Mental Health, Suicide Prevention, and Finding Light in the

This is a content warning. If you get triggered

by discussions of suicide and things like that,

please do not listen to this episode. I am TF2

and Mike. I had my buddy Josh Blair on and we

talked about it because things have been happening

in his life and I wanted to give him a voice

and we want to bring awareness to suicide prevention.

I also go through my story and my attempt nearly

30 years ago. So, if that triggers you at all,

please do not listen to this episode. But if

you want to be aware about how to deal with thoughts

of suicide and other things, please listen. Thank

you. You have been warned. Welcome to GeekCast

Radio. This is episode 324. I'm, of course, TFJoneMike.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna warn you right

now. Tonight's gonna be some heavy, heavy stuff

that we're gonna be talking about. It's not really

geek related. It kind of is, but it kind of isn't.

But it's, I've changed some of the... way that

I do podcasting now folks because I want to get

people's stories whatever their story is I want

to have that conversation kind of thing so this

episode is going to be that type of thing I will

say that because this is the 324th episode next

week in episode 325 is when we are going to be

starting the top 100 toys countdown so we will

be getting back to geek culture but if you are

triggered by any kind of discussion of suicide,

suicidal thoughts, anything like that. Here's

your warning right now. That's what I'm going

to be talking about tonight with my guest, Josh

Blair, formerly of the Smear Inc. podcast, which

I just reinstated that episode from nine years

ago here on this podcast. So there's that. Hello,

Josh. How are you? I'm good. I thought I was

here to talk about Aquaman's box office predictions

for next month. Aquaman has a movie? I thought

it was Mira's movie now. Oh wait, no, they kicked

her to the curb, didn't they? You wouldn't know

from the marketing. Okay folks, maybe there is

a little bit of geek stuff here. We're geeks

after all. Yeah, I figured I would throw that

in a little bit. I just want to say I'm gonna

be listening to that Top 100. I don't know where

it lands, but that amazing fantasy Marvel Legends

exclusive Spider -Man that came out is phenomenal.

Yeah, we I'm trying to remember how we were doing

the okay, so I can tell you by franchise like

Transformers is not G1 Beast Wars animated prime.

It's Transformers. It's the whole franchise same

thing with Star Wars. It's the whole because

There's so many multiple lines. So Marvel Super

Heroes is probably going here. It's in all time.

Yeah. Well, I don't like using the all time thing

because I think that's just not arrogant, but

it's just too I'm very laser focused and that's

just a little bit too laser focused for me. But

yeah, so the middle of November, either right

before or right after Thanksgiving, you posted

a video on Facebook. You want to talk about the

video that you posted, and then I will continue

on. Absolutely. So, yeah, I was filming this

muting podcast. I am an actor, improviser by

trade. I guess not by trade because I have a

day job, but by a little bit more than hobby,

by passion. That'd be a good way to put it. And

I posted the video because this past year, 2023,

and maybe even before then, but it kind of kept

more defined in 2023. I had, and again the trigger

warning is Mike mentioned, I had contemplating

committing suicide is a term I'll probably use

here. I did read an article that Mike had linked

in one of his blogs about terminology that I

thought would be fascinating. So kind of like

I would say, you know, if you're listening, you

read that blog, refer to that. But if I use that

terminology, that's because that's just the terminology

I've had in my whole life. I've, uh, I committed,

or that would be weird. Attempted, had thoughts

of it, um, throughout the year, just because

like things were going awry in my professional

life, my personal life, just every aspect almost.

And it just kind of gave me this feeling of like,

what's the point? What's going on? You know,

the things you hear about, like, you know, why

am I, if life is so miserable, what do I continue

on? I just couldn't bring myself to do it, which

is the good thing, but I still had those thoughts.

And I thought about the people that didn't. I

was the person that called the suicide hotline.

I can't make statistics up, but if I called one,

maybe there was 20 people that didn't. So what

it brought me to was the holiday season, which

is a very fun and favorite season of mine. Go

back to that geek talk. I grew up with like...

the Christmas with the Joker episode of Batman,

the He -Man She -Ra Christmas special, things

like that. Fun memories. Even like movies like

Elfer Scrooge. So our improv troupe, which is

called Fourth Wall Improv, puts on a holiday

show every year. And in previous years, we've

done stuff like a pet food drive to help cats,

dogs. Well, that's obviously implied by pet food

drive. This year, I wanted to, yeah, we don't

help parakeets group now. We wanted to do something

a little bit more personal, would be probably

the best word that comes to mind right now. And

what we are doing is we're going to take all

the profits we make. And that's not to say, oh,

we're paying ourselves. It's just like, you know,

there's just costs with putting on event, like

with the venue and everything like that, that

we just can't, I can't avoid. I mean, you know,

public theater arts, you know, on the stage,

it's a little bit costly, but everything we do

make in terms of profits, which can end up being

a sizable amount, we are going to be donating

to an organization that offers mental health

services in the Chicagoland area, where I am

from, Chicago, in the southwest side, to people

that can't necessarily afford mental health services.

So it is something that I look at, yeah, you

know, this can have a direct impact. It will

help somebody. to get the services they may need.

So we'll be donating all the profits from our

upcoming show, always hooked on the holidays,

December 9th and 10th in Tinley Park, Illinois

towards that cause. That is so cool. Yeah. Southwest

side, huh? The Midway Airport area. Oh, Lord.

Yeah, when when Karen and I lived in Chicago

it was all about the north side, baby So we got

that war going on with us now Yeah, so yeah,

I mean You've contemplated Almost 30 years ago

next year. It'll be 30 years since I attempted

I Was not in a good place back then I am originally

from Boston, Massachusetts actually the South

Shore of Massachusetts in between the Cape and

Boston and I'm no genius but think of goodwill

hunting minus the genius part like Massachusetts

was life like this is where I live this is where

I work these are my sports teams no matter what

because ladies and gentlemen the Patriots were

a losing team when I was a child so it didn't

really matter It did, but it didn't. Yeah, sadly

it had 20 years of excellence and then crap.

So I have that mentality of Massachusetts is

everything and the entire rest of the world.

I was blissfully ignorant, I guess. I don't know.

However you want to say it. But in 1993, New

Year's of 93, and people would have read this

four years ago in my blog, suicide is not the

answer. In 90, New Year's of 93, my mom had a

nervous breakdown and she signed custody over

to my dad. Dad, at the time, was living in Louisville,

Kentucky. A few years before this happened in

1987, because my parents are divorced, They divorced

when I was two years old and 82. In 87, he remarried

and they moved to Kentucky. And I had to go live

with them because my mom couldn't take care of

me anymore. So my whole world wasn't up evil

and everything else. And the stepmother was one

of those types of people that she would make

you fold jeans four different times. to make

sure you got the seams absolutely right or else

it was just nope redo it nope redo it blah blah

blah blah. Wow. So she hit me a few times and

this happened and that happened and everything

else and they eventually built at the time a

log cabin out in the middle of nowhere in Shelby

County Kentucky and one day I just took a lead

pipe went out in the middle of the field and

just started Bashing my head in between that

and trying to hang myself with my belt up against

the tree Because at that point in time in 1994

when I was 14 years old and I was failing They

held me but she held me back in eighth grade

because I failed health and PE Now for context

ladies and gentlemen, I was born with cerebral

palsy I know a lot of the listeners know this

because I mentioned it a lot on the podcast because

I repeat repeat repeat myself a lot But it's

kind of hard to climb. And the only reason why

I failed P .E. was not because I couldn't run

up and down the court playing basketball. It

was because I couldn't climb the goddamn rope

for the gymnastic, for the gymnast class, the

gymnastics part of the whatever. And the health

class at 14 was boring. Like at least Bruce Willis

and them made it. fun for sex education and look

who's talking. I mean, the rest of it was just,

yeah. So I was failing health and PE. So I got

held back in eighth grade and all that and everything

else. So I was in a place where I just, I missed

my mom. I wanted to be with my mom. I wanted

to be back in Massachusetts. The whole thing

with mom was she recovered from the nervous breakdown.

What does everybody in Massachusetts end up in

Massachusetts or New England in general end up

doing they end up moving and living in Florida?

Because that's just what happens you go from

the Northeast to the North Whatever the Southeast

West East East Florida not no West would be Yeah,

it's not a geography podcast folks, but yeah

I felt stuck. I didn't want to be there anymore.

I didn't see a way out. I didn't see any improvement

happening. And like any little thing, just any

little thing would set this woman off. The fact

that I, okay, so here's the biggest story that

I've told before. I lied about my, before I was

eventually removed from their home. I lied about

my report card because I didn't want them to

know that I was failing the thing. So I basically

just saw it. Teacher gave it to me. I threw it

away. Went home, told them, oh, I never got it.

Well, everybody else in your class got it. Why

didn't you get it? I don't know. I didn't get

it. So I kept the lie up. I kept the lie up.

And this woman was so old fashioned. She's like,

go to the corner. go stand in the corner and

until dinner time or until bedtime or until I

was standing there for at least four or five

hours. At one point I was standing in the corner,

but apparently it wasn't good enough for her

because my head was not touching the wall. She

took me by my head, slammed my head in the wall

and punched me in my back three or four times.

Jeez. Yeah. And my mom wasn't going to come rescue

me. My mom wasn't going to come. She couldn't.

She was dealing with her own stuff, you know,

so I didn't see a way out. And I'm just like,

I don't want to be here anymore. Ever since then,

because pretty much once I exploded and told,

I don't know if I actually ever told them. I

think I probably did because I think that was

what the catalyst was for the state to come in.

State of Kentucky social workers all that and

everything else because at one point they were

thinking of sending me away to one of the one

of the camps and wherever else One of the reform

camps and Really folks this episode is not about

to read. It's not supposed to be about reliving

my trauma. It's Supposed to be talking about

Josh, but I figure we need context here since

I actually attempted and he's only had contemplations

of which Yeah, so ever since then Basically,

I've always said suicide is not the answer. I've

always said if people need to talk, even if you're

not calling the suicide hotline, if you have

friends, if you have people in your life, always

say, hey, something's going on. I've told this

to all my friends. I'm always around. If you

need to get on Skype, get an audio call, get

whatever you want to do, if you need to talk,

I'm here to listen. And yeah. So where do you

want to go from here, sir? I don't have like

a particular point to start off with. I do want

to kind of jump on one of your points about,

you know, reaching out and kind of pointing out

like your experience. You were I guess you'd

say you could say a kid, a youth, and I'm an

adult. So like kind of like saying to people,

this is something that can affect you at any

age of your life. Maybe not a baby, but You know

You may have people in your lives that are going

through things and they're not saying anything

at any stage in their life And and that's kind

of the thing I remember seeing on social media

someone referring to is like taking care of the

silent or You know looking looking out for the

silent or something Is that a lot of times you

don't feel Uh, if you're in that state of mind,

the desire to speak about it, whether like for

me, that was judgment. Like I don't want to be

judged as weak as I don't want to be looked at

differently. Um, you know, I, I guess that'd

be it. I don't want to be looked at differently.

I don't really looked at as weak. I don't want

people to think of me and say, maybe he's mentally

unstable or even crazy. You know, someone might

think, um, because they don't know. what your

story is. They don't know what you felt. So,

you know, when you don't understand something,

you fear it, you hate it, you think it's crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And at the time, even

when I was placed in state's care, I was placed

in 95. I actually, so this is this is ironic

because of being held back in eighth grade. Normally,

if you're a ward of the state, as soon as you

hit 18, you're off on your own because you're

an adult and whatever else. I had to actually

voluntarily recommit myself to graduate high

school because I got held back a year. So, yeah.

But I was one of the lucky ones. I only went

through, in four and a half years, I went through

15 different placements. Some were foster homes,

some were group homes. One was a mental hospital

because I had out of control behavior and defiant

issues because of the shit that has happened

to me at the time back then. And yeah, that's

the biggest takeaway we're trying to do. That's

the reason why I'm opening up. That's the reason

why Josh is here. Like I said, I saw his video

and I'm like, Okay, it's the holidays, like you

said. It's the holidays. Sometimes people get

in ruts, sometimes people get depressed, and

the overall goal with this podcast episode, folks,

is for you to know that people are out there,

people care, and people will listen if you need

the help. Absolutely. One of the hardest things

that I came to terms with dealing with are maybe

not hard to come to terms with, but identifying.

Was that you know being an actor improviser?

You enjoyed performing. I actually took my first

improv class and watch me be repeating my bio

from nine years ago, but anyway Because I was

very much an introvert Right. He didn't like

talking to people and now like you hear me now.

I'm talking casually about Yeah, I think suicide

and I'm not saying that like a joking matter,

but it's either stark difference from where I

was in the past with talking about, you know,

I wouldn't want to talk about what I had for

lunch with anybody. But I took an improv class.

Now it'll be almost doing math again, 12 years

ago to help fight or, you know, combat being

an introvert. So I could, you know, make friends

and win people's trust. I think that's a book,

but I took the first class. I did, you know,

find a social circle to be in. I made friends,

but I realized I liked the craft. I liked the

art. So obviously I pursued that, not to get

it further into my theater resume, but as I kept

doing different projects, working as a writer,

producer, actor, whatever. I kind of realized

that I had almost developed a, I don't want to

say fake, but almost a different persona. It's

the difference between, well, let me be fair,

Mike. Mike, are you a Coke person or a Pepsi

person? Diet Coke all the way. Okay, then we'll

use Coke as the reference. So it was the difference

to me between Diet Coke, Diet Coke Cherry, and

Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke. When I was a Diet Coke,

when I was with friends in social situations,

I was Diet Cherry Coke, and then when I was on

stage, it was Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke. I was

adding things to my persona, heightening them,

which is kind of a part of acting and improv,

is to heighten the performance. but I wasn't

being myself, which is fine on stage. It's that

middle scenario, that diet cherry coke stage,

that I wasn't really being myself. Now maybe

I should be a little bit of that, but I wasn't,

I shouldn't have been how I was. I was just being

fake. Not like fake like, I don't know, Regina

George, Mean Girls fake, but you know, not being.

The best version of Josh. Yeah, you were putting

on an act is what you were doing. A facade, an

act, yes. There you go. Yeah, see, I don't know.

I'm not that talented. I'm me. Take it or leave

it, you know. Hey, 324 episodes, I would say

you're talented. 320. Yeah, that's just one show.

Coming up. December 12th, folks, I'll be celebrating

15 years of doing this. December 12th, 2008,

I recorded and released my first episode thanks

to Steve Megatron who edited it and put it online

and everything else because I didn't know how

to do any of that back then. But yeah, 15 years

and all these 3 ,000, 4 ,000 episodes later.

But it's just one of those things where I'm very

self -deprecating because I just don't, I don't

know, it's not that I don't have self -esteem,

it's not that I don't have good self -esteem,

it's just that I feel like, like if this didn't

go, like before we started, we were trying to

figure out, I was trying to figure out, because

Skype changed how the visualizer looks for the

recorder, and I see the red button, and I see

that, When I hit the button, it says, oh, if

you hit the button, it's going to stop. But it

used to show it bigger, and it used to show a

timer. It isn't doing that right now other than

the actual call timer. But yeah, so I'm very

like, if I screw something up, I over -dramatize.

Like, oh my god, I just wasted time. Somebody

else is like, perfect example. Back in... was

it 2017? Whenever the 25th anniversary of X -Men

The Animated Series was, I had Eric and Julia

Lee -Wald on the show for Tombcast. And Skype

said it was recording. Didn't record it. And

I felt like crap. Not to the point where I contemplated

suicide again, because not really, but it's just

one of those things where... That's where my

head goes when shit goes wrong. It's like oh

my god. I'm such a failure I'm this I'm that

I'm whatever but the internet back in the 90s

and into the early 2000s Like oh have a screen

name have a persona have this have that yeah

I had a whole bunch of damn different screen

names on Yahoo and everywhere else, but when

I signed up for Twitter and other Social media

platforms back in 2007 2008. I was like, okay

TF2 and Mike. It's fairly easy Transformers generation

one and then just my name and that's who I've

been for the last 15 years. It's just It's just

a name but it's me no matter what like I'm not

gonna sugarcoat shit I'm just not I'm not do

I sometimes put on a you know fake smile? Yeah,

sure. We all do but I would say the same shit

I've said in 15 years of podcasting than if I

wasn't podcasting for the last 15 years. I would

still have all of the same conversations I've

had with all the people that I've had the chance

to meet in the last 15 years. So just because

it's recorded doesn't mean my personality is

going to completely do a 180. I can be on, I

can be off. It just depends on what happens the

day of recording. If that makes any sense So

yeah, I would never say any of it was like being

opposite of who I was again It would just be

like an enhanced version of it like pretty much

any view I'd have Would or I spoke of would be

a view I had if I disagree with somebody just

might not speak on it Would probably be the more

thing as opposed to lying When you do develop

this kind of stage persona, this fake social

persona, it is easy to get lost into it and distance

yourself in that. You're saying, well, that's

not me. My phrase was show Josh. This is the

Josh that's on stage. This is show Josh. That

kind of thinking does help me if I have nervousness

two minutes before going out on stage in front

of people, but it's not going to service you

long -term in a social situation. It's not going

to service you in relationships. It's not going

to service you with friends. It's going to do

that for a little bit, sure, but long -term it's

going to become exhausting. Yeah, absolutely.

It definitely will become exhausting because

You feel like again, I don't know what it is

about people who come on podcasts. They're like,

oh I have to be the show person. I have to be

I'm like be yourself Well, however, you however

you want to present yourself. However, you are

be that You know Yeah, I look at it like that

show person that I have kind of developed now

is just me but louder. Yeah I'm more comfortable

with that. That's a little bit of what you have

here. This is me. I absolutely will denounce

your podcast if Masters of the Universe doesn't

have a high ranking on your list next week. Well,

we haven't got... I can safely say as of this

recording, we've recorded... Okay, so there's

going to be six parts to the series. Part one

is just the intro going over thanking people

who submitted lists and going over some facts

and whatever else. Parts two through five are

the actual countdown, 100 to one. And then part

six is the wrap up, the facts, the this, the

that, and the whatever kind of thing. We've recorded

parts two and three. I'm in the middle of editing

part two. I will edit part three probably next

week. and then we're recording part four this

coming monday but of course by the time people

hear this it could be before then after then

whatever timey wimey bullshit you want to say

i can safely tell you that it is not on the bottom

half so far we've recorded 151 yeah that's right

all right all right Yeah, so we've recorded the

bottom half of the Top 100 Toys Count down here

at the Geekcast Radio Network, and I can safely

tell you that Masters of the Universe is not

in the bottom half. It's off the hook for now.

He says, for now. It's funny because I think

it was in part three. I actually said this. I'm

like, you know, we were talking about, like,

the game of life or... Something we were talking

about a board game or something else and. I said.

Listen, folks, you've known us for four. You've

known me for 15 years. You've known the network

for 14 and a half years. We are the geek cast

radio network. We started with Transformers.

Do you? not remember or realize that, of course,

all of the 80s franchises are going to be in

the top 30 somewhere. I don't know where because

I don't have that information. Only Optimus Solo

knows all that because that's he's the one that

does all the math and whatever else. And he can

have his math because math is evil to me. So,

yeah, but I will say we have recorded the first

we recorded 100 to 51. And so far, Masters of

the Universe is not in that half of the countdown.

All right. Now, what if I could tell you, I'm

going to segue all that BS about Masters in the

universe, which is not BS. It's true how I feel.

Back to our current topic. Sure. Last year during

our Holly show, this is kind of like one of those

kind of self -discovery moments. We do do sketches

kind of like a lot, almost like a live SNL. I

like to say, though, our shows can be a little

bit better. in one category is that as a director

I don't like sketches that just end without an

ending. Not like some shows on SNL and of course

I haven't achieved that success but those sometimes

you watch and it's like oh a sketch goes on and

they don't think of an ending so applause. I

did a sketch i wrote a sketch i had some actors

perform it that was about a kid who was growing

up not in the best type situation and he was

constantly calling his mom talking about how

he was hoping his that santa claus would. Bring

him a human toy. for Christmas because he had

a Skeletor that he had found at a gas station

with the arm missing but he was still his favorite

toy and the kind of the comedic part of the sketch

was you know all kind of like an homage to jingle

all the way everything terrible that could happen

to a parent trying to buy a toy would happen

and It was well received and I say that not to

brag but to say that I found and never really

took heart of it as much in the past that when

you're putting yourself into the art, putting

yourself into the comedy, it's stronger. Yeah.

Well, the reason why it's stronger is because

that's the performance part of it. Right? Absolutely.

It's, it's putting your truth into it and perform

in, in putting it in a way that, you know, the

next writer actors necessarily can't. Yeah, and

only you can tell your story and I know I say

that and the first thing that pops into my head

is Good old smoky the only you can prevent forest

fires But seriously we all have a story and that's

one of the reasons why so in 2013 Over on the

pull bag, which is our comic book podcast. The

listeners know this you may or may not know this

I started the origins which it's 30 questions

about reading comic books that has expanded into

multiple other things. And it's because, like

I said, I am trying to get the origin story or

any stories from anyone that I can, whether it's

geeky, whether it's something like this, talking

about heavy topics. And because people need to

hear this, people need to know, like we've already

said in the episode so far, if you are contemplating

suicide, if you are Contemplating self -harm.

There are people out there that will listen,

whether it's your friends, your family, whatever,

or if you have to call a hotline. There's no

shame in that whatsoever. You're getting help.

You're attempting to get yourself some help.

And if that's what you need, that's what you

need. Exactly. And, you know, be aware too that

it's because if you find yourself past that point,

like I myself find myself not past that point,

past. Contemplating it past Attempting it That

there still will be anxieties in the future that

will things that make you sad make you be afraid

But it's kind of how you approach it like I'll

give you an example kind of that relating back

to this topic after I posted that video and I

think I talked about it with you offline Mike

was like, you know, hey, I I did feel kind of

nervousness posting that video even afterwards

like Hey, now I put this out there. I can't put

the, you know, put the jack in the box or whatever

the phrases. Yeah. That's, that's one of them.

One of the phrases. Well, it's one of those things

where you're not doing. So some people might

say that, and I'm not saying this about you specifically.

I'm generalizing here. Some people might say

people would do that for attention. As long as

I've known you, even though we haven't talked

very much in the last few years, you're not one

of those people who are, look at me, look at

me, look at me, and neither am I. So in 2019,

when I wanted to start writing again and I wanted

to start this daily blog series, GFG One Mic

365, 2019 and currently in 2023. I have never

made it to all 365 days I've skipped and this

that and the other thing and everything else

course 2019 I had brain surgery. Yay That's a

whole other story that people have heard already.

I'll tell you later, but Yeah, when I started

that the first 57 days range from geek topics

or usually how I've approached the the 365 blog

is i'll wake up in the morning whatever i see

if it's a headline or if it's a this if it's

a that or if it's a topic i've been thinking

about writing about i'll write about it and usually

when i write it's anywhere from three to eight

a .m eastern time because i do most of my stuff

early in the morning because that's when my brain

is like it's early in the morning let's get stuff

done like i will edit podcasts from 2 a .m to

10 a .m and from 10 30 to 430, I'll be asleep

kind of thing. And then, you know, now 10, 11

o 'clock at night, whatever it is, even though

it's not that late yet, you know, at nighttime

is when I usually record stuff. So the first

57 days were all varied things. And I got to

day 58 and I got to thinking at that time in

2019. I think I need to talk about this. I think

I need to, some people knew, a lot of people

didn't, because I wasn't really, the way I look

at podcasting is it's an escape from life, it's

entertainment, it's supposed to be entertaining,

and yes, you want to get to know the host, and

yes, you want to have the listeners come back

to hear the host's opinion on whatever topic

it is, geeky or otherwise, but most of the time

we don't. do a lot of personal stories. I'm starting

to do that now ever since 2019 happened, but

at the time from 2008 to 2019, we were, hey,

let's talk about this episode of Transformers

or let's rage about the fact that there's a kid

named Cousin Jeremy and he man in the master's

universe is one of the worst eighties. I take

Scott Tracker over Cousin Jeremy any day of the

week. Me, Scott, and T -bob, oh god, Cousin Jeremy,

don't even, my eye's starting to twitch, yikes.

So we weren't really getting too, too personal

kind of thing. And then just my brain broke in

2019 and I'm like, I want to go more personal.

I want to get stories from people, whether it's

geeky stuff or whether it's stuff like this.

And I'm still me, I'm still the same person.

When this microphone turns off, you're still

going to hear me say the same shit I say when

the microphone's on. one of those people that

just completely turns everything off when I'm

not on kind of thing. I can vouch for that. In

a good way. That didn't sound too good. Damn.

I understand the whole suicide thing is just

really hard to talk about and whether contemplation,

attempting or even people that have done it like

look i've said this about entertainment and entertainers

and actors and actresses all i've ever known

about them like people like robin williams i

know the body of work that they've shown me over

the last 43 years of my life i was i i don't

know robin williams personally i never have i

never got a chance to meet the man i didn't know

what was going on in his life come to find out

he He killed himself and I think 2014 yeah and

He must have been going through some really dark

stuff because every time we would always see

him He was always so jovial and so fun and so

on and who knows what was going on in his life

And it's not that I don't care about what's going

on in actors actresses musicians whomever whomever

is giving me something I don't care about their

personal lives, but their personal lives are

their personal lives. And the way that I like

or interact with them is because there was a

new movie, a new TV show, a new video game, a

new album, or whatever. It's because of the content

that they've given me is why I hold them in such

high regard. I wrote a different blog about expressing

grief, sadness and other things about celebrities

that are no longer with us kind of thing. And

it's not because again, like I didn't know them

personally, but I felt like I did because they

take Robin, for example. I think a lot of people

do equate the artistic temperament with kind

of that darkness. And they point to Robin Williams

a lot. Is that example you know i i i sometimes

use the the similar whatever the metaphor of

the sad clown you don't see what's my make up

you don't see what's behind the mask and. I kind

of do find that to be true and you know i am

no by no means you know a celebrity but i do

consider myself a performer and so being in that

scene especially like in the chicago area you

know where i. hung out with other actors, other

performers, comedians, you know, in the holes

in the wall bars at two o 'clock in the morning

is like, you do realize that like with every

bright shining star that you meet and see, there's

a cloud of darkness behind it. And, you know,

I saw that in my own, only my cloud seemingly

was getting larger as time went on. Yeah, so

how are you doing right now? I think I'm doing

pretty good to kind of go back to what I said

a little while ago about even when you kind of

get past that point where you think you are going

to do something that There's still gonna be fears

and anxieties. I'll be completely honest. I have

been dealing with Anxieties over this event,

you know, like I do kind of wonder like hey is

there kind of like a little bit of that show

me or not Show me look at me side that needs

to come out because When I decided to make our

production, this charity event, part of it was

the thought of, and I think I do say this in

the video, the thought that, you know, what can

I do? What can I achieve? I'm not going to cure

cancer. I'm not going to win a marathon. Winning

a marathon helps people. It just sounds like

a movie. But what I can do is I can entertain.

I can make people laugh. I can make people have

a good time. I can do it with a with a Christmas

theme over it. So, you know, I had that worry

about I talked this over with a friend of mine

who's in the show, a good friend of mine named

Ramon, who's, you know, told me not to worry

about cloud chasing. And if anyone sees it as

that, that's on them. And it's like, I'm not

using, you know, contemplation of suicide as

cloud chasing. It's just it's my life experience.

And I don't want other people to go through that.

So what else can I do but put on an entertaining

holiday variety show and use that as a way to

raise funds so that people can get the help they

need because I can't directly help them. But

if I can contribute towards the resources that

can help them, that's my part. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. And you're doing a good thing for a good

cause because like you said in your video, you're

doing this because you want to be able to help

people. Now, just briefly, because when I wrote

that article, I wanted to have all the information

that I could possibly have. And then there is

about read more about the language of it all.

Language matters. Committed suicide versus completed

suicide versus died by suicide. So it says here,

I'll link this article in our in our post as

well so people can read this because I don't

want to have to read all this right now but that

was in there and obviously if people I think

it's 988 on mobile phones if you need help folks

call 988 or if you're on a landline 1 -800 -273

-8255 is the suicide hotline it's just one of

those things where I still believe even though

I went through it even though I went through

an attempt I came out of that attempt thinking,

okay, well, I need help. I need to figure this

out. I need to get out of this situation that

I'm in or whatever it is. It took me four and

a half years to finally come out of all of that

and whatever else back then. Even though I've

never called the suicide hotline, I did get the

help that I needed at the time. I still believe

that even if you don't call the hotline like

I've already said in this episode if you have

friends or family members that you're really

close with or You know that kind of thing talk

to them. Tell them how you know I Check I don't

I check in with people only because I want to

know how people are doing Kind of thing like

hey, how are you or you know, you know, what's

going on here? It's just who I blame my grandmother

No, I'm not kidding. It's funny. It is but no

we all had Well, Nana would always uh, she would

um Now call me as soon as you get home kind of

thing or or make sure the porch lights on you

know, the the the 70s 80s 90s grandmothers and

obviously older than that as well, but um But

yeah folks Suicide isn't the answer. Everyone

matters as far as their life and everything else.

If you need help, there's resources out there

for you. Yeah, I would say from someone who's

been in that pair of shoes, the light won't come

if you're silent. The dawn doesn't happen. You

can't just wait for things to get good. And this

comes from a person who's absolutely spent a

lot of time waiting for things just to quote

unquote get better. Yeah, absolutely. All right,

folks, I think that's going to do it for us.

We will. Unfortunately, with this episode, probably

still have to do an ad break. So we'll close

the show right after this. Yes. Shut up. Beyond

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We are covering everything in the Knight Rider

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podcast, we talk movies. We talk TV. We talk.

Hello Julie, what the heck are you doing? Trying

to make our spot sound more exciting by adding

explosions Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could have

got the point across with sound effects. Not

the real thing Download the show on iTunes or

if simplistic reviews .blogspot .com I'm sure

your insurance company will cover that No, they

won't. No, they probably won't. Now back to the

show Do you see how your patience paid off? Alright

folks, this has been GeekCast Radio episode 324.

Mr. Josh Blair, sir, tell us once again, before

I run through our closing, what's going on on

December 9th and 10th in the Chicagoland area

with your show. Fourth wall improv, look us up

on social media, the fourth is spelled out, that's

just a choice I made. Though I kind of envision

us eventually having fantastic floor -like uniforms

if I don't get sued. But Fourth Wall Improv Presents,

always hooked on the holidays, an old school

but modern holiday variety comedy show. We have

fantastic performances, not just by the Fourth

Wall Improv troupe, but amazing guests like the

Laser Comedy Show. And each night we'll be featuring

music by a fantastic band called The Uh -Ohs.

And they're on Facebook as well. T -H -E -U -H

-O -H -S that we've collabed with before. December

9th, December 10th, the Tinley Park Performing

Arts Center. All of our profits will be going

towards an organization that provides mental

health services in the area for those who can't

necessarily afford it. That is so awesome. Yes,

folks, mental health is very important. Your

physical health, your mental health, your emotional

health, all three are just as important as the

other ones. Super connected. Yeah, absolutely.

And yeah, so for us, like I said, coming up,

we've got the top 100 toys countdown. So thank

you for listening to us here on GeekCast Radio.

If you'd like to get in contact with us, leave

feedback for this show. There are several ways

to do so. Visit the website geekcastradio .com

where you can listen to and comment on all of

our content. You can check us out on any of the

podcasting clients you choose to use. I prefer

Spotify, but that's just me. We are on X at GeekCast

Radio. I am at TF2 and Mike. Did you come back

and figure out you were X'd now? Mine? I have

no idea. It's okay. It's perfectly fine. If you

find us on Instagram and Facebook, I will link

to everywhere else on there. That's fine. Facebook

is GeekCast Radio Network. We hope you enjoyed

this episode of GeekCast Radio. We shall address

next time. I know this was probably difficult

for people to hear, but we had to talk about

it, folks, because I saw your video and I'm like,

I can't ignore this. It needs to be discussed.

It needs to be shared with the world because

one big thing about suicide prevention is getting

the word out there that there is help for everyone.

Exactly. You don't know the resources are there

unless you look. And more importantly, you never

know. Uh, who in your life is experiencing something

that they're just not talking about. Absolutely.

So like I said, next time top 100 toys countdown,

not trying to think what, what we're talking

about here, folks, but I nearly just made my

views on that list clear. So you're fine. Watch

it come in at number 50. It's going to be the

Boy Meets World of the Toys countdown. Oh, God.

That's a whole story I'll tell you later. For

now, I'm TF2 and Mike with Josh Valera. Thank

you for listening. Until next time.