Holiday Diary: Massachusetts to Florida

Ladies and gentlemen, TFG1Mike here from the

GeekCast Radio Network. It is Christmas time.

It is holiday time, whatever you want to call

it, tis the season, twas the night, whatever.

A number of years ago, I'd say about 11 or 12

years ago, I got one of these chain emails that

had a story in it, and that's what I'm going

to read. It's actually on the website. You can

read it in written form, or you can just listen

to me tell you the story. Holiday diary from

Massachusetts to Florida is what I titled it

even though it didn't really have a title in

the email Dear diary August 1st move to our new

home in Massachusetts. It is so beautiful here

The city is just so picturesque can hardly wait

to see it covered with snow. I love it here October

1st New England is the most beautiful place on

earth. The leaves are all turning different colors.

I love the shades of red and orange. Went for

a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They

are so graceful. Certainly they are the most

peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise.

I love it here. November 11th. Dear season will

open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to

kill such an elegant and beautiful creature.

Why, they are the very symbol of peace and tranquility.

I hope it will snow soon. I love it here. December

2nd. It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything

blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard.

Went outside to clean snow off the steps and

shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight

today. I won. When the snowplow came by, we had

to shovel the driveway again. Gosh. December

12th. More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow

did his trick again. That rascal. A winter wonderland.

I love it here. December 19th. Snowed again last

night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get

to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling.

Damn snowplow. December 22nd. More of that white

shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my

hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow waits

around the corner until I'm done shoveling that

asshole. December 25th. White Christmas my friggin'

ass. More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands

on that guy that drives the snowplow I swear

I will castrate the dumb bastard. I don't know

why they don't use more salt on this fucking

ice. December 28th. More of the same shit last

night. Been inside since Christmas day except

for when Snowplow Harry comes by. Can't go anywhere.

The car is buried in a mountain of white shit.

The weatherman says expect another 10 inches

of this shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels

full 10 inches is? My back aches. January 1st.

Happy fucking new year. The weatherman was wrong

again. We got 34 fucking inches of snow this

time. At this rate it won't melt until the friggin

fourth of July. The snowplow got stuck down the

road and shit for brains had the balls to come

to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. I

told him I broke six shovels already, shoveling

out the shit he dumped back in my driveway. I

broke the seventh shovel over his head. January

4th. Finally got out of the house today, went

to the store to get food, and on the way back

a dare ran out in front of the car and I hit

the motherfucker. Did about $3 ,000 damage to

the car. I wish the hunters would have killed

all the sons of bitches last November. May 3rd.

Took the car to the garage in town today. Would

you believe? The body is rotting away from all

the fucking salt they keep dumping all over the

roads. It really looks like a piece of shit.

May 10th. Moved to Florida today. I just love

it here. I can't imagine why anyone in their

right fucking mind would want to live in the

godforsaken Commonwealth of Massachusetts. fuck

the snow they go ladies and gentlemen that's

uh... that's my christmas present to you from

the cast radio uh... i think it's a funny little

tale honestly i really do i really like it it's

it's it's a nice little thing and it uh... gives

perspective for those of you who live in like

california or florida or whatever else and don't

have to deal with the snow So, there you go,

have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy

Holiday, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Cheermas, whatever

you celebrate, and we will see you in 2013!