Star Wars TV Shows and Franchise Decline

If you've got an issue, here's a tissue. DJ Valentine.

He doesn't have a wife or a girlfriend, but he

clearly has issues. That guy has definitely got

some issues to work out. DJ Valentine? Man, that

guy has issues. Clearly has a number of issues.

Clearly has issues. Multiple issues. DJ Valentine,

I need you! DJ Valentine has issues. Hey kids,

I'm certainly DJ Valentine and I certainly have

issues. Still, I'd like to thank everyone who

listened to the first episode of me having an

episode. The first breakdown of me having a breakdown?

It felt very cathartic to blow off some geeky

steam so I thought I'd try it again. For those

of you who are listening for the first time,

what's wrong with you? Who goes number two before

going number one other than some gastrointestinal

anarchist. I'm just playing. Glad you could join

me first timers. This is the show where I discuss

certain things in the realm of entertainment

and sometimes present questions like, do we really

need another Fast and the Furious film? I guess

that's been answered pretty open and shut case

there. That's the show Roll credits Okay, apparently

my contract with the geek cast radio network

states that I have to fill more airtime so I

Guess I'll fill it with a prayer a plea a hope

an ardent demand And that is to please Please.

Pretty please, with sugar on top. Don't ruin

the Star Wars Ahsoka series. I say that since

my issues this episode center around Star Wars

TV in general. Star Wars TV. Such a concept would

have been unthinkable when I was a kid, but a

concept that makes so much sense since the Star

Wars universe is replete with things to mine,

to explore, to expand upon. Every nook and cranny

of George Lucas' sci -fi menagerie has a character

with an intricate backstory. a bib for Tuna,

a Dash Rendar, a Kyle Katarn, a Psy Snoodles.

No bullshit. The singing wax lips tumor belting

tunes out in Jabba's Palace is named Psy Snoodles.

Sorry, sorry. I just refused to get a copyright

strike from music literally called Jizz. Look

it up. Anyway, so much story and yet Despite

a strong start with the first season of The Mandalorian,

each show has gotten progressively... How do

I not say worse? Worse? Damn. Each show's precipitous

decline has rendered me incapable of a nuanced

synonym to the word worse. Look, movies and TV

shows have dodgy writing, inconsistencies, plot

holes. It happens. However, maybe it's my old

man glasses, but I don't remember a time where

a steady stream of content from one place had...

plot hole so huge, so massive that, well, you

can land a jumbo fucking jet in there. The hit

that was the Mandalorian and the worldwide phenomenon

that was Baby Yoda led to the Mandalorian Season

2. Despite having the first well -done, well

-received live -action depiction of Ahsoka in

it, the season as a whole just seemed to be a

vehicle for cameos, easter eggs, member berries,

and key jingling with writing arguably lesser

than its preceding season. And that season...

led to the book of Boba Fett. No! This is not

how this was supposed to go! Less the book of

Boba Fett and more the pamphlet some asshole

sticks on your car window in a mall parking lot

that gets wet in the rain and you have to scrape

off with your fingernails later of Boba Fett.

They had a show about a law breaker with producers

and creators too afraid to make a show about

breaking the law. They had a mercenary, a killer,

someone who Sith Lord Darth Vader, the most infamous

killer in the galaxy, him. He had to plead and

threaten Boba Fett not to kill his quarry because

of his shoot first ask questions later attitude.

You are free to use any methods necessary, but

I want them alive. No disintegrations. As you

wish. And they turned that guy into a pious mayor

of a vacant Dust Bowl town he had absolutely

no connection to? They nerfed Black Chrysanthem,

they nerfed Cad Bane, they nerfed the concept

of being a gangster in general to the point where

Boba Fett's most loyal troopers where a sci -fi

version of Josie and the Pussycat slowly moving

from place to place on colorful cotton candy

speeder bikes in a fucking desert. Not great,

Bob. The show got so bored of itself, it just

inserted Mando and Grogu and Ahsoka and Luke

Skywalker in an effort not to doze off on its

own product. How do you fuck that up? How do

you fuck that up? That led to the Obi -Wan Kenobi

series, which as of this recording is in the

midst of breaking pretty much all of Star Wars

canon with show inconsistencies and poor writing

that lines up with A New Hope, as well as a jigsaw

puzzle piece lines up with a tuna fish fucking

sandwich. Kenobi is gonna lead to Andor, the

Rogue One prequel show centering around the sixth

most interesting character from Rogue One. Oh

what, you like Andor? You like Diego Luna's character,

Cassian Andor? Well, I guess I can only speak

for myself when I say, I don't give a shit. Or

Morgan Freeman speaks for myself. With all that,

my hopes for the Ahsoka series are now turning

into fears. Ahsoka Tano was maybe my top three

favorite Star Wars character right now. Thanks

to Ashley Eckstein and now Rosario Dawson, the

journey Ahsoka has been on is nothing short of

remarkable. From this universally hated annoying

obvious child POV insert character in the Clone

Wars movie in 2008 uttering lines like sky guy

when talking to Anakin Skywalker you're stuck

with me sky guy what did you just call me to

this battle -tested wise skilled Ronan warrior

monk who in her time has held her own against

General Grievous Assange Ventress Count Dooku

Obi -Wan Kenobi Anakin Skywalker Darth Vader

Cad Bane all of Vader's Inquisitors, Darth Maul,

and the Mandalorian himself. I don't care who

disagrees, but the lightsaber duel between Ahsoka

and Darth Maul in the final season of the Clone

Wars is one of the greatest Star Wars duels in

history. Not just because of the choreography,

but because of the well -written story beats

behind it. Maul tempting Ahsoka to join him to

maybe save her master Anakin Skywalker and stop

Palpatine from destroying the Republic, but Ahsoka

rejecting the offer knowing that Maul's power

hungry ways would never let him stop at just

killing Palpatine. Maul right for the wrong reasons

and Ahsoka wrong for the right reasons. There

is nothing, nothing in Star Wars TV as of late

that makes me think we can get something that

good again, except that Dave Filoni, the creator

of the Ahsoka character, the heir to the Star

Wars Empire, the man who learned at the knee

of George Lucas himself is in charge of the series.

Dave. Don't fuck this up, please. And don't just

fuck up Ahsoka and Hera and Sabine who are also

in the series. Don't drop the ball on the show's

apparent villain, Grand Admiral Thrawn, a character

in the grand hierarchy of Star Wars villains

who sits only behind Palpatine and Darth Vader

in my eyes. I could base an entire show on the

awesomeness of Grand Admiral Thrawn, the evil

Sherlock Holmes, the Hans Landa of the Star Wars

universe. But I don't want to fall into the infinite

geek limbo that is Star Wars any farther than

I have. The point is this, Star Wars TV is about

to actually deal with a character not only near

and dear to my heart, but a character on the

precipice of being thought of as one of the greatest

Star Wars characters ever. All previous evidence,

however, just points to them messing it up. There's

a little bonus issue for you guys. As I was taking

waiting for the new Jurassic World movie to begin.

A film so forgettable until this very moment,

days after having seen it, I completely forgot

the film's subheading. Dominique? Domino? Dominican

Republic? Who cares? And I mean that in regards

to this franchise. Jurassic Park started as such

a smart, inventive franchise. So much so, my

favorite scene of the film has no dinosaurs in

it and just involves a group of smart people

sitting around a table arguing over the morality

and danger of what they're doing. I think the

producers of this franchise should maybe do the

same thing. Sit around a table and discuss how

to fix this franchise from being a dumbed down

version of itself that feels as tired and Old

as well... well, a dinosaur.