Alone in the Dark Review

Hey, Tara Strong here, and you're listening to

the GeekCast Radio Network. Hello and welcome

to another episode of The Cinema Geeks. I am

one of your Cinema Geeks optimists, Solo. Joining

me today is hard candy Mandy. Hello. Oh, hey.

Movie revolve, Dan. Hello. Hello and Fridley

sent hiya Hiya. Hello. How are we doing? We are

here back again to delve into the world of video

game films whether we like it or not In other

words, we've entered that part of the series

where we're all questioning If this was a good

idea to begin with that means we're into the

UA bowl section of video game films and that

Hopefully most people know is not a good thing.

So We're gonna be talking about alone in the

dark today As our next video game film to go

over it's been a while We haven't talked video

game films since back in 2016 such a long time

ago We're back ready to do it again. And before

we get into this one, Amanda What was your excitement

level for alone in the dark? Uh, you know, I

thought I had seen this before so I thought I

remembered liking it but apparently None of those

things were true That's a good thing I guess

Dan are you as excited as I am to get more into

video game films? I Excitement is not a word

that I associate with anything that has happened

with the last two video game films or anything

Maybe moving forward looking what's ahead So

no, excitement isn't the word I would use. Yeah,

I think you're correct. Excitement's not the

good word. I think, for me, the word is intrigue.

And what intrigues me is, from here on out, what

will be the worst film we talk about? Frightened.

Frightened would be a word. Frightened, yes.

Frightened and intrigued on what exactly will

take the crown as the worst film that we cover

during this entire series. Matt, what about you?

What level of excitement are you at to restart

this video game series here now that it's 2017?

I'm excited to move away from the current movie

on to any, any other movie. Like, I'm real excited

for those three Blood Rain movies whenever those

happen. I don't know how to be excited or not

because I haven't seen any of the movies going

forward, I don't think, until we get right to

the end, so it's going to be, I don't know what

I'm getting myself into. I don't know if each

film's going to be worse or if there's going

to be a hidden gem somewhere, but my hopes for

that are dwindling by the moment. Alone in the

Dark is a 2005 release, directed, produced by

UA Bowl, and it's starring Christian Slater,

Tara Reid, and Stephen Dorff. Let's start, Matt,

because I know you had a little bit of time to

check out the Alone in the Dark video games,

not through playing them, but through visual

aspects as far as watching playthroughs, etc.

So, what is your take on the Alone in the Dark

video games? Oh, man. Alone in the Dark Action

-Adventure 3D, sure, poly -agonal third -person

game, originally released on like... DOS and

Windows, it's come out a number of systems and

it has recently had revitalization, most recent

as 2015. The whole series, you're always Edward

Carnby, and then you're just in a mansion trying

to figure out what's going on. You have other

options in the first game to play other characters,

but I think every game after that is just Carnby.

And it's just literally like, like a Hugo's House

of Horrors or any of these other, like even a

little like, uh, I think the first Resident Evil

or the first Silent Hill game. Like, you're just

wandering this one house for the whole game and

you're just finding things, picking things up,

finding clues. This one eventually takes you

to like a hell pit underneath the mansion and

you fight like a demon or some weird thing. Which,

you know, isn't exactly not following this movie.

Loosely based. Alright. Has anybody in the panel

actually played any of the Alone in the Dark

games, Amanda? No. Dan? Not in the least. I have

not either. So and I think that's unfortunately

that's gonna have to be somewhat of a trend ahead

going forward for a lot of the games we're still

gonna be covering because I think in the beginning

of this series, you know, there's a lot of kind

of more iconic video games or kind of widespread

and I think outside of a few that will still

come that there's gonna be a lot that I haven't

played especially some of these more kind of

like horror type video games, but I think there's

maybe like two remaining that I've actually played

so I don't know how much we'll be able to get

into the actual game and how well it relates

to that but Matt since you did get a chance to

watch the watch through let's go to you right

away as far as how well this lives up or how

well it represents the actual game is there any

connections whatsoever besides the main character

type name? Oh could we say main character gender

as well? Because, uh, it's pretty loose. I guess

there's some, like, horror and scary elements

between the two, but really, Alone in the Dark

movie feels more like an action movie that just

happens to have scary monsters in it than being

a scary monster movie that happens to have action

in it. And I guess there's some light detective

work in the movie. Oh, after that, it becomes

less and less of a connection. Because, I mean,

even the main character, uh, Carnby in the...

original game it's set in like the 1920s and

he's a middle -aged detective and in this one

he's like you know 90210 and I don't even know

what his job was at the beginning of this movie

he's a paranormal investigator that knows all

kinds of self -defense moves but yeah I mean

according to what we can find here, what I could

find just on some main web pages. I mean, obviously

the name is the same. We know that there's some

sort of paranormal essence to both the game and

the film. And from there on out, it seems like

it's pretty loose as far as how well it's even

resembling the game in any way, shape, or form.

I mean, a couple other minor details that may

be similar, but... There doesn't it does not

seem like they made a very strong effort to do

anything that the game is doing from what I can

read. But like I said, I haven't actually played

the games. So let's more so treat this one and

get into the actual movie. I use that wordlessly

as well. But, Dan, let's get your opinion first,

just overall your first reaction of the film.

And then we'll get into some more specifics here

in a little bit. My first reaction is like when

the first five minutes is text that seems like

goes on forever This is not a good sign. I'm

like, I'm already confused and no one's appeared

on screen yet. So Not looking good. I actually

went back and counted I rewound and Replayed

the opening scroll to see if I could count how

many paragraphs were used I think it was like

nine to ten different paragraphs in that opening

scrawl. And it's like, it's not like it's simple

text that they're throwing out there. I mean,

simple, I guess, as far as like, something that

would easily introduce you to a film. Because

they start talking about these Abkhane people,

and then they immediately go and talk about the

artifacts of them. And then they start talking

about this bureau. Then they name drop the guy,

Hudgens, who's in charge of the bureau. Then

they start talking about experiments that he's

doing and then we get into lost souls like all

So fast and I read that they added that after

test screenings, which i'm surprised they did

test screenings for this because Dear god They

added that to make it less confusing. It did

not help It's not like I was watching the movie

thinking, let me think back to that opening scroll

to clear up the comprehension that I'm lacking

at the moment in time. No, this movie is pretty

awful as you can get. I don't think it's as bad

as House of the Dead, but it's also not as interestingly

bad. I think House of the Dead had some moments

that were just flat out crazy where this is just

utterly dull. It's just so dull. Nothing happens.

Who thought it would be a great idea if we do

action scenes that are in the dark and you can't

see anything? Well, it's just... It's way cheaper

that way, Dan. Way cheaper. It is. It's a lot

cheaper. We'll get into some of the effects that

are used or... I feel weird qualifying anything

about this movie. But let's get general thoughts

from you, Matt. What was your first take on seeing

this film? Oh, man. I mean, like, damn, hit it.

Like, I started writing. I wanted to write down

the beats, right? I'm trying to make myself a

better writer. I'm trying to see what other writers

have done and done successfully and done terribly.

And I took a page of notes, and it's just like,

yeah, this voiceover is about a lot of things.

Oh, this voiceover is way too long. We're already

at two minutes. And then it's just like, I could,

like, everything else ends in question marks.

There's a kid running in forest are the adults

looking for him? Is this guy buying orphans?

Like oh more voiceover Like it's just I all I

have is question marks about this movie like

why? Before we get into detail Amanda you like

this type of genre as far as like the horror

supernatural elements You know you like this

kind of a lot of movies that are loosely about

similar things You were not a fan of this film

either. Hell, no. I couldn't even watch the whole

thing. My brain went into self -preservation

mode and I just fell asleep because I couldn't

take any more of, A, Tara Reid's quote -unquote

acting. Oh, yeah. And dude, just because you're

wearing glasses, we're not going to believe that

you're smart. It's not working. Yeah, I was also

lost as soon as the beginning stroll started

happening. I'm like, I have no idea what any

of those things meant. I was so busy counting

how many paragraphs there were that even after

watching it twice, I had no idea what they had

told me. Yeah, and then Christian Slater's voiceover.

It was like some weird fourth wall thing. And

then, yeah, just the opening action scene, I

was just not... not even on board anymore like

in the first five minutes and I was done so I

also got like a page of so -called notes here

and yeah it was it was bad and I watch B and

C rated horror movies who who are much better

than this and they have less known actors so

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck happened here.

I'm gonna make it a four -for -four on the craft

fest on Alone in the Dark because this is god

-awful. I'm still on the fence, Dan, when it

comes to this and House of the Dead. I do agree

with your point though that you made about the

two films, but I think it's gonna be like a contest

of just ineptitude when it comes to the video

game series as far as who's gonna be at the bottom

of the pile. Man, this movie is bad on every

possible level, like the writing is terrible,

the acting is terrible, the visual effects are

terrible, the music, score, soundtrack, whatever

you want to call it, all sounds and music in

this movie are terrible. The music is aggressively

terrible. It's like yelling at you how bad it

is. It's like, please. It's yelling at you in

a lot of ways and it's like, it's so bad and

it's so aggressive that even when the movie ends,

it's not done. like insulting you like the the

last moment of the movie happens and then all

of a sudden the music is on like volume 100 and

still like making no sense to whatever we're

watching on the screen. So yeah, like I said,

every I can't find a single aspect of this film

to say something good about. But let's see if

any of us can as we kind of make our way through

this. So at least House of the Dead had an excuse.

There was no well -known actors. There was Ron

Howard's brother. Oh, yeah. Well known actor.

Well, you know, not Sharknado known. Well, let's

start with the acting then. So is there any elements?

Is there any person? Is there any character that

did a decent job or that was at least serviceable

from an acting standpoint, Dan? The security

guard had a moment or two. the one that gets

killed. The one's like, that's the Akane tribe,

because that's a thing people should know about.

No, not at all. Tara Reade is like, she existed

in this movie only to make Denise Richards feel

good for being a scientist in James Bond film.

Dan, I literally have this written down on my

paper. I said, worse, Tara Reade as curator or

Denise Richards and James Bond. I was just like.

Just no. Oh man. It has the most gratuitous sex

scene I've ever seen in my life So bad though

is that right before that like a scene before

Christian Slater they give him the line. We'll

hook up later Mean I understand that but they

literally put that in there and then it's like

a scene later and they were hooking up like and

not only Nobody says that anymore. They did back

in in 2005 see and Christian Slater was still

probably thinking 90s style Do they couldn't

even afford getting the dude a real shirt in

this movie? He's wearing a black tank top the

entire time with the most fugly jacket. I've

ever seen in my life Then like the music of like

immediately hits right before that scene. That's

like this is about to be a sex scene so that

was bad and It was like set up so like everything

about their characterization and their relationship

was set up bad like Before we even know they

have a relationship that security guard has a

line where he says like at least it'll take your

mind off your boyfriend We never meet right we

never he never comes into play ever like he's

never But I but it was like it made no sense

in that moment why he would say that to her to

an audience like we had no reason to to know

who her boyfriend was or Why she would need to

take her mind off of him? Yeah, I thought he

was referring to another third like a person

that we just was kind of the movie that never

came into play which could be Stephen Dorff,

I guess like He wasn't as bad maybe like that's

if we're just grading on a curve Outside of that

last scene where he had the dramatic turn to

sacrifice Which again made no sense. It's like

you don't need to do this is not you can just

set it off Are we all right? You're dead He's

like, I'm out of range and in order to be in

range, I need to be touching it. How did we get

all the way to the end already, Kevin? You just

totally skipped a ton of awful shit. We were

talking about Stephen Dorff and that was this

moment of glory in this film. Okay, I will back

up then. Let's go back to the beginning because

in the very opening of this movie, there's a

scene with Christian Slater on an airplane, all

right, and There's a kid sitting next to him

and the kid says because Christian Slater is

like sweating or you know nervous or He had a

nightmare. He woke up blah blah blah It makes

no sense of that kid says there's nothing to

be afraid of in the dark Like this guy is having

a panic attack on an airplane He would be afraid

of heights. You would be afraid of something

else like for the kid to say they're not being

on an airplane That line was so like I knew from

the very first line that we were in for a treasure

when it came to the dialogue in this in this

film and Like and it wasn't that he was just

on a plane It'd be different if he was on a plane

at night. He was on a plane in the middle of

the daylight Like there was light all around

I Get what you're saying. Maybe that he was afraid

like cuz he was sleeping and his eyes were shut

so it was dark in his head I don't know. That

line made no sense. Anything else towards the

beginning of the film, since Amanda wants to

keep things in line here? What was your take

at the beginning when you introduced all these

characters, Amanda? The fact that being a paranormal

investigator gives you skills like a ninja. And

that we have no idea why this bald guy is like

the worst assassin ever because just crashing

everything. Like, he's not even trying to be

slick about it. and then getting shot 60 times,

and then still coming out. I didn't understand

what the hell was going on. But don't throw some

weird shit at me up front. That's just going

to make me question everything that's going on

effects -wise. Clearly this dude should be dead,

and they're not seeing much paranormal stuff

coming out of him until he jumps 60 feet in the

air. The other thing that that scene introduced

us to early on in the film, was the visual effects

that they were gonna use in fight scenes. Oh

my god, it was the worst, like, slow -mo, like,

awful kung -fu movie effect that was not in place

here at all. It was so weird, the times that

they decided to go from slow motion to, like,

almost like a sped -up, like, accelerated motion

back to slow motion to regular speed, like...

I don't know what was worse, that scene with

the slow -mo speed -up or the... fighting in

the dark or just the general strobe light effect

that they used in that one fighting scene? Was

any of the fighting scene, Matt, was any of the

fights in this movie fun to watch, well done,

choreographed well, effects wise, anything? Was

it even reminiscent of the game? At one point

it kind of looked like they were trying to have

a video game feel when all the gunshots were

going on and all you saw was flashes of them

in the dark shooting stuff. But I don't know

if that even really looked like the game or not

did it Matt? I mean the game it looks so bad

because it's you know like 30 years old So like

it's like that in that Only like this doesn't

have an excuse because it's pretty modern Like

literally that first fight scene. I wrote down

Other taxi attacks the attacking driver just

left his taxi. Oh, he's on the roof This is the

laziest fight scene. Terrible choreography. Terrible.

Terrible. I just kept writing terrible, because

there's just nothing to bite onto here. I don't

even know. And I guess I was like a weird like,

oh, I could put them on that spike. But it doesn't

even really, in some ways, it doesn't really

lead you to believe that that could happen, while

still super showing you this is what's going

to happen. Dan, what about a character that we

haven't talked about? What about the aliens themselves?

They were aliens? They were demons, I think.

Demons, aliens, whatever this creature was. They

had technology to make them invisible, and it

dealt with electricity. I didn't get that either.

I thought they were poorly rendered for sure.

I think there's might be like if you were looking

at living looking at like the art they did like

Like a little bit they did original artwork that

they based them off of might look okay They were

kind of generic looking they look like like gigantic

scorpions in a way I don't know if they didn't

look all that fancy but to get to like the opening

scene like that that car chase was As thrilling

as watching like little kids in a bumper cars

because it was so I think they turned once Like

that was like you why you'd even try to get away

from him He's just hitting him with his car.

He's just like I guess I'll just stay here and

let my hit me with the car and then I never saw

someone jump on a fence more awkwardly than that

guy did like the the bald guy when he jumps on

the like Oh, yeah, it just looks so weird like

his entire like hand fit in the That was weird.

I don't know. I just thought that was really

weird looking It's a weird thing than that pick

in a movie that has huge issues but still but

yeah, the creatures were kind of it's a hard

to see them because it's they're invisible or

they're black and the rooms always dark, but

they're often look just They look like cheap

versions of the aliens, you know Mars basically

Yeah, Matt, what do you think about the alien

or the demon presence as well as the, I guess,

the parasite version that was inside some of

these individuals? I mean, there's nothing more

to say. The only thing I have to say is at the

very beginning in that voiceover that let us

know this was all gonna happen, it's all like,

hey, some Native Americans summoned a demon,

then they mysteriously disappeared, and it's

like, it's not really mysterious, he summoned

a demon. Like, I mean, that's not a logical following

of those sentences. Like, there's nothing to

say. They're terrible. They look bad. They look

cheap. This movie was made on the cheap, as,

you know, horror movies usually are, only way

too much, and then didn't make half of its budget

back worldwide. It did cost 20 million. 20 million!

Can anyone explain to me where one million of

that went? Probably Tara Reade. She didn't even

show a booby. Like, how much does that cost?

How much do their boobs cost? Apparently more

than 20 million. So, Amanda, you're good on the

fashion. You're good on checking out the gear.

What did you think of the outfits that the Bureau

713, especially the girl at the control center,

was wearing? I don't get it. It looks like some

cross between like tactical gear and some like

dominatrix stuff. And she was just the one on

the phone. So she's just on the computer. Like

why do you need or with the hat on and stuff

like they both had matching hats on and like

why do you need your hat on and you're just rolling

around in a chair behind a computer and your

buddies got the same hat on. It was like unisex.

I don't know. It looked like a 90s music video.

I'll say something good about the film. The response

time of the 713 is definitely faster than any

emergency service we have in present day, because

they were immediately wherever they needed to

be dropping through windows, glass ceilings,

and all kinds of stuff, like in a moment's notice.

Yeah, and a heartbeat. Before they even knew

that there was a problem going on, these mofocas

were crashing through windows and rappelling

down from everywhere. Oh my goodness. Yeah, I

don't know. What else to say about this film?

I mean it is The guy on the ship with Hudgens

the the guy that opens up the gold box to begin

with was he trying to do weird voices? Or was

that just creepy like that and everything he's

in it sounded like the voice wasn't even coming

from his body No, he's got a weird voice like

that. Okay, the voices just in general for him

A lot of the characters seemed off on me. The

the music like we said is terrible Dan Anything

anything good that we can come up with at all

Ever there was like it's like a scene where you

saw like One of the soldiers heads was like kind

of weirdly exploded It was like which I thought

was that was actually look cool is a weird word

to say but it was Like a interesting way of doing

a head explosion where she was so kind of alive

I don't know that was kind of freaky and I'm

like, well that actually looks compared to everything

else like some Decent makeup work went into that

like it's like almost walking dead esque. So

that was one positive those 13 seconds But I

can't really think of much else my notes stop

at Christian Slater's fucked up coat so Did you

have any other any notes that you did not get

to talk about Amanda? Other than the fact that

that that scene in the beginning that dude went

through two windows in like a minute It was like

one crash through window another crash through

window and I'm like is everybody just gonna be

crashing through windows and they were because

of the The seven one three dudes were crashing

through windows constantly to like they just

wanted to come in somewhere They couldn't use

the door they had to crash in through windows

That was that was the the theme through this

if you want to get in somewhere you go through

the fucking window All right. I wanted to go

over some numbers for the film. Obviously, like

we said, the budget was $20 million. It only

made $10 million. It made $10 million? It made

half that fucking thing back? Yup. Among the

six billion people in the world. Oh, wow. And

some critical response data. Here we go. Rotten

Tomatoes, 1%. It has a 1%. Based on 117 reviews,

that's not just four or five reviews. Based on

117 reviews, it's got a 1%. Too high. Yeah. And

the consensus on Rotten Tomatoes inept on almost

every level. We can remove almost. Right. Metacritic

score, 9 out of 100. 9 out of 100 and there's

uh, you know, everybody's citing the same stuff

awful acting plot holes Lack of connection to

the video game poor quality special effects numerous

editing mistakes I Guess there's one I must have

missed this There's a scene where a female soldier

is killed and then she lifts her head once the

camera crew moves away that you can see Oh, yeah,

that was a great moment. I'm like she's a lot.

Oh, no, they're just that was mistake. Okay It

also does have some awards. Awards? Golden raspberries.

What's a golden raspberry? It's for like the

worst films and the worst things. So it got nominated,

Tara Reid got nominated for Worst Actress, and

UA Goal got nominated and won for Worst Director

for that year. So there is that. Apparently,

there was a different script at one point for

this film. And what I thought was funny is the

guy who did it, who I guess was trying to make

it a lot more close to the game, if I'm getting

my information first. Okay, so Blair Erickson

wrote A Treatment of Alone in the Dark and has

written a critical account of his experience

working with UA Bull in which Erickson alleges

that Bull stole ideas from prior movies and wanted

to add elements to the story that were not true

to the tone of the source material. UA Bull chose

to not use Erikson's script citing reasons such

as it having, quote, not enough car chases. There

was one car chase. Remember back to earlier when

I said the entire video game takes place in one

building. But he's saying that there wasn't enough

car chases in this guy's script and he added

a half of a car chase? Straight away car chase.

I don't understand this. Oh, my goodness gracious.

And some more stuff from UA Bull. Apparently,

and I did not watch the Alone in the Dark DVD

commentary, so... Who did? I apologize for that,

but I want to give you some information from

it so you don't have to watch it either. UA Bull

responds to criticism that his adaptations make

significant changes to the plot and style of

the source material. Here's a quote from UA Bull.

Think I made a this is referring to a house of

the dead at the time I think I made a perfect

house of the dead movie because it really shows

how the game is It's a lot of fun. It's over

-the -top action So apparently he thinks he's

he's good He's German does he not know what the

word fun actually means is it maybe a language

barrier thing where he thinks like fun in like

torture I mean, he's German, so that could be

also... Maybe he's just a masochist. It's always

possible. He clearly doesn't understand things.

And he's one of those that is... I mean, there's

so much on record of him stating how wrong everybody

is that says anything bad about his films, whether

it's critics, whether it's fans, whether it's

whatever. He's obviously always consistent that

he's making good films. But I have heard that

he recently is... Actually retiring and it's

not because of the petition that was made that

needed a million signatures in order to force

him to retire That came up a little bit short,

but apparently he's running out of funds to make

his film So he's being forced in that way to

go into retirement. So nobody will pay him to

make this but you know the way he's been making

these films is his controversial and alone and

of itself because he's taking advantage of like

a loophole in the German tax code to like Oh,

if he makes shitty movies. To have his movies

funded. But now that's not working or whatever

because they closed the tax loophole in like

2006 or something. So now his funds are running

out and he's not able to make films anymore.

From what I read. I don't know if that's all

true or not. All right, let's go around the table

and give a final grade for Alone in the Dark.

Matt, out of 10, what do you give Alone in the

Dark? Oh, man. And? Does it... Where does it

rank as far as the bottom of the barrel? Is it

the worst we've seen? Is there something that's

worse than it? Okay, so I'm gonna give Alone

in the Dark a 2 out of 10, only because I also

watched Alone in the Dark 2. Wow. And that deserves

a 1. Do you have the same actors in that? No!

No, get this, Edward Carnby is Asian in the second

one. They're fighting a ghost witch in the second

one, which is really weird because at the end

of the first one, they kind of leave it open

where it's like, oh hey, we blew up a nuclear

bomb in the demon realm, but the door might not

have closed. And then the second one, they're

like, hey, why don't we do a ghost witch? And

then it's got Danny Trejo in it, though. I mean,

it's got that going for it. Oh my. But literally,

here's the thing. The second movie has a... None

of the same actors, not a single same actor,

none of the same directors, and I think none

of the same writers. The only credit that the

two share in common is that Uwe Boll produced

them both, if that counts for anything. And the

second one is worse. The second one is... think

the worst movie I've ever seen and I routinely

for over a year had a thing where me and my friends

tried to find the worst movies we've ever could

find and watch them and This one takes the cake

as far as my memory can can muster It is so bad.

So like the first one's bad. The second one's

the worst Lance Hendrickson is in that sequel

to Lance Hendrickson and and Danny Trejo. So

Dan, where would you score Alone in the Dark?

And is it the worst film we've talked about?

Man, I think it is worse in the House of the

Dead. It's there. That's a battle of really bad

movies right there. One thing we didn't talk

about was the ending. I was gonna ask about that.

Yeah. So they made a sequel even though like

everyone's dead. But I guess it doesn't matter

because there's different actors. So I was confused

about like Where did everybody go? Did they just

disappear? Is that supposed to be a mystery?

I don't know. Matt, what was your take on that?

Because I was trying to figure that out too,

because were we supposed to believe that while

they were down doing all that, that somehow these

monsters killed everybody on the planet? Or was

it something else? Or what in God's name was

that about? Oh, I forgot. Don't they come out

of the demon hole and then like New York City's

empty, isn't it? And then they're led to believe

that they get killed right at the end, I assume.

Oh, because there's like a growl or whatever

before the credits? And the camera goes at them

and it's looking like they're getting attacked

and everybody else is dead, so we should assume

they're gonna die. Oh, maybe the Carnby in the

second movie is in an alternate reality where

he's Asian. Like, you couldn't get Christian

Slater again? He hasn't done anything! Like,

he's Miss Robot now. What was the explanation

for everything to be gone, and what killed everybody?

What do you mean, explanation? This is Alone

in the Dark. Oh my goodness. I forgot the ending

of that movie. They don't even address it at

all. Like I said, the second movie doesn't have

demons in it. It's about a witch. And I actually

don't know what's going on in the second movie,

and I watched it this week. I don't know what

was going on in that movie at any point. Was

there a third movie? uh no there shouldn't have

been a second the second one isn't even on box

office mojo like if you google it in box office

you can find it like if you google if you search

it on box office mojo alone in the dark 2 you'll

find nothing but if you go to google and search

alone in the dark 2 box office you'll find a

link going back to some shadow page on box office

mojo that's like hey it released in the united

air and emirates and got 20 bucks like There's

almost no information on that movie like I can't

imagine why a movie would get a sequel when the

first one didn't make half its budget back Yeah,

well, that's probably that's the reason why because

they you know, it does The sequel does hold an

11 % on Rotten Tomatoes. That's wrong. That's

that's wrong And it is apparently available in

America as a blu -ray release exclusively sold

by Best Buy I bought it for a penny on Amazon

and I regret it I would say I would put this

as last because I don't think ever seen a movie

that had more plot where nothing happens There's

so much story. It's so convoluted yet. Nothing

really happens It's like how do you manage to

accomplish both of those things? It was pretty

incredible so Yeah, this is probably bottom the

bell for me But it's just because there were

some moments in House of Dead that it were so

but so off the wall crazy where I felt this one

was just just poorly it was just So there yeah,

there are no words Yeah, Matt according to IGN

Sorry a guy that reviewed the sequel Quote, UI

Bulls Alone in the Dark did not require a sequel.

Critics hated the film. Fans hated the film.

Thankfully, though, Alone in the Dark 2 is actually

a much better film than the first. It's a touch

light on action, and the setting is far more

limited in terms of production design, but the

tone is a little more in keeping with the ideas

of the game franchise. I mean, I don't know,

man. The whole movie is like, there's a dagger?

but I don't know what the dagger's significance

is. There was a lady and she might have been

sacrificed, she might have been buried, but she's

a ghost witch, but then she gets the hearts of

people because it's like, hey, I'll give my heart

to that ghost witch for no benefit to anyone,

but now my wife's dead, but don't worry, I'm

gonna give my daughter's heart to the ghost witch,

but if you touch the dagger - Okay, stop, stop,

stop, stop. I can't take any more of this. I

can't take any more of this. My brain already

tried to erase the fact that I watched Alone

in the Dark yesterday. Within a 24 -hour period,

I subconsciously eliminated it from my memory.

So I don't want to know anything more about Alone

in the Dark 2. Amanda, what kind of score would

you give Alone in the Dark? And is it taking

the cake for you as the worst film we've talked

about? Dude, I'm not even going to give this

a score because I don't think I could put it

on any scale. There's no way you can rate this.

If you even gave it a number, it's too high.

If you gave it a negative, that's just giving

it too much credit. And this is definitely by

far the worst thing that we've seen in the series.

All right. A strong opinion from Hard Candy Mandy.

So it scores void. There's a blank spot. Next

to me to score for this one. I guess I'll give

it a one. Give it a zero. I'll give it a one

out of ten because... I don't know why. I really

have no reason to give it anything but a zero,

but I'll give it a one just on an outside chance

that there's a movie out there that might even

score worse than it, I guess, is my rationale

for that. But this, for me, is the worst film

we've talked about so far, just barely edging

out House of the Dead. So, wow. If you like Alone

in the Dark... Don't talk to us anymore. No,

I... Please do not. Don't talk to Amanda anymore

if you like. That will fucking hate you. No,

please comment on the website, tweet to us or

something because I would love to hear the rationale

for why. This worked for you. No, go back under

the rock that you came from and don't even get

on Twitter because I'm gonna light a freaking

torch and grab a pitchfork. I'm coming for you

Was it like it like not like a ironic like it

because it's so bad, but like generally think

it's a good movie. I would yeah Yeah, exactly.

That's what that's what I mean. I don't mean

you like it like you like Sharknado or something

like that Which is funny like Tara Reed When

when trucking it was like a bright spot in Tara

Reid's career because of this movie It's like

well, at least she wasn't alone in the dark to

she's only in sharknado 4 so Sharknado has something

to look at and has some fun and funny to it.

Yeah Oh lord. Alright, so that's going to do

it for this week. Next week, we'll probably get

into something besides video game films so that

we can take a quick break and let our brains

recover. But when we return to look at more video

game films, next up on the docket, also from

2005, just like Alone in the Dark, is a film

called Doom. I can get behind that because that's

a rock, right? That's a rock. So October 2005

we got doom and we're gonna review it and let

you guys know if it's better than what we've

just talked about But before that well before

that I want to apologize that you even listen

to this because this is a total Waste to even

watch this so I can't even imagine what taking

the time to listen us Destroy this is gonna do

anybody that wants to hear the whole video game

series To see what exactly each we're doing this.

We're doing a social justice by doing this series.

Actually, we are watching these films so others

don't have to. Exactly. Don't do it. Just don't

do it. But before we get back in the video game

series with Doom, we'll give you some other episodes.

We're going to get back into the Hayao Miyazaki

spotlight and give you another review of one

of his films. And we'll reveal more of our top

100 films of all time, our personal list. So

we'll do those in between and then we'll get

back to Doom. But. For now, we'd like you to

go to the website, GeekCastRadio .com, find the

episode post, go ahead and leave us a comment

there. Let us know how you're liking the video

game series franchise and if you agree or disagree

with us as Alone in the Dark being the worst

film we've reviewed so far or not. If you want

to get in contact with us on the Twitter world,

you can tweet the show at CinemaGeekCast, you

can tweet me at OptimusSolo, you can tweet Amanda

at... Hard Candy Mandy, I snow wise. You can

tweet Dan at... Alone Dark Lover, no, at Movie

Revolt. And you can tweet Matt at... I'm at FridleyScent.

Alright, so please tweet us, leave comments,

but keep listening either way because we'll be

back next week with another episode of The Cinema

Geeks.