The following story is true…well truish…well ok completely fabricated. This little ditty was actually not written by me, but a friend of mine who goes by the name of Chuck Davis. He was gracious enough to share this with me, and even more gracious to allow me to share it with you. Hope you enjoy.
My Life is an 80s Movie
I was Coming to America to join the Police Academy because I always wanted to be a Beverly Hills Cop. I was a Die Hard and couldn’t wait to show my stuff and really cut Footloose. On my first day they gave me a Lethal Weapon to see if I could be Top Gun. Let’s just say that I certainly earned my Stripes. My new life had just begun and I didn’t want to go Overboard so I took advantage of some downtime. I went for a Cocktail at the Caddyshack and ran into a couple of Goonies doing some Dirty Dancing. They said their relationship was Rocky and they just wanted to refocus and get Back to the Future. I wasn’t interested so I asked if they knew of any Trading Places around. They said “yeah there’s one down the street but it’s starting to Rain Man.” As they performed yet another Flashdance, I put on my Full Metal Jacket and started walking.
This could be Big I thought. I mean, everyone knew there was Big Trouble in Little China, but I had some Risky Business to tend to and I just couldn’t stay away. Not long after arriving, a couple of Time Bandits came out of a Road House and wanted my wallet. If I was going to have any chance, I knew I had to draw First Blood. As I reached for my Naked Gun, I realized this was about to turn into an absolute Nightmare on Elm Street. Their leader Scarface was a well-known Blade Runner from the south side. He was like a Raging Bull, and before I could pull my peace, he clocked me square in the Jaws. Luckily, the cops showed up and came over to Stand By Me. After the thugs were arrested, the police asked me if there was a Witness. When I told him I was alone he said, “Ya know you really ought to learn some Karate, Kid.”
After a long cold night, it was now Friday the 13th and my first 48 Hours in America had me wanting to get back on the Airplane! I realized America was almost like a Fatal Attraction. Everywhere you go there’s a Predator. This was certainly not the Field of Dreams that I imagined.
