a huge amount of thought

to every movie I watch or demand that everything

have meaning and movie and blah, blah, blah.

It's not that I'm like that, but I mean, this

is my thing, my jam, my franchise that raised

me as a child. I had the toys. I was very possessive

of Star Wars. I mean, Star Wars was a thing that

didn't end when the movie ended. It continued

in my garage, in my bedroom, in my basement.

Star Wars was a living thing for me. So yeah,

I am very possessive. And suddenly, Disney, who

have the money and the power to do, they had

the ability to do anything. And what they did

was, well, there's a giant, it's a bigger Death

Star that blows up multiple planets at once.

and the scrappy little rebellion, I mean resistance

have to stop them with their fighters. And then

the heroes split up and the Jedi person goes

to a cranky old trainer and gets trained in the

ways of the force. We'll twist that around a

little bit, ooh, twist. And then everybody comes

together for the big finale where they gotta

stop the planet killer, except this time it's

gonna be multiple planet killers with their super

fleet that they built with magic? Yeah. Where'd

that fleet, like I love... Kept thinking there's

there's a red letter to be a blanket review of

Star Trek nemesis Mm -hmm, and he's complaining

about the scimitar the the Riemann ship. He's

like, yeah How do they build that with nobody

knowing? I mean you need stuff to build ships

like yeah chairs. I just get the whole time I'm

like chairs where'd they get the chair? Where'd

they get them chairs for you know, like musical

chairs That's right. They just magically summoned

a fleet up out of the rocks. They do have lines

of dialogue Oh, they were working on it for a

long time apparently Now they got a little planet

killing guns and it's like it's just Just and

then they both know they blew up that one planet

of that planet that we were on for five seconds

That we didn't really care about To be fair.

They killed John Williams, which is sad, but

you know Carrie Russell and the cute little weird

puppet monster got off. Oh Who will be like we'll

find we'll punish that resistance by pulling

up that one random planet They were on for five

minutes. That'll learn him. Yeah, like why why

is it kajime or kajime or whatever? Why isn't

it because it was in the movie? But because it's

a movie because because well, you know why? Because

nobody gives a shit about Jakku and nobody knows

what planet po came from Right, but you could

go back to tattooing. You could go back to a

hoth you buy would you? Why would you what connection

do those planets have to anybody? Literally the

only planet in this series or in this particular

movie that has any connection to any character

is the fact They were on Jakku or on whatever

was called. Yeah, get him a ring. Um Like, but

seriously, like, oh, we'll punish them by blowing

up their home planet, which is what? I don't

know. We never established, like, like in, even

if it was a film that blew up Alderaan, which

is where Princess Leia was from. Right. Because

she had a connection to it. And we, we, we learned

that, like they blew up that planet because they

were on it for five seconds, just crushing the

audience's mind. I mean, it would have, it would

have, I mean, where are they going to blow up

the, uh, the, the salt planet? I can't remember

the name of now from the one from the end of

Last Jedi. Because nobody lives on that. Nobody

cares. Blowing up Jakku. Nobody cares. We'll

blow up Tatooine. Why? We don't even know enough

about the characters to care if their homeworld

gets... They would have to go, okay, we know

this Poe Dameron guy, he's a big deal in the

Resistance, and he's from Corellia, so we'll

blow up Corellia. That we those characters are

so ill -defined that we don't even know that

Luke was from Tatooine Han was from Corellia

Leia was from Alderaan and we know this shit

Yeah, like our course on because course I still

exists like I blew up the hockey system because

there's a whole bunch of like Dancing around

about oh, well the the New Republic and their

vast stupidity Decided that course that was getting

all the love and attention. So they move they

move their capital to the Hazy system Which is

another planet that looks exactly like Coruscant

and other planets that you can see from like

multiple systems away when they get blown up

because JJ Abrams doesn't understand space Yeah,

even though he's done Star Trek and Star Wars

movies. He has a very dim grasp of space. Yes.

Yes, he does like I really want to stop talking

because I don't want to like crush your you're

not Okay Here's an interesting thing. I did not

Yeah, so other than general Hux and the other

guy who's the other guy? Yeah, yeah Hux yeah,

yeah Hux pride outside of that's kitty pride

and then I made that connection my head I like

the x -men x -men. That's right. So outside of

general Hux and general pride every other council

member that is at that table when they're doing

the whole, hey, guess what? We need to have a,

you know, force choke moment or whatever because

this is blah, blah, blah. So all of those people

that are around the table that are discussing

what's going on, whatever else, I know a single

one of them. It wasn't like they had a Tarkin

because Hux and Pride are kind of a, they're

not an amalgam, but they're similar to General

Tarkin, et cetera, et cetera. So I'm on Wookiepedia

and I'm looking through the list of the characters

and I'm like, Alison Rose as Lieutenant Draper,

I'm like, wait, who the fuck was she? They had

a real Draper. Yeah. They would have been happy

to be in the movie. Even a bad movie. Well, my

first thought was, is this one of your relatives?

Like, you have a relative at Star Wars? This

is the character's name, first of all. Yeah,

no, I know it's the character's name. I understand

that. I'm also not related to Don Draper from

Mad Men, even though I do actually have an uncle

named Donald. No, I didn't know there was a character

named Draper. That's why I love Wikipedia over

Wikipedia for Star Wars stuff, because I didn't

know that either. And the pathetic thing is,

they could have told me that, and I would have

given a much kinder review back in the day. I

am cheap and I can be had. He's cheap and he

can be fought. I don't remember there being a

woman at the table. I remember there was a female

Star Destroyer captain. I think she's the one

that blows up the planet. Yeah, there was. I

was wondering if that was the same girl from

Mandalorian. Remember, what's his name? Gideon's

sort of little... Yeah. Who infiltrates, you

know, who is somehow able to get past... You

know, the, uh, uh, I can't remember the, the,

the, the guy from Senate Live. So according to

Wikipedia, how did I miss her in that field of

darkness? It's just like a black screen with

like a pale face in the center. Well, that's

why again, I'm an old lieutenant Draper. I can

see why they made actions figures are her. Well,

she's an old politician. Don't you know? I don't

know that's Exactly. Well, that's why when I'm

looking through this list I'm like who to flick

I'm sitting here thinking she was like part of

the resistance or something or part of this is

the younger Sith fleet or something No, she's

the one of the old ladies that's sitting or maybe

the only old lady sitting at the at the table

with all the boys arguing over how bad the resist

or not the the First, fifth, flatlining orders,

whatever. Whatever, whatever, whatever. This

is the final orders. But this is the last one

the galaxy will ever know. It's the final countdown.

Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.

Anything else on Rise of Skywalker, sir? Anything

else we missed? Any anything? Um, I don't think

so. Like I said, my thing was more just a tremendous

disappointment. Okay. Like seriously, like it's,

it's, it's, I mean, I'm looking forward to Andor

season two. Yep. Kind of my last Star Wars thing

that I really watch. I kind of made a decision

this year that it's long past due to say goodbye

again. So this podcast and our season two and

on the toy front, the can, the Hasbro pulse was

doing the Cantina, the big play set. Yeah, but

it's got the Tanaka sisters which are characters

that they said they would never ever do like

those characters fans have wanted for years and

Hasbro has always said no No, no, we're never

gonna do them and now I think in order to get

that thing to pass They said we'll give you these

figures. You've always desperately wanted if

you buy our $400 Cantina set Yeah, so for me

like getting figures I thought I would never

get is a pretty good note to go out on. Yeah,

so I'm I'm wrapping it up like it's Xandar season

2. It's like I'm excited. I, I really hope that

Kathleen Kennedy paid no attention to it and

ignored it like the first one. Yeah, let's hope

that all of a sudden there'll be this girl with

brown hair and a British accent. I mean, at least

give her an Irish accent, blonde hair. I mean,

come on. I mean, my Mothma has an Irish accent.

Yeah. So he says all that folks. And I'm going

to tell you right now we have at least Three

more episodes. Those are different. No, we got

four because we've got the soundtracks and we've

got a As of this recording we haven't done that

yet, but we will be but when this I'm just going

to listen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know I understand

I understand but But yeah folks we've got going

forward in time because you all would have already

here heard the stuff that we haven't even produced

yet We've got a couple of interesting episodes

coming up. We've got an interview coming up and

then we've got the one right before that where

we actually discuss the books of the person that

we're going to be interviewing, which I will

have to talk to Dave about off air. And then

at some point before Christmas here in 2024,

I don't know how I hope there's the one time

I do not do subtitles. I do not read my television.

I do not want to read my screen. I want to be

able to understand and hear what I'm Consuming

for media, but if I have to use subtitles for

that holiday special we are doing the Star Wars

holidays of titles Okay. Well, oh My oh my god,

you don't know do you know apparently now are

no subtitles? Like they just have like 40 minutes

of Wookiees talking in Wookiee speak You don't

know that I mean they have it Nobody's oh my

god, but I mean they made it up. It's not it

is Doesn't I'm saying nobody at Lucas is gone.

Okay, so we live in a current doesn't acknowledge

that exists you realize that that's very true,

but like we live in a current world where I follow

a page on Facebook called dawn of the discs and

This page on Facebook gives news items about

media releases whether it's blu -ray whether

it's 4k whether it's whatever and it's like Hey,

new lead, new transfer, new this, new that, 4K

for this release, 4K for that release, whatever,

whatever, whatever. You mean to tell me, in a

4K world, we can't go back and have somebody...

Oh, Princess. No. How are you even gonna watch

this thing? Are you expecting a 4K release of

the... No! No, what I'm expecting is at least

subtitles. Like, that's my point. No! That's

my boy. How is nobody at Lucas besides the fact

they don't care about it? You keep saying Lucas.

Disney fine, whatever. No, you keep saying like,

my friend. It's like, you know, how come nobody,

dude, dude, how come nobody at Ford's theater

was like, uh, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

Like it is, it is persona non grata. Like, like

there, you understand there is no official release

of the Polly special anywhere. You understand

that, right? That can't be possible. Oh, my sweet

summer child! That can't be possible. My poor

beautiful Michael! No! No! You're lying to me!

You can watch it for free on YouTube. Okay, yeah.

Which I assume is how you're gonna have to do

it, but... Probably. Because I've never, I've

bought it three times on DVD and it's never been

a working copy. Really? Yeah. You bought it three

times? There are copies my boy there are blurry

horrible someone I mean the VCRs existed back

in 1978 and Some other trucker got a copy of

it and it's been going around for 40 years Okay,

so sometimes you can get the actual there's one

Star Wars toy commercial on sometimes you get

a good copy. It's got that on it No any of this

no because I avoided the holiday special like

the plague that it is apparently so question

do we want to forgo that and just no oh god no

look especially now that you you you were like

i don't want to i thought there'd be subtitles

i i don't like subtitles but i'll endure them

i'm like oh oh now he's starting to laugh like

yoda in the God miss you Blanchard. I did Wait

wait get to Harvey Corman in three roles three

separate roles. Oh boy. Oh, it is so bad holiday

special and the We're doing them both What both

of what in the acolyte it's gonna be like cuz

I think you've watched that right? Only CS I've

seen that no, we're never doing that. Oh, I thought

it was like I thought you'd watching you like,

okay We're throwing the acolytes you got a lot.

No, no, no, I would never know trust us. I would

no no, no I have to suffer you stuff. No, no,

no, no So I so what we're gonna do, okay I'm

putting this out here We can't actually do it.

But what I want to do is like remember those

old commercials for tootsie pops with the owl

Yeah, I'm gonna take to get the center. Yeah,

I want you to note the time because because you

know about you know that in the middle of it

there's a Boba Fett cartoon which is actually

kind of decent yeah note the time when you're

like okay i just want to skip to the Boba Fett

cartoon and call it a day how far can you go

before you're like because every time i watch

it now that's basically what i do is i skip to

the Boba Fett cartoon oh my god how long can

you wait to get to the center of the Tootsie

Pop that's right the world may never know They

will know this December. But what I was going

to say was because you're absolutely right. Not

that I didn't think you weren't right, but I

just searched the holiday Star Wars holiday special

on Disney Plus. The only thing that comes up

is the Lego holiday special for Star Wars on

Disney Plus. So that episode is now the bad holiday

special, the really bad one, and then the Lego

one. One of those is the Guardians of the Galaxy

one. Yeah. The Lucas quote, okay, when Red Letter

Media, oh god, it's my favorite thing, when they

did the best of the worst for the holiday special,

the Christmas episode, they did two episodes.

The first episode, which is an hour long, they

do everything but talk about the holiday special.

They hated so much. And then the second episode

is they actually talk about the holiday special.

But on every bootleg DVD copy they have is the

Lucas quote, if I had time and a hammer, I would

track down and smash every bootleg copy of that.

Well, you know. I can't believe you thought there

was an official release of the holiday special.

This is an official release along with every

other thing. But buddy, are you in the real estate

market? Because I happen to have a bridge. Yeah.

In Brooklyn. I think you would love it. You'll

get a lot out of it. You want to buy my bridge?

I think your bridge. So to this Nigerian prince

sent me a email and uh How did you not like I?

Don't basic nerd stuff, dude. Well, dude, I apparently

I haven't been a basic nerd in years because

my brain just constantly fails me All right ratings

on this thing I am gonna give it a and this is

just based on how our rating system our geek

meter at the GCR and how the description of it

reads Three and a half good. It's a mixed bag

But the good stuff outweighs the bad that one

sentence for me is how I feel about this film

the fact that I've already said in this episode

I enjoyed this one more than the other two That's

the quote -unquote lowest grade. I can give this

three and a half out of five It's a mess like

internally nothing goes anywhere in the larger

sense of the trilogy, all we do is end up back

where we started. It's a waste of time, it's

a waste of talent, it's a waste of money. I'm

gonna give it a two. Okay, so you're at a two,

so bad, missed potential, poor execution, like

you're saying, lack of... Missed potential is

the... Yeah, okay. Alright folks, we're gonna

go to a quick ad break and here's some podcast

ads and some other stuff. We're gonna come back

to close the show right after this. So get Altered

Get Geeky with the Altered Geeks every Friday

on the Geekcast Radio Network. I know what we're

doing today. Okay, Michael, if we're going to

tackle this podcast thing, we've got to do something

really special. It has to be cool, daily, in

audio form, and undetectable by radar. Something

that screams summer. I know, let's do a Phineas

and Ferb review podcast. We'll call it the Podcast

Organization Without a Collacronym, or Pauka

for short. What do you think? I think if we're

not careful, Candice is gonna bust us. You can

find Pauka on the GeekCast, Radio Network, iTunes,

Blog Talk Radio, and all of the other methods

you find podcasts. Okay then. Carry on. So let's

say you're looking for a podcast of your favorite

80s comic books, G .I. Joe, Transformers, Ninja

Turtles, He -Man, etc. Where are you going to

go to find this? Welcome to Star Joe's Podcast.

I'm your host Ryan. And I'm Chuck. That's right

everybody, we're the Star Joe's. We host a podcast

called Star Joe's Podcast. where we talk about

your favorite comic books, your favorite toys

of all the 80s properties. Star Wars, G .I. Joe,

Transformers, Mask, Thundercats, Voltron, you

name it, we cover it. If it's in the 80s, we

will cover it at some point. Yes, so what you

want to do to find us, you can go to iTunes,

you can go to www .starjoes .com. And remember,

the Force will be with you. Because knowing us

is half the battle. On the Simplistic Reviews

podcast, we talk movies. We talk TV. We talk...

Hello, Julie, what the heck are you doing? Trying

to make our spots sound more exciting by adding

explosions. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could've

got the point across with sound effects, not

the real thing. Car, car. Download the show on

iTunes or if simplisticreviews .blogspot .com.

I'm sure your insurance company will cover that.

No, they won't. No, they probably won't. All

right, folks, we are back here inside Studio

2009 as we close out the sequel trilogy for Star

Wars. Return of the Jedi saves it all. Return

of the Jedi saves it all. I think you I think

you you overshot a little bit, but that's fine.

Well, OK, but still. Oh, Empire. Well, I don't

think it saves it, but Empire is one that makes

the trilogy. I mean, I've heard there are other

films, but it's a good trilogy. So folks, coming

up, like I mentioned earlier, we've got the next

episode. Dave and I are going to read and then

we are going to discuss Craig Miller's Star Wars

memories. And then he's got a second book called

More Movie Memories. Craig Miller was there.

during Star Wars and the Empire Strikes Back

and all of that and We're gonna be going through

his book and and reading his history with the

franchise and all that and the episode after

that we're gonna interview him and Then we will

do the holiday special along with the Lego holiday

special because you got to have oh no The horrible

pumpkin pie and monster you just take that because

I was like ha ha and then you're like Oh, you're

going to watch the Lego holiday special. I'm

like, you bastard. What? Come on. It can't be

any worse than the actual holiday special. No,

and that's what makes it kind of like, again,

like I would rather I would rather endure agonizing

pain than have my time wasted. And it's also

going to be another ray centric nonsense. Ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray

ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray ray I am

kind of looking forward to talking to this Miller

guy. He was the editor of Bantha Tracks, which

was the fan magazine back in the day. I've got,

I don't even know how many, I've got a box of

them downstairs somewhere. Oh, well when we get

to that point, you'll have to take a couple of

pictures of your, if you can find them in your

Star Wars. My Star Wars Ephremia box, I don't

know where it went. You've got some time. And

then after that folks we are continuing on with

I'm basically taking the podcast daily to do

stuff here in December of 2024 because apparently

I don't take Holidays off anymore like I used

to I do a bunch of podcasts after the holiday

and Lego holiday special episode I With somebody

I think I have one person in mind. Hopefully

she'll agree to it but it hasn't happened yet.

We're going to do a 30th anniversary of Forrest

Gump because that's 30 years old this year. And

then Dave and I are going to enter into a 10

episode journey as we step out of the galaxy

far, far away and we go sleuthing because we

got just one more thing to talk about. Yes, so

excited. So that's what's coming up here on the

podcast. Any final thoughts from you before I

run through all the other contact information,

sir? No, I mean, I'm glad you like the film.

I wish I could have been a little bit less. It's

weird. I don't hate it. I don't hate any of the

sequel films, but I'm just it is the quintessential,

you know, I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed.

For all they like they had all the money in the

world. They had all the talent in the world There

isn't there literally probably multiple at this

point like two generations of people that grew

up with Star Wars that would have Happily, you

know sold their kidneys to make these films Yeah,

and and just there was no There is no excuse

for it not to at least be okay Yeah, and I'm

not to be like pretty like good like Like maybe

you could never capture magic in the bottle again

like like like you think like Ghostbusters afterlife,

it's okay. It's it's it's it's kind of good like

you know like the person made it loved Ghostbusters

like I just Is it's heartbreaking like because

it's Mike because it is my franchise and it was

the rare I mean the prequels were weird But as

a general rule, it was the rare franchise that

kind of had an almost perfect batting average

because the guy in charge was one guy and one

vision. And it wasn't like this guy did this,

this guy did that, and this guy did this film,

and this guy did this film. And then Disney got

a hold of it and kind of, again, I get the prequels

are a thing. I came in late on that. I would

have much more opinions about prequels. Just

like there was like, there was a level of quality,

a level of passion to Star Wars that I feel the

sequels lack, which is weird. because Abrams

is clearly a massive fan boy. Yep. So it's just

to be fair, I know he didn't want to do the third

film. If you notice in the credits, Colin Trevorrow

got a writing credit because he was supposed

to direct the third film and he got into it with

Brian Johnson, apparently, and laughed. And so

they scrambled and brought in Abrams to do the

third film. He didn't want to do it. So I, you

know, whatever. Just. Your line missed opportunity

I think summons up every because you know, we

can't we can't go back and redo it Yeah, because

we already lost Carrie and we lost a lot of other

people. So yeah Unfortunately, and then they

got some money out of it. So I guess Yeah, they

got some out of it The whole theme park based

on that era which nobody likes or wants a whole

hotel based on Ray Which closed a year later?

Okay. Star Wars is a sinking... Sinking? Mandalorian

ship. It's a blown -up Razorcrest at this point.

Sinking, son. They're sending... Billionaires

are dying on their attempts to go down and observe

the wreckage. I know. Sinking! I don't want to

say... I've got to have a little bit of hope

on the edge of the galaxy here. I mean, come

on, man. I have one hope, and it's Andor season

two, and the Catholic Kennedy pays no attention

to it. Thank you for joining us here inside the

studio. If you'd like to get in contact with

us, we'll leave feedback for the show. There

are several ways to do so. Visit the website

geekcastradio .com where you can listen to and

comment on all of our content. You can shoot

us email to feedback at geekcastradio .com. You

can check us out on any of the podcasting clients

you choose to use. I prefer Spotify, but that's

just me. You can follow us on Twitter at GeekCastRadio

at itsitsstudio2009, all one word for the show.

I am at TF2 and Mike. Dave is not on social media.

Well, he's not on Twitter. Well, apparently it's

a Draper thing. We like to hide in the dark and

barely be seen. Become a fan on Facebook. Go

to Facebook .com slash GeekCastRadio to check

out Studio 2009 podcast over there as well as

joining the Toy World Order fans group. Join

us next time. As I mentioned, we will be back

with Dave and I discussing Craig Miller's Star

Wars memories and his second book, More Movie

Memories. For now, I am TFU and Mike with Dave

Draper. I'll hear us back in the studio soon.