The Three Musketeers (1993) Review

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And now the latest and greatest in movies with

MWire. What is this? We are having a private

party celebrating the demise of the Musketeers.

Go away, Phobos. Is there any way to greet our

guests? Gentlemen, don't be shy. Come in. Your

friends have been expecting you. M -Wire Movie

Weekend Review is back and brand new, with a

brand new format and a whole new outlook on films.

I am one of your hosts, TF2, and again, joining

me is Doug Abel from Talking About My Generation.

Hello, sir. Hello, how are you? Ah, it's been

a while. Yeah, yeah. Rusty rusty rusty. That's

like cosmic rust all over the place So M wire

is back and we're on our way to episode 150 overall

Over the last two or three weeks. We've had well

over the last week or so we've had Episode 121

where Steve and I talked about good will hunting

this episode Doug and I are talking about that

classic Disney 1993 movie, the only one I personally

think is the best musketeer movie outside of

Man and the Iron Mask, because the other ones

in recent years that have been named the three

musketeers just don't hold a candle to this,

in my personal opinion. I'll probably have to

agree with you, but I haven't seen any of the

others, so... I've seen one, I think the 2013

one, whatever. But 1993's The Three Musketeers

from Disney. Yay. Yeah. So usually what I usually

do as the host is I ask the co -host, so when

did you first see this film? And in Doug's case,

in a lot of the MWIRE episodes he's been on,

he's like, oh, last week. Today... This film's

been out for 22 years, folks, and he has never

seen it until today. Are you kidding me? This

was Charlie Sheen before he went all tiger blood

stupid. I know. I know. And the worst part is

I kept seeing it, I kept thinking about that

sort of shit. He was going through it. I saw

this today. I actually loaded it onto my iPad

and I watched it work in between calls and on

my lunchbox, so Wow, yeah, it was it was definitely

different from what I expected I Of course have

seen this movie plenty of times in the last 22

years I mean you've been going to comic -con

that long. I still can't believe you haven't

seen this Well, I wanted to okay to be honest

I know that it has been on Disney Channel a new

number of times and it was like every time I

want to sit down and watch it it was always in

the middle of the friggin movie and if I'm gonna

watch something like this I Kind of know the

story. I want to watch it from the start to the

end I don't want to come in halfway and then

go I'll catch the other half later on Yeah, absolutely,

you know, so that was kind of where I was going

with it. I'm like, oh And so when I finally had

a chance when you're like, you got to watch this

movie. I'm like, okay sure, I Think I could be

wrong about this, but I think I actually saw

this when it came in theaters. I Know I wanted

to I don't remember if that's true or not. I'm

not really sure but So anyway to jump on the

lights, uh, oh no wait I'm screwing shit up.

So I've seen the movie multiple times Doug has

only seen it once we're gonna take a small break

You're gonna hear some audio from the film and

then we're gonna get to the lights camera action

after this The manners have not improved yet.

You're late. Are you in a hurry to die? Pick

on the grave diggers now. Athos, you cannot fight

this boy. Why not? I'm fighting him. Not until

one o 'clock. I have a duel with him too. Not

until two o 'clock. Let's get on with it then.

We want you to be late for your future engagements.

You're a musketeer? We're all musketeers? You

choose your opponents well. Or should I say foolishly?

I've been looking all over for you. Now you've

found us. We have some business to attend to,

unless of course you'd like to make it for a

later date. No. I'm a man of honor. But believe

me, when I say that killing you will bring me

no pleasure. Be with you gentlemen in a moment.

Oh, he's a feisty little fellow feisty indeed

Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in

one day The boys have no interest in me it's

free to go you come in peacefully and you tend

to resist I don't be so stupid of course we tend

to resist just give us a moment all right Five

of them, three of us hardly seem fair. Maybe

we should give it a chance to surrender. Excuse

me, but there's four of us. It's not your fight,

you're not a musketeer. I may not wear the tunic,

but I believe I have the heart of a musketeer.

Warrior? Poet? You got a name, boy? D 'Artagnan.

Athos, Porthos and Arbus. Hello. Nice to meet

you again. Pleasure. Everyone acquainted? Now,

we are prepared to resist you. Alright folks,

lights, camera, action! This, as I said last

episode with Steve Megatron, is a rapid -fire

discussion over the theatrical release, DVD Blu

-ray release, director of film, stars of film,

box office performance, and critical reception.

So this film was released to theaters November

12th, 1993. The director of the movie is, let's

see here, Steven Herrick. Other things that he

has done include... Huh 1986 is critters. Oh

God Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Okay,

I'll give him that that was okay Don't tell mom

the babysitter's dead Come on now mama Celeste

face up face down come on The Mighty Ducks yeah

1992 this of course in 93 and 95 he did mr..

Holland's opus He did the first live -action

101 Dalmatians in 96, Holy Man in 98, Life or

Something like it in 2002, Man of the House in

2005. More recently, 2013 he did Jinxed, and

2014 he did The Great Gilly Hopkins. I haven't

seen either one. I haven't either. Let's just

say the 80s and the 90s were better to Mr. Herrick

than today is. Yeah. Um, all right. So, uh, the

stars of the film we have, let's see, what do

we have here? Oh yeah. We have, um, uh, we have

move on. Oh, I'm sorry. Um, what's his stupid

name from? Damn it The hell's his name from Major

League? Oh Jesus why can't I remember this I

know Charlie Sheen is Aramis. We have Jack Jack

Bauer himself Kiefer Sutherland is Athos. We

have Chris O'Donnell. We have Robin here as D

'Artagnan This was actually two years before

he was Robin We have Oliver Platt as Porthos

Tim Curry as Cardinal Richelieu Rebecca de Mornay

as Milady de Winter, Gabriel Anwar as Queen Anne,

Michael Wincott as Captain Rochefort, Paul McGann

as Gerard the Juicic, Julie Delpy as Constance.

I guess she's done being an American werewolf

in Paris. Anyway, we have who plays, did they

not list the king in this? Oh, Bob Anderson,

uncredited as the King's Fencing Instructor.

Wow. Anyway, pretty much, I mean, you know, we've

got, oh, it's King Louis Hugh O 'Connor. That's

who it is. This is essentially a who's who of

Rebecca DeMornay, Tim Curry. Oh, yeah. Charlie

Sheen, Kiefer Sullivan, Chris O'Donnell. I mean,

you know, Tim Curry alone will be here all night

talking about him. Oh, good God, yes. You know,

I mean... Get on your knees and tell me you love

me. I love you. Come on, it's home alone too,

man. See, I keep thinking Tim Curry as the transsexual

Transylvanian. I'm sorry. Wait, what? Oh, come

on. You've never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Oh, no. Okay. Yeah, he's a transsexual Transylvanian.

Transvestite Transylvanian, excuse me. For a

minute there, I thought you were going in a completely

different direction and going to talk about Mr.

Body and Clue. Oh, he was a butler and Clue,

wasn't he? Yeah, but he was also Mr. In the various

endings, whatever. Anyway, we have, you know,

all the for 1993, this is a star studded gas.

Yeah, it is in a lot of these people. You know

yet like I said Charlie Sheen before he got hopped

up on tiger blood In you know his filmography

alone I mean the man has done some pretty cool

stuff for films He started out his debut according

to Wikipedia was as a boy under the lamp post

in 1973's Badlands Of course he was Garth Volbeck

in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I forgot about that.

He was in Wall Street, No Man's Land, Three for

the Road, Never on a Tuesday, Eight Men Out,

Young Guns, Tales of Two Sisters. Ricky Wild

Thing Vaughn. So I got the Vaughn thing right

at least from Major League. So 1990 he was in

Navy Seals, he was in the Rookie, he was in Hotshots

of course. I like Charlie Sheen before he went

nuts. Oh yeah. after he went nuts is a little

sketchy when he did the whole torpedo of truth

bullshit it was like okay I'm done yeah I think

the film like when it comes to this filmography

where I probably faltered or fell off of even

watching any of his films is most likely I hate

to say this but it was after major league two

Yeah, I don't think I've seen Any of the other

films that he's done since then I saw the arrival

which was horrible and my sister at the time

was really big and all dogs go to heaven so of

course we had to sit through all dogs go to heaven

to The first movie was bad enough let alone.

They made a damn sequel Yeah, and the fact they

replaced Burt Reynolds voice with Charlie Sheen

is Charlie Bark and yeah Horrible he's been in

three four and five of the scary movie franchise

Apparently he's TBA for paranormal activity security

squad His television credits include he debuted

in 86 with amazing stories book three 1996 he

was Ryan on friends. He was in Sugar Hill. He

was on spin city as Charlie Crawford now. I liked

him in that He was in Two and a Half Men for

X number of seasons as Charlie Harper And then

the rest of the stuff is he's all himself for

the most part which really he's all himself and

all this stuff Even this film to some extent

No Not really, but okay So apparently he reprises

and I don't know, folks. When it comes to 80s

television, when it comes to the networks and

stuff doing, and I know this is a movie podcast,

but we have to talk about this since it's his

filmography year, when 80s... television shows

are being created. I know everybody loves this

show. I know my buddy Optobotamus loves this

show. He knows Adam and whatever else, but I'm

sorry. The Goldbergs is just not my kind of comedy,

I guess. But apparently the reason why I bring

this up is because he's reprising his role from

Ferris Bueller in an episode of The Goldbergs.

Barry Goldberg's day off, so that's okay. Whatever.

Kiefer Sutherland has been in a number of things

too. I mean Just so much stuff all these guys

I guess I should have said it to everybody. We're

on the casting couch at this point, but I kind

of going Well, I yeah not exactly myself I just

as of this recording I just finished a two and

a half hour other recording for something else

so it's late yeah basically this this movie the

three musketeers from Disney is a loosely based

transition off the original dumbass I'm sorry

Dumas novel Disney changed a bunch of stuff with

it, but So for Kiefer Sutherland jumping back

on the casting couch here. I mean this guy Is

done a lot of stuff. Oh, you got flatliners a

few good men His make -me -famous probably breakout

role was 1986 in the stand by me Okay. That was

that was his first U .S. film. Yeah. For me,

I remember seeing him as David in The Lost Boys.

And I know that you don't like vampire films.

He was great in that film. It was he was kind

of like the main bad guy in a sense. And just

everybody like you hated him, but you wanted

to like him, too, because he was this lost boy.

Mm hmm. Just I mean, God, again. You know, he's

done Young Guns 2, Young Guns. So, you know,

he was with Charlie Sheen again there. A few

good men. Oh, yeah. Let's see. An eye for an

eye. Dark City was another one that I remember

seeing him in. And that's... I know some people

are like, eh. I like my favorite my favorite

90s comedy kind of film that he did was the cowboy

way. Oh I Love that movie Truth or consequences

you already mentioned Dark City after Alice Cowboy

up He's in phone booth in 2003 Land Before Time

10. That's an animated series that did not need

10 movies. No He was in the failed Marmaduke

movie from 2010 as a voice. Television, he doesn't

really have one of those breakout early roles

like some other actors do. He was the brother

of Justice in 86. His debut was Amazing Stories.

In 85 but then you know you get to 2001 to 2010

and we've got 24 with Jack Bauer. Oh, yes Oh,

I just realized there is one movie I have to

mention because I did not realize who that it

was him until I saw the credits and it was monsters

versus aliens Yeah, and he was general and I

was like that's Kiefer Sutherland. Oh my god

general wr monger and You know obviously 24 came

back with redemption in 2008 and he had touch

on Fox in 2012 to 2013 then 24 live another day

last year He's done four different video game

roles obviously one was his Jack Bauer and 24

the game The other one, he was in a Call of Duty

game. The other two, he took over for David Hader

as Snake, aka Big Bomb. Now see, I wasn't sure

at the time what was going on with the whole

David Hader, Kiefer Sutherland, Snake thing.

I thought it was just Hideo Kojima being like,

oh, we don't want David Hader anymore as, you

know, as a solid Snake. But apparently... Kiefer's

snake snake is big boss and all that that that

main character that that solid snake used to

go after so I'm Slightly okay with it. I still

have not played ground zeroes or the phantom

pain, but What I understand not missing much

So we have young young Dick Grayson here as well

the crazy thing about chris o'donnell is that

um his debut was in jack and mike in 86 um his

real two no three make me famous roles cape four

actually a game between 91 and 94 91 and 93 he

was in fried green tomatoes school ties sent

of a woman the three musketeers of course then

he had mad love in ninety five and batman forever

and all that stuff and i i don't think he's ever

gonna live down robin unfortunately this is why

superman works alone exactly uh... it's too bad

cluny had to say that line and not kilmer but

anyway He is currently one of the lead series

regulars for NCIS Los Angeles, which I love him

on that show. He did do a movie called The Bachelor

before The Bachelor was an ABC show back in 1989

was that when The Bachelor happened for the film.

But yeah, I mean once he's kind of hit his stride

with TV with with NCIS Los Angeles he doesn't

have It's ongoing currently 2009 to present the

last thing he has here is who do you think you

are from 2013? I like Chris O'Donnell as an actor.

I really do I know people say what they will

about Batman and Batman forever That's the one

film out of the four that I defend the most,

because I really enjoy that film. Batman and

Robin, the only thing out of that was Alicia

Silverstone as Batgirl. It would have been nice

if they put nipples on her batsuit, but... Yeah,

I don't think Warner Brothers is going for that.

Oliver Platt is kind of a mystery for me, because...

This was my first exposure to him. Really? Uh

huh. I've never seen Flatliners, I don't think.

It's been years since I've seen Working Girl.

I forgot he was in Beethoven. Forgot he was in

Indecent Proposal. After Three Musketeers, he's

in stuff like Time to Kill, Dangerous Beauty,

Bullworth. Dr. Doolittle, I do remember him in

that Lake Placid and its various sequels. Outside

of this movie, where I really loved him was in

Bicentennial Man as Rupert Burns. Oh, yes, I

thought he was great there. Yep. Just, you know,

that's what makes it, you know, it's it's what

makes it you know how yours is so bulbous. Yeah,

I apologize. I know I know I absolutely love

that movie because I love what Robin says do

you have a? I don't know the exact line. He says

he says something about an impact drill. Yes

And you hear nothing, but sounds often group.

It's like no Oliver Platts a really great actor

he is He's in some interesting roles. He was

in Casanova in 2005 He was in Love and other

drugs. He was in letters to Julia. He was the

man in the black suit and x -men first class

But I love him as porthos I will always love

him as porthos I Mean that was probably one of

his earlier things that I remember seeing him

in I I did see flatliners. I remembered seeing

him there For me his most memorable role that

I've seen him in so far has been the big C where

he plays as Laura Tunney's husband and they're

like estranged and he's just like you think that

they're gonna divorce and they don't and she

doesn't he doesn't know that she's got cancer

for a while and I thought it was really good

the role that he played there I just like compared

to the the drunk, overbearing, kind of porthos

loner in the Iron Mask. I love all the replats

porthos. It's like, you know, the guards come

in. Well, do you intend to resist? Don't be so

stupid. Of course we intend to resist that. And

then the bit with the with the Chinese guy with

the two swords and he swipes him around. He looks.

Yeah. That was great. Tim Curry, what can be

said about the butler? Oh, man. You already mentioned

Rocky Horror. He's a big theater guy, obviously.

He's done some amazing stuff in voice acting,

though. Oh, god, yes. I didn't realize that he

was... I mean, I know it now, obviously, but

at the time when I first saw the Wild Thornberrys,

I had no idea that he was the father. Mm -hmm.

He was Nigel running around there and after seeing

after seeing it's a mad mad mad mad world Hey,

I went. Oh my god. It's Nigel front, you know

that that's where they got the character from

And then to hear him doing the voice. I'm going

yeah, I can hear that now He was mal and Captain

Planet, oh god, yes the computer He also was

the voice of there was a bad guy in Was it VR

troopers? I think it was oh God I I wish that

show was just over and done with that had never

been made but you know it was what it was I guess

he Became the voice of Palpatine in Star Wars

the Clone Wars up and upon the death of Ian Abercrombie

Yeah that and Darth Sidious well Palpatine and

Sidious are the same. Yeah, you're right. You're

right For his actual Filmography though. I mean

I Know the first thing I ever saw him and had

to have been clue. Oh See for me. It was the

littlest witch. I believe it was it like Way

back when it was an old TV TV movie that they

did Kind of looking for right now to see when

it was I know what you're talking about. I just

yeah He did He was in the scary movie to doing

a parody Just the way his acting is especially

as Connor Richelieu like it like this is the

best villain guy ever. Oh, yeah, and Sadly now

that Tony Jay has passed on see for the longest

time I Forgot that megabyte was Tony Jay. I always

kept think I always I don't know. I got Tony

Jay and Tim Curry mixed up because Tim Curry

was the villain of the animated Hex whatever

in Fern Gully, in the very first Fern Gully movie.

And I always got him and Megabyte mixed up with

the who played what voice, but with Tony Jay

no longer with us, Tim Curry would be a perfect

choice for Megabyte. Yeah, he would. Yeah, he

would. I know he's done. That seems to be his

recurring theme is that he seems to play a ton

of villains now that I know about it Because

he he's he's a great villain. Well, one of my

favorites he he he was originally voicing in

Peter Pan and the Pirates I think it was back

in on like kids WB. He was the voice of Captain

Hook And then he went on to do He was Pennywise

and it which everybody everybody I know remembers

And then, one of the best things I think that

he did voice acting wise, he did a role for Double

Fine Studios and Jack Black's video game, Brutal

Legend. And the game sucked, I'll be honest.

It was really... For him to be voicing, like,

the main bad guy. You just get these chills as

you see this demonic thing with no eyes and just

a mouth. It looked like a talking tree trunk.

And he's talking and just like, oh, oh, oh, OK,

yeah, I got him. He's perfect. Yeah, absolutely.

All right. Moving on down the list here, we've

got Rebecca de Mornay, I think. Oh, yeah. OK,

knock it off. All right. Rebecca de Mornay, she

has had a. Interesting career for me because

honestly Outside of this movie I Think the only

other thing I had seen her in Was the hand that

rocks the cradle And I was kind of like oh god

she scares the hell out of me And then I found

out about risky business Good old risky business

She was actually I don't know if it was the TV

series or no, it was a film She was Beauty and

Beauty and the Beast in 1987. Yeah She played

Let's see what else is she done She must get

tears never talk to strangers the con night ride

home thick as thieves a girl thing recently she's

got oh Yeah, wait no way That was um Jim that

was um, what's her name? Who the hell is Stifler's

mom Jennifer something? Oh, yeah, Jennifer Rap

what is her name? Anyway? apparently de Mornay

played Rachel Finch in in American reunion oh

God I Don't have any clue people Jennifer Coolidge

as generic stuff or that's what I was So de Mornay

she's The last thing she had was American Reunion,

then she had Caller in 2015, and then she's got

coming up next year, I Am Wraith. Her TV roles

include guest starring roles on Hawaii Five -0

a couple years ago, John from Cincinnati in 2007,

she was on The Practice for four episodes, she

was on ER for five episodes. I like her as an

actress, she's alright. Her she looked damn good

in three musketeers Absolutely, I saw it and

I was like, oh my god and especially in the contrast

when I've when the last thing I remember seeing

her on TV wise was John from Cincinnati and she's

playing a Best way to describe it would be like

a weather worn surfer mom and you see her and

she's supposed to be like in her 50s and You

can kind of tell that she's been out in the Sun

a lot. She got exposure to it She looked damn

good, but you can see her age there and I thought

you know right there Yep, she was she was All

right, so after that we've got Julie Delpy probably

the last one we talked about from the cast unless

you have any other ones that you want to bring

up because we're pretty much all out of Hit stars.

Yeah at this point Julie Delpy she She was in

King Lear she's uncredited as Virginia in 1987

Let's say that three musketeers was her Make

me famous debut even though the role is pretty

small for her in three musketeers, but that's

pretty much the one film that I know her from

And then obviously I mentioned earlier she was

a seraphine Pigot in an American world from Paris

I really came to enjoy her was The Sunset movies

which hopefully we will get to the Sunrise Sunset

movies Hopefully we'll get to those here in MYR

before episode 150 1995 is before Sunrise with

she played Celine with Ethan Hawke Before sunset

happened 2004 and then before midnight was just

two years ago Have you ever seen those movies?

No, I I looking at the cover of the the films

they look like I Hate to say this. They look

they look like chick flicks to me. And again,

I'm judging just by the movie posters All right.

It's okay if you start at the beginning obviously

with before sunrise It's basically about two

people who are in Europe on this train thing,

on this, you know, traveling by train. The first

movie is them, you know, meeting up, talking,

and they end up walking all over Vienna all night

long. Hence why it says before sunrise. Okay.

And, you know, once the next morning comes, you

know, it's basically a... oh my god we spent

one night together we fell in we you know we've

fallen in love blah blah blah but there's all

the oh it's all i'm you know i'm paraphrasing

here but it's just one of those things where

that's the setup there and then 10 years later

whatever it is nine years later before sunset

they kind of find each other again and that kind

of it's not really a chick flick it's more of

a because when you say chick flick and when i

hear chick flick normally i'm thinking crap like

the sweetest thing with Cameron Diaz, that's

a chick. Yeah You know her has two faces that

yeah Bridget don't Jones's diary. Yeah, you know

that that kind of crap But you know check those

out. They're pretty good movies for the most

part Yeah, I'm sure the wife will convince me

to sit down and watch them So getting into the

let's see here We're going to jump or not jump

the shark or cut or not cut the film real I haven't

decided how we're gonna do that yet I just figured

I know jump the shark is a TV turn, but I figured

out what the hell so I remember when I first

saw three musketeers The way these three guys

work together and the way that the story is written

to where d 'Artagnan has to meet up with them

Is just genius. I don't know if it was the Disney

machine at the time working its magic or how

how this how they rewrote the story to make it

fit with these characters and these actors. It's

just absolutely awesome. I love the French guy

D 'Artagnan. I will defend my sisters. It's like

God show up like three times. I know he shows

up at the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to

shows up in the beginning, the middle and the

end because he alerts some of the guards and

he's like after them. or after him, but yeah.

I love the way this story is structured because

it's so easy to follow. You've got D 'Artagnan

on the path to wanting to become a musketeer.

He then goes and ends up getting into three duels

in one day. It's a pretty busy day. Meet me here

at 12, you know 12 noon meet me here at one o

'clock meet me here at two You know all that

stuff. Oh, yeah, eventually meet the musketeers

and we have Cardinal Richelieu Just the whole

movie is just so enjoyable for me I know some

people are gonna be saying but what about you

know this and what about that and this isn't

logical and this isn't this and Don't know. I

just always really loved this movie. It's not

one of those turn -your -brain -off movies It's

just one of those sit back and just really enjoy

it kind of movies the I'm gonna pull out probably

but only thing that I Kind of had an issue with

Was and I know you're probably gonna kill me

for this but the sword okay, the sword fights

I'm watching it and I'm just kind of like They're

really you know some of the some of the intricate

fencing that they're supposed to be doing Like

that is not good fencing and I say this only

because I have fenced before when I was in college

I used to fence It is completely different from

what they were doing they The French style teaches

where you fight more with the point even if you

are fighting with you know a cutlass the way

that they were it's more of a point style weapon

than an edge style weapon and That's my niggling

thing. I just watched it. I was kind of like

Well, the only one that really Now that you mentioned

the only one that really looks like he's faking

his way through it is Aramis Because guess what

happened? They were all supposed to do six weeks

of fencing and riding training Everybody except

sheen did because he was filming hot shots part

dear And, you know, so. Yeah. The way I look

at it now is, yeah, it's kind of the fencing

is kind of bad, but it was 1993. I mean, yeah.

But when you look at and I'm going to make a

comparison. When you look at the fencing scene

in The Princess Bride and you look at what Carrie

Elwes and Manny Patinkin did there. And you compare

it to this Yeah, I know I get it I get it I understand

that and that's fine. I'm just saying it's just

So Other than that I was watching this film for

the first time. What is your Sure overall take

on it. It wasn't bad Here's I did kind of go

Wow, they really Disney put their name on this

partially because there was a lot more covert

In covert really the wrong word, but Subtle sexuality

and I always thought Disney of Disney is being

this kind of pure PG G type film and to see Rebecca

de Mornay's bosom popping out there and the whole

thing of of Oliver Platt, you know, Porthos teaching

him, teaching D 'Artini. Yeah, how to wench the

wenching. And I was kind of like, wow, really?

You know, but there were other things which I

saw when they were doing the fencing scenes and

you see them kill somebody. You never saw blood.

So I was kind of like, OK, that you know, that's

more along the lines of the Disney Disney line.

You see somebody fall off, but. The they actually

did show like you see a guy falling off the castle

you see the dead body down there That was kind

of off from Disney because Disney would never

usually show the dead body sitting there You'd

see you know cut away, or they'd fall and then

that would be it right, but this isn't solely

a Disney film Yeah, it is, but it isn't because

it's Disney and caravan pictures together. Yeah

doing it so like If this was so, and let's face

it, folks, every time Simba lays down in the

dust, it spells out sex. I don't care what anyone

says. So, you know. SFX. Bullshit. No, it's not

SFX. It's S -E -X. Exactly. So, I mean, I can

kind of understand that. In this film, it was...

What the hell was it rated? Was it rated PG -13?

I don't even know now. I know it's like huh.

See if it let me see if we've got a rating on

it here anyway, yeah, um, you know, I mean it

just yeah, it didn't feel like a Disney film

because Disney has this way of making you Realize

that it's their film at the same time. It's not

because like I said caravan pictures was a part

of this but also This was distributed by Buena

Vista. Yeah, Buena Vista is owned by Disney,

I believe. I'm not looking that up, folks. So

distribution is is Disney's distribution arm.

Right. So the figure, the way I figure it is

that the distribution people have some sort of

something to do with it. I could be wrong there,

but, you know, I. Wow. The movie was a PG. Was

it really yeah, there was a lot of sex in this

movie for it to be a PG. Yeah But then again,

it was French so yeah, maybe they were letting

it sly a little bit more because aspects whatever

I Still I still love this movie though because

it is just so awesome Yeah, it was it was good.

I mean, it wasn't the same story as, you know,

the actual Three Musketeers book, but that's

OK. Could Disney actually have done that, though?

I mean, probably not. Yeah, see that, you know.

I'm not saying you're complaining here, but you're

pointing out what they could and couldn't have

done, and they didn't show blood or they had

too much sex. If you look at the original Dumas

story, I'm sure there was a hell of a lot more.

In there than what was actually in the final

product. Yeah. Yeah, you know they they they

toned some things down and brought some other

things up and They took literary license and

for that For what I saw I was I was okay with

what it was, you know what they changed. It's

okay Yeah What what's your favorite scene out

of the movie? Oh well See, now you're asking

me, you're putting me on the spot with a couple

of them. I almost want to say the whole swordsman

play and Oliver Platts that they're going, yeah.

That was classic. It was it was a it wasn't quite

the Indiana Jones and, you know, whipping out

the gun and shooting the swordsman, but it was

pretty close. You know, for me, my favorite scene.

Probably is... It's probably the carriage scene.

At least one of them at the top. The carriage

scene where it's like, Forthos, the brandy. Oh,

what a waste. You can't have any. You're too

young. Yeah, you can't have any. It's that thing.

It's the writing of this movie and the jokes.

All the jokes that they gave, all of them. You

know, you got Porthos, who is kind of this lovable

character that always is making jokes. You've

got Aramis, who is supposed to be this strong,

silent type, religious figure, and he still gets

in a few sexual jokes here and there. You've

got Athos. You're married? Yeah, yeah. You're

married. There's my husband. Let us pray. You've

got... You've got Athos with Kiefer Sutherland

and just his stoic approach to it. Oh yeah. Even

when, another one of my favorite scenes is when

Athos, or not Athos, but Porthos crashes through

the table in the bar scene and Athos just punches

him out. Yes. And he starts laughing. That's

hilarious. What makes this movie... believable

as a three musketeers movie or four musketeers

movies you want to count d 'Artagnan is when

they are all together all on the same side and

fighting to get... I mentioned the... the carriage

scene when they take the cardinals... they essentially

you know Robin Hood and Little John it up except

they didn't use a you know fake dress fake boobs

and a fortune teller whatever little alley and

all that but you know when they when they take

the the cardinals carriage and it's the next

day after the barmaid scene and and d 'artagnan's

like oh where's that whistling what whistling

you don't hear it oh i hear it too barmaid's

kiss made him dizzy no no it's not the cannonball

that was great oh my god The one thing I'm very

happy for in this movie that there is no forced

love. You get a love thing with D 'Artagnan and

Constance a little bit, but it's kind of like,

it's not even a will they won't thing. It's when

they can eventually get together. Cause it's

kind of like one of those first meeting kind

of things. And then they don't see each other

again until the end of the movie. and you just

come there's hints of it throughout but there

is yes on her part and his part a little bit

but it's not like i don't know you know see you

got that but there is no real like the one thing

i think disney and the casting and caravan pictures

did well you cast all the musketeers you cast

the villains you cast o'donnell there's no clear

cut Top build star there. I mean obviously there

is when it comes to the stars, but out of the

characters Athos Porthos Aramis and Gertanian

out of the four There's no clear. They all have

their own stories. You know Porthos is a drunkard

who likes not necessarily to sleep around, but

he likes to find barmaids Athos is this guy who

has this chip on his shoulder because of some

murderous whore that he fell in love with so

many years ago. D 'Artagnan is, you know, finding

new love and Aramis just likes sleeping with

married women apparently, you know, it's kind

of like Charlie Sheen's real life probably. You

know, so it's just one of those things where

I like that they did not force us into a love

story and I like that they really waited to use

the theme song for the film until the end of

the damn movie. Thank God. because Because there

is no clear -cut male and female Love story that's

at the forefront of the plot There would be nowhere

to put all for love as much as I like that song

Yeah, there's no room for it within the film

as an end credit song sure great Yeah, I mean

even when you have like King Louis and the Queen

That was like you got the feeling like they were

just kind of here meet and then It's in they

kind of that's the problem with arranged marriages

and betrothments. Yeah, maybe I don't know how

much I don't know how much TV you actually watch

but I Believe it's on the FYE network, which

used to be the biography network Which used to

be whatever other network, but it's FYE now or

FYE I should say There's a there was a show on

there last year called arranged where they it's

a reality show. It's one of those Okay, it's

kind of like that married at first sight show

that they have. Yeah, if it's reality shows I

yeah, no, that's fine But anyway, there's a show

on the FYI network that's called arranged and

it's all about the whole tradition of arranged

marriages and betrothments and whatever else

and I Just know I'm sure that's a cultural thing

that I'll never understand. But oh my god that

just yeah And I'm, you know, the whole thing

with Louie and Anne, it's like, it's so forced.

That's one thing about this movie outside of

the musketeer stuff that I'll say, the story

with the king and the queen, the quote unquote

love or marriage or whatever. You wanna call

it? It's so forced. Oh yeah. It feels like they

are two old married people who don't sleep together,

who sleep in separate bedrooms, who don't even

talk to each other half the time. Because if

Louis, even at his young age, if he was half

paying attention to the way he should have been,

Richelieu would have never snuck up on her in

the bath scene. Well... To be fair again, it

was an arranged marriage. I know there I know

I'm not criticizing it I'm just saying if if

Louie as a character would had his you know,

yeah priority straight and was paying attention

more You know, well if you go with some of the

rumors about the Kings at that time some of them

were kind of Yeah, shall we say that They were

happy loose. Yeah, you know lighten the loafers

Yeah You know nothing wrong with that, but that

may that may have been part of it that they were

not really putting in there, but kind of you

know Hinting at it very very subtly Overall like

I said I dig this movie I think this movie is

pretty awesome. Now that you've pointed out some

of the stuff that could have been better with

it, let's get into the GCRN review, which is

0 to 5 stars. You can use 1 .5, 2 .5, whatever.

For me, I don't want my overall enjoyment of

the film to cloud it, so I do realize there are

certain things in this movie that could be improved

upon. Like you said, the fencing and... Now that

I think about it, some of the things with the

King Louis and Queen Anne, but overall, I got

to give this film a four out of five. I mean,

I still laugh my ass off every time I watch it.

Yeah, I would probably say. Yeah, I'd probably

go with four, four out of five as well. I mean,

it's again, I'm willing to forgive certain things.

You know, some of the glaring things like. The

story obviously being different. I'm willing

to forgive that because it was a good story for

what they put together and the jokes Yes, they

kind of threw some more pop culture, you know

modernized References in there, but overall it

was still enjoyable Absolutely in all of those

things they're gonna you know All of those movies

from the era at this point are gonna be pop culture

jokes. And I mean, oh, yeah You know We're going

to take a quick break, you're going to hear some

ads and some other stuff and come back with final

thoughts and what's going to be coming up next

on M -Wire. We'll be back after this. Stop whistling,

please. I'm not a whistling. Well, somebody's

whistling Barmaids kiss left and dizzy. I hear

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the meaning of life Hello again Cyclops alright

folks it's time for that's a wrap or cut cut

cut I still haven't decided and I Really kind

of don't want to decide because I kind of like

the Rocky and Bullwinkle thing of it all Would

this be a film that you would rewatch every so

often Every so often. Yes, like if it was on

you know, if I happen to be flipping through

channels It was on I'd probably sit down and

watch it again just because it was enjoyable

see for me until we were gonna do this podcast

for movie we can review I Remembered the movie.

I love the movie. Obviously. I remember the damn

song. I Had not actually seen that till I watched

it at like three weeks ago I had not seen this

movie in at least ten years Wow I've never, in

the last 10 years that I've had cable and DirecTV

and whatever the hell else, I don't ever remember

ever seeing this on anything, whether it's ABC

with a fully edited version, whether it's ABC

Family, I don't remember seeing this on TV that

much at all in the last 10 years. Well, I can

see it being on some of the channels that my

wife watches, partially because... We don't get

cable anymore. I went to Hulu and Netflix and

yeah What we get is over -the -air channels and

they have this they have these channels like

laugh and I forget what they're called But they're

like antenna TV and they show older movies on

there Yeah, and lately they've been showing stuff

with like Ben Stiller's early stuff Scarlett

Johansson's early stuff If you can throw a wrench,

you can if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge

a ball. Oh, we're talking for that. I know. You

know, stuff like that. And this would be this

kind of movie would be on that kind of channel,

which it's not anything bad. It's just that,

you know, they're they're covering those older

films because that's what they can get now. Yeah.

Absolutely. This is a movie I can watch every

so if I need a good laugh. With these characters,

yeah, I will most definitely turn to this movie.

Oh, yeah. So it's highly recommended for me,

obviously. We both gave it four out of five or

four and a half out of five, whatever. Coming

up next on MWIRE. Leisure rules, folks. That's

all I'm going to say. Leisure rules. You know,

if you don't. Life moves pretty fast if you don't

slow down and you know stay a while. It'll blow

right by ya If you guys haven't figured it out

by now, I'll just do this Kennedy Kennedy Kennedy

Kennedy so wing badda if you guys don't know

what it is by now, then you'll never know What's

the score? Nothing? Nothing? Who's winning the

bear? My best friend's girlfriend's dog sister's

boyfriend said yeah All right folks keep those

film reels rolling we will catch you next week

just listen to Movie Week in Review on GeekCastRadio

.com. If you would like to leave feedback on

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