Top 10 Favorite Video Game Cartoon Episodes

Hello and welcome to Pixels in the Animation!

This is episode 98. We have got this episode

and then two others, folks. I am, of course,

TF2 and Mike. Joining me is TV's Mr. Neil. Howdy,

y 'all. That's it, really? Yeah, I got nothing.

I was expecting more than that. Like, you know,

hey, Paisanos or something. You hurt my Jessica!

There. I'm getting over a cold so my voice is

not the best. I'm surprised that didn't that

didn't send me into a coughing fit It almost

did me so You know technically Roger Rabbit did

have a video game technically we could do an

episode on that That's not what I was referencing,

but I'll get to that Alright, so episode 98 and

99 have changed over the course of the last seven

years, consistently changed. We've done like

Mario merch, we did Nintendo Power, we did other

things in these last few episodes. We did the

Wreck -It Ralph 2 review, we did the April Fool's

Day thing, all that kind of stuff. Well now...

Really don't care about Street Fighter or Mortal

Kombat merchandise really don't care and Sonic

merch is like it's like Mario merch. They're

essentially the same merch They're not because

they're two different characters, but it's everywhere.

Yeah, there's just a shit ton of it and yeah,

it's like yeah, there's lots of plushies and

happy meal toys and all sorts of shit and You

can go pops of Sonic. Oh my god, you could spend

days going through all this shit and what I actually

wanted to do initially was just to find the old

merchandise catalog that was stapled into like

one of the very first episodes of Nintendo Power

because it was just kind of neat going back in

time and looking at like all the weird like shelving

units and you know Mario clocks and calendars

and just all sorts of like weird weird Nintendo

merch because it has the old art, you know the

art that like Mario doesn't quite look like Mario

yet so it's kind of neat to look at but also

just very very odd. Yeah. So what we are going

to be doing this episode and next episode is

we're going to be doing two countdowns. And we've

done a video game countdown here on the geocaster

network before Steve Megatron ran our top fifty

video game franchises count and I think you were

on that. Yeah that's the look yeah I'm pretty

sure you were at least one of the episodes there

are only two but. So we've done a video game

countdown before this is specific our favorites.

Our favorite video game cartoon episodes from

the shows that we've covered over the last seven

years Really didn't take too long of a time for

me to come up with my top five the bottom five

like moving those around and yada yada yada that

was a little rough, but I Don't know mine were

all right I'm sure because remember folks. This

is our top ten favorite Episodes this is not

the least favorite episode so. I kind of thought

that Neil might have a harder time considering

throughout the last seven years all these episodes

all these cartoons suck. It should be very obvious

what I'm going to pass trust me you will you

will notice a theme right away. Oh I'm sure and

I will say right now for my number one. No for

next week for my number one I very much cheated

for the worst because there's only one for number

one for next week, but anyway Getting right into

it number ten. What is your number ten? favorite

episode My number ten would be an earthworm Jim

episode named sidekick which is the one where

Jim tries to replace Peter puppy because Peter

puppy keeps causing Jim much pain and agony,

so he tries to find a replacement sidekick. Uh

-huh, yeah. You know, the plot of that doesn't

remind me of this, but just the title of Sidekicked,

it reminds me of the Chuck Norris joke. I knew

you were gonna say that. Sidekicks. Yeah, with

that kid with the weird eyebrows. Is it? It's

Jonathan Landis, that's what it is. Yes, that's...

Landis Brandis. Jonathan... Jonathan Brandis,

yeah. Something like that. Rest in peace. Did

he die? Oh, oh yeah. He, uh, well, he's very

sad. Damn it. He, uh, he, uh, took his own life.

I'm sorry. Oh no. Yeah. From the Neverending

Story 2 passed away? How did I not know this?

You know him for that. Yeah, he was bastion What

Yeah, wow 2003 he was only 27 there's a YouTube

channel called fanboy flicks who reviewed the

never -ending story to you should watch it Mm

-hmm. Yeah, that's like telling me I should watch

anything from Doug Walker or somebody like that

or Linkara or something, which I did watch Linkara's

History of Power Rangers stuff in the beginning.

Okay. Yeah, I know him from... I'm not... I'm

just gonna say that and skip over it because,

hello, I know the... Anyway, yeah, Jonathan Brandus.

I knew him from Neverending Story 2, and I knew

him. He was the kid in Sequest DSV. That's right,

yeah. Yep, because I loved Sequest DSV. All right,

my number 10, again, because it's my podcast

and I'm, well, Neil may be editing, but I do

all the other kind of stuff and posting and whatever.

I'm going to cheat and I'm just going to do a

tie. Because I couldn't decide on my 10 on what

my my actual number 10 was so I'm just gonna

go with both of these sad ams hooked on sonics

and fed up with Antoine only for one reason Because

Rob Paulson is a motherfucking genius He's not

a fuel. He's a genius His voicing of Antoine

was hilarious. I just I love that character.

I don't know why the episodes themselves are

Nothing really to write home about they're both,

you know, actually one is really judged reddish

The other is very standard robotnik kind of fair

but fed up with Antoine is That's the one where

the the biker gang the cannibalistic biker gang

is gonna eat him It's a little a little creepy

number nine for you, sir Number nine is going

to be an earthworm Jim episode. It's the exile

of Lucy Which is the one where Psychro and Professor

Monkey for a head overthrow. Let's see if I can

do the voice. Queen festering slug for a butt.

And I might be conflating two different episodes

because I know this was technically like a two

-parter with something else but she gets overthrown

and then they kind of explain it that she gets

her own spin -off and you know that might be

a different episode. But anyway, I do know it's

the episode where a psycho and professor monkey

for a head overthrow queen slug for a butt and

they do a very bad job See it's been a while

since I've seen these Yeah, it's been about a

year or so since we did that I think her a couple

years now Alright, so you said there's gonna

be a theme. Are you just naming your top ten

favorite earthworm Jim episodes? Well, here's

the thing. Earthworm Jim was five stars across

the board every single episode. I don't think

anything got below five. And it's like the worst

Earthworm Jim episode is better than the best

episode of anything else. So they're just all

going to be Earthworm Jim episodes. I can't help

it. It's like it wouldn't. It's like the one,

the only one that would sort of come close to

be the one Sonic episode where, what was it?

Grounder. becomes very smart and he almost succeeds.

That was very funny and if that episode could

somehow squeak by an Earthworm Jim episode, it

would be in here, but it didn't make it. So all

you have is ten Earthworm Jim episodes. Come

on I went through I went through all of these

episode lists except for Mortal Kombat and that

shall not be named You know My number nine, Mega

Man 94, the beginning. So the 94 Mega Man series,

the beginning. I'm a sucker for starting at the

beginning and getting origin stories, origin

stories that haven't been retold over 80 years

kind of thing. And the beginning of the Mega

Man series was really cool. That episode I thought

was great. All of the voice acting in that series

is wonderful. Even for the time the animation

was not necessarily top -notch, but it wasn't

God -awful. It wasn't X -Men season 5 So there

is that Hey All right number eight For me, this

would be an earthworm Jim episode. It's the book

of doom. It's the one where There's like an evil,

what was it? It was like an evil pamphlet or

something, and it somehow got printed into like

a pop -up book. And it's just like this wacky

episode where evil the cat's looking for this

thing, and he discovers that Earthworm Jim has

it for some reason. He's like, what a remarkable

coincidence. And it's just this zany episode.

It's really, really funny. The most the premise

the premises the premises of these episodes are

just what what? What I find so hilarious. This

is very creative Very creative concepts for each

episode of Earthworm Jim. Yeah And I mean, you

know, you mentioned it being zany. Well the game

was zany so the cartoon had to be zany times

a million and Wasn't it? Wasn't it Dan wasn't

it Homer Simpson is yeah, it was Dan Dan cost

yeah It's okay, you'll can't talk tonight my

yeah my number eight is from Captain and the

Game Master and It's only because of several

reasons why this is one of my favorites number

one it continues the story of Lana and her missing

father because he's in the mirror world and he

sends Instead of himself he sends the one and

only game boy You're really gonna love my top

ten worst I know it's probably gonna be all my

best episodes But I will say right now folks

I will say right now that even though I do have

different episodes that are my best I also was

able to put Plenty of episodes for my worst because

I understood we went we went through all this

the last seven years There are bad episodes of

these series. I get it However, like I was obsessed

with the Game Boy back then so to see him as

annoying as he is In the in the animated series

to see him come to life and be this childlike

character essentially to be the better version

of scott and t -bob um at least for the 90s that's

a low bar hey come on now sir it's either that

or kicker from one of the transformer series

anyway what i loved about gameboy was that it

was a new character it was even though it was

specific product placement for nintendo just

see like i already knew i was in the middle of

your everything the game boy did like you know

cuz it's an animated character like you just

sit there and you hold the game boy and you play

the tetris or the mario lander the whatever you

ended up playing on game boy but it was cool

to see the thing you know kind of do what it's

supposed like when he plugs in and things like

that and whatever that was kind of cool i thought

it was good you know what would be funny is if

notch It would be really funny if like one of

those ROM hackers out there or one of those like

homebrew artists out there Would make like a

ROM that puts the Gameboy cartoon face on the

Gameboy So you just put you just put the cartridge

in and it's just the face When you turn it on

that's somebody out there do that Do it That's

just wrong. All right number seven for you another

earthworm Jim episode. I don't spoil my joke

It's an earthworm Jim episode and it's a day

of the fish This is the episode where Bob the

fish steals earthworm Jim's power costume and

it's just This show is so stupid, but it's funny

It is funny. It's it's funny to see this fish

sticking out of the head hole of the of the power

suit yeah Fish can't wear power suits and these

are kind of worm like the worm doesn't it doesn't

make any sense But you know it works anyway.

Yeah, it must work by mental powers or something.

It's like I think so. There's no gears or switches

or anything inside. It just kind of works for

some reason. Yep. Alright, number seven for me

is from the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3.

Seven continents for seven Koopas. You have to

admit, even though that's the most common sense

plot ever, You have to admit that was kind of

ingenious of Koopa to put his seven kids in charge

of each of the continents or try to have them

take them over. Who got Antarctica? Oh, God.

No, if I'm remembering right without looking

anything up, I think it was hip and hop. Jesus

Christ. I rule Antarctica. There's nobody there.

I'm not sure. I would have to look it up. Maybe

I'll let you guys know next week. You're the

Emperor Penguin down there. That's what you are.

Number six. It's an Earthworm Jam episode. It's

hyper -psycho. This is the one where coffee gives

psycho superpowers. Oh no! And the best part

of this episode is the intermission in the middle

where they're like, now... Now this is not actually

what coffee does if you drink a lot of coffee.

And then it has Peter Puppey drink a lot of coffee

and he's just like, I want to die. So it's a

coffee -fueled episode. The only thing I can

think of is when Christopher Warburton's wolf

in Hoodwinked gives Twitchy the squirrel the

coffee and he goes... Coffee coffee coffee and

he resumes down the mountain. That's all I can

think of cuz I love that scene Well, there's

also the kid in the Iron Giant where he drinks

a ton of coffee and he's just like he's just

like jittery and Talking in a million miles a

second. Yeah. Well, that's the biggest joke about

coffee with with cartoons is I mean and yes,

it does have a lot of caffeine in it and whatever

but It's funny when it's done an animation not

necessarily in real life Of course, you know

you go to Florida and I'm sure there's plenty

of anyway Number six for me. We're going back

to Mega Man and Mega X I loved make like I Obsessed

over Mega Man X when it came out on the Super

Nintendo. So seeing an animated episode of that

that World Was really really cool. I would say

mega X is probably one of the better animated

episodes of that series probably And it was just

a fun interesting story I always liked those

I'm a mark for like obviously the origin the

beginning type stuff but also like alternate

dystopian or whatever kind of future episodes

to see their future stories to see what what

happens or what will happen or what might have

happened kind of thing so There's that. If you

ever just want to dig your ears out of your skull,

speaking of Mega Man X in animation, go find

the cutscenes from the PlayStation version of

Mega Man X4. They are the epitome of bad translation

and bad acting. What am I fighting for? That's

bad. Number five for you, sir. That would be

an earthworm Jim episode. It's the sword of righteousness

This is the one where Jim finds a sword in a

vending machine sandwich and it becomes his mentor

and it trains him to be a champion It's like

oh my god. What were you guys on when you wrote

this shit? It's like I just imagine like these

guys in a writing room just like Like, guzzling

coffee, and they're like, okay, okay, imagine

this, he gets a sword and a vending machine sandwich.

Well, you know what else they were wearing? I

think they were watching the Bugs Bunny short,

The Singing Sword. It's him and Yosemite Sam

and the singing sword and the, like, that's what

I think of. Cause, the vending machine sword

sandwich, ugh. But it's written so that it's

like the most absurd premise that you could possibly

come up with that like for some reason that would

be in a vending machine. Well, yeah, I mean,

yeah, that's that is very true. And that was

a cool episode. I do remember watching that and

I'm like, oh my God, who comes up with this stuff?

Obviously, the people working on Earthworm Jim.

My number five, we're going back to Mario three

again. I don't know, just certain ones of those

that show I just love. It was kind of what I

view as the finale of the series even though

it really wasn't. It's Super Koopa because he

makes the pendant and steals all the powers and

I mean it's the first time you get to see Raccoon

Koopa in... Frog Suit Koopa and all that. I don't

know if it aired last, but I think it was intended

to be the last. Was that also the episode where

they were like, oh, Toad will never forget you

again? And then it was literally the last episode

he was ever in. Yep. That I remember being hilarious

because I'm like, well, no, there's not going

to be anywhere. Toad, they're literally going

to leave him behind. It's like, let's go to Dinosaur

Land and just forget him. Mm -hmm. And we're

gonna pick up two new codes. Yeah. Yoshi and

Ratgu. Who are arguably worse. For those wondering

what the hell Ratgu is, if you haven't listened

to this show in the last seven years, that's

Uktar. Yeah. It's literally his name backwards.

Your number four, sir, is? An Earthworm Jim episode.

It's the anti -fish. Jim and Bob join forces

to save the great worm spirit from being consumed

by its arch -nemesis, the anti -fish. Again.

the drugs that just must have been involved in

making this show. The team up dynamic of having

two arch rivals join together and just annoy

the shit out of each other is just like rife

for comedy gold and just sniping at each other

and annoying each other. It's a writer's dream.

Absolutely. My number four is... From the Super

Mario Brothers Super Show, as I've already said

in this episode, I am a mark for origins and

Plumbers Academy gave us the origin of the Super

Mario Brothers for that show. And as we all know,

there's three Marios between them. Mario Mario

and Luigi Mario. That is not canon. Is that last

name? It is! No it's not. I just, I thought this

was really cool. Plus the other thing about this

is the only time in the entire Mario franchise

for animation back then, the only time we see

Wario before his debut in whichever, was it Wario

Land or something? What did he debut in? I forget

what he debuted in. It was Super Mario Land 2,

6 golden coins. He was the bad guy. That's right.

I remember that now. Yeah. I just, again, love

this episode. I love seeing, you know, that there's

a Plumbers Academy. Like I get there are trade

schools and I get that, you know, learning skills

and things like that. But Academy to me is like

firefighters and police officers and military

things, not. plumbers but pay it works with their

friend a plumber who did uh... silly sound effects

with his voice probably and one one uh... played

by bobcat gold weight you go uh... no i thought

what's your yes uh... it's it's it's an earthworm

jam episode it's called the great secret of the

universe where uh... they they find the great

secret of the universe in a snow globe and it's

this Actually, they summoned this monster, and

this monster became a running gag with me and

my friends throughout the late 90s. He's like,

oh my god, who voiced it? Was it Ben Stein? He's

like, okay, okay, funny story. Now, looking at

me, you might think that I look like a Thraktar

or a Galgamor the Destroyer, but actually my

name is Rosebud, because my parents were hippies.

Oh no. Like everybody knows a guy like this,

he's like, okay, okay, funny story. It's just

that they gave this giant demon looking guy this

really feral looking beast this just kind of

laid back voice and he talks like that. It was

just hilarious. Yeah, it probably was Ben Stein

because it reminds me of the time that he was

in Animaniacs talking to Wacko. That one time.

where he just would never shut up. And it was

Ben Stein for a 20 -minute cartoon or something

or other. Yeah. Number three for me is The Legend

of Zelda, Doppelganger. Probably Ganon's best

plan at the beginning. You know, having a double

of Zelda. Even though link kind of figures it

out fairly quickly because her kiss is so cold

and obviously she's wearing a different color

of the same outfit like how do you not know and

But yeah, love that episode. That's that's the

one where she had kind of that black Versions

of the and made it kind of look like a leather

version of the costume and it's very sexy Oh,

yes, and I was just like that is the sexy Zelda

of all time. I Would I would love to have that

Zelda forever But unfortunately we we don't get

that instead we get oh Didn't one of the more

recent games have like an opposite world Zelda

It was like it's she's like a princess of low

rule, and she's kind of like this weird dark

version of Zelda It's very strange. I don't know

Not not it might have I I haven't played any

of the DS games, so I don't remember I haven't

played any Zelda - the last Zelda game I played

was about six months ago and it was the original

Link to the Past on the Super Nintendo Classic,

so no clue on the current state of Zelda games.

I know Breath of the Wild was a hit, but I don't

know. Alright, number two for you sir is... It's

an Earthworm Jim episode. I actually screwed

up because I have an alternate here, but I had

Day of the Fish here twice for some reason. Day

of the Fish would actually be my number two,

so swapping that to number two, we're gonna have

to count this one as, what was it, number seven,

which would be Assault in Battery, which is the

episode where Earthworm Jim, the batteries in

his suit, are starting to run low so he has to

go recharge them and he finds out that a suit

was made by these gods and they're like wacky

characters and uh you know obviously not number

two material Day of the Fish is much funnier

but you know just in your mind imagine those

two swapped oh yeah absolutely we'll go back

in time yeah diddly -doo diddly -doo yep party

on Wayne party on Darth Garth well Yeah, but

imagine Darth Vader and Batman talking to each

other. Number two for me. Actually, my top two

are from Captain N. Can you guess which ones

they are? I don't think you can. Probably not.

It's the first episode. Number two is, of course,

Kevin and Video Land. Again, this was a show.

OK, yeah, I know you're sighing. I get it. But

in 1991, I was 11 years old. Didn't have an NES

I had a Sega Master System for some odd reason

and thank God there was never I don't think there

was ever an Alex the Kid cartoon if there is

we're never covering it Thank God but you know

we all wanted to be Kevin Keane we all wanted

to be that kid that got sucked into our video

games and we were because we got when you're

playing video games back then there was no other

for at least for me like I didn't hear anything.

My mom called me for dinner and I'm like, huh,

what? I'm busy over here, you know? Kind of a

thing. So seeing a kid get pulled into the video

game was just absolutely hilarious. And as annoying

as Simon is, seeing him and seeing Kid Icarus,

or Pit apparently is his real name, I guess.

I don't know. Mega Man, even though that is the

worst version of Mega Man. Chain -smoking Mega

Man. Yeah, I freely admit that the Captain and

the Game Master version of Mega Man is single

-handedly the worst version of Mega Man in animation.

With his voice box. Yep. I just dug the episode,

and for me it is very much top -spot worthy.

I had mega throat cancer. Oh, God. Alright, we're

up to the number one spot, and what is your number

one Earthworm Jim episode? It's the Eggbeater.

This is the episode where Earthworm Jim loses

his neighbor's Eggbeater, so he and his neighbor

go on this trip across the galaxy to replace

the Eggbeater, which is already ridiculous, he

just doesn't go, just... doesn't just go to the

store, as to go across the galaxy and go through

all these wacky adventures and, you know, bad

things keep happening to the neighbor and they

go through all this trouble and it turns out

the egg beater was just in his pocket the whole

time. That is the worst kind of 22 minute running

joke. Like, that's the worst, like, that's like

flying your Chardonnay or rain on your wedding

day. Irony kind of stuff like please somebody

cue Alanis Morissette The way you said it's the

egg beater episode made me think of Batman Beyond's

the egg baby episode Yeah, it is what it is number

one for me again. It's my it's our show, but

you know whatever I cheat because I cheat often.

I'm kinda like the King Koopa of this podcast.

It's a tie, which one half of it actually wins

out a little bit more, but it's a tie between

Captain and the Game Master, the quest for the

potion of power, and the trouble with Tetris.

Quest for potion of power obviously wins out

between the two. However, the trouble with Tetris

was just hilarious and Gary Chalk as Mayor Squareslee

was the best. Seeing Link and Zelda come back

and be in the quote unquote video game cartoon

for Captain Anne, that was awesome. It was kind

of neat that they brought those two back and

Told a version of the the story from Zelda 2

which is By default automatically better than

actually playing the game I'm sorry that game

Okay, it's it's a competently made game, but

it punches you in the face like before you're

even a quarter the way through the game That

whole Death Mountain Section is just total horse

shit So so if you're gonna experience the game

guess you could watch the Captain N episode or

Actually, you could go to a YouTube channel called

guy jillionaire and they he just read the Zelda

2 manga, which is kind of interesting plug plug

Yeah Yeah, that's that's the top ten faves folks

Sadly anticlimactic on your end what the hell

these were all very good No, they were absolutely

they were and I would like to think on my list

I picked not just my favorites But what I felt

were the best of each of the series that I picked

Like I'm not gonna pick I just for stupid shits

and giggles. I have honorable mentions for King's

Koopa Koopa from Mario World and cootie pie rocks

only because of the stupid Millie Vanillie crap

But they're not best episode. They're not best

episode material. I know that hello. I get it

The only other best one I can think of for honorable

mention would maybe be the one the Castlevania

one where they do the Dracula thing and Kevin

does the pause over the bridge and that kind

of thing. But yeah, I mean, I tried my best to

find what I felt were the best episodes out of

those series. I just couldn't imagine putting

anything on the same level as like an Earthworm

Jim episode. I felt like it'd be such Communist

bullshit to be like well I'm gonna change my

standards for these other shows just to make

sure they're represented I'm like no no this

is this is all gonna be Earthworm Jim because

Earthworm Jim was awesome and nothing else was

like maybe maybe a couple episodes of Sonic maybe

One or two episodes of Mortal Kombat, but nothing

else Really one or two episodes of Mortal Kombat

really it it wasn't Terrible well actually it

was terrible, but it was of all the sort of actiony

cartoons It was the best it was it was better

than Street Fighter Definitely better than Darkstalkers

Darkstalkers. Oh my god that cartoon Guess what's

got to be very high on my worst list Yeah, absolutely

Back I could I could have just done a worst list

that was just all dark stalkers, but I've got

a way of mitigating that I'm not gonna I'm not

gonna have an all dark stalkers worst list Thank

God for that because honestly, I don't even remember

half of that series so I couldn't even put it

on a Worst list even if I had done what I did

to get my best and my worst or my least favorite

or whatever I could not have told, like, when

I went through and looked through all these episodes

on Wikipedia, most of them had synopsis, synopsises

with them, synopsi, whatever. And I'm like, oh,

I remember that episode now. I can either put

that on my best or my worst or just not put it

on at all. Yeah, Darkstalkers, I don't remember

a fucking thing. It's very forgettable. You know

what, I should make a graphic for this episode

where it's like the Darkstalkers TV show version

of Morrigan and like the Japanese anime version

of Morrigan and just put them side by side and

say, the good one is your brain, the bad one

is your brain on drugs. Any questions? Yeah.

It's like one is sexy, one is not. Exactly. yeah

oh boy um yeah so that's the best episode or

that's the favorite episode favorite countdown

episode um and i i stick by this all 10 of these

are in my case probably well i just watched hooked

on sonics and party i'd fit up with antoine so

i won't watch those again anytime soon But the

rest of my episodes on here, I can go back and

watch them all and enjoy them. I'm easily duped,

I guess. But come on, Quest for the Potion of

Power was really fucking good. It's okay. It's

alright. It's there. It's there. Yup. Alright,

anything you got going on that you want to pimp

out, sir? On ravinghipster .com, I will be very

shortly releasing the second video game episode,

The Gaming Hipster, which is going to be about

Sierra Adventure games. And I'll probably be

covering a topic we were supposed to cover on

this episode, which would be the comics of video

games. So like, you know, the Valiant stuff,

the Nintendo Power comics like Howard and Nester

and... the Super Mario World comic and the awesome

Zelda comic that was in there, and a few others.

There was like a, I think there was a Battletoads

comic that was okay. Was it better than the cartoon

episode? Yes, actually yes. Okay, then it's good.

Alright, we got a bunch of things going on over

at GeekCastRadio .com. Go check out the website

there. Think that's gonna do it for us folks

join us next time and help us find the pixels

in the animation Because we're almost out of

it There something I don't know Yeah, I am the

sword of righteousness for centuries have I awaited

a champion mighty enough to learn my secrets

Gosh, how did you know my name? Mr. Big -knife

sword. I'm an enchanted sword Well, okay. But

this better not turn out like the time I found

a magic staple in my coleslaw. It wasn't magic,

Jim. The waiter just said that to shut you up.

And now, to the training place! Where... Where

are we? We are deep in the bowels of the Jungle

of Justice! Bowels? You? And now, let the training

begin! Well, I finished doing the dishes, re

-grouting the bathtub, and cleaning out the stables

of the Twelve Incontinent Bulls! Tell me, oh

wise Sword of Righteousness, were these menial

tasks meant to teach me humility? No, they just

needed to be done. I wasn't gonna do it. Anyway.

Now the time has come for you to master the powers

of the sword. Garubi, let's rock! Whoa, talk

about deforestation. Your stupid mind. Stupid.

I meant magic powers, not just hacking and slashing.

Now sit down and listen up. I'm sorry. Teach

me of your magic, oh sharp -edged one. First,

you shall learn the voice of dread, which can

strike fear into the hearts of evil -doers. I

shall demonstrate. Fear me, oh tree. Ha ha ha

ha! Now you shall learn the eye of truth with

which you can force anyone to admit their darkest

secrets merely by staring at them. Hmm... Ah

ha! Oh, Peter! Yes, Jim? I went the burrow! Um,

thanks for sharing. You must think that this

magic power's stuck in you. Now, you shall learn

the portal of time. I can slash holes through

the fabric of time, taking you to any period

in history. Double plus groovy! Okay, okay, okay,

Peter, stare at the penny and watch Lincoln's

face change. You were exploring seven years ago.

And that's a big goodbye to my credibility. You

are going to put Lincoln's beard back. And then

no more time travel for you, young worm. Wow,

Jim, you look like a complete goomba. Thought

so. You mock me! Do not mock me! This is the

only proper costume for a true hero! You're a

true goomba. Your training is now complete! Get

Ruby! I'm ready to do some hero stuff! All we

need is a hideous menace to fight! I won't, Jim!

I shall destroy you and whatnot! Whoa, handy!

That's no way to start a climactic battle between

the forces of good and evil! Wrong! This is not

how a hero fights! Now give him back his orb

and follow my instructions! Eh, whatever you

say boss.