Batman and Robin Review

My name is Freeze. Learn it well, for it's the

chilling sound of your doom. This is the way

the world could end. Please, show some mercy.

With ice. With a kiss. With venom. I probably

should have mentioned this. I'm Poison Ivy. Poison

Ivy. And the only man who can stop them. Hi,

Freeze. I'm Batman. Can't do it alone. Batman

will watch his beloved Gotham perish. Bundle

up, boys. There's a storm coming. Kill the heroes!

It's the hockey team from hell! Cool party! Arnold

Schwarzenegger. Alright, everyone! Chill! George

Clooney. I'm not the Marion kind. I know you've

had your wild nights. Good night. Wild doesn't

quite cover it. Chris O'Donnell. Come join me.

My garden needs tending. She loves me and not

you and it's driving you crazy. This is why Superman

works alone. Uma Thurman. So many people to kill.

So little time. Alicia Silverstone. You are?

Batgirl. That's not awfully PC. What about that

person? Found the Batcave. She knows who we are.

Guess we just have to kill her. in a Joel Schumacher

film. Strength and courage. Partners. Honor.

Partners. And loyalty. Freedom and justice. Partners.

It all comes together. We're going to need a

bigger cave. Batman. and robin hello and welcome

to the twenty eighth episode of the m wire movie

we can review today we're continuing the dc spotlight

series with batman and robin this will be volume

one of the dc spotlight i'm your host if you

like it as usual i'm joined by steve megatron

hello how are you very well though yes now that

we've gotten the the renting out of the way on

headshots Yes, I feel very relieved. Yes. So

what have you been up to this week? Not really

that much. I mean, trying to... I've actually

just recently delved back into the Batman series

of various sorts between the movies and the original

animated. Well, not the original, but the 90s

animated. I've been jumping between those. So

I actually just... Even though originally I wasn't

supposed to be in this episode, I decided to

watch the episode anyhow. And good thing I did.

So yeah, I'll get into my comments on it later.

I have a lot to talk about when it comes to this.

I guess you can call it a film when I recorded

MWIRE 27 with... Birdman and Double D. With the

twigs? Yeah, with the twigs. I said, you know,

the only good thing about this film is the poster.

The poster was awesome when I first saw the original

theatrical poster for this. Other than that,

there are a couple things I like, but other than

that, I don't... Don't even remember I even made

it through the entire film without skipping a

couple of scenes Funny you should say that I

did the same thing Well the funny thing is though

because I don't know cuz I watched it on my computer

cuz I was gonna I was going to grab audio I don't

even know if I did or not. I don't even remember

I I honestly think this soda is just gonna have

the regular The movie projector the trailer this

intro and then we may just not even do a separate

we may just go right into it after we're done

doing our little intro here I may not even stop

this because I think the only other thing I'm

putting in this episode is the Gotham City song

by R. Kelly that and the poster were the only

two good things about this film Oh God, oh yeah,

I've been extremely busy and I'm probably going

to get even more extremely busy as apparently

I have been Tapped to become a Co -host or co

-anchor or whatever the hell you want to call

it on the twig? Podcasting network this week

in geek net I've done two nerd news episodes

so far. I'm actually going to be doing a third

one tomorrow night um... as far as the topic

shows i don't know yet we haven't really i'm

waiting to hear from them to figure out how that's

gonna go but yeah apparently i am replacing stefan

uh... and i will tell you about that off air

cuz yeah that's not something that needs to be

anyway uh... so i think we're just gonna get

right into this piece of shit uh... It's a 1997

superhero film directed by Joel Schumacher. Based

on the DC Comics character Batman, the film is

a sequel to Batman Forever with George Clooney

replacing Val Kilmer. Boo! Boo! As Batman. Batman

and Robin also stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma

Thurman, Chris O'Donnell, and Alicia Silverstone.

The film tells the story of Batman and Robin

struggling to keep their relationship together.

Wow. They have a relationship. that makes it

sound like they're a gay married couple not that

there's anything wrong with that but that's just

the way that line reads it doesn't sound right

they don't play well together let me put my batmobile

in your cave robin here you can ride my bat cycle

while i ride my batmobile At the same time they

have to stop mr. Freeze poison ivy and bain from

covering Gotham City with ice and vegetation

Wow When did you first see this? I actually I

think I'd seen it around the time. It actually

did come out Unfortunately, I just watched it

again the other day And I say unfortunately because

this is one of the worst That I've ever seen

in my entire life. Yeah, I Could have shot myself

in the face. Yeah, it was that bad and some of

the freaking like oh My god some of the freaking

like audio shit like when they show Batman Robin

and then eventually that girl They play that

same fucking music clip over and over and it's

like the same ten second like music clip, and

this movie reminds me of fucking Power Rangers.

Oh, the dun -dun -da -da, dun -dun -da -da, yeah.

I was like, oh my god, play something different.

Yeah. It didn't even sound dark, it just sounded

retarded. Well, you know, the thing is though,

this film and Batman Forever, they were supposed

to be a lighter, more upbeat, less dark, less

Tim Burton -esque... type of films. They were

supposed to be more as comic book films more

than comic book dark comic book movies where

that's what the first two Batman and Batman Returns

were. This film has a ton of stuff wrong with

it. No kidding. First of all, let's get this

out of the way. There will not be any ice puns

in this episode. I will fly to Michigan and shoot

you in your head if you make any ice puns, because

watching them in this film was enough for me.

Yeah, it was enough to put a bullet in my brain.

You know, at the beginning of the film, after

the whole, oh, well, I guess we should, I guess

I'm jumping ahead of myself. I guess because

they are, well, he is the goddamn Batman, he

would have ice skates in his boots. I don't know

if Batman would be that prepared, but that was

kind of weird, having a hockey game for a gym.

Let me just get this out of the way right now.

Fuck you, George Clooney, you are not fucking

Batman. Uh, yeah, the Robin choice was alright.

The Batgirl choice was alright. The Alfred choice,

I believe he was the same one through the full

four, wasn't he? Michael Goff played Alfred throughout

all four films, yes. See, the only continuity

that stayed the same. But anyways... The only

continuity that stayed the same. Pat Hingle played

Commissioner Gordon throughout all four films.

That is true. Mr. Hingle just passed away, I

think, the end of 2009. Alfred's probably been

gone. No, he's still alive, actually. Really?

He was born in 1917, so he's close to 90 -something

now, I think. That guy was the man in the Batman

films. But anyways, yeah, George Clooney didn't

even fit the role. He didn't even look professional

in this movie. He didn't look like the right

build. The face wasn't what it should be. Good

Lord, could they have picked a worse Batman?

I don't think so. As I said before and I'm better

like good I was gonna say well he is a better

choice than if they were to you know, like put

frickin Keanu Reeves or somebody is Batman that

would have been just Dumb as hell but yeah, so

I mean they they did it decent but oh They should

have stopped after the third one. Okay. Well,

here's the thing though. Okay You start off in

1989 with Michael Keaton And then in 1992, Michael

Keaton returns. In 1995, Val Kilmer is tapped

to play the role. The switch between Keaton and

Kilmer, I didn't really mind. I actually prefer

Val Kilmer's version because he actually plays

Bruce Wayne's character a little bit better.

Clooney Clooney is more of a comedic actor right

exactly well you know the thing is I Think he

kind of I think you know we are kind of ragging

on him I my problem with Clooney is him in the

bat suit. It's him as Batman He doesn't have

the right mannerisms for Batman. No he doesn't

in that opening scene when when he and Robin

Get to the museum or wherever the hell freezes

is freezing people And he goes you know he swings

in which the swing in was nice, and he kicks

him first of all he After he swings in and kicks

freeze he falls flat on his ass and has to pop

himself up Then he goes hi freeze. I'm Batman.

You don't fucking Batman doesn't fucking do that

and just punched him or something I mean jeez

I don't know if I said it on air or he would

have waited until Free says who the hell are

you you know I don't know if I said it on air

in episode 27 I'm not sure I don't remember but

if we ever get Kevin Conroy for an interview

I am going to have him say I am the goddamn Batman

I'd have him say a lot of things. Well, no, I

know, but all right, but that's kind of like

the quintessential thing for Batman. But anyway,

we're getting a little bit off topic here in

what we want. But no, I think Clooney did OK

as Bruce Wayne. He's not the best Bruce Wayne.

I would probably say he's probably the worst

Bruce Wayne that has acted it. But he is... the

hands down the worst ever batman in the entire

universe of batman uh... i did say i i i do i

do i do remember saying this and uh... episode

twenty seven i wish that they would have taken

chris o'donnell and gave him a a nightwing film

series for at least one nightwing film because

i think he could have betrayed uh... dick gracing

slash nightwing very well uh... well i'd actually

have to agree with you that that would have been

really something cool to see and he did play

the robin roll pretty damn well oh yeah oh yeah

i didn't mind him whatsoever it was when physically

cluny playing batman i mean quite honestly i

wish they wouldn't have made the suit the way

they did and then they changed the uniforms halfway

through the damn movie towards the end and they

added bat nipples and I mean no they didn't add

bat nipples they were already there they were

there from the very beginning oh I know that

I'm just saying that was the most retarded thing

I've ever seen and see the problem with the bat

nipples is is that in Batman forever they are

noticeable but they're like you almost have to

do a double take Well, in these they point it

out like Batman's horny and he's cold at the

same time. That's what I'm saying. In Forever,

they're a double take where you're like, was

that what I thought it was? Where this, they're

like, oh my god, huge fucking bat nipples poking

me in the eye. I mean, it wasn't so bad having

Batgirls, you know, obviously pointing out like

that, but Jesus, the - Yeah, there's a - Yeah.

There's a difference there? Yeah. Um, I think

the only line - out of the entire film that I

like that came out of Clooney's mouth was the

exchange in the very beginning when Robin goes,

I want a car. Chicks dig the car. This is why

Superman works alone. Other than that, that's

it for me on Clooney. I could not fucking stand

him in this movie. Yeah, he, I don't know. And

then Bruce Wayne wearing a sweatshirt. Or a hoodie.

Batman doesn't wear a fucking hoodie! Even Bruce

Wayne doesn't! Granted, he wouldn't wear a suit

around his house. I feel like wearing a suit

today. No, he would be wearing something else.

Yes. I do have to bring something up. I don't

think we're really going to go through the plot

because it would probably kill both of us to

do so. When Uma Thurman is working under Jason

Woodrow Jason Woodrow is played by none other

than John Glover who most of us will know now

as Lionel Luther from Smallville Yeah, he's he's

even though it's a very very short scene that

he has but yeah, that's John Glover And rest

in peace Jeep Swenson who played Bane. I wish

if if Bane ever made it into the Nolan verse

I wish that this person could have played him,

but unfortunately he passed away. I don't know

what happened. I'm not sure but anyway I've had

a crush on Alicia Silverstone for years When

this at the time when I heard she was gonna be

in this I was like oh hell yeah She was actually

a pretty damn good fit for her character in this

movie see a lot of people and I and I kind of

I don't agree but I understand where a lot of

people are coming from a lot of those plot points

behind Barbara and Batgirl they kind of changed

like instead of being Barbara yeah the same last

name she wasn't Gordon she was something different

well it was Barbara Wilson it was it was some

way to tie her to Alfred instead of tying her

to Commissioner Gordon, which I I don't like

either I think it was kind of stupid, but I see

as the movie went progressed I See why they did

that So I mean it kind of fit it wasn't that

bad. I mean yeah, it's uh It's kind of funny

and kind of disturbing why Alfred would know

her size when she's like suit me up. Uncle Alfred

Like oh god mo That was the only part of her

portrayal that I just did not like. But at the

same time, how does this old guy know exactly

what... How old is she supposed to be in this

film? She's in, what, boarding school? She's

like 17, 18, maybe 19? She's like, you know you

wanna catch it? Anywho. Anyway... And again,

there is one scene that I absolutely like and

a lot of people don't like it I thought it was

kind of cool the sky surfing scene. I Kind of

liked it. It was I don't know Maybe it's because

I've always been like really I've always wanted

to like skydive or do something similar to You

know sky surfing or whatever, but I thought it

was kind of cool Other than that What else do

we want to say about this pile of garbage? It

was too cheese written. I mean, I understand

they were going for a more comic based or more

of a different take on it and not as dark. But

it didn't have to be the level of Power Rangers

cheese in this movie. Because every time they

went to go use some special gadget, they had

to do like the little hands flip. you know and

then show it and then they're like oh boom you

know there we go and then they've got some you

know and it was retarded then they'd have that

stupid background music which that was quite

honestly the most annoying part of the entire

movie for me yeah was that they kept going back

to those power ranger moments and i could not

stand it whatsoever well now see i think it's

very funny that we do need to point this out

Power Rangers the movie came out two years before

this so his inspiration was Power Rangers It

probably was um blasphemy what else Although

I did like their end and looking uniforms Yeah,

those were coming with the silver for the you

know to be kind of like it almost looked like

a mr. Freeze oriented resistant armor Yes. I

thought that was pretty cool. Speaking of Mr.

Freeze, I so did not like his portrayal in this.

Just the way... Now, on the special, because

I do have the complete anthology set, I have

the regular, I don't have the Blu -ray edition,

I have the regular edition, and they all come

with two disc special editions of all for the

80s, 90s Batman films. And it does have, what

is it, heroes and villains on here. And it's

a... It's a gallery talking about each character.

And Paul Dini, who did in the Batman the Animated

series, actually got to go to the set with his,

I believe his son, he said, and got to see Mr.

Freeze and whatever else. Mr. Dini said that

he's very honored that they took the... BTS version

of Mr. Freeze's story and kind of adapted it

to be in the film. I'm sorry. The BTS Mr. Freeze

is way more sympathetic. He is way more easier

to be sympathetic to than fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger.

He had that look in his face like he did in Total

Recall. Yeah. Okay, I don't think they should

have picked someone else probably a little bit

thinner than Arnold and you know Because mr.

Freeze is supposed to have like kind of that

little Little air based body. Yeah, but within

this huge casing of armor, which the armor was

pretty kick -ass in itself, but I I don't know.

It just was kind of corny having Arnold play

it Yeah, and see the other thing is Arnold is

top build on this film Which I know he's above

Clooney even which it should be whoever plays

Batman should be you know a little bit more high

profile, but you know whatever It wasn't big

at that time. I am so fucking glad we are done

with these four films I can put them back in

this set I can put this set back up on myself,

and I don't have to fucking worry about it anymore

I don't want to look at Batman anymore Other

than the new films, but yes, which which are

kick -ass, but we'll get into those next next

time but uh No, I was looking at the wiki info

that you posted and It appears that they were

going to try to make a Batman five with the scarecrow.

Yeah, which funny enough they did in technically

back Batman five, but the reboot number one They

brought the scarecrow, but it's kind of retarded

how they're saying they were going to resurrect

the Joker and have Harley Quinn is the daughter

of Joker and they're gonna have George Clooney

at Reprise's role and Yeah, I'm so glad they

killed it. I Don't know Like, if they were going

to resurrect the Joker for a Batman 5, I don't

know if they could have gotten Nicholson at the

time. They probably couldn't have. They probably

would have had somebody else because that would

have explained his slight differences considering

his body was flattened on the pavement. Yeah,

yeah. They probably would have created a new

Joker, I'm guessing. Yeah. You know, I just...

could not sit through this film and and the other

thing is when I first bought this set and I always

I always take care of my DVDs this the DVD the

disc one has no scratches on it whatsoever yet

my computer skipped around on it a couple of

times for some strange odd reason I didn't actually

watch it in the in in the DVD player I have because

I was like I said I was going to be getting audio

which I never did other than the trailer but

You know, it just doesn't... God... This movie

does not do the Batman movie franchise justice.

If you took out George Clooney and you replaced

him, if you had Val coming back... I could have

dealt with that. It would have been much less...

worse than what it actually is. But for some

odd reason, Kilmer did not come back. I don't

know what the deal was with that. I haven't read

up on it, so... He probably got sick and tired

of... being in a stupid Batman movie? I don't

know. He was in a pretty dumb Batman movie, but

it wasn't this bad. Batman Forever! Alright,

let's... It was in some senses. I mean, granted,

I wasn't on that record, but they both were dumb

in their own way. Well, the sense... Now I'm

approaching this as a as an almost 30 year old

guy So I'm not approaching it as my 9 10 12 15

year old self Since this is the last of the classic

I guess you could call them classic but the original

Batman films of the late 80s early 90s I'm going

to go ahead and rank them as to what I think

is like the best and and the worst uh... number

one i'd just for me i really enjoyed watching

that and forever i don't know if it's the fact

that i i had a huge crush on the colt kidman

when i was fifteen and i had the poster uh...

her that meant forever poster cuz they did character

posters for each character for that for that

film and this film uh... so that meant for every

one uh... batman eighty nine would be too Returns

would be three and obviously this film would

be last place It just doesn't There's just so

many things wrong with this film First of all,

well, like I was saying earlier about mr. Freeze

They made he they they tried to make him They

tried to portray him as the sympathetic man where

he's trying to save his wife, but half the time

when he's out ravaging and getting diamonds to

power his ice thing, since when the hell did

diamonds make ice? That makes no fucking sense.

Supposedly it's supposed to power his suit, is

what they're saying. Oh, right, but, you know,

powering the suit. Alright, since when did diamonds

make, um, you know... because he has to live

either right at negative zero or or below or

not negative zero he has to live right at zero

degrees or below zero you know so anyway uh that

i didn't like um well i also read that i guess

patrick stewart was considered for the role but

shoemaker decided that Freeze should be big and

strong like he's changed a lot of glacier. Yeah,

that's a direct quote But I think Patrick Stewart

would have been more of a sympathetic freeze

and would have fit the character better All right

Well, you know if you're gonna take something

from Batman the animated series or anything in

regards to a character, especially mr. Freeze

You don't want to make him because eventually

he just turns into in this film you know we first

see him it's like okay he has to get all these

diamonds to power his suit why is he doing this

shouldn't he be doing something with his wife

but no you see him later on in his little ice

bandit cave or whatever the fuck it is watching

old videos of him and his wife and he's not actually

doing anything he's not performing any research

whatsoever and then at the end of the fucking

movie we find out that alfred has been sick with

McGregor's syndrome stage one okay first of all

they have never as far as i know in the comics

or in the animated series named what norafreeze

had or what what her why she had to be cryo cryogenically

frozen It is never said until this film. Now

I have no idea if that's correct or not as far

as McGregor's syndrome being what she had or

has or whatever. But, you know, and then he's

like, you know, the classic doctor line at the

end, take two of these and call me in the morning.

Give me a fucking break. I'm not even going to

make a comment about that because I would be

completely wrong and illegal and I don't know.

What'd you think of that credit card? That was

almost gonna be the art for this episode I would

have had to kill you just for that Almost it

was almost gonna be the art for this episode

Oh damn. This whole movie is just blasphemy.

Oh damn. That's just funny. And then Poison Ivy.

I honestly don't know what to say about that.

I liked her in the animated series and I liked

her when she showed up later. I think she shows

up in a couple other of the DCAU cartoons. Excuse

me, will I like Uma Thurman as an actress? I

just I don't like no poison ivy no Yeah, I didn't

care for Yeah that character at all this movie

um rubber lips pretty lame ending how they decided

to kill her yeah her plant eats her which If

she's supposed to control plants, why would her

plant decide, oh, I don't like you anymore. I

think I might eat you. I'm hungry. That makes

no sense whatsoever. Exactly. That's my old reasoning.

I don't know. It's so retarded. As you could

say, it's bat shit crazy. Yes. The other thing

that was so stupidly ridiculous is, rubber lips

have no effect on your charms. I'm like, oh,

god, no. So now they wear rubbers under your

lips. Oh god. Take that bitch. Oh good lord.

I have a mouth condom for you, you bitch. I wear

mouth condoms so I can't be harmed by you. Suck

on those. Oh damn. Oh god. This... Oh, I just

can't even say anything else. As far as the legacy,

during the filming of Batman and Robin, Warner

Brothers was impressed with the dailies. This

prompted them to immediately hire Joel Schumacher

to return as director for a sequel, but writer

Octavia Goldsman, who worked on Batman Forever

and Batman and Robin with Schumacher, turned

down the chance to write the script. In late

96, Warner Brothers and Schumacher hired Mark

Prostovich to write the script for a fifth Batman

film. Project Mid -1999 release date was announced,

titled Batman Triumphant. Proto -Civics' script

had the, as you said before, the scarecrow as

the main villain, though the use of fear toxin

he resurrects the Joker. Harley Quinn appears

as the supporting character written in the Joker's

daughter. Clooney and Chris O'Donnell were set

to reprise the roles of Batman and Robin. Now

if Don't get me wrong. I would have loved to

have seen Harley Quinn In these in these late

80s early 90s Batman films. It would have been

Nicole Kidman. No, it wouldn't have I'm joking

Oh, yeah, that's the other thing we got to bring

up for this film Oh, no, wait, that was last

film. Oops. Never mind. I already brought it.

That was last episode Jesus Christ don't do that.

Oh crap. Um You know, I think it would have been

cool to see Harley Quinn in this I don't know

who would have played her. I know that You remember,

uh, what's her damn name? Oh the chick from Ferris

Bueller I Know her real I was trying to remember

her character names summer something. Yeah some

Summer Peterson or something or other. Anyway,

her, Mia Sarah. Mia Sarah played Harleen Quinzel

in the Birds of Prey TV series. I think she would

have done really well in the film if they decided

to put her in. True. Yeah, I think that would

have been fine. In Legends of the Dark Knight,

an episode of the new Batman Adventures, three

teenagers discuss their ideas about what Batman

is really like. They briefly meet an efferent

youth called Joel in front of a shoemaker's shop,

no less, whose idea of Batman consists mainly

of fascination with tight rubber suits and a

Batmobile that can drive up walls. The other

three kids treat Joel's ideas with utter disdain.

In Watchmen, director Zack Snyder and comic book

artist Dave Gibbons chose to parody the molded

muscle and nipple bat suit designed from Batman

and Robin for the Osmandias costume? Yeah, this

is this is just one film that I will never never

watch Again nope not happening. I'd agree with

you. Oh is like the worst Batman film ever And

yeah, my Batman set is closed I can actually

put it back on the shelf Okay, so I believe we

are going to take a break. You are going to hear

the R. Kelly song, Gotham City. This is actually

the only R. Kelly song I actually support because

it kind of has something to do with Batman. Other

than that, screw R. Kelly. Anyway, we will be

right back after this. Signers of solution in

the sky A city of justice A city of love A city

of peace For every one of us We all need it Can't

live without it Gotham City Everyone will have

a hero A city of justice A city of love A city

of peace For every one of us Cause we all need

it Can't live without it A Gotham City A city

of justice Because we all need you. We are back,

and how would you rank the late 80s, early 90s

Batman films? I already ranked mine, how would

you rank yours? I would probably say it would

be a tie between the 89 and Forever for the first

spot. Just because I like aspects of either one

better than the other, but I'd have to probably

say that I like Forever better just for certain

other portrayals. I don't know, I just... Well,

I liked the Joker in the first movie and everything,

but I'd have to say I liked the Riddler better,

even though it is, unfortunately, Jim Carrey.

So I guess I'd rank it probably the same as you,

on your Batman lineup, having forever the Batman

89, then returns, then this piece of shit. So

yeah, that's how I'd rank the old Batman films.

Alright, well, I guess that's going to do it

for us. Thank you for joining us here on Movie

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We hope you painfully enjoyed this episode of

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Volume 1 with Batman Begins. For now, I am TFG1

Mike with Steve Megatron Phillips. We'll see

you next time, folks. That's credit cards. You

live over there, Mike?